Mistakes

Chapter 1: Rum and Beer

Gus POV

*the much needed editing version*

Shawn and I walked out of the gym glad to stretch our legs after the hours of testing. With a sigh of relief I came to terms with the fact that I had just finished my junior year of High School. I began to imagine all the things I'd do this summer with no more obstacles between me and them… community service, volunteer work at the hospital, leadership camp, Shawn and my annual trip to the beach with Henry.

A group of three or four girls spotted Shawn and began to talk in hushed voices. As always Shawn couldn't resist a good flirt so he walked over to humor them while I packed my backpack. I couldn't help but roll my eyes as I shoved my pens in my side pocket, Shawn was always crawling with girls. Shawn returned a minute later slipping a small sheet of paper (undoubtedly a phone number) into his back pocket. "You coming over tonight? My dad has a 24-hour shift so we could buy some beers and you can stay over," he said grabbing his bag and giving me one of those happy grins that would brighten anyone's day.

"Those girls didn't invite you to some party or something?" I asked skeptically.

"Well they did but I'd rather stay at home and relax," he said. As an afterthought he added, "I did get Angie's number though!" he said confirming my suspicion with a grin.

We walked to the car discussing specific questions that had stumped us. But I knew that although I had worked at least twice as much as Shawn he probably did just as well as I did. Shawn didn't try or study but he had a freakishly specific memory and a weird gift of deduction which made every multiple choice test he took a breeze. He was a bit of a genius and I wasn't sure how much of him acknowledged it. I assumed that only Henry and I knew the extent of his gift.

"I'll drive," he said, I threw him the keys and we got in the car. First stop was the liquor store. As many times as I'd drank with Shawn the idea still made me uneasy. We pulled into the tiny parking lot of the Liquor store closer to my house (the one Henry never went to) and Shawn hopped out of the car. I didn't go in but I watched through the window as Shawn bought a bottle of Captain's and a six-pack of Corona. He showed the cashier his fake ID while making friendly conversation before getting back in the driver's seat.

I pulled out my wallet to give him a twenty as repayment but he waved it away, "No really Gus we're celebrating. Think of it as my gift of relaxation after a ridiculously stressful junior year," he started the car, "Well... stressful for you anyways."

When we got there I called my parents and told them where I was. Then we watched some bad movies (Ferris Bueller's Day Off and The Goonies) and opened the beer. A six-pack and a few not-too-drunk-dials later and it was midnight. We grabbed a few bags of chips and the currently unopened bottle of rum and went to Shawn's room. It was as messy as always with some mediocre band posters adorning the walls. There were old sports trophies lining his dresser and dirty clothes spilling out of the closet.

I set up my sleeping bag but was sitting at the end of Shawn's bed while he sat against the pillows at the other end. At that point I had had too much to drink to remember what we were talking about really… there was a lot of giggling on my part and Shawn's typical antics, with the occasional swig of Rum.

It was around 1:30 that I realized just how drunk I was, "I need to stop drinking," I said a Little uneasily. My stomach turned and I could taste pennies. I had never gotten sick after drinking and I wanted to keep it that way. I handed the bottle to Shawn who capped it and put it on his bedside table.

"Are you okay Gus?" he asked me. I didn't respond, instead I laid down. "Gus, seriously, are you okay? If you're going to barf go to the bathroom. Here I'll help you," I vaguely felt Shawn trying to help me up but I shook my head.

"No I'm fine... just give me a second," I said breathing deeply on my back. I sat there for a few minutes looking at the ceiling mesmerized by the glow-in-dark stars spotting his roof. My stomach began to settle and I smiled at the memory.

"You remember when we put those up?" I said lazily pointing at the ceiling.

Shawn looked up and smiled too, "Yea, what grade was that?"

"I don't know, third?"

