Survive or Succumb

Hinata Hyuuga had never been an exceptional shinobi.

It became evident when she was just a toddler, training with her father in the large halls of their clan house. She was unable to live up and meet her father's expectations, getting surpassed by several members of the Branch Family, something that had never happened before. And instead of receiving encouraging words to give her a reason to improve, she was mocked and punished for not being good enough.

These conditions became no better when her sister was came of age to learn Jyuuken.

Hanabi was gifted where Hinata was deprived, strong where she was weak, loved where she was hated, and focused on where she was cast aside. Their father began to ignore Hinata, only giving his attention to Hanabi. Every time Hiashi would bother to acknowledge Hinata, it was only to ask if she had learned anything from her sister's growth and if she was ready to actually commit to becoming a shinobi. Each time, Hinata would say she was prepared, but each time there was no improvement. In the end, Hiashi stopped giving Hinata chances, and just hoped Hanabi would excel where Hinata failed.

And others wonder why she had a terrible inferiority complex.

Hope's flame flared when Hinata was registered to attend the Academy. She thought that maybe, just maybe, there would be another area she could prove herself in after her failure in Jyuuken. But she had no other extraordinary talents to carve in stone, only better taijutsu than most people. Yet there was one thing that the Academy gave her that stayed with her for her entire life: she met Naruto Uzumaki.

She had first seen him across the classroom, he was sitting in the front and she was in the back. He sat with his head high, determined look plastered on his face, and spoke big words about how everyone who mocked him would regret it when he became Hokage. Hinata instantly took a liking to his positive attitude, something she wasn't familiar with. She liked how he set such a high goal for himself, a goal that would keep him working and trying his entire life. She wanted to be like him, to talk to him, to get hints about how to shake off her pessimism. But he never heard her quiet mutters to try and get his attention, always far too loud himself to hear her whispering voice.

But where her voice was frail, her eyes were keen.

Hinata frequently watched Naruto while he trained, always astonished by how hard he worked only to have miniscule results. But every blunder he made caused his voice and the goals it declared to become stronger. Hinata was inspired and began trying to pursue Jyuuken again. But she, like Naruto, was unable to make much progress. In her case however, she became more and more dejected where Naruto grew determined. She had hoped that maybe Naruto would notice her if she got stronger. But Hinata discovered all her efforts had been for nothing as she was separated from him when she was put in Cell 8 and he was put in Cell 7.

And everything slipped downhill from there. Hinata grew clumsy on missions and her self esteem continued to plummet. Kiba and Shino were no help, usually rejecting her and hardly included her when they trained on their own. But she used this time to cull inspiration from her idol. Naruto was slowly yet surely becoming stronger, occasionally igniting Hinata's spark of hope. But every time she attempted to strengthen herself, she failed and reverted to being miserable.

Her family was no help either. They were far too focused on Hanabi, the one who would carry on the family reputation, and on her cousin Neji, who was surpassing many people in ways a Branch Family member never should. The only attention Hinata received were the reproachful glares and mutters of "failure" aimed at her when she passed someone in the halls. Every pair of pearly white eyes held contempt and scorn for her when she tried to interact with them. The worst was Neji who she felt went out of his way to make sure she knew how weak she was.

Then the Chunin Exams came.

Hinata would never understand Kurenai's reasoning for letting her enter, but it had been a mistake. The only benefit was she had gotten to sit next to Naruto whose attitude hadn't changed in the least. She felt that old feeling that warmed her from her nose to her toes, making a thick blush accumulate on her cheeks. But that was the highlight of her time. She was hardly able to get by through the rest of the Exam.

And then came her fight with her cousin.

Neji had never been kind, focusing all his hatred for the Main Branch on her. He was cruel in both his actions and his words, whittling away at her, attacking every soft spot she had until Hinata was left as nothing more than a withered lump of flesh, bone, and broken hope. And he had no regrets. He had declared his actions proudly to the Clan Elders, holding his head high and taking his punishment with a look of sly contentment on his face. But Hinata had had one foot on death's threshold at the time, so the knowledge wasn't given to her until months later. Hearing that he felt no guilt for what he had done made her nauseous with the feeling of worthlessness.

Even after she was well and the others knew how hard she had pushed herself during the match, she was still mocked and ridiculed for her for her weakness. Still no one helped her and Naruto was as far away as ever. There was no comfort, only that Neji was staying away from her instead of driving her self esteem into the dirt (she had noticed a change in his attitude since after his fight in the Chunin Exams with Naruto). There was no improvement over time, but the day after Naruto left the Village and she made a goal to get stronger, she heard Kakashi Hatake speaking to Kurenai. His words hit her harder than Neji's Jyuuken palm thrusts.

"If someone is told something often enough, it will slowly begin to erode them. They eventually come to believe what they are told, getting the mind set that it is utterly true. And, after they have believed it for a while, they become it. It influences their actions, their thoughts, their choices, and almost everything else in their lives."

