I am going to be completely honest: my life is messed up. Most people saw their homes as a refuge from the stress and boredom of school. I saw school as a refuge from the hurt and abuse of my home. It was the only place where I knew I was safe from the physical abuse of my father and the verbal abuse of my mother. I wished I could love my parents the way other teenagers did. I did love my parents, but they were monsters that haunted me in my dreams. I lived in the outskirts of LA, where the the tourists didn't dare venture and the world of beaches and fun seemed like a world away. There were no opportunities for a new life where I was from.
My neighborhood was filled with warehouses and abandoned houses, not white picket fences and family barbeques. Of course, I didn't tell any of my school friends this. Once I had let it slip that my neighborhood was full of warehouses and they thought I meant a different neighborhood in the nice part of town. I didn't correct them. In fact, the few times they had dropped me off after school, I just let them drop me off in front of a random house in the wrong neighborhood and walked all the way home. So far, they hadn't caught on. Lying was my specialty. My parents would be furious if I told anyone how I lived, and who wants their own parents to hate them?
One thing my parents especially hated was when I got home late. They didn't want me spending too much time with my friends and I had too many chores around the house to take care of. Most nights, they had me working so late around the house that I couldn't even do my homework. I would have to get up hours before school and silently do my homework to be able to turn it in on time.
It may seem stupid to even worry about school with so many other problems in my life, but school was all I had left. If I had any chance at going to college and getting away from Los Angeles, I had to get perfect grades and advocate for myself. So homework became more important than sleep. Everything depended on me doing well. It was the middle of November when my plan to get up early and work on homework backfired, though. In my house, my parents' room was directly connected to the kitchen, where I would turn on the oven light and hunch next to it in order to do my work. This was the only light where I could do my homework without disturbing anyone.
That particular morning, however, my father had stumbled home drunk late the night before and was restless from whatever drugs he had taken. I couldn't hear anything from his room, though so I snuck downstairs to the kitchen and quietly creaked open the oven door to flick on the light. One creak was all it took for my dad to stir and sit up in his bed. He noticed the little light coming from the kitchen and immediately came to investigate. He found me sitting there with my schoolbooks, ready to work.
"What the fuck are you doing down here at four in the morning, Emma?! Can't you see your mother and I are trying to sleep?" He growled at me. I had seen him mad many times before, but whatever happened last night had put him in an especially bad mood. I stuttered.
"I-I was j-just trying to do my homework. I will be quiet, I promise." I begged. He lifted me up from my little corner, and I bumped my head on the counter as he did.
"I give you everything- a home, food, and anything else you need and you wake me up this early after a long day of work?" He yelled. I could hear my mom and brother stirring now. I just wanted my dad to calm down.
"Dad, I was just trying to get my homework done. You always said I had to work hard and do well to do this family proud. I didn't have time last night after all my chores, which I do gladly because you and mom work so hard all day, so I got up early to do it before school." He really had said all that to me. Everything was more normal when I was young. This house was a happy place where my brother and I played and mom and dad tucked us in at night.
At some point, my dad lost his job, though and we began to struggle. It really took a toll on my dad. He struggled for years to make enough money to pay the bills. Unfortunately, nothing was working. He turned to the wrong people and ended up carrying out illegal favors in order to keep food on the table. He did it without complaint for a while, but the bitterness of his dangerous profession took away the kindness in his eyes and love in his heart. My brother and I became the reason why he had to give up his life. We moved to a new neighborhood and my friends lost touch with me.
Since then, it all got worse. My parents starting to drinking to cover sadness, which slowly turned to anger. My dad would save some of the drugs he sold for the nights that alcohol wasn't enough to make him forget. My mom didn't need alcohol to make her mean. Something snapped in her the day we left the old house with all of her friends and the life she has always dreamed of. My brother did his best to avoid all three of us, trying to live out the rest of his high school life as normally as possible. That left me to deal with my parents and everything else in the house that didn't get done.
"It's all worthless, Emma. Look at me! I studied in school, went to college, got a job and did everything right! And guess what? It amounted to nothing. You're not going to amount to anything either. So how about you put those books away, go upstairs and let me get some god damn sleep unless you want to go to bed with an empty stomach tomorrow." He threatened. I held back my tears.
