Dean holds a sleeping Cas in his arms. This is his last night on earth, and he's glad he was able to spend it with the only other person he had come to trust as much as Sam. He runs his hands down the skin of Cas' back and marvels at how responsive the other man is to him, even in his sleep as he shivers everywhere that Dean's hands touch. He doesn't want to lose this. He's going to say yes to Michael tomorrow, and he only just realized how much he loves Cas. Cas is probably going to hate him, but he can't let the angels hurt the two people that mean the world to him. He still remembers the day that the writer had found them nearly a year ago.
Sam sits across from Dean in the booth of a diner that's about a day's drive away from Bobby's place. They'd been holed up there ever since their botched attempt at ganking Lilith had somehow ended without a hell hound-or Lilith for that matter-ripping Dean to shreds. Sam had been paranoid, worrying that the hound would come back, but here they sat, just like old times, with bacon cheeseburgers and shakes on the table in front of them.
"Dean, are you sure we waited this thing out long enough? I mean it's great that you're still here, beyond great actually, but I don't want to risk it."
"Sam, if the hell hound was coming for me, do you really think I'd be safe at Bobby's?" Sam pulls a bitch face, and opens his mouth to respond only to be cut off by Dean. "I know we have the special hoodoo dust, but we've seen this before, Sammy, that never lasts for long. The way I see it, is that we live it up. If hell realizes it's one Dean Winchester short, then they'll come. If not, then they won't, but I'm not going to sit up at Bobby's with my head up my ass, scared that some damn hell hound is coming for me."
"If you're really sure about this, I'll lay off, but you're my brother, Dean, I'm scared for you." There is a tense silence as the brothers eat. The silence is broken by the shrill ringing of the cellphone in Dean's pocket.
"Hey Bobby," Dean answers. "Whatcha got for us?"
"You know a guy named Castiel Novak?" Bobby's gruff voice says through the speaker of the cheap cellphone.
"Doesn't ring a bell. Why? He have a job for us?"
"No, even weirder. The guy just left, but get this. He was askin' me all these questions about you two idjits. He started off like we do when dress up like feds, you know, real normal questions that have a deeper meaning than they seem to. Then he came in-straight through the devil's trap-and saw some of the books on the shelves and started asking the real questions. Thing is, the guy's not even a hunter. He said a woman named Missouri sent him lookin' for you two. That name mean anything to you?" Dean looks sharply at Sam as soon as he hears the name.
"Yeah, it does. Did you send him our way?"
"After he saw all the books, I couldn't exactly say that I didn't know what the hell he was talkin' about, but I did tell him to go to the motel a town over from where you boys are at. Try to scope him out. Tie him to a dang chair if you need to, but he knew a lot about the two of you and I think you boys need answers."
"Thanks, Bobby." Dean says as he hangs up. "Finish up, Sammy, apparently some guy is looking for us. Bobby thinks we need to find him first." Dean flags the waitress down so he can order a slice of blackberry pie to go.
*****
Dean knows the minute that this Castiel guy pulls up. They'd purposely parked the Impala in a slot that was easily seen from the road. The guy had circled the lot in what Dean guess was meant to be stealthy, but was actually pretty obvious when the guy's car slowed as it passed the Impala.
"You got the duct tape ready, Sammy?" When Dean looks over his shoulder, he sees Sam finishing a devil's trap with spray paint.
"Yeah, but I'm pretty sure this devil's trap will be useless, Dean. If it was a demon, it would've hurt Bobby instead of asking questions if it really wanted information about us." Dean knew his little brother was probably right, but he didn't want to risk it. Dean nods and turns back to the window, and watches the guy step out of his car.
The first thing Dean notices about the guy is that the guy looks nervous, a nervousness that has the guy twitching so much even Dean can see it. 'Maybe he's not dangerous after all,' Dean thinks to himself. He watches the guy walk into the main office of the motel. A few minutes later, the guy walks out and begins the trek up the stairs to Dean and Sam's room. He motions to Sam to tell him that the guy is coming up the stairs. There is a knock on the door, but Dean doesn't answer it, instead he braces himself to grab the guy when he comes in. There is the sound of a lock turning, and as the door pushes open, Dean lunges for him.
