A/N : Wow, it's been a while since I last wrote. Unfortunately, I've been rather busy with school and assignments and I recently suffer from writers' block. Please, enjoy this one shot and review afterwards. This is dedicated to all the dreamers out there. X SyzHfzh
"I thought I had you figured out…"
No one knew how he felt, there was no way. He had gotten used to hiding what he really felt like. It came with being famous. No one could know and no one should know what he felt inside, for what reason even he doesn't know. He had gotten used to faking smiles and faking happiness that sometimes he felt like he didn't have feelings to begin with. He didn't know who to trust or whether he should welcome new people into his life. He was afraid that when the world found out how broken he actually was they would hate him.
Nothing seemed interesting to him anymore. It's been far too long since he felt passionate about anything other than music and everything, everyday seemed the same. He suddenly wondered, was he still capable of loving some stranger? No, he didn't think so. Does anyone still want him — the so-called diva? Again, he didn't think so.
The cameras were flashing and once again, he plastered a smile onto his face even though he was ready to drop down anytime now. His brother and band mates tapped him on his shoulder for some encouragement. He smiled at them as a thank you gesture and was grateful to have these people in his life for without them, he would've gone crazy a long time ago.
It was hard trying to look past the flashing lights and see the reporters and fans who were shouting questions at them. As the four of them headed towards the railings, fans started grabbing them and shoving things at them, asking for an autograph. All the usual, he thought.
"Bill! Oh-my-god!"
"Tom! Tom!"
"Georg! Gustav!"
Those were some of the chants fans always screamed among others.
"So, what's next for Tokio Hotel?"
"Are you dating anyone?"
Those were the questions frequently asked by the paparazzi.
He was approaching twenty four years of age and yet, he hasn't dated anyone for the past ten years. Georg and Gustav had been dating for four years now and Tom, who was known for being a womanizer, has finally slowed down and tried dating. But, nothing about him had changed. Except, of course, the way he looked.
But that was what the public thought. The fact was that Bill actually had a relationship.
Today, a year ago, someone changed his life. Not forever, no. But, just enough to make him believe that there is someone out there for him. His angel, he called her, was named Adalicia Caroline. She was American-German and was born in Los Angeles, California. She wasn't the standard American beauty nor was she exotic either. Heck, some won't even call her pretty. But to him, she was drop dead gorgeous. She was close to perfection except for the occasional violent mood swings – that he eventually got use to. The day they met was permanently tattooed into his mind.
The scene was exactly the same — the flashing cameras, the screaming fans and the questions being thrown at them. The red carpet that night was rather hectic because of the star caliber that was present and the pouring rain wasn't exactly helping the situation. Everyone was trying to get out of the rain which meant that the crowd was pushing in towards the tent.
The boys from Tokio Hotel have had their fair shares of fans-gone-wild. Enough to know when the time came to escape the scene before things progressed into absolute chaos. Of course, with all that experience, they should've been able to escape flawlessly and everything was moving smoothly until Adalicia crashed into Bill, staining his crisp white Hermes shirt with red wine. Bill could still remember his first words to her.
"What the fuck?"
He felt like exploding then and there. This person had ruined his favourite shirt — with red wine nonetheless. He looked up, searching the place for the culprit when his eyes landed on an average looking girl who was standing across him, jaw dropped and dumbfounded.
"It was you, wasn't it?" Bill tried sounding calm but it was clear that he wasn't pleased about the situation. He crossed his arms, waiting for the girl to react.
"I'm so sorry. Oh gosh, I'm so sorry."Adalicia realized she was standing like an idiot in front of this star―this pissed off star. Immediately, she began fussing about the stain like any average person would — wiping it with a clean cloth. Well, it didn't really work out and instead of fixing it, she made it worse.
"It's okay. You can stop now." Bill stopped her before things worsened. He looked down at his shirt thinking, what the hell am I going to do now? He took a deep breath, hoping that it would calm him down before turning to his brother. "Tom…"
But before he could say anything, his twin brother nodded and told him to go. Bill smiled. They were always able to tell each others thoughts.
"You," Bill pointed at Adalicia, "you did this, now, you're going to come with me and make it right. Please."
Bill held out his hand, he didn't want to be labeled as the typical star — arrogant and bossy.
