A/N: Got a half an hour to kill. Wrote this up last night after the episode. Deeks' POV.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

It's that gut-wrenching, heart-sinking, pain-inducing, I-lost-Kensi feeling.

Ha. Yeah, it exists. I lost Kensi and it felt like half of my soul had been ripped out of my chest, roundhouse kicked by Callen and then given to Sam for a beating that would make Lucifer look merciful.

My fault. That was all I could think. My fault. I'm just not ut out to be an agent. I'm barely cut for the life of a cop. What was I thinking, trying to be partners with someone as skilled as her...

But I wanted to put a bullet in my head the second she disappeared behind the tinted windows of the Russians' car. As soon as she was out of my sight, I wanted to put the barrel of the gun right into my mouth and shoot my brains out. I probably would've if Callen and Sam hadn't shown up right behind me afterwards.

I watched her fall to the mercy of monsters. I watched her fall into the clutches of the enemy. I could've been watching her step into her death if we hadn't managed to find her in time or if I hadn't been able to get her out from behind the lines of lasers that guarded her from the escape.

There's a distinct feeling when you lose something close to you, something you love. A token from an old friend. A life now lost. A partner. A best friend. A lover. All of that pain had echoed through me at the thought of Kensi being gone for good.

It was all my fault. I should've told her to get down and taken all the bullets myself. Better than feeling that pain of having her ripped out of my life forever. Better dead than knowing her life was put at risk.

How come everything was just naturally easier at LAPD?

Getting her back was the best feeling in the world. Her body pressed tightly to mine. Her heart was racing in her chest and I could feel it. Sweat ran down her forehead and I didn't care. She was as beautiful as ever with those chocolate brown eyes that glistened like diamonds in the face of danger.

And that gut-wrenching, heart-sinking, pain-inducing, I-lost-Kensi feeling disappeared the second she was back in my arms.

A/N: Hope you enjoyed. Please review.

~Sky