Title: Sodality 1/?
Author: Bonster
Email: angelxanderforever@hotmail.com
Feedback: Yeah, definitely.
Archive: Let me know, because I like knowing where these boys play.
Pairings: S/X
Rating: R, maybe NC-17 later
Disclaimer: The characters aren't mine. They belong to Joss "God" Whedon. Oh and ME, Kuzui, Fox, etc.
Spoilers: Season 6 and back
Summary: Spike gets his soul, returns to Sunnydale, and has to begin life anew.
Warnings: character death, angst
Notes: Helen is a GODDESS!!! Send her many large and in charge Angels, and meek and needing Spikes.
It was mid-summer when Spike and his newly reclaimed soul had arrived back in Sunnydale. He decided to remain hidden from Buffy and those close to her for the first couple of weeks. He had caused them all, especially her, so much pain. He could not bear to face her….
After receiving his soul, all of his actions of the past one hundred and some years had blindsided him. He had inhabited dark caves, hoping some demon would put an end to his suffering. Since he still had the chip and so remained defenseless, the possibility of being dusted by a human was also more than welcome. It never happened.
One night after hours of screaming and thrashing around in a shallow pool of water, he collapsed and when he awoke it was day and he was outside. In fact, he was back in Sunnydale, and not currently a pile of dust because he was underneath the awning of an empty shop which had a 'For Sale' sign on the front window.
Seeing a welcomed death so close, Spike almost took advantage of it. But as he lifted his fingers toward the killer rays, he snatched his hand back.
Feeling dejected and cowardly, he began weeping silently. He sat with his legs underneath him as mulled over why he could not take the final step. "A chance for salvation," whispered his subconscious. Spike let forth a sigh. Knowing it was true, he used the back of his hand to wipe the tears from his face.
He felt more than saw when the sun's progress caused it to dip slowly below the horizon of the surrounding buildings. He had only seen a few cars pass by throughout the day, and wondered what part of Sunnydale he was in.
He used to go out in the daylight, but only to and from the Magic Box, nowhere near where he currently found himself. There were no telling marks on any of the buildings, and the street sign was too far away for him to make it out properly.
Tilting his head up slightly, he tried to find familiar scents. He was downwind from what, by the smell, could only be a butcher's shop nearby. Having not had blood for a few days, his body perked up. There had been rats and other nocturnal creatures in the caves to satiate him the first week and a half, but even those began to stay away from the area he was occupying in the caves.
Luckily the butcher's shop was beside the building he was in front of, and the awning covered enough so that he could walk to it without incident.
Being Sunday, the shop was closed. Quickly smashing the lock on the door, Spike made his way inside. After taking a look around he quickly consumed what blood he could find and left. The sun had set completely by now, so Spike headed towards the nearest cemetery. When in a town that boasted twelve of them, it would not be a long walk.
Noticing the small sign that read "Serenity Yards", Spike almost smiled. Serenity was definitely something he was seeking, now that he realized his plans of waiting for death to come were disrupted and all but demolished.
Finding an empty crypt with no windows, he quietly began to settle into his new home.
######
One night two weeks after his arrival, Spike was taking a walk when he ran into 'them' all at once; those sweet souls to whom he had caused such pain.
Buffy, Willow, Xander and Dawn had gone to the Bronze on a Friday night, and were about to go their separate ways, or possibly on patrol, when Buffy's Slayer sense started tingling.
Noticing her slowing pace and watchful eyes Xander and Willow got out their own stakes while Dawn retrieved her crucifix. Spike tried to stay in the shadows, but Buffy started walking towards him. Mentally steeling himself, he stepped forward.
A collective gasp was heard. Dawn dropped her crucifix, and half-smiled, even as she glanced warily at her sister. Xander, clenching his jaw, tightened his hold on his stake. Willow with a confused frown whispered softly, "Spike?"
Looking into Buffy's widened eyes, Spike realized he was still not prepared for such a confrontation. He bolted, without turning back.
He ran as fast as he could to the place he had started to call home. Silent tears were stinging his eyes as the wind guided them down his cheeks.