Adalicia raised an eyebrow. He wasn't being serious was he? "You want me to do what? Excuse me, there is no reason for me to follow you just because I stained your shirt." She crossed her arms.
Bill stared wide eyed at the girl. Just a minute ago, she had been wiping on his six hundred dollar Hermes shirt with a cloth and now she refused to help him clean it? Was she bipolar or something? Bill looked at her from head to toe, trying to find the answer to his question. Maybe she was bipolar and she might just start crying next. Okay, don't judge someone just yet, Bill thought to himself.
"Miss…." Bill paused, waiting for her to answer. He stared at her―hard.
Adalicia stared back at this odd man. She recognized him because he was a star but she couldn't exactly recall which type of a star he is. But still, she found his appearance odd — the makeup, the hair, the tight clothes and the heels. The only other person she knew who did those kinds of things was Adam Lambert and he's gay. Maybe this person was gay, too? Adalicia looked at Bill from head to toe. Why is he staring at me? she wondered.
"Excuse me, how long do you expect me to wait for a name to call you by?" Bill was becoming impatient.
Oh, that was what he was staring at me for. Adalicia felt stupid for not being able to interpret his intention. She held her head high, refusing to let the embarrassment show. "Engel. Adalicia Caroline Engel."
"Miss Engel," Bill's German accent was made obvious when he pronounced her surname. "Please, I don't want to make a big fuss out of this and I would very much like it if I didn't have to make a complaint about you." He paused to take a breath. "So, please, just come with me and let's get this over with." Again, he held his hand out, trying to maintain his composure.
"No. If you would like to complain about me, please do so." It's not as if I haven't received any. Adalicia thought to herself. These stars were always finding faults in others which therefore meant that people like her — lowly servants — were always at fault. But this time, it was truly her fault and she acknowledged that it was, just not out loud for she felt sick and tired of the unfair treatment imposed upon people like her by people like him.
"Well, if you say so, I shall do just that. Hang on a second." Bill made his way to David Jost, their manager and told him about what happened. From there, David made his way to Adalicia's manager and made the complaint which had caused her to be fired on the spot. Bill felt terrible for that. Maybe he shouldn't have said anything. He could easily afford another shirt. Then, he thought of the person who gave him the shirt―his mother―and how hard she'd worked for it. Of course they gave her money. But for this shirt, the money came from her hard work, her efforts. The thought of his mother further fueled Bill's anger.
Bill, along with Adalicia's manager, started making their way back to where he left Adalicia earlier to deliver the news of her termination. Thankfully, she didn't move an inch from where she was. If she had, it would've taken forever to search for her.
As her manager pulled her away from the entrance and the flashing cameras, Bill could see her tensed expressions. Or was that pissed? Whatever it was, she no longer had a job and she has to do what Bill asked of her — unless, of course, she could actually repay him.
On the other end of the red carpet, Adalicia was pissed. How could they fire her over some complaint? Didn't they know how the stars functioned? Adalicia tried explaining herself, but her boss wouldn't listen. He kept on repeating the same thing every time she came up with a reason — the customer is always right. Her manager also said that this isn't the first time she had received a complaint. In fact, she had received so many complaints that neither he nor her co-workers could keep track of them anymore. He also added that the only reason he had kept an eye closed all these while was because he owed her mother. But, it had gotten too far and he couldn't take it any longer.
Adalicia gave up on explaining and proceeded to apologize before leaving the event. She regretted being rude. It had cost her her job and she needed the money. Mother would be so disappointed in her. Heck, even she was disappointed with herself. Weakly, she walked out into the rain, hoping to catch a bus home.
She didn't get far before Bill caught up to her in his car. He slowed the car down and drove slowly according to Adalicia's pace then rolled down the windows. "Hey, come on in. I'll send you home." Bill raised his voice so it could be heard over the rain.
Adalicia stopped in her tracks and looked at the weird star who was, incidentally, the reason of her being unemployed right now. "Why should I get in with you? You cost me my job." She slipped her hands into the pockets of her drenched sweater.
"Come on. Don't make me feel bad about that. Get in and we'll sort things out. Come on, it's raining," Bill tried persuading her again. But if she didn't want his help, he couldn't do anything about it, could he?
