Vestiges of a Memory
By Quixotically Yours
AN: This is technically my second Yudaj fanfiction, though the other one I was writing was removed by some angry flamer flagging it as a songfic when it wasn't… oh well. I was gonna scrap and rewrite it anyways. So, think of this as my first Yudaj fanfic, rewritten (though it's nothing like that first one, lol. It's darker. :3)! ^ ^ Enjoy.
Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy VII, or their characters. This is purely a work of fiction, so please don't waste your time suing me. Thanks! ^ ^
Extended Summary: There is something very important that I felt was missing from my life. It had something to do with my brothers' and my amnesia of who we are and where we came from. Despite this memory loss, my dreams are always the same repeated thing every night; the face of a twisted and sadistic killer, with long, silver hair and a tall stature, sporting an extremely long katana and surrounded by fire. I'd been having dreams of this person whom I do not remember for the last four months, which is the limit of all of our memories; that is as far back as we can remember. As of late, my willpower to go on in this world was becoming less and less, since I had no memories to bind me here… that is, until I met that brown-haired girl. That's when everything changed. But then again, I believe that she has that effect on everyone she encounters.
Chapter 1: Awake
I woke up in a cold sweat, shivering. No matter how much my body craved it, I could never get a good night's sleep. That was the only thing I craved, was to sleep a bit more. But whenever I feel into a deep sleep, I would always see the face of a sadistic killer with a twisted and evil smile. He had long, silver hair like my brother Yazoo's, but his was pretty much down to his knees, and he sported a massively long katana. He looked liked me and my brothers sure enough, but I knew that he was not one of us. I had no idea who this man was, though. I could not remember; none of us could. We all had amnesia.
I sighed as I reached up and ran my fingers through my shoulder-length silver hair, deciding that sleep was no longer an option. I just lay there with an arm slung over my forehead, staring at the roof as I pondered a bit about my dreams… it was like I was remembering memories that were not mine. I sighed and sat up, deciding to get my mind off of that dream by occupying myself with something else. The clock said 6:18am. I got up and walked towards the bathroom that me and my brothers all shared, and brushed my teeth. As I did so, I stared into the slightly dirty mirror at an exhausted version of myself; I had slight bags under my eyes (which, by now, I'd become accustomed to having), and my bed head hair wasn't helping my overall appearance, either. I just rolled my fluorescent green eyes before spitting out the toothpaste foam and rinsing my mouth with water. I then dried my mouth, and used my fingers as combs to somewhat fix my hair. This helped, and it fell back into its usual style which covered half my face.
I wandered out of the bathroom and towards the kitchen, which was separated from the living room only by a rectangular island with the sink on it. I opened the fridge, absentmindedly staring into it. I wasn't particularly hungry right now; I was never really hungry in the mornings. This was just a bad habit I had formed, since in the past (meaning about two or three months ago) I used to forget to eat and skipped meals. I sighed and closed the door before going back into my bedroom to change… maybe an early morning bike ride would clear my head. It almost always did. I pulled on some dark-washed jeans that were fitted, but not too tight, and a black leather jacket over the white under-tee that I was already wearing. As I headed back to the kitchen to grab the keys to my bike, I glanced into Loz's room, since he left the door open, and saw that he was deep in the heart of sleep with drool coming down the side of his mouth, and he was snoring. I rolled my eyes and smirked as I continued on my way. Wish I could sleep like that... I thought, slightly enviously.
Sooner than I expected, I was standing before my bike, staring at it as I fingered the keys inattentively. I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair from the front back again… I'd been spacing out like this lately. Maybe it was the lack of decent sleep finally taking a toll on my brain. I shook my head as I mounted the bike and turned it on. The silence of the morning had been shattered by the roar of the engine, but I didn't care. Loz slept like a log, and Yazoo was a pretty light sleeper, so he was probably up anyways because of the sound of me shuffling around the apartment. Besides, it's not as if it would wake the neighborhood; there was no neighborhood to wake. We were a good 60 miles from Edge, which was a good enough distance that we wouldn't come in contact with anyone unless it would be the first and last encounter with said person, and our apartment complex (more like an old office-turned-apartment building) was pretty much abandonded, save for maybe ten others in the whole place who wanted to lay low just as much as we did. We figured out really soon after waking up four months ago that people generally feared us because of our appearance; apparently, it had something to do with a 'Sephiroth,' as we'd been called multiple times by fear-stricken people. Poor Yazoo got the worst reaction, since his hair was long like this person's, or so we heard. We wondered if this 'Sephiroth' was the man I kept seeing in my dreams (more like nightmares)? I shook these thoughts from my head as I started the bike.
