You've heard of... panic attacks, right? Well, right now I think I'm starting to have one because of the redness developing in my cheeks while my lungs feel like they can't circulate air correctly. Hot tears leaked out of the corners of my eyes as I struggled to just simply catch my own breath; doing that itself seemed like a chore and I soon found myself passed out on the bed, weary drained physically and mentally from what my body has just induced. I've always been like this, since I was little. These... "panic attacks" would always come here and there but yet no one seems to know what it is or where it comes from. My parents have taken me to many, many doctors in the area to inspect me and my strange "disorder" yet... no one can come up with an answer. For some odd reason it seemed simple to me, I just got nervous a lot or something along those lines but no one would agree with me or just dismiss my attempted solution off like they were trying to swat a fly or something stupid like that. To be quite honest, it ticked me off to not be heard for once after all these years of trying to figure out what was wrong with me. I, myself, am trying to dig deep into my mind and figure out what circuits have shortened out and yet no one listens to possible solutions I have to say.
And, to be quite honest once again, I personally think my parents have just given up and come to the fact that I'll be thrown into the wasteland.
And now, well... I have to eventually come to the fact that I'm not strong enough. I can see it in my parents' eyes; the way they act around me and what they say just makes me know that I'm being thrown out into that hideous world and they don't care as much as a regular parent should. They give up quick on things anyways; it's just how they are.
Well, today will be the last day I wake up in a comfortable bed, have a good breakfast, get decently dressed and be surrounded by people. Time to start my day of despair...
Walking into the large windowed dome stadium almost took my breath away at the sight of everything just before me; all the parents and teens waiting in line to get checked in while a few stray people lingered among the seats around the center of the stadium. My mother gently pushed my shoulder so I could get in line with her along with my father right behind me. My legs started to become tired by the time I reached the check in table; I was in that packed and stuffy line for a little over an hour. The woman behind the table mumbled a few things my way which I clearly couldn't hear because of all the voices and footsteps echoing and bouncing off the walls. It must have not been anything too important the woman said because she didn't try to get my attention again or anything, she simply just pointed to a spot on a piece of paper where I had to sign my name for check-in. Once the ballpoint pen hit the paper, my hand started to shake; a definite sign I was nervous for this test; The Combat Test as it's technically called. "Just sign your full name, date of birth, age, sex, and height." Finally I could hear what the woman behind the table was saying, probably because I was leaned in a bit closer to the table than before. My shaking hand struggled a bit to scribble all the required things on the dotted lines, and it was even harder to not make a mistake with the woman's eyes on my paper the entire time. Once done, she pulled out some kinda of radar device and asked for me to outreach my arm. I did as I told and she hovered the device just above my wrist where a number was quickly flashed from the device onto my skin.
59248
I examined these numbers imprinted on my skin for quite some time before the woman almost got all up in my face telling me to move along because I was holding up the line. I mumbled a quiet and somewhat careless apology as I moved past the table where a dimly lit hallway stood before me. Before proceeding, I turned my head back towards the crowd where I spotted my parents' faces peeking over other heads to get one last look at me before I most likely will be gone forever. For a split second I swear I saw hints of sadness on their faces which I do believe. I'm their daughter, anyways. I just believe they didn't care enough in time to actually help. I mumbled the words "I'll be okay." in their direction and they caught my lip reading and responded with frantic nods. "Time to move, hun." One of the security guards whispered to me with a small nudge to the shoulder. I started to move forward in an obeying manner, catching one last glance to the crowd to see my parents have disappeared behind the many other people crowded around.
It was just me now. I'm on my own.
I cautiously traveled down the rather dark hallway, examining my surroundings before stopping at a dead end with a door just beyond my feet. Behind the wooden door lays thousands and thousands of teens standing around and just waiting to be tested on, I wonder if they feel the same as me; nervous, of course, shaky breaths, trembling hands, and just... cloudy thoughts. I wonder if some of them get panic attacks like me. Who knows and who cares... I'm not here to make friends, I'm here to just be tested and out I go. With my still shaky hand, I turn the knob of the door and enter quite slowly, taking a few first looks before letting the door behind me close with a small thud. It was loud with beeps of machines and chatter of people all around, my breathing heightened and it took every bone in my body to not have another panic attack. Slightly impossible but I managed as the lights in the room dimmed to almost a complete darkness and a screen at the front of the room brightened faces with a blue dim. A woman decently dressed made her way in front of the screen, a small smile forming at the corners of her lips as she examined everyone in the room. "Hello, everyone. Boys, girls... You all know exactly why you're here today and what you are about to witness will be for the greater good, a good that will help civilization in the long run by keeping the population at a decent size. Now please, don't fear, don't panic. This is not a test to determine who is strong and who is weak-"
"Bullshit!" The kid from the back of the crowd yelled out father rudely to interrupt the woman's words. I mean, I can't say he's wrong but if I was him, I'd rather not get in trouble on this very day. Like nothing happened at all, the woman continued on.
"This is just simply a test to determine who is able to live longer. We are only trying to get the most out of human lives. So, later today, you will either find yourself back home or out in the other part of the U.S.. Don't worry, it is safe out there, but I bet 99% of you will make it back home." She ended her little speech with a smile that made it look like she was trying to comfort us but came out rather creepily and stiff instead. I couldn't help but just roll my eyes at every word I jus heard. It is complete bullshit. They're just saying that to comfort us and make us not feel like shit. Eventually, the woman stopped talking and moved off to the side to let the screen open up with a white document, a list of numbers lined down as a list with room numbers placed right next to them. "Look at the number written on your arm, now look for it up on the board. Wherever you see your number, the room number next to it is where you'll be tested." Everyone in the room started rushing, glancing at their arms and to the board and trying to find which room was which. "Now, before you move alone, I have one last piece of advice-" I stood right where I was, almost like my feet were planted to the ground as I kept contact with the woman at the front. "Be smart, be safe, and be aware." With that said, she disappeared into a room to let us discover our testing rooms. Mine was testing room 12 which was right down a hall to my left. I almost thought of just standing there, staring into the hall rather than going down that dark pit of dreariness. I regained focus though as one clumsy kid accidentally knocked by my arm trying to find his testing room, he looked so deep in thought and focused as he counted out the room numbers before disappearing in a nearby hall to continue his search. I inhaled and exhaled a deep calming breath before starting my trek down the hall, clearing out my thoughts as best as I could before entering the room before me. The first thing to hit me was the smell of a hospital almost. That sanitizing alcohol weird smell that some people hate yet some people adore. A tall man dressed in a doctor's suit introduced himself Doctor Sans and escorted me to an operating table, this is where the testing happens. I'll be sent to a mission, almost in my dreams so it's not technically real, and I'll perform multiple tests to determine whether I'm eligible to stay or not. I hopped up on the table and laid down as Doctor Sans inserted an IV into my arm, he explained each step of the operation to me so I knew exactly what was happening, and it gave me some comfort to know this. I mentally prepared myself for what I was going to induce, I had to be ready whatever was going to come my way. As he finished up the last bits of setting up for the test, he stood back to a machine where he would start to insert the fluid into the IV. "You ready, Melanie?" He asked softly from the side, lifting a brow in curiousness. "Ready." I responded lowly with a nod.
"Good luck." were the last words I heard before I blacked out.
"Be safe, be smart, be aware."