"Dad, I promise I'll be quiet! I just need to do a few assignments. I won't make a sound and I'll do extra chores tomorrow, and-" He didn't let me finish.
"Did I give you an option, girly? When did you get the nerve to ignore what I asked of you?" He shouted. I was really afraid now. Tears streamed down my cheek. I looked at him with pleading eyes.
"Please, daddy. I just want to make you proud and find a way to help this family. If I get good grades and a scholarship, I can get a good job and finally set you free from this hell. I can do it, daddy. Please." I looked him in the eyes. Something flickered there, then his eyes hardened again.
"Go to bed before I beat your ass, Emma. I swear I'll do it." I didn't know what to do, so I just stood there. He had hit me a couple times before, but only a slap to the face. This time, he slammed my whole body against the counter, forcing me to drop my books and slump down from the force. I couldn't believe it. Every part of my right side hurt, but my heart hurt more. He pulled me up again, but I nearly fell back down. My head was still spinning.
"Did you hear me? Go to bed right now, Emma!" He smacked me so hard, my nose started to bleed. I could barely hear him, my head was spinning so fast. I stumbled up the stairs to my bed, but I didn't try to sleep. I cleaned up my face so most of the blood was gone, changed out of my bloodstained shirt and grabbed everything I thought I would need. Then I snuck downstairs and left without looking back.
I slept in a nearby park that night, shivering from the cold. I had to sleep on my left side all night because my right side hurt so badly. When I woke up the next morning, my body was covered in bruises. Even on my cheek, there was a bruise. "Shit." Everyone would wonder what happened. I considered skipping school, but I needed to find a friend to spend the night with. Maybe I would even be brave enough to come clean about what happened. I walked into school, ignoring all the looks I got as I walked by. I hated how people judged you without having a clue what you have gone through.
I found my friend Kayla and she turned toward me, shocked. "Emma, what the fuck happened to you?" I faked a laugh.
"I went hiking with my family and kinda fell off the trail down a big hill…" I lied. Only a big impact would be able to do this kind of damage. And she couldn't even see all my other bruises.
"Oh my god, are you okay? Jesus, you look like hell." I felt like hell. I nodded to her, promising to explain more later. I tried so hard to focus in class, but I was exhausted from the morning and the stares from everyone around me made me feel vulnerable. Plus, I still had no place to go tonight. By the end of the day, nobody had caught on to my actual situation. Thanks to my superior lying skills, it was too hard for me to tell someone the truth and ask for help. I even let someone drop me off in the random neighborhood they usually did instead of asking to go somewhere that made more sense.
I started walking around for some place to hide out when I saw my dad's car in the distance. My heart pounded in fear, and I started to run the other way. It was too late, though. He had already seen me. I don't know how he knew this is where my friends dropped me off, but it didn't matter. He had found me. He easily caught up in his car, yelling for me to get in. I refused, cutting across yards to a new street to try to hide before he could catch up in his car. I was desperate now, pounding on warehouse doors as I went. The chance was slim, but maybe someone was inside one of them and I could hide out until my dad left.
My lungs burned and I was about to give up when one of the doors actually opened after I pounded on it. Behind the door was a teenage boy with perfectly styled brown and blonde hair and warm brown eyes. His face was puzzled. I spoke to him desperately. "Please let me in, my dad is following me and I am scared, please. I don't want him to hurt me again, I can't go home." I realised I sounded like a jumbled mess, but I could hear my dad's car around the corner and wanted to get inside before he could spot me.
WIthout hesitation, he pulled me inside and shut and locked the door. He seemed very confused, but lead me to a couch in the corner of the warehouse. I vaguely remember noticing how nice it was inside with tons of fun additions, but I was too distressed to think about it. After all that adrenaline, I passed out before we even made it to the couch. I am pretty sure he caught me before I fell, but I don't remember what happened after that. A few minutes later, I woke up panicked on a couch in a bright white warehouse, surrounded by two guys I had never met before.
I sat up quickly, making myself dizzy. After a moment, I remembered one of them had let me in. My heart slowed a little, but not much. "Where am I? Who are you? Did my dad leave? Did he see me?" My brain was going too fast to slow down my questions. The boys looked a little startled. One of them, I think the one who let me in, reached out to calm me down but withdrew when I flinched away.
