I've always wondered what Tara's past might have been like before meeting Willow. So, I posted a small something on what I believe happened. Reviews and critiques are always welcomed!
With the Maclay's unexpected arrival only a month before, Tara felt…better. Happier. She had left with such fear and anxiety, the past hanging so heavily over her head, she felt as if she'd never actually left. But now, she had friends and someone who loved her dearly, and she loved her just as much. However, Willow would still sometimes look to her with concern and curiosity, asking only a few times what the Wiccan's past had been before Sunnydale.
It was the final hoop the blonde needed to jump through, the last shred of old skin to shed before she could become herself. She could stop stuttering, stop ducking her head at every turn…she could smile whenever her and Willow held hands in public, maybe even hug her from behind! That thought brought a smile to her lips, one that left her feeling warm and fuzzy.
If she could just tell Willow…she'd been thinking about this for weeks now. She didn't want Willow to worry, but she knew the longer she didn't talk about it, the more the redhead's imagination would fly, and she knew that she was worrying her already by not talking about it. Besides, the Witch had been kind enough to dish out her life story, claiming that every last detail was spread out on the table. It's not that she couldn't trust her…hell, she was the only one Tara could entirely trust. She just…wasn't sure how to go about telling her.
She'd never told anyone before…not that people had much cared in the past to know her name let alone her past, and over the months this irrational thought occurred to her that if Willow knew everything…she'd want to end the relationship for whatever reason. The Scooby Gang had seen her family and stood up for her, Willow included…how much more perfect could she be? She couldn't ask for a better girlfriend.
Getting ready for bed rather early that night, Tara hopped up onto her side of the bed she and Willow shared, fidgeting with the covers as soon as she settled in.
The other woman had finished brushing her hair and noticed the other's nervous habit.
"Something on your mind?" She asked with a tilt of her head.
Whatever thoughts were on Tara's mind faded as soon as she saw the redhead's expression. Was it possible to have a heart melt and swell at the same time?
"U-um…yeah. Kind of." Looking up to see a mixture of confusion, panic, and worry set in those gorgeous green hues, Tara stumbled on her next words in a frenzy.
"I-it's nothing bad! I was just…thinking…" Her sentence trailing off, she patted the available spot next to her, Willow plopping down a moment later with a soft 'swoosh' of the bedding.
Willow instinctively took Tara's hands in hers, and the other responded thankfully by relaxing the nervous twitch of fingers, her digits trailing across Willow's pale palm.
"I just…thought now would be a good time…to tell you…about my past." She half-heartedly wanted to call it her past life, since it seemed that far away now.
Willow's eyes lit up with excitement and wonder, but she forced her mind to slow down. Ever since the Maclay's came to Sunnydale, she knew Tara's past wasn't the happiest of all time. Something felt off, especially with Donny…he just had this odd vibe about him, and Tara seemed to start shaking every time he looked at her.
"W-well…I was born and raised as a Wiccan, thanks to my mother…She taught me everything she knew. Funnily enough…most of it didn't even have to do with spells…a lot of it was history, rituals, different plants and herbs that could be used…but we had to do it all in secret."
Taking a deep breath, she kept the serene image of her mother in her mind to calm herself.
"Daddy's side of the family…didn't agree with mama's practice. He forced her to stop, but she still continued to pray and guide me.
"There were a few times when Donny almost caught us; he was such a snitch. We…Mama and my grandmother, would attempt to bless the house. It's a little hard to do without sage, since it leaves such a strong odor. Mama hoped that if we were able to bring about a little bit of positivity in the house…"
Here, the blonde paused again, looking at Willow to see her reaction. She smiled as she saw Willow staring with such an inquisitive expression.
"We would bless the house in hopes…that the men could feel happier…calmer…but…none of that happened. Daddy actually became more…violent. We couldn't wear oils or perfume unless they were around, and we even couldn't leave the house after some time.
