A/N: Hi *waves* This is just something that popped into my head after a conversation with my sister, and it's for her, posted at her insistence. Hope you enjoy - review if the mood strikes you - I really appreciate them! Song referred to is "Bed of Lies" by matchbox Twenty, and I don't own anything you recognize.
Sighing, Penelope Garcia leaned back in her chair and rubbed her eyes. With her babies to run their daily search for Foyet, and the team at home, she had nothing else to distract her. Giving in, she reached over and pulled up the song that had been running through her head since she'd discovered it accidentally several days ago. At the time, she'd turned it off, attempting to deny that there could be something that so perfectly described what she didn't want to admit she was feeling. She'd finally given in the following day, looking it up and downloading it. Setting it to play on repeat, she dropped her head into her hands and listened. She was so lost in the song, and the emotions it was evoking, that she missed the knock on her door several minutes later.
Hearing her door open brought her head up and had her scrambling for the volume controls and trying to surreptitiously dry her eyes at the same time before spinning her chair around to see who was in her doorway. She groaned internally when she saw her Chocolate Adonis leaning against the now closed door. She pasted on a bright smile, hoping for casual.
"Hey, Handsome. What brings you to my bunker this afternoon?" Derek Morgan said nothing at first, his eyes searching her face, and she was afraid she knew what he saw there. She'd never cried neatly, and even though she hadn't been crying long, she suspected that her eyes and nose were red, and her lips were puffy. Her smile faded as he pushed off the wall to come and crouch in front of her chair.
"Penelope?" His voice was rich with concern.
"I don't want to talk about it," She said quickly, defensively.
He merely raised an eyebrow. "Come on, mama, you know it doesn't work that way. I can count on one hand how many times I've seen you cry, and now I walk in and here you are. What's going on?"
"Derek, I am not a suspect you can interrogate. I don't want to talk about it." She'd stopped just short of yelling, but she'd definitely snapped at him. She regretted it, but not enough to take it back, staring defiantly when his head snapped back in surprise. He searched her face again, then, without another word, straightened and left the room.
When Derek reentered the bullpen several seconds later, Agent Emily Prentiss glanced up in surprise. He had left the bullpen with a cup of coffee, and she knew he usually visited Garcia on his breaks, if he could. Those visits could last upwards of 15 minutes. He sat down at his desk, with a slightly shocked look on his face that faded into concern while she watched. Feeling her scrutiny, he looked up.
"Everything okay?" she asked lightly. Morgan frowned.
"Have you noticed anything up with Garcia?" He asked after a moment, clearly torn.
"Garcia?" Her surprise showing on her face, Emily thought about the times she'd seen the tech lately. "She's seemed a little quiet lately… maybe the last week or so," she answered. Thinking about it, she hadn't been as colorful as usual, either. "Why?"
Derek's frown got deeper. "When I went in there… she was crying. And she wouldn't tell me what was wrong." He looked up now. "She snapped at me, told me she wasn't a suspect I could interrogate." There was bewilderment in his voice now, and confusion had replaced the frown on his face.
"It's probably nothing, if she wouldn't tell you," Emily said, trying to comfort.
"Then why was she crying? She never cries."
Emily had to agree. "Maybe she just needs some time," she answered, thinking that maybe what the blonde needed was a woman, not a man to talk to. Derek thought about it and nodded.
"You're probably right. She'll tell me when she's ready," He said decisively, then reached for the top file in his stack, sighed, and got to work. Prentiss watched for several more seconds, then went back to her own file, making plans for later.
"Tell me again why we're here, Emily," Special Agent Jennifer Jareau said, looking up at Penelope Garcia's building.
"You know why. Because Morgan saw her crying, and instead of talking to him about it, she tried to hide it, then snapped at him," Prentiss said, exasperated.
"And you think that means she needs a woman to talk to," JJ stated, just to make sure she had it right.
"When have you ever known her not to talk to Morgan about what's bothering her?" Prentiss shot back. Privately, JJ had to admit Emily had a damn good point there, which is how the other agent had convinced her to leave her family on one of their precious nights all together. JJ sighed.
"You're right. How are we going about this?"
"The usual way. Wine, munchies, and if she proves stubborn, chocolate. Or rather, the withholding of it," Emily said, a smirk on her face.
"Ouch. That's just mean." JJ sighed, then opened her door. "Alright, let's go."
They made their way up to Penelope's apartment. When they reached it, they could hear faint music coming through the door. Pausing, Emily cocked an ear, waving JJ's hand down when she went to knock.
"What's that song?" Emily whispered. "It sounds familiar." JJ listened for a moment, then shrugged.
"You're right. I recognize the voice, but not really the song."
Emily nodded, then raised her hand to knock. The music cut off immediately, surprising the two agents. When Garcia answered the door, her eyes were red. Seeing the other two women, she forced a smile.
"Hi, guys. What's up? Come in," She added, stepping back from the doorway and gesturing to her interior.
"We brought wine and some snacks," Emily said brightly. "Thought we'd have a sort of impromptu girls night." JJ nodded as the two shed their jackets and held the bag she carried out. Garcia took it, a slight frown marring her features.
"Um… Thanks, guys. I'm just not sure I'll be very good company tonight."
"Oh, any particular reason?" Emily said, a little too casually.
Penelope glanced up. She saw concern in the faces and knew. "Derek said something?"
"He might have mentioned that he was concerned when you tossed him out earlier," Emily said gently. "We thought you might want to talk, and we're ready to listen if you do."