Shawn looked at the bed again, smiling to himself, then he looked up excited, "Was that-... Was that our first sleepover?" he asked his voice louder than before. My mind was fuzzy and I couldn't remember, "Gus! That was our first sleepover! No I remember because I got them from you for my birthday but I wanted to wait until you came over to put them up!" he laughed. "I wonder if they still work..."

He stood and walked to the light switch. He posed at the light switch looking very dramatic. I giggled... I hated to admit it but I giggle like crazy when I'm drunk, "Are you ready Gus?" he asked very seriously. "Because this isn't a laughing matter," I giggled some more and vaguely accepted the fact that I probably looked like an idiot. He did some weird kind of spin before turning off the light switch.

I looked at the ceiling excited... and then was disappointed. "They don't work anymore..." I said, suddenly unreasonably sad about something so insignificant.

Shawn turned the lights back on, "I guess not," he said unphased. Maybe it was the rum but a severe sense of Nostalgia came over me. It made me incredibly sad that something that had been the highlight of our night once had been forgotten and was completely pointless to us at this age. I didn't like the idea of anything that Shawn and I had once shared being forgotten.

"When did we become friends?" I asked still looking up at the faded stars, hypnotized, flashes of Shawn and I as children running through my mind.

Shawn had sat back down, "Well we met in Pre-K, but we didn't become friends until first grade."

"Yea, I remember," I said. I was still staring somewhat mesmerized at the he stars on the ceiling. "We sat next to each other in Mrs.- uh... Mrs-... what was her name?"

"," he laughed, "She loved you."

"And hated you," I said feeling myself beginning to dose, I had the urge to crawl over to Shawn and hug him but I was too tired for that. Shawn laughed again and there was an awkward pause.

"You still went by Burton back then," Shawn said more to himself than to anyone else. Gus didn't respond with anything other than a smile. "It's hard to believe that eight years ago we were doing the same thing we're doing now... minus the liquor of course," he continued.

"We've been friends a long time..." I said my voice muffled by Shawn's bedding.

"Yup," I heard him say. I had closed my eyes wanting to go to sleep.

"No, I mean a long long time," I said as if this proved my point entirely.

He laughed, "Yes, a long long time."

"How long?" I asked peeking at him. He was staring at me with a strange look on his face, that seemed to wake me up a little.

He sat in thought for a second, "Well, more then 10 years now."

"Wow…" I said sitting up now. It seemed so bizarre that I had been friends with Shawn for more then two thirds of our lives. For as long as I cared to remember Shawn was there, always. When I got beat up behind the monkey bars in the play ground in second grade Shawn had been the one who ran in and valiantly tried to fight off the 4th grader while everyone else ran off. When my grandpa died in 7th grade Shawn went to the funeral and held my hand even though he hates death. Even when Shawn became the class clown that everyone wanted to be friends with he still always chose me over them. Shawn was just a part of my life, he was my family, and I couldn't imagine it any other way.

I looked at Shawn, again there was something strange in his expression but I ignored it. "You're my best friend Shawn," I said out of nowhere.

Shawn looked taken aback. I mentally slapped myself for being so sentimental. But after a second Shawn replied quietly, "You're my best friend too." Now the smile was off his face and he was looking at me seriously with that look on his face that was so bizarre.

A silence fell over us for what felt like an eternity. The atmosphere suddenly turned tense as I stared at him and he looked back. I don't know what made me do it, when I look back on that night I think it was that look on his face that I'd never seen before. It was as if his eyes were silently begging me to do it... it just felt right.

I kissed him.

I pulled away quickly trying to read his expression, it didn't change. He looked back at me stunned, but no reaction. Painfully slow, my brain began working and the impact of what I had just done sunk in and I felt the heat rise to my face. Still Shawn didn't do anything. I had to get out of there. I began to stand but I felt Shawn grab my wrist and pull me back.

