Valentine's Day For Batman

by Windrises

Batman tries to save Magpie from becoming a part of the Joker's evil scheme. Meanwhile, Bruce Wayne tries to get a date for Valentine's Day.

Note: Batman is owned by DC Comics and was created by writer Bill Finger and artist Bob Kane.

Bruce Wayne was at another party at Wayne Manor. Bruce constantly had parties to keep people from thinking that he wasn't Batman, but he often felt bored at the parties.

Bruce walked up to Alfred Pennyworth and said, "I'd rather take a nap in Mr. Freeze's freezer than be here. Is there anything noteworthy that I have to do?"

Alfred replied, "Valentine's Day is coming up."

Bruce said, "That means I'll need a dumb date."

Alfred jokingly replied, "I'd recommend getting a smart date. You didn't go to college for nothing." Bruce rolled his eyes.

Bruce looked around the party for somebody to ask out on a Valentine's Day dance. He saw Vicky Vale, so he walked up to her and said, "Hi Ms. Vale."

Vicky replied, "Greetings Bruce. What's going on?"

Bruce said, "Well Valentine's Day is coming up. Would you happen to have a date?" Bruce looked in the sky and saw the Bat Signal. He paused and said, "I gotta go."

Vicky replied, "But this is your party."

Bruce started walking away while asking Vicki, "Will you go out with me?"

Vicky felt offended that Bruce was trying to ask her while walking out of the room. She said, "Bruce, if you're not even going to be in the same room when asking me out, the answer is no."

Bruce walked up to Alfred and said, "Keep the guests away from the clock entrance to the Batcave. I have to suit up, so tell the guests that I have a business meeting or something. By the way, I don't think it's going to work out with Vicki."

Alfred replied, "Best of luck sir." Bruce waved goodbye to Alfred and rushed to the Batcave.

A half hour later, Batman arrived on the police station's rooftop. He faced Commissioner Gordon and asked, "What's going on?"

Commissioner Gordon answered, "Our least favorite clown broke out of Arkham Asylum."

Batman asked, "Do you know what he's up to?"

Commissioner Gordon said, "He broke an inmate out. Do you remember someone called Magpie?" Batman had a dramatic look on his face. Commissioner Gordon said, "I must fight so many criminals, that it's hard to remember them all." He looked at Batman and saw his worried facial expression, so he asked, "Are you okay?"

Batman said, "Yes, but she won't be if the Joker gets a chance to do any evil schemes to her. Where are they?"

Commissioner Gordon replied, "They were seen near an old lab. Joker took down the entire staff and eight police officers. You're my only hope."

Batman confidently responded, "Then I'll make sure to win." Batman headed off to his mission.

Meanwhile, the Joker started prancing around the lab. He looked at Magpie and asked, "This is quite the place for a first date, isn't it?"

Magpie looked around the lab while saying, "It sure is. The test tubes are so shiny." She fiddled around with every shiny object that she saw, because she had a strange fascination with shiny things.

The Joker said, "You and I are going to be something special."

Magpie walked up to Joker and replied, "You have my interest, but not my trust. I've been betrayed by pretty much everybody around me. Nobody seems to want to deal with me. I'm one of life's greatest outcasts."

The Joker pretended to be nicer than he actually was. He put his arm around Magpie and said, "I'm a super sentimental guy. I have a passionate desire to make you happy."

Magpie smiled and asked, "Really?"

The Joker tap danced around the lab while saying, "Oh yes. You fascinate me. Magpies are my favorite type of bird. Plus, your shiny gimmick reminds me of my clown gimmick."

Magpie replied, "I fail to see what clowns and shiny things have to do with each other."

The Joker said, "Clowns are quite good at being comedians. Our humor shines out."

Magpie replied, "Fair enough. So, does that mean that you like me?"

The Joker spoke in an overdramatic voice while saying, "Of course I will. I won't be like that nasty Batman."

Magpie replied, "Thank you. You're the handsomest clown that I've ever seen."

The Joker pretended to be flattered while saying, "Thank you. If you're going to be my girlfriend though, I'll need you to do something special for me."

Magpie asked, "What is it?"

The Joker mixed some random chemicals together. He poured it into a giant cup and said, "Drink this."

Magpie nervously asked, "What will that do to me?"

The Joker said, "You're not crazy enough yet for my standards. This chemical drink will change that. I don't know what it'll do, but I guarantee that you're going to lose your mind in ways that you can never imagine." He did an evil laugh.

Batman was on his way to the lab. His cellphone started ringing. He had a button on the Batmobile that allowed him to talk to people without using the phone, so he pressed it and said, "Hi. Who's there?"

Vicky replied, "Hi Bruce. It's Vicky Vale. Your voice sounds a little rough."

Batman just used his Batman voice, so he started talking in his Bruce voice and asked, "What's going on?"

Vicky said, "I'm sorry about earlier."

Batman replied, "Nah, it was my fault. I had to leave, because I have an important business thing to take care of."