Dean is surprised at how easy it is to grab the man and drag him inside. Dean can feel the man's muscles as he pins him to the ground, so he knows that the guy could've easily put up a good fight. Instead the man stays still as his wrists and ankles are bound and he is dragged into the devil's trap. As Dean looks down at the man at their mercy on the ground he can't help but think that he has the most beautiful blue eyes he's ever seen. "I'm guessing you're Castiel?"
"That is correct. You must be Dean." The guys voice-Castiel's voice- is purely gravel. It's definitely deeper than what Dean expected.
"That can't actually be your name. You must've got your ass kicked a lot." Dean says this to get a reaction, but the guy only laughs.
"It's my parents' fault. They are unconventional to say the least." Castiel is still smiling, but it doesn't seem as genuine.
"So what do you want with us?" Sam chimes in, realizing that Dean was getting off track.
"I met Missouri Mosley about two years ago. She said that she could read energies, and then she proceeded to tell me about you guys and the life you lead because apparently our destinies are intertwined " Castiel sounds wistful, like he's gone back to another time. "She literally opened my eyes to this world in one week. I know how to kill more things than I really know what to do with. The thing that scared me is that she only gave me the crash course."
"I'm still lost as to what exactly we have to do with this." Dean says, still unnerved by this strange man. He keeps staring at Dean like a blind man seeing the sun and it's kind of creepy. Not because it's uncomfortable, but because Dean actually likes it. "A picture lasts longer."
A pink tint covers the man's cheeks."I apologize i've just heard so much about you. It's strange but I feel like I know you."
Dean almost laughs aloud as he remembers the first few weeks that Cas was with him and Sam. He and Cas never stopped arguing whether it was about Cas riding in the backseat or what flavor of pie they were having for dessert. He can feel the sexual tension from the memory alone.
Eventually Dean just started expecting the weird guy with the beautiful eyes to cover his back. They know that their story is pretty typical. Boy meets boy, boy hates boy, boy helps other boy fight off angels, boy falls in love. When Sam and Dean learned about how Cas gave up his family to become a writer they welcomed him with open arms.
Dean became good at hiding his feelings. He remembers that much. Always making sure he didn't touch the other man more than was necessary. Staring more than should've been comfortable became less frequent. And at all costs, he never looked in those mesmerizing blue eyes for too long.
So naturally Sam found out. That was an uncomfortable speech filled with "I'm ok with it" and "Be who you are" and "You never know until you try". Turns out his worrying was all for nothing considering Castiel had been in love with him the whole time.
"Uh, hey, um, Cas can I talk to you for a sec?" Dean looks everywhere except at Cas whose eyes are burning holes in the side of his face.
"Of course, Dean, I'd been meaning to talk to you for a while now." He hears the other man walking behind him as he walks out of Cas' motel room and towards the Impala. He takes a seat on the hood and, after a second of hesitation, Cas joins him. They sit in an awkward silence until Cas breaks it. "It was not my intention to make you feel uncomfortable."
"What are you talkin' about, man?" Dean asks. If he was nervous to tell Cas before, he's terrified now. What if he knows? What if he's saying that because he's uncomfortable with Dean's feelings?
"Look-" they say simultaneously.
"Damnit, Castiel, will you let me say what I came out here to say? Please, i just need to get it off my chest." The other man nods. Dean takes a breath and it all comes rushing out. "I have feelings for you. Not friendly, not brotherly. Romantic feelings. For about 8 months now. I thought that suppressing what i felt was just easier for everyone, but it's not. Well it used to be, but that was before. Do you know what changed, Cas? I fell in love with you. Some guy who stalked me and my brother around the country, the guy who appeared out of nowhere, but he's still the man i fell in love with. You're the man I fell in love with."
Cas doesn't say anything. He just stares at Dean for a while until all of Dean's hope is gone. He looks at the ground as "It's okay if you don't feel the sam-" his words are cut off by the press of lips, hot and desperate against his. He doesn't even think before he responds just as desperately.