I sped off in the direction of an old church I'd found a month back. The only thing in there was a large patch of flowers that grew in the middle of the floor, fed by the sunlight that came trough a large of the ceiling missing, which allowed them to bathe in the sunlight. Other than that, it was just an old, decrepit church. But for some reason, it was calming and somewhat familiar. I don't know why, but this particular place drew me towards it today. As I drove at 148 miles an hour, I thought somemore. Every morning, I'd try to remember memories that didn't exist inside my head anymore. I tried to will memories that were not there into place. And try as I might, try as any of us might, we could never remember who we were aside from the fact that we were brothers, our names, and that we were inseparable and relied upon one another. We also knew that I was the youngest, Yazoo the middle child, and Loz the eldest, though we all felt like I was the leader. Maybe it was my personality…? Who knew…
I was drawn out of my thoughts by the familiar stone building that was my destination. I sighed in relief once I saw it and slowed down. By the time I'd gone down from 150 mph to 20 mph, I had arrived, and I parked the bike beside the entrance. I dismounted the bike, then looked up at the church. For a moment, I saw a flash of that man from my dreams' face, and winced. I sighed again as I shoved my hands in my pockets and walked inside, ignoring this odd occurance. Speaking of that dream, I'd told my brothers about this dream to see what they thought of it. They told me they had had the occasional dream with the man of that description, though they could only see the vague image of him, and there was fire everywhere, as there was in mine. We had no idea what to make of these dreams, though; this man was obviously not here, though we were suspecting that he may have something to do with our forgotten pasts.
As I entered the church, the large wooden door made a pretty loud creaking sound which echoed off of the stone walls. Everything was as it was the last time I'd come here. But then my eyes caught a new addition to the scenery: there was a sheet laid out with some supplies on it, and a metal box. It looked like someone was living here, I mentally noted, and walked down the isle towards the flowers and equipment to take a closer look at it. I tilted my head up towards the sky that was visible through the large hole in the ceiling, and smiled ever so slightly as the warmth of the sun soaked into my skin; I closed my eyes and basked in it for a moment. For some reason it was very peaceful here… I opened my eyes again and glanced down towards a lantern that looked to have been used just recently, from the looks of the slightly melted candle wax near the wick. Hm… someone must have just recently left here. I best not come back for awhile, or otherwise run into this person… I thought, and turned to leave. But, the aroma of the flowers caught me, and I hesitated, looking towards them. These are the most beautiful of flowers, I thought. At least, they are the only flowers I knew of, so of course I'd think that. I wonder why they stopped me, why they seemed so significant… I shrugged to myself and shook my head before turning to leave.
I pulled the large, heavy church doors open once more, but someone was pulling up, it seemed, and they'd spotted my bike. I looked towards this person, and got an odd feeling like I'd met this person before. He then noticed me, and seemed to not be able to recognize me as he slowed his bike to a stop. He was a little taller than me, obviously older (probably about Yazoo's age), and he was blonde. But, he did have the same fluorescent green eyes as we brothers had, which I noticed right away. I decided that this was just a coincidence, though. How was I supposed to know if there weren't more people with our color eyes out there? When he finally stopped, he got off his bike, looked towards me, and froze. I sighed and looked away; it seemed I was about to get the reaction I always got… Here we go again, I thought with a mental sigh.
"I'm sorry if I am intruding; I was just passing by and wanted to see the flowers in the church again. I won't be a bother; I'm leaving now." I said as I curtly walked towards my bike. He never said anything, and his eyes never left me. His look of utter shock mixed with a bit of terror and incredulity was slightly unnerving, though I manage to ignore it as I closed the distance between my vehicle and myself.
"…Kadaj?" He said, sounding as if he didn't believe the very words he was saying, which made me freeze in mid-mount. I stood up straight again, and looked towards him once again with a curious look in my eyes.
"…you know me?" I asked him, hope building up. If this person knew me, then maybe I could unlock the secret of my and my brothers' past. This man was staring at me as if I'd killed his mother or something, though, and my response caused his eyes to narrow slightly in suspicion.
"…you died. All of you… but… you don't know who I am?" He asked me, looking confused as hell. I was starting to get confused, also.
"What do you know about me?" I asked him urgingly, ignoring his questions. If he really did know me, and it sounded like he did, then maybe he could tell us what happened to us, and of our past. I took a few steps towards him and away from my bike. But the man seemed to steel up and brace himself as I approached, so I stopped. He seemed to be scrutinizing me suspiciously through his luminous green eyes, which made me slightly uncomfortable, as if he was judging me. Which he probably was.
"…you really don't remember anything?" He said to me, after at least two minutes of deafening silence. My curious and slightly confused look hadn't faltered one bit, and I shook my head, the ignorance of my past apparent in my curious face. He looked down at the ground and seemed to be lost in deep thought. Just as I was about to ask something else, he spoke up.