"Shawn, I'm sorry I shou-" but my drunk ramblings were cut off when Shawn kissed me back. The moment was perfect, not a single thought went through my mind that implied that this was wrong or shouldn't be happening. We just moved togethor so smoothly and it felt so damn good, what could be bad about this? I felt his tongue tracing my lips and soon he was exploring my mouth. Then Shawn's shirt disappeared and almost against my will I began tracing his abs with my fingers. Before I knew what was happening I was on my back with a bare-chested Shawn straddling my hips, breathing his name as he began unbuttoning my shirt. In my inept state I could barely comprehend what was happening. I had no idea how long it had been since I kissed him but everything had gone by in a blur.

I don't know what made me come to my senses but suddenly I realized who it was that I was passionately kissing. Without thinking I shoved Shawn off of me almost knocking him off of the bed.

"What the hell are you doing?" I demanded.

"What? I was... But you-" Shawn sat there shirtless and red in the face stammering. It was sad really but I was too drunk for sympathy. This was one of the only moments I'd ever seen Shawn unable to think of some witty comment that just made everything better.

"Save it Shawn," I stumbled out of his room and managed to get down the stairs without falling. The alcohol was completely clouding my reason and I decided in that moment to blame Shawn, even though I kissed him. I ripped open the door and went out into the cool night feeling the breeze on my chest. It was then that I realized my shirt was completely unbuttoned and falling off of my shoulders, this only made me angrier. I slammed my car door shut as I sat In the driver's seat. I reached in my pocket to find that my keys were missing.

"Damnit!" I said as I realized Shawn must have the keys seeing as he had driven last. I stormed back inside to find Shawn standing at the top of the stairs (his shirt back on).

"You aren't driving Gus," he said firmly.

"Oh yea? Give me the keys," I shouted angrily. My head was spinning again.

"No Gus, I'm not going to let my best friend get himself killed," he said fiercely.

I laughed in a way that scared me. It was cruel and mocking. "Best friend?!" I spat out. "Would you do what you did to me if you were my best friend?"

"What I did to you!? Newsflash Burton!" he said sarcastically, "You kissed me!"

I don't know why but the unexplained fury in my stomach suddenly took control of my mind and I started saying things to Shawn that would sicken me today. "Here's a newsflash for you Shawn! When your hammered best friend kisses you, you don't take that as the signal to sleep with him while he's too drunk to do anything about it!" I was screaming at this point.

Shawn's face fell, I'd obviously hit a little too close to home because Shawn started stammering again. "Wha- Who said anything abo- I would never sleep with you!"

"Oh yea? So you were just stripping down to compare chest hair? And that bulge in your pants was my imagination I suppose..." I said sarcasm dripping from every word.

"I was drunk! You were drunk!" he said his voice cracking left and right.

"Drunk or not Shawn, it doesn't make up for the fact that you would have raped me had I not stopped you."

The silence that fell between us was beyond tense. We stood there for at least a minute looking at each other, him looking pitiful while I was seething. Shawn was bright red and looked like he might actually cry... something that still made me hate myself to this day. But at the time I wasn't thinking about pity,

"What kind of sick bastard rapes his best friend?" I said finally. He didn't respond just continued to stare at me, his green eyes shining with tears. "I'll sleep on the couch," I said in a resigned voice leaving him standing dumbfounded at the top of the stairs.

I walked into the familiar living room of the Spencer's and breathed a sigh of relief as my throbbing headache began to fade. But as my headache and the alcohol began to fade the guilt began to settle in my stomach.

What kind of sick bastard rapes his best friend.

That sentence kept on running through my head over and over again making me feel worse each time. I knew he didn't rape me and would have stopped had I put up any sort of objection. But the situation was just so shocking and bizarre, so I had taken comfort in blaming Shawn.

The last image I remember before falling asleep was Shawn holding back tears as I screamed at him.

A/N: So this was my first shot at slash. This will probably end up being a 5 or 6 chaptered fic. The next chapter is the same night from Shawn's POV. Hope you liked it! Reviews are greatly appreciated!

*Edited because the first copy was appalling, Chapter three will be out by today (the 29th) or tomorrow (the 30th)*