"Mama would say that life wasn't so bad…but I…" Her voice trailed off, voice becoming caught in her throat. "…I could hear her cry at night…cry whenever Daddy 'straightened her out', as he called it…" Withdrawing her hands from Willow's comfort, she wrapped her arms around herself, rubbing her arms as a chill ran up her spine.
"She always had this…this light in her eyes…" Her voice became softer, eyes glued to the space between them, and her brows furrowed as the memories resurfaced. "And that light always made me smile…you would have loved her…" A small, sad smile twitched for only a few moments. "But as the years went by…that light dimmed…she started to not light candles…she wouldn't pray…she wouldn't attempt to stand up for herself against Daddy…she let Donny…have the run of the house whenever Daddy wasn't there…whatever say I had…that was gone.
"Daddy's side of the family was extremely religious…and for a while there, we didn't have to go to church…at least not the women. But…Mama caved in, and we had to go. Every time we went…she would smile, she would even sing! But she wasn't there…I would try talking with her, try to celebrate the Equinox, but she just shook her head and smiled…it was a smile that meant she was gone…Daddy…Daddy broke her. She hung on for all those years…she was so strong…but she couldn't…couldn't take it anymore…"
Tears started to form, but she blinked them back, steeling herself. "She started becoming physically ill…so much so, she became bedridden…Daddy and Donny didn't care much…said we didn't have the money to take her to a hospital…so I took care of her as best I could. She struggled for two more months…I saw the final fire in her eyes burn out…I saw her take her last breath…I told her I loved her, and she gripped my hand as tight as she could…she passed with a smile…I think…it was of peace. She was finally at peace…"
Tears streamed down her cheeks now, but she didn't notice.
"I told Daddy…he had some paramedics wheel her off…the funeral was a week later…it wasn't anything special…he didn't cry, didn't say anything…Donny acted as if nothing had happened. The last three years are a blur, but I do know that coming to Sunnydale was the best thing that's ever happened…"
The room fell into silence, Tara letting her arms fall back into her lap. She didn't dare look up at Willow now, afraid that she would laugh at her…or something like that.
Willow really had no idea what to say for several minutes, letting all of the information slowly settle. She had…no idea. The Witch had come up with several ideas of what Tara's life might have been like…but nothing that sad.
Struggling with being able to come up with the right words to say, she simply scooted closer, slowly wrapping her arms around her girl. The blonde's body froze for a few moments, confused by the action, but quickly relaxed, her frame molding seamlessly into the other's body. There they sat, Willow holding Tara, and Tara turned her face to bury into Willow's shoulder, letting the sobs rack her shoulders and chest. Sobs that had been held back for years, ever since her mother's death, ever since her old life threatened to crush her and make her nothing more than a slave.
They sat like this for what felt like hours, the simple action of being held the best course of action for the blonde.
Finally, Tara pulled back, but made sure to keep a firm grip on Willow's hand, entwining their fingers together. With the back of her hand, she wiped away the remaining tears, laughing away the last of the sadness. "I didn't mean for that to be so…dramatic."
"Dramatic?" Willow's voice was soft, gentle. "You told me something you've never told anyone else, and it's a part of you. I'll keep it just as close to my heart as the rest of you. It explains…well, everything about you." Smiling, she kissed the blonde's cheek.
"Thank you…for letting me tell it." Willow hadn't stopped her at any point in the story, and she didn't ask questions. She simply…accepted it. Just like the rest of her. Accepted.
"Time for bed?" Willow asked softly as she saw Tara's lids droop just a little. Nodding with a contented sigh, Willow let Tara lay down fully, moving the covers up to the blonde's shoulder, making sure she was good and comfy before settling down herself.
"I love you." The redhead said gently, and another wave of tears threatened to appear. These were different tears, though. Tara knew where she belonged, knew where home was…and that was with Willow. No matter what might happen…as long as she had Willow, that's all that mattered.
"I love you too."