"But… how can that be? I killed you. I watched you die. I saw you evanesce into the lifestream." He said, as his eyes locked with mine again, a gaze steely and seekin understanding, which took me aback and caused me to falter slightly. Then the words he just said to me sunk in, which caused me to stare at him in horror.
"Wh… what?" was all I managed to get out, shakily. I… died? I thought, not really knowing what to even think about that fact. And he was the one to kill me? I thought as my gaze turned serious with a look of determination, despite my now extreme nervousness. It didn't help that I noticed he had a pretty dangerous-looking sword on his bike. But even if he had killed me, for whatever reason, I needed answers. I gathered up all my resolve and courage and asked him something else.
"…I… I know what my name is. But… who am I?" I asked him, believing that he knew. The blonde-haired man just stared at me, his look softening just a little, though he still looked pretty serious. Perhaps that was just his nature, though.
"I think you should come with me, Kadaj." He said as he started to turn around. "There is more to say than could be said with the sun still up." he said as he seemed to prep his bike for another departure. I nodded, but then hesitated, remembering that it was not only me who needed answers.
"But my brothers…" I started. This man whipped his head around and gave me a shiver-worthy look of intensely dark shock.
"Your brothers? You mean all three of you are here?" He said. Then he seemed to calm down instantly. "Yes, that would make sense… three remnants that would only be whole together…" He said as he looked down again, speaking more to himself than me it seemed. I blinked. Remnants? Us? Of what? I thought, curiously confused.
"You know about them too? Who are we? Do you know?" I asked, almost too eagerly. He looked back up to me, and chuckled softly.
"It's funny seeing you with all these innocent expressions on your face… the Kadaj I knew, even if for a short time, was maniacal, ruthless and slightly crazy…" He said. I looked shocked and even took a small step back, and he quickly continued before I could say anything. "But that's for later. You should come with me so that we can talk with the rest of AVALANCHE… that's my group of close friends who were there when you guys were around… and see what to do about you three." He said as he turned away from me again. "Call your brothers and tell them to meet us in Edge at the 7th Heaven bar. I need to grab some things." He said as he went into the church.
He seems to know so much about me… Did I really die before? If so, then… does that mean I was reborn? And what was that about me being maniacal, ruthless and crazy? For what reasons was I that way? I'm so confused… I thought as I shook all these thoughts out of my head and pulled my cell phone out. I was starting to form a slight headache from all this, so I needed to calm my thoughts and take baby steps. The phone rang a few times, before it was answered.
"Brother." It was Yazoo who answered. I sighed before starting this conversation.
"Yazoo, I… I think I've found a person who knows about our past. I mean… he really knows about our past. He knew us. Even you and Loz… There's so much that I want to know… but that's for later after I, we, meet up with his group of friends whom he calls AVALANCHE… I wonder if it stands for something." I mused. Yazoo was silent, so I knew he was listening.
"He told me to call you guys and tell you to meet us in Edge at a bar called 7th Heaven. I think we may have passed by there sometime when we were doing our grocery shopping." I said to him, looking out towards the vastness of the wasteland. I could tell even without seeing him that Yazoo was excited at learning this new info. Even if one saw him, one couldn't tell what he was feeling anyways, so it didn't really matter; you just had to know him. Maybe I knew because he was my brother.
"This is good, Kadaj. We'll leave in ten minutes. See you there." He said to me in his usually polite and soft voice. I hung up then, and looked towards the blonde man, who had just come out of the church holding some glowing balls. I lowered my gaze curiously as I stared at the majestic-looking orbs. Even though I'd seen them in some shops over the past few months, I never knew exactly what they were, and they were still as mesmerizing as the first day I'd seen them. The blonde man seemed to notice my staring.
"Don't let Yuffie catch you staring at her materia… she'll have your head, literally." He said. I looked up at him to see him smirking, so I smiled back at him slightly. This small action seemed pretty surprising to him, though he said nothing and got on his bike. "Follow me." He said over his shoulder. I shrugged at his reaction to my small smile and mounted my bike, then took off after him. Wait, I never even caught his name… I thought, in slight surprise.
AN: Yay! And so ends chapter one. ^ ^ This a LOT shorter than I usually make them, but I really wanted to get this out. I know I love long chapters, so I try to return the favor to others; besides, I think this chapter is pretty lengthy compared to some other stories I've read... Though there's nothing wrong with short chaps, as long as you update often… *doesn't wanna offend any of my fave authors* XD;
Anyways, next chapter as I said'll be from Yuffie's perspective, and then I'll alternate between the two chapter by chapter. I think that'll make it more fun. ^ ^