"Hey, hey. It's okay. We aren't going to hurt you. Your dad is gone, he didn't see you come in. Sit back and try to calm down a bit so you don't faint again." The boy who let me in said. I relaxed a little at hearing that my father hadn't found me. The other boy handed me a glass of water, which I took tentatively then gulped down. Drinking all that water reminded me of the pain in my stomach. I hadn't eaten in over twenty four hours now. I could tell they heard it too, because one stood up to leave the room.
"You don't have to feed me or let me stay here. I should probably get going, you have done enough. And I am worried that he will come back." I began to cry and panic again. The boy who let me in took my face gently despite my flinching and made me look at him.
"You are okay. We will take care of you. You won't be hurt here. Just relax. You don't have to go anywhere. We are gonna get you some food then you can crash at our place or we can get you a hotel if you're more comfortable. Will you tell me how you got those bruises?" He asked. His directness helped me get over the shock of the day and respond.
"M-my dad pushed me against the counter. He has been violent for a few years now, but that was the worst it has ever gotten so I ran away. I can't tell anyone, though. If my dad gets arrested now, they will find out about all the illegal things he does to support my family and it will leave my mom and brother broke. Please don't call the police." I told him.
"I won't for now. If your dad comes back, I might just to be sure we are all safe. That's the most important thing. I'm really sorry you have to go through all that. My name is Grayson, by the way. My brother is named Ethan." He seemed to really care about what I was going through. My heart wanted to trust him, but my mind couldn't. I had never found a person I truly trusted. They all left me in the end or never cared enough to reach out to me and ask how I was to begin with. I nodded. It seemed like he was willing to keep the police out of it for now, at least. I told him my name was Emma but left out my last name to be safe.
I yawned loudly, no longer able to ignore the weariness I felt. I had hardly slept last night in order to get to school on time, and all the commotion of the last hour took away the last energy I had left. I began to lay back against the couch but the boy spoke before I could.
"I think you better stay awake for a while. I don't know anything about fainting, but it's probably best if you don't sleep right after. Besides, you need food and we can drive to our apartment where your dad definitely won't look. I know you're tired, but it won't be much longer. I promise." His eyes were full of genuine concern and warmth. It was hard for me to believe that a stranger would care so much. Something made me trust him again, though. There was something in his eyes that I couldn't quite place. I just nodded. The sound stuck in my throat.
He helped me off the couch and helped me to the door. I resisted leaving, but both of them assure me that there was nobody outside and they had checked thoroughly that there was nobody hiding. Slowly, I made my way to their car and got in the back seat where there were tinted windows. Grayson offered to sit next to me in the back but I didn't feel like being that close to anyone again. His guidance to the door was already more contact than I wanted. Instead, Ethan drove and Grayson sat up front with him. I spent the drive looking out the window and checking the mirrors in case we were being followed.
Their apartment wasn't too far, but far enough that I felt confident my dad wouldn't venture that far on his own. I shielded my face as we walked inside both to hide my identity and because the bright sun aggravated my headache. It was a nice little place. It actually looked like a home. They looked like teenagers and they already had more of a home than I did. I felt out of place with my dirty, ripped clothes and matted hair. They could afford fancy cars and new furniture and I didn't even have a phone. I paused by the entry, unsure where to go.
"Do you want to take a shower while we make some food?" Grayson asked. I just nodded again. The idea of using their shower wasn't particularly appealing, but I smelled horrible and knew it would clear my head a little. However, I didn't have any spare clothes to change into. In my rush to leave, the thought hadn't even crossed my mind. It seemed they could read me pretty well, though, because they spoke up as the thought crossed my mind.
"We can find some clothes you can borrow. Our sister has a few things she left here last time she visited." Ethan said. He lead me down the hall as Grayson scoured the fridge and showed me the pile of her things. I chose the sweatpants and a t-shirt. I didn't care what I looked like anymore and the jeans I was wearing were already rubbing on my bruises. Then, he showed me the bathroom and where to find a spare toothbrush and a clean towel. Then, finally, I was left in peace.
