This is a one-shot prequel for my story 'Lights Will Guide You Home'. It can be read separately, but it's recommended that you read 'Lights Will Guide You Home' first as it gives a little context as to what this is about. If you're coming from that story, then I hope you enjoy this little glimpse into the past and Beca's journey to recovery.
"You push away anyone who can possibly care about you. Why is that?" Jesse was hurt, Beca could see that. But she couldn't tell him.
"I don't know" She lied through her teeth. She did know. Jesse closed the door on her. As she walked back to her dorm, she broke down.
She was fiddling with her key "For fucks sake work!" she screamed through tears.
"Beca?!" the brunette turned to see Chloe standing behind her with a worried expression.
"I'm fine, just that time of the month you know!" Beca tried to laugh it off, but it came out as more tears. She slid down the wall, bawling. Chloe pulled her into her arms and whispered comforting things to the girl until she had calmed down a bit.
"You wanna tell me what's wrong?" Beca didn't want to, but as she led Chloe into her room, grateful that Kimmy Jin was out, the whole story poured out of her. Chloe listened to every word, and held Beca close.
"Jack! Please calm down!" 17-year-old Beca was extremely scared of the way her boyfriend was looking at her.
"You're gay?!"
"Not gay! Bisexual." Beca tried to calmly explain.
"Like there's a difference. Your such an ungrateful worthless bitch Beca. No one's ever going to love you."
"I-I thought you loved me!" Beca was crying now. Jack let out a laugh, a sarcastic chuckle of disbelief.
"You're delusional!" Beca fell backwards as Jack swung his fist into her face. She was in too much shock to realise what Jack was doing before it was too late. She was already topless.
"Jack! Jack stop it!" Beca squirmed, but she was so small compared to him.
"NO! YOU'RE NOT GAY AND I'M GONNA SHOW YOU THAT YOU'RE NOT" Beca screamed, but there was no one around to hear her.
Jack forced himself into Beca. He violated every inch of her until he seemed satisfied. Once he left, Beca hastily pulled on her clothes and went to the bathroom. She punched the mirror, horrified at who she was, and what had been done to her. Blood ran down her wrist, she liked it.
"I won't let anything like that ever happen to you again Becs."
"You can't promise that Chloe. I'm a complete mess because of what he did to me. I mean how fucked up do you have to be to love slicing open your own skin?!" Beca's tone turned hostile, she was doing it again, pushing Chloe away. Chloe held Beca's face in her hands, the brunette's eyes showing so much pain and vulnerability which contrasted the tough façade.
"Beca, listen to me okay? What Jack did was terrible. You didn't deserve it, but it happened and your way of dealing with the panic attacks and flashbacks is cutting. That doesn't make you 'fucked up', that makes you human. I can't promise that something like that won't happen again, no, But I can promise that I'll be with you throughout your recovery and I can promise I'll try to protect you as best as I can." The red-head smiled at the brunette sadly, trying desperately to get her to see that there are people in the world who care about her.
Beca couldn't speak for a minute, her tears flowed freely from her dark blue eyes. Her stomach fluttered, her heart was beating fast. This wasn't a panic attack, no, this was love.
"T-thanks Chloe. I-I'm sorry I p-pushed you away. It's kind of my speciality." Beca let out a watery laugh. Chloe pulled the brunette close and rubbed her back. Beca was uncomfortable, yet enjoying every minute of it.
It was a few days later, and the Bella's were getting ready for a performance. The dance was intense, and Aubrey was being especially bossy today. Beca had had no sleep due to nightmares the night before, and was in no mood to deal with the drill sergeant. She was growing tired, her dance moves becoming sloppy and her voice not as sharp as it could be.
"Beca! What the hell?! You're doing everything wrong! Ugh! This is an aca-disaster." Aubrey stops for a moment as she swallows down the anxiety-caused vomit.
"I'm sorry Aubrey, I didn't sleep much last night." Beca says looking down.
"Oh, poor you. This is college Beca! No one sleeps much! Suck it up and get your head it the damn game!" Beca nods, in no mood to come up with a witty comeback.
"Aca-awkward." Fat Amy's voice comes from the background.
Aubrey's yelling made Beca's heart thump. Oh, please, not here, not now.
She tries to continue rehearsing, but she couldn't breathe. Aubrey starts yelling in frustration.
"Stop Aubrey, she's having a panic attack!" Chloe rushes over to the brunette and moves her to one of the seats in the auditorium.
"Amy, Stace, someone, can you get me a glass of water or something?!" Chloe calls out. She kneels in front of Beca.
"Hey Becs, it's Chloe. You need to breathe hun, in through your nose and out through your mouth." Beca was spluttering and shaking. Her eyes completely glazed over, fear evident in them.
"No! Stop! Please I can't change it!" Beca starts yelling over and over again. Some of her words incoherent. The rest of the Bellas move away on Chloe's request to stop crowding the girl. Stacie quickly sets the glass of water down.
Chloe moves so she can hold Beca's face, she strokes the tear stains.
"Beca, It's Chloe. You're at Barden University, at Bella's rehearsal. You aren't with him, no one's going to hurt you." Beca stops thrashing, and slowly seems to return to reality, her breathing still ragged. Chloe plays with Beca's hair, and hands her the glass of water, which Beca sips gratefully.
She notices the Bella all standing around her, some looking shocked, others confused. Aubrey's face was full of guilt. Beca tried to apologise, but Chloe stopped her, explaining her that she can't help it.
"I'm sorry Beca. I didn't mean to upset you. I was just stressed." Aubrey slowly approaches the girl.
"It's okay Aubrey." Beca says through tears.
"You okay Shawshank? You had us all pretty scared, it was worse than that time I had to wrestle 3 crocs away from a baby." Amy asked, a couple of the girls nodding in agreement. Beca nods, unable to talk again.
"Bree? Would it be okay if I take Beca back to her dorm?" Chloe asks, keeping her arms around the tiny brunette who was still slightly shaking.
"Uh, yeah. Yeah that's cool. Maybe we'll just call it a day." They all disperse slowly, going their separate ways.
Chloe helps Beca stand up and leads her back to her dorm room. Beca was silent, she sat on her bed thinking how embarrassed she was that she just broke down in front of the Bellas.
"Chlo, you don't have to stay." Beca said, she desperately needed her to though.
"I want to Becs. I don't want you to be alone right now." Chloe sits next to Beca, and pulls the girl closer to her. Beca wants to move away, but something inside her doesn't let her.
"Beca, please let me help you? I don't want you to deal with this by yourself anymore. You've got all the other Bellas as well." Chloe says, stroking the soft brown hair.
"Yeah, right. Aubrey hates me and the rest of them probably think I'm a freak after today."
"Beca, check your phone." Beca pulls away confused, but unlocks her phone.
I hope you're okay shorty, here if you need me to tackle anyone or anything. – Fat Amy
Here for anything you need Beca, you're stronger than this. – Stacie
Hope you're all good Beca, I'm here for anything you need. – Cynthia Rose
Feel better Beca! – Jessica
Beca feels tears burning in her eyes. She's barely known these girls for more than a few months. She scrolls to the end of the notifications,
Beca, I'm so sorry for what I said and how I acted. You must be going through something pretty tough and I should've been more tactful in how I spoke to you. I'm here for anything you need, us Bellas are family. – Aubrey
Tears slip out of the blue eyes. Chloe rubs her arm.
"See? We all care, so so much. Please let us in. Let us help you Beca."
"Okay, I'll try." Beca says, and this time she means it.