The melody of waves

Without really knowing why, Gareth found himself near the Thames, in the middle of the night, with nobody around... He was all alone, and deeply angry. Hell yes, he was really fucking angry. He's never been that angry in his entire life. That damned goatee dude... He would have been better without him. He would have preferred to never meet him, never talk to him, never see him. Yes, he would have been much better. He would have pursued his goddamn engineering studies at the university, would have stayed in Australia. He would have never seen the rest of the world with him. Never known what it feels to play in front of thousands of people, who were really fans... And he wouldn't have been there, walking near the Thames, in a terrible shape, still drunk like a madman.

Gareth sighed as he rubbed his red and wet eyes. He leaned against a barrier that separated him from the water. He looked at his dark reflection on the water, just below the half-crescent of moon that gleamed on the river. He sighed again as he bent a little over the barrier. He could fall in there now, and nobody would notice until the morning. He had left the party like a rage, and it would surprise him if anyone followed him. Why anyone would have followed him anyway, uh? No one would have followed him, nowhere. He could just stumble over that barrier, and gently slip in the water like he would slip in his bed. Gareth sobbed as he buried his face into his arms, leaning against this barrier.

- Gareth! screamed a voice far away, but not that far. Beside, the young man recognised easily that voice he used to hear singing for so many years. He lifted his head, his heart missing a few beats on the spur of the moment. He could see him, that goatee moron, at the end of the street. He looked out of breath. He looked like he ran. He actually ran. Was he looking for him? Gareth sniffed as he frowned. No, he didn't want him. He didn't want him to catch him.

So, without warning, Gareth started to run away, his boots hitting the pavements.

- Fucking hell, Gareth! the goatee moron shouted. Gareth completely ignored him while he heard that he was running after him. Damn. He knew he wouldn't go far with all that alcohol in his blood... But he didn't know about the other idiot, on the other side. Anyway, he ran, the farther he could, from him.

They must be the only madmen running in the street, at this ungodly hour. Because, Gareth felt like that their breathings and their hurried footsteps were echoing in the whole city. After a time, the bassist began to go out of breath, tired of this chase in the night. He stopped, and caught his breath back, putting his hands on his knees. He heard him arriving behind him, with his hurried and hurrying breathing. The other tried to put a hand on his shoulder, but Gareth refused his hand, repelling him aggressively, and stepping back as he turned to him.

- Don't touch me! he yelled. Rob looked so desperate as he was trying to catch his breath in the same time.

- Gareth, listen... he began, softly.

- No, I won't listen to you... he breathed with hatred, turning away his eyes as he leaned against the barrier. They didn't get away from the river while they were running. Rob watched him with despite, before leaning against the barrier too, just next to him. Gareth moved away from him. Rob sighed as he put his chin against his arms. He heard him sniffing, and trying to hide the best he could his trembling breathing.

- You're really a big fucking cunt. Gareth suddenly spit, his gaze set on the water. Rob saved his smile, to not upset him even more. But well, he had to admit it this time. He was really a big fucking cunt.

- And why the fuck did you follow me, uh? he asked angrily. Rob didn't answer. Gareth didn't insist. The two men stayed leaning against the barrier that separated them from the water, resting in silence. The melody of the waves hitting the rock. The rare cars that were passing far away. Gareth sighing.

This one was hating Rob. Why did he eventually follow him? Didn't he treat him like shit, as he's used to? Gareth didn't want him to catch him, neither he wanted him to follow him. Because he couldn't hate him as much as he wanted if he was being nice to him. And God knew how much he wanted to hate him, to shout at him until he could not speak any more. And he didn't understand him.

- Eh, Gareth, do you remember Perth's beaches? Rob asked suddenly, watching the water passing under the bridge. The bassist looked at him from the corner of his eyes.

- We didn't go to them that often. he mumbled as he looked away again.