When he was finally inside his new home, his eyes searched around for familiarity. The Sex Pistols album, a cheap thirteen-inch black and white television, and the pillow that had literally landed in his arms the night of his return.
He closed his eyes as he picked up the pillow and sat on the floor. The pillow's smell was of a simple air freshener variety, but still it comforted him. He had been walking by an apartment complex when the pillow had come hurtling out of the window and he had caught it on reflex. The words embroidered on the pillow were, "Home Sweet Home". Always one to embrace irony, Spike had clung to the pillow night after night, his thoughts straying often to Buffy and Drusilla.
Where his former Dark Princess was he had no idea. His hope that she was not causing the ruination of too many lives caused him to issue a rueful chuckle. Since regaining his soul he had often thought of his life with Dru with dread, and even fear that she might appear again. Not knowing how she would react to his being souled, Spike wondered what exactly the stars would tell her. Planning on staking her rather than letting the demon run free, he shivered. When the time came, if it came, he feared he would take the coward's way out and run. Just like he had with Buffy and her friends tonight.
Whimpering, Spike leaned his head against the wall, finally drifting off into an exhausted sleep.
#####
Spike awoke to screeching and grunting coming from outside of the crypt. He hugged his pillow tighter to his chest. Perhaps the demons will continue their probably fatal fight elsewhere if I just sit still, he thought.
A large object slammed against the door of the crypt. Recognizing the shout that followed as Buffy's voice, Spike's eyes widened and he jumped up. Throwing open the door, he was overcome by the sight of a very pale and bloody Slayer. Scanning the graveyard for the culprit, he could not make out anything. Buffy's whimpering turned into a soft gurgling noise, and Spike was horrified to see a trail of blood coming out of her mouth.
Using both arms to pick her up, he carried her inside and gently set her on the makeshift bed in the corner. Her blood was flowing in rivers from her sliced open abdomen. Spike bit his lip to choke back a sob.
"Spike…" she managed to croak out.
"Yes, luv?" He leaned closer to her mouth, because even his keen vampire senses had almost not picked up her whispered tones.
Frowning slightly, she said, "I…forgive you."
Spike was speechless. That she would ever say those words had never crossed his mind. It was then that he noticed her eyes had become pleading with a pinch of acceptance, even as she turned her head, baring her throat.
"What…?" The action confused him. Surely she knew he would never bite her. Not even when he saw her last, when he had almost, he had…violated her; he had never used his fangs. He had not expected her to trust him, but this, this betrayal struck him deep. He shook his head.
Receiving a glare as she turned towards him again, she mouthed the words, "Do it!"
Spike was horror-struck. He was about to lose yet another woman he loved, and she wanted him to play a direct part of it? He shook his head and tightly closed his eyes.
Hearing her whimper, Spike opened his now tear-filled eyes. "I can't!" he sobbed.
She blinked slowly, causing a tear to escape down her cheekbone. Nodding her head, perhaps preparing herself for what was to come, she looked again at Spike. She mouthed, "Tell Dawn, I love -." She gasped and closed her eyes. When she opened them again they were glazed. Spike realized she was not seeing anything around her anymore. Her heart was still beating faintly, however, the beats were slowing bit by bit.
Just then he heard shouting. Recognizing Willow's strained call, he yelled brokenly, "In here!"
Willow, followed closely by Xander, burst into the crypt. Seeing Buffy's prone form, Willow gasped and kneeled beside her friend. Xander hung back slightly, the shock clear on his face.
Even as Willow started sobbing, Buffy's heart stopped beating. Spike starting hugging himself and rocking. Her death last year had had something of the impermanent about it, but this was different. He shuddered as he saw Willow's hand brushing a lock of Buffy's hair behind her ear. Seeing Willow make such a parting gesture brought forth the sob he had been holding back. He closed his eyes and let the tears go.
He was not aware of how long he sat there; he was alone with his grief - needed to be. When his sobs started quieting down, Spike felt a hand on his shoulder, giving comforting squeezes. Without thinking, Spike placed his hand on the warm one. Thinking it was Willow, he looked up to give her a reassuring smile, but upon seeing Xander's dazed eyes, he frowned.
When Spike's confused frown registered, Xander quietly pulled back his hand and went to kneel beside Buffy. "Willow went to get someone who can take care of the body."