A million thoughts about the day ran through my head. I was lucky that Ethan and Grayson had let me in. But could I really be lucky if I was homeless and running away from my abusive father? I turned the knob on the shower and let the hot water wash it all away. I was safe, at least for now. Tonight I would have a place to sleep and food to eat. Tomorrow, I could figure out the rest. I massaged my scalp as I washed my hair and my headache slowly subsided. I let a few tears escape and washed silently until I had used up all the hot water.
Dry, clean, clothes had never felt so good. It was only when everything is taken away that you realize all the things you are thankful for. I looked at myself in the mirror. I still had the same brown, curly hair as when I was a young girl. Yet, it felt different. My bruised face was gaunt and pale, my eyes red and tired. The curves of my body had disappeared over the last couple years as my appetite slowly disappeared with them. Still, I was alive. There was still feeling in my body. My stomach growled aggressively, so I tore my gaze from the mirror and exited the bathroom.
Grayson and Ethan were setting the table, both of them on one side and me on the other. Their dinner looked amazing: salad, chicken, pasta and french bread. I wasn't sure how they whipped up such a great meal so fast, but I was grateful. They both urged me to take a seat at the table, so I did.
"Well, dig in!" Ethan exclaimed. I almost smiled. They dished the food out to all of us, but I didn't wait until they were done. Everything smelled so good, I started eating as soon as the food hit my plate. It was amazing how much of a difference food made after a long day. I figured I should thank them. They had gone above and beyond to take care of me without a second thought as to who I was.
"T-thank you. For dinner. And for opening your door. I don't know what would have happened if you didn't." I said. They were a little startled that I spoke after so long, but not for long.
"It was the right thing to do. We would never want someone to be hurt. You needed help." Grayson said with a warm smile. "Do you want to stay here tonight or should we take you to a hotel?" he asked. I didn't want to be in a hotel alone. As bad as it sounded, I was comforted by the idea that if my dad found me, there would be two strong teenage boys to defend me.
"I don't want to be alone tonight." I said. They just nodded and smiled so as not to make me uncomfortable. After dinner, I couldn't keep my eyes open. I walked over to the couch but Grayson stopped me.
"You are gonna sleep in my room tonight. It has a lock so you will feel a little safer. I can take the couch." The idea of an extra lock was appealing. He lead me to his room, then left so I could get ready for bed on my own. His soft mattress and pillow quickly guided me into a deep sleep. I slept for several hours until I had a nightmare.
In the dream, I was endlessly wandering through warehouse after warehouse, pounding on the doors with no response. Each time I was rejected, I could feel an evil presence drift closer and closer to me. My hands began to bleed from the force of my fists against the doors of the warehouse. Just as the force was most potent, I sat up in bed with a start and breathed uncontrollably. Through my panicked tears I could hear someone get up and come to my door. They tapped lightly on the wood.
"Emma, are you okay?" I was pretty sure it was Grayson, but their voices were pretty similar. I slowed my breath.
"Y-yes." I replied.
"If you let me in, I can get out a light so it isn't pitch black in there." A little nightlight might actually make me feel better. I got out of bed and unlocked the door so he could come in. It was Grayson. He looked at my tear-streaked face and grabbed a tissue box so I could wipe my face. Then he dug through his drawers until he found a small light and plugged it into the wall. It gave off a warm, yellow light. He turned to leave again, but I stopped him.
"Wait." I said. I'm not sure why I spoke up, but his presence made me more at ease. He turned, puzzled.
"Yeah, Emma?" He asked.
"Will you stay?" I asked. I felt stupid asking. There was only one bed in the room, so I didn't know what I expected. His face softened.
"Sure." He smiled. He grabbed a pillow from the bed and made a little bed by the locked door and I returned to the bed. His unselfishness was astounding. I slept for another while until the dream occurred again and I woke again. Grayson sat up, obviously exhausted but came over to comfort me. He put his hand on my shoulder, which made me flinch, but then it felt nice.
"Was it the same dream?" He asked. I nodded. He wiped away my tears and sat beside me.
"Y-you can sleep on the bed with me. I-if you don't mind." I said. He made an indecipherable expression then circled around the bed to lay behind me. Grayson left space between us to make sure I was comfortable. He made me feel safe. I fell asleep quickly and didn't wake again until the morning.