The Skin on Me is Burning
Disclaimer: Glee belongs to Ryan Murphy. I am not Ryan Murphy; therefore I do not own Glee.
Summary: "Why didn't you save me?" "Save you? Save you? I wasn't aware you needed saving." Blaine walks in and misunderstands, breaking Kurt and their relationship. It's hard to take a break when you're broken.
A/N: This is something that popped into my head while I was writing 'Invisible'. It's kind of dark. Also, this is now part of a trilogy called 'The Alter Bridge Trilogy' since all the one-shots are inspired by a song by that band and the titles are all lyrics from that particular song. The second story is called 'From the Fire He Cries Out' and is currently posted!
Warning: There are mentions of non-con, but nothing graphic. It's really just mentioned.
Blaine opened his mouth in shock when he saw Kurt standing on his doorstep. The boy had driven the entire two hours to Westerville in a rain storm and was now standing there soaked to the bone. "What are you doing here?"
"I have a question for you," Kurt told him in a hoarse voice. His eyes were red making Blaine wonder if the wetness on Kurt's face wasn't just from the pouring rain.
Blaine stiffly motioned for Kurt to step inside the porch, "Get in here before you get pneumonia."
"Like you care," he stepped into the house anyways, shaking his head and letting the water in his hair splatter in droplets against Blaine's face. He looked Blaine in the eyes once he'd closed the door behind him, "I thought you did, but I know better now."
"Stop acting like you're the one who got hurt here," Blaine snapped, shoving a roll of paper towels at Kurt so he could wipe himself off slightly.
"I'm not?" Kurt let out a bitter laugh. Blaine frowned, Kurt never sounded bitter. He shouldn't sound bitter. He should be the one sounding bitter. "That's news to me Anderson."
Despite the anger churning within him and the hurt that was ripping at his chest, Blaine knew he couldn't let the boy stand there in his soaking clothes. "Do you want some dry clothes?"
There was another bitter laugh, "Stop pretending to care about me Blaine."
"You're the one who's been pretending!" Blaine growled in agitation. "I'll get you some damn clothes. Come on, you can change in my room." He stalked away without another word, but could hear Kurt following him down the hall to his bedroom.
He grabbed a t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants from his bottom drawer and tossed them at Kurt, who caught them as they slapped against his wet chest.
He raised an eyebrow as Kurt began stripping without a thought. "I can leave you know."
"Doesn't matter," Kurt muttered, pulling his shirt over his head and rubbing himself with the towel Blaine handed him. "It's not like you haven't seen me shirtless before." He squeezed his eyes shut tightly as if in pain, "and as of noon today you've seen me without pants too."
Blaine let out an angry growl. He didn't want to think about what he'd walked in on, but it was all he could think about. He turned his head away from where Kurt was changing, "What did you want to ask me anyways?"
"Well," Kurt paused as he pulled the sweatpants up over his hips. "I thought you loved me."
"I did, and that's not a question," Blaine growled and sank down onto his bed. "I thought you loved me too."
"I do, that's the problem. Somehow, after what happened today I still love you. I should hate you, but I can't make myself do it," Kurt shook his head with a short sigh.
"I think that's my line," Blaine muttered, watching as Kurt paced in front of the bed at his words, his hands grabbing his hair and pulling. He was surprised to see the other boy looking so at a loss. Kurt always had a comeback. "Whatever you wanted to ask, just ask it then get out, okay?"
"Fine," Kurt stopped his pacing and looked at Blaine, the boy that he assumed was now his ex-boyfriend. Neither of them had verbally broken up with the other, but the knowledge was unspoken.
Blaine stared back at Kurt, noting that Kurt's glasz eyes looked greyer than anything else today. There was none of their usual blue-green shimmer. Instead there was so much hurt, confusion and anger shining in them that he was taken aback slightly. He didn't know what Kurt could be so confused about. He'd caught him cheating; shouldn't he understand why Blaine was pissed off?
"Why didn't you stop him?" Kurt asked, his voice breaking as tears crept into his eyes and started sliding down his face. "Why didn't you say something? You could have called someone, or distracted him. Blaine," there was a soft pause, none of the words really making that much sense to him, "Why didn't you save me?"
"Save you? Save you? I wasn't aware you needed saving." His voice wasn't as angry as he expected it to be. Instead his eyes were wide and his voice was soft. Somewhere deep in his brain he realized what had happened, but he couldn't make himself believe it. "You cheated on me. What the hell are you talking about?"
Kurt backed up into the wall, staring at Blaine, his eyes wider and if possible, even more hurt than before. "Cheated on you? I didn't cheat on you Blaine. Do you really call that cheating?"
"What do you call it?"
"Rape!" Kurt screamed at him, still pressing himself back into the wall. "I call it rape." His body started to shake uncontrollable as tears streamed down his cheeks. "He had me pressed against the wall, about to shove that thing into me- no preparation or anything and you know I felt so relieved when you walked in. I didn't expect it, but I was relieved and then, to my shock, my boyfriend, who claims to love me, just backs out." He shook his head, "At the very least I thought you went for help." He slid against Blaine's bedroom wall until he hit the floor, "but then forty-five minutes later when he was done raping and abusing me, still no one had come and that's when I realized you just walked away. How could you just walk away?"
Blaine was frozen. "I-I didn't know."
Kurt scoffed bitterly, "Did you really think I'd say yes to someone like that, some random ass guy, when I was with someone like you? Really Blaine, really when you already knew I'd been kissed against my will before?"
"I just-" he stopped himself. Kurt was right. He should have known. His limbs unfroze and shakily he got to his feet and stepped over to Kurt, sitting next to him. He wasn't surprised when Kurt shifted away from him. "I'm sorry Kurt. I walked in and I wasn't thinking straight. I saw you with him and assumed the worst."
