Disclamer: I do not own Twilight.
A/N: So here it is. This first Chapter is super short, but I will have the second one up shortly.
We were getting married in less than six months. I never thought in a million years that I would find someone that would marry me after the things that I have said and done. I hated myself for how I handled my situation. I had been a brooding teenager that thought that the world revolved around him.
Looking back I wished that I would have done things differently, but would I have met Bella if I did? That's quite a question to be asked. Would I be happier if I had not lost my mind when I was only fifteen and listened to my parents? I would probably be in medical school now if my father had gotten what he had wished for. Would I trade my existence now, the one that I had with Bella, to have kept on the straight and narrow and followed the path in life that my father created?
No fucking way.
I would live through all of that misery again, if I could still have Bella in the end.
Throughout our whole relationship I have been afraid that she would see the real me and leave. She had accepted my proposal to be my wife and has told me everyday how much she loves me, but there was a two year gap in my life that she new nothing about.
I've never talked about it to anyone except the shrinks that they assigned to me since my release. My family knew some of the things that had happened over that gap because I was a minor and they had to inform my parents of my progress, or lack there of.
Even after four years, I was still haunted by the memories of that place and the person that I was while I was in there. I had been having a hard time sleeping since Bella had accepted my ring. I had to clear my conscious of these memories before we were married. I had to tell her the whole story and see how she felt about me when I was done. I was terrified that she would be disgusted and never want to see me again, but I owed it to her to let her know who I was, who I had been.
Bella shifted and lifted her head from my shoulder. "Can't sleep again?"
"No"
She leaned on her elbow so that she could see my face better. "You look upset. Are you Ok?" She could always read me. I couldn't hide my feelings from her. She called me out every time.
"I'm fine." I sighed but couldn't look her in the eyes. She noticed.
"I know you Edward Cullen and something is bothering you." She said with that look on her face that meant that she knew that I was thinking about my past. "Maybe you should take one of those sleeping pills the doctor prescribed."
She hopped out of bed and went into the bathroom. After hearing the medicine cabinet open and the sound of a pill bottle being shaken, she came back to bed with a small glass of water and a little white pill in her hand.
"Really, I'm fine." I didn't want the damn sleeping pills.
"Please take it." She pleaded. "You haven't been sleeping at all lately. You are going to get sick, or go crazy."
If it would make her happy I would take the pill. I swallowed it with a drink of water and put the glass down on the bedside table. She kissed me lightly on the lips and climbed back under the covers next to me.
"Tell me about it when you're ready." She said laying her head back on my shoulder and slipping her warm hand under my shirt. She always knows how to soothe me. She started rubbing her hand up and down my side and over my chest and stomach. It actually felt really good and if she kept doing that, and with the help of the sleeping pill, maybe I would fall asleep.
And I did. Sleep. But I am sure that I didn't get any rest because my dream was too vivid and too real. My mind made me relive all of my worst memories. All of the memories that I would have to soon share with Bella.
I know that I stayed asleep longer than I would have normally. I know that I would have woken several times throughout the night with the nightmare that I was having, but that damn sleeping pill kept me under unable to wake. Unable to stop the painful memories that plagued my thoughts for the last four years.