Disclaimer: I don't own Honey and Clover! (wish I did lol) Another oneshot! It's about 'it' again, well, I hope you'll enjoy reading this short pov of yamada. ^_^
Why do you love her so much Mayama?
Is it because of her personality?
The way she dresses?
The way she carries herself?
Or do you want to take that pain and suffering from her so badly?
Why Mayama? Why?
But, if I could be like her, will you love me as much as you love her?
Maybe not… I know that I can never replace Rika in your heart, no matter how I change myself…
No matter how much I show to you that I love you…
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I write poems about you Mayama, but Hagu's the only whom I show it to, because I know, that even if I showed all of them to you, your feelings wouldn't change, I'm still just a friend to you, and I know that I will never be something more than that.
Hey, do you remember when we went together to Rika's office? I couldn't forget that smile on your face, because you never showed that smile when it was us who were together, or when we're together with everyone else. You only showed that smile to her. Why? Are you really happy enough just by seeing her Mayama? Before, I always thought it was so selfish of you, but now I understand. I understand well because whenever I'm with Nomiya, and when you tag along with us, I wear the same smile like yours too, and Nomiya probably thinks I'm selfish as well, but I can't blame him, nor can I blame you, because I know too well, that we're just the same.
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Rika. I do think my name sounds a lot better than hers. I think I look better and younger than her. I look stronger than her. But still, why do you love her that much Mayama? When everything I am is so much better than her? I know I sound selfish, but, why is that everytime she asks help from you, it's like you're her servant and her knight-in-shining armor? Why Mayama? You'd always treat her as if she was something really fragile and weak, like she's a very precious porcelain to you, that can fall and break anytime. I envy her Mayama, so much.
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I can see that you're always willing to do anything for her, just like the day when it was raining hard, but with just one call from her, you suddenly ran, and left the book you asked me to get you, which you considered you couldn't graduate without. Why can she make you run Mayama? Even if it rains or shines, you'd run for her whenever she calls you. Just what is it that Rika has that I don't? I still ask these questions up until now, and I don't think anyone can answer me.
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But I love you Mayama, so much that I'm willing to let you go... I should be happy for you, even if it means breaking my own heart. Even if it means enduring this pain I'm feeling.
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In the end, I'll be just wondering to myself why I loved Mayama Takumi. Why I loved everything about him, even if we were the complete opposite. Heh, when I heard in the television, 'opposites attract', that must be only in dramas, not in real life... If someday I'll be able to completely heal this pain, maybe I won't be asking those 'whys' anymore...
If you wanna ask me why I love making stuff like this when it comes to HnC, probably because I'm the same as Yamada, :'). Thanks for reading and pls do R&R if you have time!