Disclaimer: I do not own anything that you recognize. I do own the Idea for this satire though.
"Good evening, Tampa! This is Mo Flochart with your latest news report, and it is appalling!" anchorman Mo Flochart said.
"That's right Mo. I'm Annabeth Chase, let's get down to it. Our first story is of a shocking and grisly murder of the well loved book Eragon. For coverage on the scene we go to Murtagh Morzansson." She said.
"It's bad Annabeth. The police have confirmed that the victim is indeed the beloved book Eragon." Murtagh said.
"Do they have any suspect in the case? Or any evidence at all that they can say?" Mo asked.
"They won't tell us the details of the crime but they have told us the name of the prime suspect. They believe that the killer is the same guy that has killed so many other books by turning them into movies!" Murtagh stated.
"No! You don't mean that they think it's the big time movie producers in Hollywood that just want to use the main concept of a book and turn it into a movie that isn't nearly as good as the books?" Annabeth asked, both shocked and appalled.
"That's exactly who they think it is," Murtagh said gravely. "The police believe that they have become far more sophisticated with their killings. And I quote 'If the big time movie producers in Hollywood are indeed our killers, and we believe they are, then they evolving and getting better, rather than devolving and getting sloppier.' That's all we know right now. I'm Murtagh Morzansson, now back to you Annabeth. Mo." Murtagh said signing off for now.
"Well that was some startling news, Mo. We'll go to a commercial break and get back to some more important news when we get back." Annabeth said.
-Commercial Break with intermission music-
"Welcome back. Now we have the latest on Sports with Clarisse La Rue. Clarisse." Mo said.
"Thanks Mo. It has recently been discovered that, in the movie Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, they changed a small but crucial part of the second part of the Triwizard Tournament. In the movie Harry Potter is given the gillyweed by Neville Longbottom. That contrasts with book which tells us that the house elf, Dobby, gives Harry the gillyweed. The book will be fined for the wrongness of the part. Some people are asking why and the only reason is and I quote 'Because the movie is better than the book, which means we are too. Nyeh, nyeh, nyeh." Clarisse said with a straight face. "There is also reason to believe that the book the Lightning Thief by Rick Riordan is being fined for the same thing. It is said that during the capture the flag game in the movie, Percy Jackson fought Annabeth Chase when in the book he faced rival Clarisse La Rue. That's all for sports, back to you Annabeth, Mo." Clarisse said.
"Thanks Clarisse. How she kept a straight face while saying 'Nyeh, nyeh, nyeh' is beyond me." Mo said.
"It's better than saying 'I fart in your general direction'. Now with us is a former investigator, Dustfinger, with some insight on the various murders of books by turning them into movies. What can you tell us Dustfinger?" Annabeth asked.
"Well I can tell you that the main problem is that books are being made into movies and the whole of the book aren't being put in it! Would you put only half of the ingredients of a cake in the batter? I think not! It's that or they are changing subtle little things that normally wouldn't be noticed. Ah but I have!" Dustfinger said, waving a finger in the air. "The only way to stop this is to keep going with it! They must continue to mess up books when they turn them into movies until you can no longer recognize the original plot from the book!" Dustfinger said dramatically, again waving a finger in the air.
"So you're saying that they should make movies more like Inkheart? Make it like totally like it's going to go by the books, excuse the pun, and then mess up the ending and like screwing up any chance for making a movie for the second book Inkspell?" Annabeth asked, like, super interested. (A/N: I found out that there is a possibility of an Inkspell movie, I did not know that at the time that I wrote this.)
"Yes! It's the perfect solution! Why change what they're already doing? I mean they didn't learn from Eragon when they messed that up, so why not mess up another bestselling book so much that you can't make a movie for the next book in the series. Though somehow they managed to not screw up books like the Narnia books, the Thief Lord by Cornelia Funke, House by Ted Dekker, and of course the Harry Potter series." Dustfinger.
"Well we're out of time. This is Annabeth Chase and Mo Flochart saying good night." Annabeth said.