Eventually they come up for air. Cas leans his forehead on Dean's. "I've wanted to do that since before I even met you."
"You really should've told me that a lot sooner."
As Dean strokes his hand across Cas' arm, he remembers their first night together. They'd made love like there was nothing else in the world, nothing more important than each other and that moment. That was only 3 months ago. Dean pulls Cas' naked body flush against his own before releasing him and going to get dressed.
When Dean is showered and dressed, he stands and watches Cas sleep. "I'm doing this for you and Sammy. I just hope you can forgive me."
As the sky outside begins to lighten, Dean gathers all of his things together so all Cas has to do is throw them in the back of the Impala when he wakes up. He sits down and he writes the letter that he wishes he didnt have to.
When he's done he folds it and leaves it on the table next to Cas' laptop. He wipes the tears from his eyes as he lies next to Cas for what could be the last time. Cas stirs until he wakes up slightly.
"Hey, babe." Dean says softly. The other man smiles.
"Why are you dressed?" Dean caresses his face.
"Just have to go do something real quick. I'll be back."
"Okay." Dean grabs Cas' face before he can fall fully asleep and kisses him senseless. He kisses him until he can forget what he's about to do. It's even more desperate than their first kiss. Soon enough he pulls back for breath.
"Go back to sleep." Dean tries to keep thee sadness out of his voice. He hopes his smile doesn't look as fake as it feels.
"See you when you get back." Cas closes his eyes and eventually his grasp on Dean loosens and his breathing evens back out. Dean forces himself out of bed and walks to the door. He looks at Cas one more time before walking out the door.
Castiel wakes up 3 hours later, and Dean's still not back. He wishes he would've asked where he was going, but he was too exhausted. 'He probably went to go kill a few demons before breakfast.' Cas thinks bemusedly. He pulls on some boxers when he sees a piece of paper folded up with his name on it.
"We're leaving each other love notes now?" Cas asks himself out loud as he picks up the piece of paper with a smile.
Hey Cas,
I know you're probably wondering where I am. I need you to try and not be too angry. Please don't be too sad either. I went to Michael, and I said yes. He promised to keep you and Bobby safe, and he is making sure that Sam won't be involved. He's not going to get the chance to say yes to Lucifer and that's an opportunity I have to take.
I love you so much, Castiel. I'm not sorry that I did it, but i am sorry that it's going to hurt you. You know I don't do the chick flick moments, but I've always made an exception for you. This past year that I've known you has been the best of my life. I wouldn't trade that year for the world, and I hope you can say the same.
I'll never forget you, and I will try my hardest to come back to you. I'll understand if you don't wait for me, but I no matter how selfish it is, I can't help but ask you to do it anyways. I'm doing this for the people I care about so I hope you can understand that.
I'll Love You Forever,
Dean
Castiel collapses on the floor holding the last words that Dean will probably ever say to him in his hand. He cries clutching the letter tightly in his hand.
Two Years Later
Cas doesn't get company. He moved to the middle of nowhere when Michael started his crusade to cleanse the earth of Lucifer and his demons. Occasionally Sam or Bobby will come to check on him, but they came by a couple of weeks ago. Cas grabs Dean's shotgun, and walks silently to the door. He looks through the peephole and freezes.
Standing on the other side of the door is Dean. He knows it's not Michael because Michael never looked unsure like the man on the side of his door did. Cas takes a minute to calm himself. He keeps his hand on the safety, just in case this man is not someone completely different. He swings the door open, and the other man jumps.
They stare at each other without moving or saying a word. Then Dean visibly steels himself before saying, "Michael let me have my body back."
"I can see that." Cas says with more confidence than he feels.
"Sammy said you go by Cas now instead of mainly Castiel." He says with a small smile.
"That's what you used to call me. I grew to miss it." Dean's smile falls, and he takes a hesitant step forward.
"Cas, I-" Cas drops the gun and throws his arms around Dean.
"Don't you ever do that to me again." Cas growls into Dean's neck. Dean turns his head and presses his mouth to Cas'.
"Never. I love you." Dean says when they pull away. "I'll always love you."