"And what happens after they become it? Where do they go from there?" Kurenai's voice was colored with worry.

"There are only two options." Here Kakashi held up to fingers. "The person will either survive by shaking it off and taking control of their lives, learning to think for themselves again, or…" Kakashi paused and Hinata felt her throat constrict with fear of what would come next. "Or the person will succumb. They will slowly waste away, losing themselves to the words of those around them. They will be nothing more than flesh-covered skeletons without souls, living only with the words of others echoing in their skulls, mocking every move they make. It is an existence of nothing, and it will almost inevitably lead to a case worse than death. There is nothing worse than living in a place where no one even acknowledges your presence."

"And this concerns Hinata because-"

"I fear Hinata is succumbing. At this point, I just hope that she hasn't lost her self enough so that she is unreachable. I hope we aren't too late."

FOUR YEARS LATER

Tears poured from Hinata's eyes and she blindly ran through the streets. She didn't care where she was going, only that she was getting away from the ones she had once thought loved her. But hadn't her whole life been contradicting that statement? Hadn't her own family turned her away when she needed them most? Hadn't they hated her every moment since it became definite that she had no purpose?

Hinata ran headfirst into a solid object and she crashed to the ground. Looking up, she saw a large tree and she curled up into ball between its gnarled roots. She let her sobs echo among the trees around her, not caring whom heard or saw her. She hoped her tears would wash away her pain, making it flow into the ground and be absorbed into the earth, never to return. But the pain and lingered and the tears only emphasized her sorrow. She was hardly aware of the world around her, only conscious of her pain and the tears that dribbled down her cheeks. Nothing mattered now; her life had finally reached its end. Everything was lost. Everything…

"Hinata? Hinata!"

She looked up at the person who called her name, intending to just ignore who ever it was and return to the secluded world of her mind. But she froze at the young man crouching next to her, feeling familiar heat rise to her cheeks. Her white eyes were lock with Naruto's, the blue almost luminescent in the darkness. She stared at him, her lower lip trembling, then she threw her arms around his neck and sobbed even harder. Naruto held her awkwardly as she cried enough to soak the entire shoulder of his jacket. When she finally lifted her head, her eyes looked more like she was using the Sharingan than the Byakugan.

"What's wrong, Hinata?" He asked quietly. "That's a lot of crying even for you."

"Oh, Naruto. Everything is over for me! My family is deserting me, I'm a total failure, and I have no one left in the world. The Elders of my clan chose Hanabi to succeed our father as Clan Leader and they don't need me anymore. I heard them say they were going to brand me with a curse mark and put me in the Branch Family. I'm a disgrace! I have nothing anymore! Kakashi was right: I've finally succumbed! I'd be better off dead! I- I-"

Hinata burst into new sobs, burying her face into Naruto's shoulder again. He gingerly stroked her hair, but slowly put meaning into the gesture. He held her tighter, and softly began to rock her back and forth. Eventually, Hinata's sobs died down and she digressed into whimpers and hiccups.

The Village was just being rebuilt after Pain's attack. It was a time of new beginnings, a time of starting over. Naruto, after enduring his sage training, was inevitably going to become Hokage. The position wasn't legalized, but Naruto was taking control after Tsunade was crippled from using so much of her chakra to heal the Villagers who had sustained injuries. He had been taking the humble approach, meeting with many of the troubled and distraught citizens and helping them with his own two hands and the occasionally doppelganger. He was struck with a purpose deeper than his duty of becoming "Hokage elect" when it came to Hinata.

"Hinata, why don't you spend the night at my house." Hinata looked up in astonishment, eyes wide and mouth slightly agape. "We can talk things over and I'll help settle matters with your family." Hinata hiccupped again and Naruto picked her up bridal style. She settled into his arms and rested her head against his chest, one arm around his neck. Naruto felt Hinata slowly become heavier as she fell asleep, and a faint smirk grew over his face. "This exclusion from your family may be beneficial, though," he said to himself. "Now we can finally be together."
In her whole life, Naruto had been the only person Hinata had ever truly admired. As she slept, she dreamed of a new life in the newly rebuilt Konohagakure. New beginnings were upon everyone, even her. And Naruto would be just the person to help her start over. And maybe this time, with his help, she would no longer succumb. No, this time, she would survive.

Author Note: We were taking about the Civil Rights movement in History and my teacher said that little quote that Kakashi told Kurenai. I kinda dosed off in class and was thinking of the Naruto chapter I had read that morning (I think it was a Friday) and this is the product of my day dreaming. I hope you like it. Reviews are always appreciated and boost the author's self confidence and give a purpose to continue writing =D. Anyway, back to try and conquer the writers block so I can tackle my other fics. Until next time, peace out.

-cagedbird361