- Yeah, but the few times we went, do you remember? Rob insisted. Gareth didn't see what he meant by that. Seeing that the bassist wasn't reacting, Rob kept on.

- I still remember the wind that was breathing in my hair, and the salty smell that was floating around. The air was cold, the water was icy. I loved to go there on the nightfall, you would still come with me, even if it was freezing and that you were often wandering around with just a tee-shirt on. he recalled, with a light smile. Gareth turned to him, sniffing as he looked at him.

- There was nothing but the sky, the ocean, and you. I pulled back my legs against myself, to be less cold, and you, you just came a little bit closer to me, to be less cold too. I liked to watch the waves make tracks in the sand, and listen to the water coming back and forth in the ocean. The melody of the waves, it made my heart pounds when I heard it. I still don't know why, maybe it was because you were here, to listen to it with me. 'cause here, even when I just hear the water slipping in this river, my heart pounds faster, just because you're here with me. he smiled. Gareth sighed as he looked at him. So he remembered that? Gareth lowered his head, leaning toward the water.

It was at that time when they haven't touched to electronic music yet. That time when they were still just playing in metal band, when they did not suspect the less that they were going to elevate the live experience of all electronic bands, in the years to come. They were still teenagers, and didn't even graduate.

At nightfall, when there was nobody any more on the beach, a young man arrived, his black shoes in hands, to not let sands in them. He let his toes sink in the cooled sand after this heavy day, and walked the closest to the ocean, where the water could almost touch him. And he just merely sat down. Staying there until we couldn't see anything, in the darkness. And sometimes, an other young man came down, having followed him all the way to the beach. It was Gareth who'd just tracked Rob. Gareth remembered, he liked to follow him without seeming it, and pop up next to him without seeming it when he stopped, or when he wanted to. And so often, they found themselves on the beach, in the middle of the night. And fuck it was cold.

Gareth arrived, shivering and shaking from all his body, without even daring to take his shoes off when walking in the sand, being way to cold. He hurried himself to go toward the dark spot sitting in front of the ocean, to huddle against him. Beside, he never said anything when he did that. He just let him do as he liked, letting him benefit his body warmth. How he liked to be huddled against him, listen to him breathing, feeling his chest rising up gently, slowly and peacefully, smelling quietly his natural body odour that made his eyelids heavier each time he'd inhale a deep breath of it. And sometimes, he breathed his yawns from where he was, when he was tired, and he let himself slide to heaven when he deigned to put his arm around his shoulders.

Gareth dreamed of it every time he followed him, and sat by his side, on the cold sands.

- Can you hear the melody of waves? Rob asked sometimes, his gaze staring at something far away in the ocean, maybe sinking mentally in it.

- It's all when can hear. Gareth answered, rising a little his eyebrows. He could see a thin smile stretch on the lips of his friends. He'd never known why. And he never knew, actually. Maybe he thought it was sort of romantic, the rustling of the waves coming back and forth, stealing a few grain of sand every time. Gareth never wanted to ask him, afraid he might break something... Just like a secret, actually. As it was a secret that Rob and his waves kept for themselves.

Gareth felt the tears flow again as he recalled perfectly of that sweet and careless time. The young man sniffed as he wiped quickly his eyes, lowering his head. He missed it. He missed terribly that feeling, when he surely knew that Rob could just belong to him and him alone, and that he'd never walk away... He knew that one day, he'd escape from his embrace and that he could not retain him, as when we gather water in our hands. It's just his way of being.

Suddenly, he felt a warmth wrapping him as Rob embraced him. Gareth closed his eyes, getting closer to him, almost hiding against him, as he was a shield against all his worries, troubles and sorrows. From there, he could almost hear his heart beat. At least, it was what it felt like.

- There, do you hear the melody of waves, Gareth? Rob asked gently, in a weak whisper with his low voice, his head leaning toward his. Gareth nodded as he rubbed his wet eyes.

- Yes... Yes, I do.

On the beach, the fingers intermingled, filling in the emptiness.