Spike shivered at the flat tone. Perhaps it was from grief, or perhaps Buffy had told Xander about that last night he was in Sunnydale. Such cold and automatic movements could be expected in both cases. Shivering again when he remembered that that final encounter had been the last time he had really spoken to her, the last time their skin connected, the last time he would utterly betray her--
The night had long passed into day before Willow returned. Spike sat on his floor lost in his own ruminations, trying not to impose upon the grieving man in front of him. Xander was leaning forward, looking down at Buffy, and softly whispering his parting words.
When all was settled and Buffy's body was being carried out, Willow looked back as she was leaving, and said softly, "Come by later."
Spike gave her a tiny smile, and went about discarding the blankets on which Buffy had lain.
Spike kept himself occupied around the crypt until the sun went down, then made his way to Revello Drive.
He sat on the couch, memories swirling into his vision as he looked around the Summer's home. The others around him each lost in or clawing through their own grief.
Dawn was suddenly next to him. She slumped over and started shaking, wrapping her arms tightly around his waist. He started petting her hair, in the only comforting gesture he could come up with.
Hours later, only Spike, Willow, Xander, and Dawn remained. Giles was on his way, but his flight was not due until the next afternoon. Anya had came by for a few minutes, and talked privately with Willow. Buffy and Dawn's father, Hank, had also come by. He left quickly because he didn't know how to interact with the group, and seeing Dawn cling to Spike, felt the outsider.
The Scooby Gang had managed to drag Spike into their conversations, and now knew he had a soul. When they heard that it was unconditional, they reacted in different ways. Xander just scowled and scoffed faintly. Dawn squealed, and upon realizing that he was feeling a massive amount of guilt, she told him she was sorry, and kissed his forehead. Willow just gave him a tender, sad smile.
The group talked well into the night, reciting their own personal and cherished Buffy memories. When Willow offered to let Spike stay there for the day, he gently declined, excused himself and left. He needed to be in the silent stillness of his crypt. It would still smell of her, but give him the opportunity to make a private good bye.
TBC...
Author: Bonster
Email: angelxanderforever@hotmail.com
Feedback: Yeah, definitely.
Archive: Let me know, because I like knowing where these boys play.
Pairings: S/X
Rating: R, maybe NC-17 later
Disclaimer: The characters aren't mine. They belong to Joss "God" Whedon. Oh and ME, Kuzui, Fox, etc.
Spoilers: Season 6 and back
Summary: Spike gets his soul, returns to Sunnydale, and has to begin life anew.
Warnings: character death, angst
Notes: Helen is a GODDESS!!! Send her many large and in charge Angels, and meek and needing Spikes.
It was mid-summer when Spike and his newly reclaimed soul had arrived back in Sunnydale. He decided to remain hidden from Buffy and those close to her for the first couple of weeks. He had caused them all, especially her, so much pain. He could not bear to face her….
After receiving his soul, all of his actions of the past one hundred and some years had blindsided him. He had inhabited dark caves, hoping some demon would put an end to his suffering. Since he still had the chip and so remained defenseless, the possibility of being dusted by a human was also more than welcome. It never happened.
One night after hours of screaming and thrashing around in a shallow pool of water, he collapsed and when he awoke it was day and he was outside. In fact, he was back in Sunnydale, and not currently a pile of dust because he was underneath the awning of an empty shop which had a 'For Sale' sign on the front window.
Seeing a welcomed death so close, Spike almost took advantage of it. But as he lifted his fingers toward the killer rays, he snatched his hand back.
Feeling dejected and cowardly, he began weeping silently. He sat with his legs underneath him as mulled over why he could not take the final step. "A chance for salvation," whispered his subconscious. Spike let forth a sigh. Knowing it was true, he used the back of his hand to wipe the tears from his face.
He felt more than saw when the sun's progress caused it to dip slowly below the horizon of the surrounding buildings. He had only seen a few cars pass by throughout the day, and wondered what part of Sunnydale he was in.
He used to go out in the daylight, but only to and from the Magic Box, nowhere near where he currently found himself. There were no telling marks on any of the buildings, and the street sign was too far away for him to make it out properly.