Penelope searched her friends' faces, and finding only concern, she sighed and turned into the kitchen. "You guys bring wine? I could really use a glass if we're going to talk about this."
Emily nodded. "Yup. And chocolate. We came prepared."
Penelope smiled slightly. "I guess so." She retrieved 3 glasses, and poured the wine. Handing the glasses to the other two women, she dug through the bag until she found the chocolate, gestured to the couch.
The trio made themselves comfortable, then waited patiently for Penelope to start. She seemed to be searching for the right place.
Finally, she sighed. "I… I'm not really even sure where to start, or what's really wrong. There's just something… not right."
"With what?" Emily asked patiently.
She hesitated. "This is just between us, right?" The other two women nodded. "Alright. It's with Kevin. It's not bad, per se. It's just… not like it was. And I don't think I like what that means."
After a moment, JJ ventured, "Do you want to tell us more? Maybe between the three of us, we can come up with something."
"That's just it, Jayje. It's not one thing in particular. It's… I guess it's a series of occurrences. I'm not even certain when it started. It just sorta… crept up on me. The most obvious thing is that we're fighting, a lot more then we were."
"How much more is a lot?" Emily asked.
"Several times a week, at this point. And more than that, we're just… having a lot of discussions. I'm not even sure that they're a bad thing, but they more or less revolve around things we don't like about the other, and we always resolve to work on them, but it seems like it never is enough." She rubbed her eyes. "And… and I'm tired of feeling like I'm faking it."
JJ's eyebrows rose. "Faking it how?"
"I never feel natural anymore. I feel like it's all… hollow. Including the sex. We never… it feels like either we're fighting or having sex. We never talk unless it's to fight. And honestly? I don't think I can take another talk about what's 'wrong' with me."
"There's nothing wrong with you!" JJ exclaimed, incensed, at the same time as Emily's indignant, "That's ridiculous!" rang out. Garcia managed a weak smile at her friends' outrage.
"I know that. I do." She paused, gathered her courage. "What's it sound like to you guys?"
Silence descended as the two agents digested what they'd heard. Finally, after sharing a glance, Emily broke the silence. "I think the more important questions here is what's it sound like to you, Pen? You have great instincts. What are they telling you?"
Penelope smiled sadly. "To me? This is what it sounds like to me." Standing, she walked to the counter to her iPod dock and, fast-forwarding to the verses , pushed play. Rob Thomas's voice rolled through the air, sounding resigned.
Don't think I can take another empty moment / Don't think I can fake another hollow smile. It's not enough just to be lonely / Don't think I could take another talk about it.
Fast-forwarding to the next verse, she let it play.
Don't want be the one who turns the whole thing over / Don't want be somewhere where I just don't belong / Where it's not enough just to be sorry / Don't you know I feel the darkness closing in? / I tried to be more than just me here / And I gave until it all went away / And we've only surrendered to the worst part of these winters that we've made.
Penelope stopped the song again, and returned to her seat. She took a long sip of her wine, then looked at the other agents. "I'm amazed, sometimes, at how spectacularly music can make you face what you're not ready to, say what you're not sure how to. The song's called "Bed of Lies" by Matchbox 20. I was listening to some of their stuff several days ago, aiming for something that would make me feel better. Instead, I found this. I haven't really been able to stop listening to it since."
She paused, smiling slightly at the other women's surprise, and took another drink. "I think it means that Kevin and I… that we're coming to the end of being an 'us'."
"That's what it seemed like to me, Pen," Emily agreed softly. JJ nodded.
Garcia sighed and rested her head in her hands for a moment. "I know that. And it's not enough to stay just because I don't want to hurt him, or because I don't want to be by myself… I really don't want to lose him as a friend, though," she added sadly. "I think that's what's kept me here this far, what made this so hard to face."
"I know. But you're right, it's not enough to stay to spare the other persons' feelings. It's not fair to either of you," JJ murmured.
"She's right, Pen. But ultimately, this is your decision. We just want you to be happy," Emily added. "You really worried Derek this afternoon, you know."
Penelope groaned. "I know! I just didn't want to talk about it. You know how he gets! He goes all deliciously protective, and while I love that most of the time, it just wasn't something I could deal with at the time."
Emily and JJ laughingly agreed. "You are going to have to explain, at least a little, or he's going to worry," Emily warned playfully.
"Yeah, and with the worry comes the hovering and the prying and the sulking," JJ chimed in, still giggling. Garcia grinned, her first real smile in nearly a week.
"Thanks, guys. I guess I needed this after all."
"Of course," Emily said immediately, then paused. "Do you know what you're going to do?"
Penelope's smile dimmed. "I'm going to break up with him. It's the only thing I can do."
JJ leaned over and grabbed Penelope's hand. "We're here for you, if you need to talk or just want company, ok? And you know you're always welcome over at our place if you want to get away and forget for a while." She snorted. "It's pretty easy to forget whatever else is going on when you have a baby who's just discovered walking. He gets into more things, faster than you'd think possible, given that he still falls every ten steps."
Penelope laughed and drained the remaining wine in her glass. "I'm sure! They're a handful. It's still early, want to watch a movie?" The others nodded, and they settled into a brief but lively debate over what flick to watch. It would be alright, Penelope realized. She just needed to bite the bullet and take this last she set it aside, knowing that she had a solution. Tomorrow would be soon enough, she decided. Now she wanted to enjoy the excellent wine and the wonderful company of her friends.