Adalicia hesitated and stared at the eye-shadowed-weird-guy. Was he being serious? "Are you sure? I'm soaking wet here and I did ruin your shirt, which I'm really sorry for. It must've been important if you were so pissed." She stood in the rain. Suddenly, she remembered how angry he was about it when he could've easily replaced the shirt.
"Just come on in, Miss Engel," his German accent once again was made obvious. "You're going to freeze out there." Bill opened the door for her and switched off the air-conditioning, afraid she might really get frozen. She easily slid into the spacious Audi Q7 and quickly made herself comfortable and fastened the safety belt.
Bill, being the gentleman his mother raised him to be, took his jacket off and offered it to Adalicia so she wouldn't feel as cold. "Would you like something to drink? We could just drive over to Starbucks or whatever." Bill asked when he noticed Adalicia shivering. When she didn't respond, he turned on the car's heating and drove to his―him and his brother's―house. He made a stop at Starbucks for some hot chocolate and as usual, fans recognized him and asked for autographs and pictures. Usually, he would be happy to attend to his fans, maybe even stay and chat at times. But today, he didn't have the time nor the mood for all this. All he could think about was Adalicia, freezing her ass off in his car. He excused himself from his fans and walked as quickly as he could to the car.
Once inside, he gave Adalicia the cup containing the hot chocolate and leaned back against his seat. "So, what now?" he asked, after a few quiet moments passed by. Adalicia didn't answer. "You do know I still expect you to either find a way to clean the shirt up or repay it, right?"
Adalicia was too cold to respond, but she knew she didn't have enough money to pay him back. Why did she have to be so clumsy and rude today? Red wine is a pain to clean, almost impossible even. She turned to look at his shirt. Definitely branded, she thought. Ah, the hot chocolate felt good as it ran through her chest, warming it up instantly.
She cleared her throat. "Uh, Mr…." Adalicia paused, waiting for Bill to tell her his name.
She doesn't know my name? Bill thought. "You don't know my name?" He asked, eyebrows raised. Adalicia responded with a shake of her head. Wow! It has been a while since I needed to introduce myself. Bill smiled at that thought. "Kaulitz. Bill Kaulitz."
Adalicia smiled. "Mr. Kaulitz" she began slowly, "uh, well, I have no way of replacing your shirt which therefore means I would have to clean it up. The thing is, I think you and I both know, red wine is a pain to try and clean. Is there any other way for me to pay it?" She was hoping he would just let her off.
Both of them remained quiet, allowing time for Bill to think his next move. Turning the ignition on, Bill exited the parking lot and made his way towards the Kaulitz villa. "I know exactly how you can pay me back."
Adalicia wanted to scream and shout. She was wary of Bill and even more so now that he decided to just drive off without telling her where they were headed to. "Mr. Kaulitz, I demand you to tell me where we are going."
"Well, back to my house. You'll be paid six hundred dollars a month and you'll be working as the maid. What do you think? I need the help and you need a job to pay me back. Fair enough?" Bill smiled at his sudden brainstorm. Thank God Francesca left a few days ago, leaving an empty position for someone else to fill in.
Adalicia thought about it. She was afraid of the stress―if there were any―and the labour work. But, she still had to pay Bill Kaulitz back. She looked at him for a moment then decided that she would work there until she paid her dues and leave right after. "I guess it's fair. But, I would like to leave after I pay my dues, okay?" She said calmly.
"Of course. If you want to leave, you may leave. But, I don't think you will. I think it's rather fun living with us." For some reason, Bill was letting his guard down around Adalicia — something he hasn't done in over ten years. He reminded himself to be careful, she was just around to pay off her dues.
That was the beginning of everything. Adalicia agreed to be Bill's maid and she never left. She had fun with the boys, their dogs and cat. She had fun with Simone and their bodyguards. They felt like family to her and the villa was home. Ever since her mother passed on, Adalicia has never had a proper home. She was constantly moving from one part of town to the other and frankly, she was quite sick of it. She had to work odd jobs to make ends meet and when she has some extra money, it would go into medical care.
For the first few months, no one suspected anything about Adalicia's health. Even though she would go missing for a few hours in a day, no one asked her anything. They just assumed she went to see friends or visit family. They gave her full freedom to do anything she wanted to. When she was back at the villa, she would act as if nothing was hurting. She would continue on doing her chores or accompany Bill on shopping trips, lunch or dinner.
