"Sensei, do you love me?" I whisper faintly, my voice dying in my throat. It seems… like he's saying it's over. Tears threaten to fall from my eyes, and I feel droplets begin to stream down my cheeks. Still, I stare resolutely into the eyes of the man I love. However dishonest I was with myself throughout our relationship, this is undeniably my truth. I need him to know that.
I watch him through blurred orbs—his face twists in pain before his lean figure turns away from my gaze. I watch his back as he leans against a desk, his elbows supporting his torso—my eyes fixate on the mole at his edge of his neck. Even I can tell that he's painfully conflicted. Slowly, he turns back toward me, his face eerily emotionless.
"No, I don't. I'm sorry," he speaks without a hint of feeling.
At those simple words, I begin to suffocate. The world is shaking, and my body seems to be separated… from my soul. It's the same as the day that Sensei said I'm his daytime shooting star. The same feeling, and yet… suddenly, I feel unbearably dizzy. I can't stay on my feet. Before I know it, I'm falling and the world turns to darkness.
"Chun-Chun!" I yell, my stoic face bursting into emotion as the girl I love begins to lose her balance. I dive toward her as she falls, catching her small body in my arms. Her face glows red, obviously feverish. Idiot, I never would have lied if I knew you were sick.
I hold her close against my chest as I brace my legs, standing up with her in my arms. "I love you, Chun-Chun. You know that," I can't help but whisper to the flushed Suzume. Carefully, I carry her out of the data room, sliding the door shut behind me. Before I can turn toward the infirmary, I find myself face to face with Yuyuka and Mamura.
I see his eyes fall on Chun-Chun, noticing her feverish glow and dried tears. His usually even face twists painfully as he turns his gaze toward me. "What the hell did you do to her?" he whispers through clenched teeth, barely holding back his anger. Even Yuyuka looks at me with scorn. In the end, I deserve their anger.
"She fainted while we were sorting the data room," I say, hints of emotion seeping into my voice. "I'll take her to the infirmary—the bell is about to ring, so you two get to class." Yuyuka nods and starts walking away, but Mamura holds his ground. "She was obviously crying, you bastard," he breathes, teeth still clenched.
"Don't talk to your Sensei that way," I say quietly, my gaze hard against his youthful eyes. Each of her tears broke my heart, more than you could even understand.
Like I did once before, he grabs my tie and pulls me toward him. "Maybe I'd treat you like a Sensei if you didn't break your student's heart," his voice cracks. "I'll kill you if she isn't smiling when she wakes up." With that, he turns away, catching up to Yuyuka as they head toward their classroom.
I think I'd kill myself anyway if I saw her cry again, I can't help but think.
Adjusting the fragile girl in my arms and brushing away a lock of hair from her shut eyes, I carry her toward the infirmary. I lay her down in a bed, covering her feverish body, and call for the nurse, who's out on her lunch break. Wetting a towel in cold water, I wipe away the remains of her tears and place it on her forehead. As I wait on the edge of the bed for her fever to cool down, I look down at her and clasp her limp hand in mine.
"I love you more than anything in this world, Suzume," I say as my thumb caresses her soft skin. Her first name is beautiful—just as I hate the way my name sounds from my lips, I love the way her name falls from mine. I can't lie to her, ever again. I can't see her cry. When she wakes up till the day she dies, all she'll hear from me is the truth. Damn the consequences. Damn Yukichi. Damn my job.
Sighing, I get up and pull my phone from my pocket. I know what I have to do. Dialing Yukichi's number, I turn away from Chun-Chun and run my hand through my hair.
My eyes creak open, expecting to see Sensei's emotionless face yet again. No, I don't. I'm sorry. Those words echo endlessly in my mind. However, I'm not in the data room anymore. The ceiling lights of the infirmary slowly come into focus.
My head feels hot—it's difficult to turn my gaze. But at the edge of my bed, I unmistakably make out Sensei's figure. He's turned away from me, and he's on the phone.
"Yukichi, I'm sorry. Chun-Chun… fainted. I… did what you said. I tried to let her down easy," he starts. His hand is fisted in his hair and his voice cracks. I can tell whatever he's saying is hard for him. "Yes, she's here in the infirmary. It looks like she has a fever—the nurse is on her way. Come by whenever you get a chance."
Now, he stands up, his hand still nestled in his hair. "Yukichi… don't hang up yet. I have to tell you something," he breathes, his voice growing quiet. "I… can't lie to you anymore. I can't lie to her. I… love Suzume, more than anything. Like you said, if I want to be her boyfriend, I have to be able to protect her. I'll do anything to make that happen—I won't let her cry ever again."
A blush begins to fill my face as the meaning of his words dawns upon me. Sensei… loves me? And he's telling that to Uncle?
I think back to all the times I've spent with Sensei. The first time I met him, the day he caught fireflies, the bowling alley, the aquarium, the school festival, his birthday, Christmas, the inn at New Year's—and everything between. Each memory is fresh and clear in my mind—I live with them, every moment. I remember the different faces he's shown me, from his emotionless "teacher smile" to the blush that often taints the edge of his eyes, every expression that either made my heart sink or flutter. What kind of face is he making right now? I wonder as I watch the mole on his neck.
I wait with bated breath for Yuki-chan's reply. I can't hide anymore.
Finally, I hear his voice come through the static of my cellphone. "I'm going to have a long chat with the two of you when Suzume's feeling better. At the very least, I appreciate your commitment. I'll be heading there in about an hour when the shop slows down." With that, the phone clicks. I can't help the sigh of relief that escapes my lips. At least there's a chance.