Tilting his head up slightly, he tried to find familiar scents. He was downwind from what, by the smell, could only be a butcher's shop nearby. Having not had blood for a few days, his body perked up. There had been rats and other nocturnal creatures in the caves to satiate him the first week and a half, but even those began to stay away from the area he was occupying in the caves.
Luckily the butcher's shop was beside the building he was in front of, and the awning covered enough so that he could walk to it without incident.
Being Sunday, the shop was closed. Quickly smashing the lock on the door, Spike made his way inside. After taking a look around he quickly consumed what blood he could find and left. The sun had set completely by now, so Spike headed towards the nearest cemetery. When in a town that boasted twelve of them, it would not be a long walk.
Noticing the small sign that read "Serenity Yards", Spike almost smiled. Serenity was definitely something he was seeking, now that he realized his plans of waiting for death to come were disrupted and all but demolished.
Finding an empty crypt with no windows, he quietly began to settle into his new home.
######
One night two weeks after his arrival, Spike was taking a walk when he ran into 'them' all at once; those sweet souls to whom he had caused such pain.
Buffy, Willow, Xander and Dawn had gone to the Bronze on a Friday night, and were about to go their separate ways, or possibly on patrol, when Buffy's Slayer sense started tingling.
Noticing her slowing pace and watchful eyes Xander and Willow got out their own stakes while Dawn retrieved her crucifix. Spike tried to stay in the shadows, but Buffy started walking towards him. Mentally steeling himself, he stepped forward.
A collective gasp was heard. Dawn dropped her crucifix, and half-smiled, even as she glanced warily at her sister. Xander, clenching his jaw, tightened his hold on his stake. Willow with a confused frown whispered softly, "Spike?"
Looking into Buffy's widened eyes, Spike realized he was still not prepared for such a confrontation. He bolted, without turning back.
He ran as fast as he could to the place he had started to call home. Silent tears were stinging his eyes as the wind guided them down his cheeks.
When he was finally inside his new home, his eyes searched around for familiarity. The Sex Pistols album, a cheap thirteen-inch black and white television, and the pillow that had literally landed in his arms the night of his return.
He closed his eyes as he picked up the pillow and sat on the floor. The pillow's smell was of a simple air freshener variety, but still it comforted him. He had been walking by an apartment complex when the pillow had come hurtling out of the window and he had caught it on reflex. The words embroidered on the pillow were, "Home Sweet Home". Always one to embrace irony, Spike had clung to the pillow night after night, his thoughts straying often to Buffy and Drusilla.
Where his former Dark Princess was he had no idea. His hope that she was not causing the ruination of too many lives caused him to issue a rueful chuckle. Since regaining his soul he had often thought of his life with Dru with dread, and even fear that she might appear again. Not knowing how she would react to his being souled, Spike wondered what exactly the stars would tell her. Planning on staking her rather than letting the demon run free, he shivered. When the time came, if it came, he feared he would take the coward's way out and run. Just like he had with Buffy and her friends tonight.
Whimpering, Spike leaned his head against the wall, finally drifting off into an exhausted sleep.
#####
Spike awoke to screeching and grunting coming from outside of the crypt. He hugged his pillow tighter to his chest. Perhaps the demons will continue their probably fatal fight elsewhere if I just sit still, he thought.
A large object slammed against the door of the crypt. Recognizing the shout that followed as Buffy's voice, Spike's eyes widened and he jumped up. Throwing open the door, he was overcome by the sight of a very pale and bloody Slayer. Scanning the graveyard for the culprit, he could not make out anything. Buffy's whimpering turned into a soft gurgling noise, and Spike was horrified to see a trail of blood coming out of her mouth.
Using both arms to pick her up, he carried her inside and gently set her on the makeshift bed in the corner. Her blood was flowing in rivers from her sliced open abdomen. Spike bit his lip to choke back a sob.
"Spike…" she managed to croak out.
"Yes, luv?" He leaned closer to her mouth, because even his keen vampire senses had almost not picked up her whispered tones.
Frowning slightly, she said, "I…forgive you."