Bill and Adalicia became close friends. He would share his opinions and secrets not only with Tom, but with her as well. He was far happier in life and sometimes, if one didn't know the truth, one would think that these two were dating. It was during those moments that Bill would mischievously tease Adalicia. They were around each other constantly until it seemed like the only time they were apart was when Adalicia was away or when they were both sleeping.
Adalicia knew she was falling for Bill and she knew that she shouldn't lead him on like this, not when her doctors just told her she only has a month, at the most, to live. She sometimes felt guilty for giving him hope. In her months of staying with Bill Kaulitz, she had learnt a great many things about him and she knew he was vulnerable to anyone new in his life, even he himself admitted it to her. He said he wanted to be in love with someone and be loved by someone other than his family and band mates. He tried looking for someone, anyone since his last relationship, but ever since he became famous, he couldn't trust anyone. He felt like nobody would want him.
Bill's life experiences left him no choice but to never easily trust anyone. He never really did open up to Adalicia. He couldn't do it. He had spent too many years hiding behind a face of happiness and laughter. The things he told her were what were generally known about him and his private life. He told himself to give it a few more months, if she stuck around, he would tell her everything about him and maybe something would work out. He hasn't had a female close friend―other than Natalie―for a while. Maybe the time has come to finally let someone new into his life.
Adalicia was preparing to leave for her doctor's appointment when she overheard him talking to Tom about his feelings towards someone. Who that person was, she didn't know. But what she knew was that Bill thinks he's in love with her but he wasn't entirely sure about it or something along that line. Adalicia found herself wishing it was her, though she knew the chances of that were slim because Bill has been secretly keeping in touch with a few other stars. But hey, one can always hope. She left the house, knowing that there was news ahead of her that was going to affect her life.
Bill noticed Adalicia leaving. He knew she was going out as usual, but today, it didn't seem right. Something was wrong and he didn't feel good about it whatsoever. After a moment of consideration, Bill decided that he would follow Adalicia. He knew he was violating her privacy and what-not. But, he had to do it. He needed to convince himself there was nothing wrong. In the few moths she had stayed with him, he could always sense that she was hiding something despite her constant denial. He found her boarding a bus not too far from the house. She still has to use the bus, why couldn't she just ask me? I would gladly send her to wherever she needed to be, Bill thought to himself with a sigh.
He trailed the bus Adalicia was on all the way to Cedars-Sinai Hospital and that was where she got off. What is she doing here? Bill wondered. He watched her enter the hospital from afar. The wind was blowing her hair and it was close to sunset, the rays emitted made Adalicia look like she was glowing. Not bad actually, he thought to himself, smiling.
Bill parked his car before once again picking up Adalicia's trail. The hospital was rather quiet that day, much to Bill's relief. Time to snoop around, Bill thought. He went to anyone and everyone who knew Adalicia. Bill was born charming, so getting people to talk was a breeze. By the end of the day, Bill knew everything and nothing about Adalicia — everything because he knew her history and nothing because he doesn't know her story. He left Cedars-Sinai with a heavy heart and feeling somewhat betrayed. But then again, why would she be honest with him when he was never actually really honest with her? Bill knew it was going to be hard to get her to talk to him about it.
As he exited the parking space, he saw Adalicia at the bus stop and decided that it was now or never. He needed to talk to her. He needed to know what was going on and why she didn't say anything. He stopped the car at the bus stop, rolled down the windows and practically commanded Adalicia to come in and come in she did.
Adalicia was surprised to see Bill and was even more taken aback by the way he spoke to her. What was he doing here? She hoped he didn't know where she came from, although if he was already here, there was no where else she would be at except for the famous private hospital behind her. Even if he did know, she hoped that he doesn't question her about it. She already had her life taken away because she was treated as a sick person and she didn't want that anymore. She wanted to live life to the fullest for as long as she could breathe and for one last time, she wanted to spend time with her newly found family and with, she decided, the introvert she has come to love.
"Adalicia," Bill began, wondering how to ask her without making her angry, "I'm really sorry." He looked at her, searching for a reaction.
"Why?" He knows, Adalicia thought.