I turn back to Chun-Chun, a small burden off my chest. My green eyes meet her blue, along with the heavy blush that taints her cheeks. She's been awake this whole time. I can't help but think of that day in this very room, when I first heard her whisper her love for me. Back then, it was unspeakably taboo, but her words nonetheless left my heart flustered. Many female students had confessed their love to me up until then, but none had even a fraction of the effect as Chun-Chun did. Our roles switched now, I give her a slight smile as I sit on the edge of her bed.
"How much of that did you hear?" I ask, a slight blush filling the edges of my eyes.
"…All of it, I think," she whispers, her flushed face in shock. I'm so glad she's not crying anymore. "Was that really true, Sensei? You love me?"
I laughed a little, my blush growing. "Of course, Chun-Chun. Isn't it obvious? Everything we've been through together… How could I not love you? I'm sorry for lying earlier… I don't know how, but Yuki-chan found out about our relationship. He told me it was best to end it, and I tried, but… seeing you cry was too much for my heart."
My green eyes pierce into her blue. When I think about it, my love for her really was obvious. Maybe she thought it was any teacher's affection for their student, but that alone could never explain my actions. That day long ago at camp, it took me almost two hours to gather those fireflies to cheer her up. I didn't care, though—I did it happily. And at that time, I didn't even know of Chun-Chun's feelings. Even back then… I must have loved her. I'd have never done that for a normal student.
Earlier today, I said, "More than anything, we should go back to being a normal teacher and student." It's funny—I don't think we've ever been a normal teacher and student. She's always been my Chun-Chun, and she's always been more than my student. And she always will be.
Her face blushes hotly as I switch the towel on her forehead with a fresh cloth. "I… love you, too, Sensei. I'd go anywhere with you, even if we had to run away from Uncle. We could go become mountain people!" I'm not sure exactly what she means by mountain people, but her words are so innocent and sweet. I can't help but laugh as I grab her hand, giving it a tight squeeze.
"Hopefully, it won't come to that, but either way… I love you, Suzume," I smile cheekily as I place a small kiss on her cheek. I see her blush increase tenfold as her first name falls from my lips. I'd better stop before I increase her fever. I notice her lips trembling—she's trying to say something.
"You okay, Chun-Chun? Anything wrong?" I lean close to her. Very faintly, a small sound comes from her mouth. "S-satsuki," she whispers sweetly. At that, my face blushes fiercely. I used to love the way Tsubomi said my name, but this… this is something else. The girly name I always hated, coming from this girl I love more than the world. It's almost too much for me to bear. My face flushed and my mind shut off, I lean towards her, my forearm against the bed and my lips dangerously close to hers. I wonder if she's bothered by the smell of tobacco on my breath. It's not like that time at my house, where I stopped because of the fearful look on her face. Right now, she looks like my daytime shooting star.
Our lips barely touch when the door to the infirmary slides open. Taken aback, I jump off Chun-Chun and awkwardly switch the cloth on her forehead. Thankfully, the partition between the door and the beds hid anything anyone might have seen. The nurse comes in, panting slightly. She'd obviously rushed from her lunch break.
"Sorry, Shishio-sensei! It's been a slow day, so I thought I could grab lunch from a nearby shop," she smiled apologetically. I awkwardly scratched the back of my head—her absence let me clear things up with Yuki-chan and Chun-Chun, so I was grateful more than anything. "No problem at all! I've already contacted her uncle—he'll be coming by when he gets off work. I think her fever is starting to come down now."
The nurse comes in and checks the temperature of the girl I love. Chun-Chun tries to get up. "I feel… fine," she says, her silky hair splayed against the pillow and a blush tainting her cheeks. That's… probably not because of the fever, I can't help but think cheekily.
"Ah, you need to rest, Suzume-chan," the nurse says, gently letting her back down. "You can head back to your work, Shishio-sensei. I can handle it from here," the woman turns to me, a slight smile on her lips.
"Ah… yes. I'll leave it to you then." Chun-Chun's blue eyes look into mine, and I give her a little wink. "I'll see you later, Yosano. Feel better." She smiles as brightly as she can—I feel happy that, at least, I fulfilled Mamura's wish. I'll kill you if she's not smiling when she wakes up.
As I leave the infirmary and gently slide the door closed, Chun-Chun's gentle "S-satsuki" echoes within my mind. I'll never forget that, for the rest of my life. It's going to be hard, but I'll protect her smile—no matter what I have to do. In my life, I've always been fickle in my affection. Even when Tsubomi left, I never tried to get her back. I never tried to tell her my true feelings. I never frantically drove to the airport or called her work contacts for more information. I thought it was a pain. I thought the outcome would end up the same, anyway.
But, with Chun-Chun… even though our love is forbidden, I'll still do anything to make her dreams come true, even if I had to quit my job. It's always been that way with Chun-Chun. I never think before I act. All the times I held her, flirted with her, spent time with her—I simply expressed what I was feeling in my heart. The consequences didn't matter, not once. I'll keep staying truthful to her, and most of all, to myself. Love seeks out the truth.
A/N: I just finished binge-reading Hirunaka no Ryuusei, and as a hardcore Shishio fan, I couldn't help but write this little plot-bunny that's been floating around in my mind. Shizume should have happened, no questions about it - such a unique relationship. But, well, I guess I can have Satsuki to myself now since Suzume gave him up. ;) Her loss, lmao. This is a one-shot for now, but if I feel like writing more, I might come back to it. Please read, favorite & review! :)