Kurt shook his head, tears slipping down his cheeks, "Me cheating on you isn't the worst Blaine. What happened is the worst."
Blaine hung his head, knowing Kurt was right. "I assumed the worst in you I mean." He looked over to Kurt, "God Kurt, I'm so sorry."
Suddenly Kurt was throwing himself into his arms and sobbing against his chest. He closed his arms around the other boy, holding him tightly. Between sobs he could hear Kurt asking, "So- so you still love me?"
"God yes," Blaine whispered, clutching Kurt to him even more tightly. "I never stopped, even when I thought-" he stopped himself. He didn't want to think about how stupid he'd been. "Nothing could ever make me stop loving you."
"I should hate you," Kurt whispered, his hands clutching Blaine's shirt.
Honestly Blaine was surprised Kurt didn't hate him. "You should," he agreed in a soft voice, before asking, "You don't?"
"I don't know how to hate you," Kurt admitted in a soft whisper. "I just want you to hold me. I can't hate you, because being here just feels so right." He let out a bitter, wet laugh, "For some stupid reason I feel safe."
Blaine furrowed his eyebrows as he rested his chin on top of Kurt's head, "I don't understand. I-I let that happen and yet you feel safe with me?"
"It doesn't make sense to me either," Kurt told him, forcing back a hiccoughing sob.
"I screwed up so bad," Blaine whispered, holding onto the other boy as if he'd never let go. "I just know whenever you see me you're going to see the boy who let it happen. Kurt I don't think I can handle that. I broke us. I just effing broke us so bad."
Kurt detangled them slightly and looked up at Blaine's face, "You're seriously going to break up with me now, when I need you most?"
"I already screwed up when you needed me most," Blaine reminded him in a miserable tone. "I can't do it again. I can't- every time I see you I'm going to see how badly I screwed up. I love you so much Kurt." He paused softly, "I'm not breaking up with you. I just- I don't know how to deal with this. I can't hurt you again."
"What you want me to break up with you, is that it?" Kurt pushed him away hard, "You're hurting me now, you know. If you were really sorry you'd fix this."
"How?"
"By standing by me!" Kurt shook his head at him, "Then again maybe you're right, I don't think I want to be with someone so weak."
"Kurt I-" he stopped himself, feeling wetness staining his own cheeks. Any anger he'd had had drained out of him the very moment Kurt had told him what really happened. Instead it was replaced with that helpless, broken feeling that seemed to overwhelm him.
Kurt was right. He was weak. Kurt needed him and here he was, trying to get the other boy to break up with him because hecouldn't handle it.
"I'm not breaking up with you," Blaine repeated firmly, before added a slight plea on the end, "and please, please don't break up with me." Kurt's words had forced him into an epiphany. Maybe he was weak and maybe he couldn't handle knowing what he'd done, or rather hadn't done, but he was also too weak to lose Kurt. He couldn't handle losing him too. "You said you'd never say goodbye to me and I'm never going to say goodbye to you either. I- you're right- I can't give up the moment things get rough. I love you Kurt. I'm going to prove that to you."
"No, you're right," Kurt shook his head as he stumbled to his feet, hissing in pain as he did, "This is too broken to be fixed. I need- I need to go."
"Please, Kurt," he was on his knees now, "Let me help you. Please, Kurt. I'm begging you. You said if I loved you I'd be willing to fix this. I want to fix this. Let me at least try."
Kurt didn't look at him, "I'll get Finn to bring your clothes back tomorrow." His eyes flickered up to look at Blaine for a millisecond, "I do still love you Blaine. I just can't do this right now."
Blaine grasped his hand tightly, "Then call it a break. Please, let's just take a break and be friends. I know I don't deserve a second chance, but give me one anyways?"
Kurt looked at him, his eyes blank, "Okay. It's a break. I don't think you can fix this, but you can try." He shrugged his shoulders, "I'm like Humpty Dumpty, no one can put me back together Blaine, and you'll see that soon enough."
Blaine shook his head. He couldn't make himself believe that. He'd go searching for the pieces and carefully put them back together, even if it took him the rest of his life to do it. If he failed - if he got to the last piece and Kurt fell apart again, he'd just start over. He just hoped Kurt would let him.
He wrapped Kurt up in his arms again, refusing to let him go as he opened his mouth and sang, letting out both his heartbreak and the intense injustice that were clawing at his soul.
Fight the fight alone
When the world is full of victims
Dims a fading light
In our souls
Leave the peace alone
How we all are slowly changing
Dims a fading light
In our souls
In my opinion seeing is to know
The things we hold
Are always first to go
And who's to say
We won't end up alone
On broken wings I'm falling
And it won't be long
The skin on me is burning
By the fires of the sun
On skinned knees
I'm bleeding
And it won't be long
I've got to find that meaning
I'll search for so long
Cry ourselves to sleep
We will sleep alone forever
Will you lay me down
In the same place with all I love
Mend the broken homes
Care for them they are our brothers
Save the fading light in our souls
In my opinion seeing is to know
What you give
Will always carry you
And who's to say
We won't survive it too
(Broken Wings - Alterbridge)
"I know I can't change what I did," Blaine whispered to him after he let the last note hang in the air, "but I promise you I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to you. Kurt I promise. Just don't leave me."
Carefully Kurt removed Blaine's arms from him, making the usually dapper boy tear up. "I don't want your pity Blaine. I know I'm broken, but you don't need to fix me. You can't."
"I may not be all the king's horses, or all the king's men, but I love you," Blaine whispered softly, reaching for Kurt's hand. "Shouldn't that be enough?"
"It should be, but it's not."
He swallowed thickly, "It's just a break, right?"
"Yeah," Kurt told him in a quiet voice, his eyes betraying his lie. "It's just a break."
A/N: Please review!