"I know I'm not supposed to, but I followed you all the way to Cedars-Sinai and I know about the cancer." Bill paused but quickly continued, "Before you say anything, I want to know only one thing — why? Why didn't you tell us? We could've helped you with the bills, which I know you're having difficulties paying, and the daily travel. We could've raised your wage. Is there a need to keep it a secret? Why?" Bill was disappointed and quite angry that she didn't tell him, that she told no one.
Adalicia sighed. Bill was angry and she knew it. No point in avoiding the questions now. Better to just answer them all. She contemplated on telling him how long she had left and when she started telling the tale of her life and why she told no one, she decided that she would, but not now.
Bill understood why Adalicia didn't want to tell anyone. At least, he thought he did. If it were him, he wouldn't want to be treated like he couldn't live life. He wouldn't want to check in and out of hospitals for treatments that will never work. So, she had breast cancer for 6 years now and because her family wasn't the richest people, she couldn't afford the bills. It was worse now that her had mother passed on― because of the same condition―but there was a doctor at Cedars-Sinai who was kind enough to give her painkillers and the medicine she could afford. Besides, she said, the cancer was already in stage four and there was nothing anyone could do unless they've got the extra money. Adalicia claimed that she was happy with that and all she wanted now was to spend time with him and his family. Bill tried to offer her his help, but she wouldn't accept it. She said she has had enough and there was no point in trying the treatments anyway. Bill gave up on trying to persuade her and drove on to somewhere he himself didn't know. He was just driving in any direction except home.
"Bill," Adalicia started. She needed to tell him now or she never would. "I only have a month at the most to live." Adalicia couldn't believe that fact despite already knowing that the time would come sooner if not later and when she said it out loud, it sounded so surreal that she felt like going back to Dr. Matthews and asking him again. Bill didn't respond. She knew he wouldn't respond. That was how people reacted when she told them her condition. Thus, she said naught but a sentence, silently, "I think I love you." Whether he heard it, she didn't know. But she was content with the fact that she confessed to him and had not kept it to herself.
Bill couldn't believe the story. How could someone who looked so young and healthy and alive be so sick? How could someone who could clean up an entire villa and still have the time to accompany him shopping have cancer? Why is it when he wanted to let someone new into his life, the person couldn't be around longer? All these questions were running through his mind, driving him crazy, almost. He felt a hand take hold of his own and he looked at it — it was Adalicia's. He looked at her. She looked tired and for the first time, sick. He closed his fingers around hers, promising her and himself that he would do anything to make her final days as happy as possible.
After that car ride, both of them got back home and were teased by Tom, as per the usual. The only difference was that this time, they were a couple. Despite the fact that it would be an extremely short relationship, both Bill and Adalicia were content with the month or weeks they had together. They told the family the news that night itself and just as Bill had been, they were shocked speechless. Thankfully, all of them respected her decision of staying quiet and not making a fuss out of it. Nothing much changed in the next weeks except that she was no longer a maid, she was Bill Kaulitz' girlfriend. His angel, he called her.
Minutes turned to hours, hours turned to days and days turned into weeks. Soon, Adalicia was reduced to taking painkillers and staying in bed. Bill never left her side any longer than necessary and she sometimes still demanded to be brought to wherever he wanted to go. Pictures of them have surfaced on the internet and magazines, but nothing official was ever reported. Both of them preferred it stay that way. Bill didn't want the fandom to say anything negative about her and she didn't want the fandom to hate Bill for having a relationship.
The day Adalicia passed on was a beautiful sunny day. The sky was blue, the grass was green and birds were cheerfully chirping away. They celebrated her life and mourned her death. Nothing big was organized for Adalicia had not many family members. The ones present were Bill, Tom, Georg, Gustav and the people who lived in the house. No tears were shed and no laughter was heard. It was just a solemn day and no one knew what to feel. Bill was the last to leave the cemetery and he only left because there were paparazzi around. He took one last look at the coffin before leaving, hoping that he had made her happy in her final days.
He looked out the window. After all this, his mind should've been swimming with a thousand different thoughts, a thousand different dreams had things been different. However, the only thing that came to his mind was how happy he had been for those few weeks and how she had been his perfect, perfect angel.
"Thank you, Adalicia. For making me believe in miracles and love again." He hadn't cried at the funeral, but he felt tears stinging in the back of his eyes now. "I love you." And that was how he wanted to remember her.
- END -