Vicky said, "If your offer to go out on Valentine's Day is still available, I'd like to go."

Batman replied, "Sounds great. I hope you don't get mad at me, but I need to go. I promise that it's for an important reason."

Vicky responded, "I trust you."

Batman said, "Thank you." Batman got off the phone and arrived at the lab.

Batman burst into the lab. He looked around and saw that Joker had removed everybody that worked at the lab. Batman was ticked off at the Joker. He found the lab room that the Joker was in. He grabbed the Joker and threw him across the room. The Joker dropped the cup of chemicals that he was going to make Magpie drink.

Joker angrily asked, "What's wrong with you? Why do you always have to ruin my fun?"

Batman angrily replied, "You have no right to be mad at me, you monster. Nothing you do is a joke worth laughing at. You're a representation of pure evil."

Joker responded, "Don't act so pure. If you hadn't messed around in the chemical plant, that day years ago, I wouldn't of become this."

Batman punched Joker in the face and said, "You can't use madness as an excuse. That accident may of forced you into being this clown gimmicked freak, but your sick, corrupt schemes came from the thoughts of your own brain. My mistake and those chemicals had nothing to do with it, so stop acting like you aren't in control of your own emotions."

Magpie walked up to Batman and replied, "You don't understand. The Joker suffers from the mental pain that I do."

Batman sternly said, "His and yours' mental conditions are completely different. You were experimented on, turned crazy. You don't understand what you're doing or how you feel. The Joker is completely aware that what he does is wrong. He does monstrous things as sick jokes."

Magpie played around with a book that had a shiny cover while saying, "The Joker was going to make me like him. I wouldn't of had to be an outcast anymore."

Batman replied, "Harley Quinn thought the same thing and that sure isn't what ended up happening." Batman fought the Joker while saying, "Joker pretended that he wanted Harley to be his eccentric partner in crime. He never cared about her. He wanted to turn her crazy, ruin her life."

The Joker broke a piece of a table apart and threw it at Batman. Joker punched Batman in the face and said, "The only person that wasn't a joke to me was taken away. That's why my life is a big killing joke." The Joker got a gun and pointed it at Batman.

Batman confidently replied, "I know that you're not going to shoot me. I'm too important to me. I'm your favorite person to joke around with." The Joker tried to shoot Batman in the arm, but he missed. Batman asked, "What's wrong with you?"

The Joker answered, "A countless amount of things."

Magpie ran up to Joker and punched him in the stomach. She said, "A lot of people have tricked me, but you're the worst example of all."

The Joker laughed and jokingly asked, "So, I'm going to be on your list of favorite enemies? I love being on those lists. I'm on a countless amount of those." He kept laughing.

Magpie pointed a gun at Joker and said, "You're going to be on my list of ex-enemies."

Batman walked up to Magpie and replied, "Don't do it. I know that you're better than this."

Magpie asked, "How could you say that after all my troublesome antics?"

Batman said, "I know that you have a good, gentle soul. It's deep down, but I want to help you find it. Forget about Joker. He's probably never going to change, but you have the heart and the potential to be good."

Magpie put down the Joker. Joker frowned and said, "Such a cowardly move. Am I the only one who has any guts?"

Magpie grabbed Joker and replied, "I have plenty of guts." She punched Joker across the room. Joker passed out.

Batman smiled and said, "Nicely done."

Magpie smiled back and replied, "Thank you. Am I going back to Arkham Asylum?"

Batman responded, "No, I know a better place for you. It's a clinic that'll take care of you."

Magpie nervously said, "But I'm a criminal. Nobody's going to take care of me."

Batman replied, "I talked it over with Bruce Wayne and he shared my sorrow for you. You're going to be taken care of. Just don't give up."

Magpie responded, "Thank you and thank Bruce Wayne for me."

Batman replied, "That sounds easy enough."

A few nights later, Bruce and Vicky had a fancy Valentine's Day at a restaurant. Vicky asked, "So, what kind of business were you busy with?"

Bruce said, "I had to help this new patient of the clinic that Wayne Industries financially supports."

Vicky asked, "Is she okay?"

Bruce said, "I don't know. She was a criminal, but Batman saw potential in her."

Vicky thought about it and replied, "I used to think that Batman was this rough, hard-edged vigilante. I'm starting to realize that he's more gentle and heroic than he pretends to be."

Bruce responded, "Sounds about right."

Vicky looked over at Bruce and said, "Honestly, I used to think that you were an immature playboy. However, you're a lot nicer and more responsible than you pretend to be. You and Batman are a lot more similar than you realize."

Bruce replied, "Maybe."

Vicky paused for a moment and said, "That female patient of yours. You care about her, don't you."

Bruce replied, "Yes, but you're the one that I love." Vicky kissed Bruce. A bunch of bats flew by the restaurant window. Bruce waved to them. For the first time, in years, he was starting to see the value of Valentine's Day.