Spike was speechless. That she would ever say those words had never crossed his mind. It was then that he noticed her eyes had become pleading with a pinch of acceptance, even as she turned her head, baring her throat.
"What…?" The action confused him. Surely she knew he would never bite her. Not even when he saw her last, when he had almost, he had…violated her; he had never used his fangs. He had not expected her to trust him, but this, this betrayal struck him deep. He shook his head.
Receiving a glare as she turned towards him again, she mouthed the words, "Do it!"
Spike was horror-struck. He was about to lose yet another woman he loved, and she wanted him to play a direct part of it? He shook his head and tightly closed his eyes.
Hearing her whimper, Spike opened his now tear-filled eyes. "I can't!" he sobbed.
She blinked slowly, causing a tear to escape down her cheekbone. Nodding her head, perhaps preparing herself for what was to come, she looked again at Spike. She mouthed, "Tell Dawn, I love -." She gasped and closed her eyes. When she opened them again they were glazed. Spike realized she was not seeing anything around her anymore. Her heart was still beating faintly, however, the beats were slowing bit by bit.
Just then he heard shouting. Recognizing Willow's strained call, he yelled brokenly, "In here!"
Willow, followed closely by Xander, burst into the crypt. Seeing Buffy's prone form, Willow gasped and kneeled beside her friend. Xander hung back slightly, the shock clear on his face.
Even as Willow started sobbing, Buffy's heart stopped beating. Spike starting hugging himself and rocking. Her death last year had had something of the impermanent about it, but this was different. He shuddered as he saw Willow's hand brushing a lock of Buffy's hair behind her ear. Seeing Willow make such a parting gesture brought forth the sob he had been holding back. He closed his eyes and let the tears go.
He was not aware of how long he sat there; he was alone with his grief - needed to be. When his sobs started quieting down, Spike felt a hand on his shoulder, giving comforting squeezes. Without thinking, Spike placed his hand on the warm one. Thinking it was Willow, he looked up to give her a reassuring smile, but upon seeing Xander's dazed eyes, he frowned.
When Spike's confused frown registered, Xander quietly pulled back his hand and went to kneel beside Buffy. "Willow went to get someone who can take care of the body."
Spike shivered at the flat tone. Perhaps it was from grief, or perhaps Buffy had told Xander about that last night he was in Sunnydale. Such cold and automatic movements could be expected in both cases. Shivering again when he remembered that that final encounter had been the last time he had really spoken to her, the last time their skin connected, the last time he would utterly betray her--
The night had long passed into day before Willow returned. Spike sat on his floor lost in his own ruminations, trying not to impose upon the grieving man in front of him. Xander was leaning forward, looking down at Buffy, and softly whispering his parting words.
When all was settled and Buffy's body was being carried out, Willow looked back as she was leaving, and said softly, "Come by later."
Spike gave her a tiny smile, and went about discarding the blankets on which Buffy had lain.
Spike kept himself occupied around the crypt until the sun went down, then made his way to Revello Drive.
He sat on the couch, memories swirling into his vision as he looked around the Summer's home. The others around him each lost in or clawing through their own grief.
Dawn was suddenly next to him. She slumped over and started shaking, wrapping her arms tightly around his waist. He started petting her hair, in the only comforting gesture he could come up with.
Hours later, only Spike, Willow, Xander, and Dawn remained. Giles was on his way, but his flight was not due until the next afternoon. Anya had came by for a few minutes, and talked privately with Willow. Buffy and Dawn's father, Hank, had also come by. He left quickly because he didn't know how to interact with the group, and seeing Dawn cling to Spike, felt the outsider.
The Scooby Gang had managed to drag Spike into their conversations, and now knew he had a soul. When they heard that it was unconditional, they reacted in different ways. Xander just scowled and scoffed faintly. Dawn squealed, and upon realizing that he was feeling a massive amount of guilt, she told him she was sorry, and kissed his forehead. Willow just gave him a tender, sad smile.
The group talked well into the night, reciting their own personal and cherished Buffy memories. When Willow offered to let Spike stay there for the day, he gently declined, excused himself and left. He needed to be in the silent stillness of his crypt. It would still smell of her, but give him the opportunity to make a private good bye.
TBC...