Fic: Life On Mars
Author: And/Cherrycokerocks
Paring: Maria/Jeff, Randy Orton, lots more appearing.
Rating: T for now.
Disclaimer: I own nothing, only the plotline. Everything else is Vince's or the WWEs.
Summary: He thought it was bad when he woke up the first time but nothing compared to the second time.
Spoilers: None really.
Warnings: Strong Language, adult situations.
Notes: Answer to my own challenge over at the wrestle_fic LJ community. I started this fic a couple of years ago but now I'm rewriting with my new favourite pairing. Raw and Smackdown rosters are joined. ECW is still on it's own but most people work all three shows. Oh and Randy isn't really Maria's brother. Everything which takes place Elsewhere ... is not really happening. It will make sense later on or at least I hope so.

Chapter One

Jeff Hardy rounded the corner backstage at this week's Smackdown tapings. Pulling his suitcase behind him, he wasn't really watching where he was going and smacked straight into someone. He was about to apologise when he realised who it was, "Oh, it's you."

The redhead glared at him, "Is that all you can say? You almost knocked me to the ground."

"Keyword being almost and ya know what they say? Almost doesn't count," Jeff replied sarcastically.

"Trust me it will count when I kick you in the balls because you," she made air quotes with her fingers, "Almost knocked me to the ground."

"What crawled up your ass and died this time?" The annoyance in his voice was clear. "Or is it just PMS?"

"You did not just go there!"

He smirked at her, "Actually, I think you'll find I did."

"Well that's just typical of you isn't it." It was a statement not a question. "You never know when to quit. You always gotta push, don't ya, Jackass?"

Jeff shrugged, "It comes naturally when I'm talking to a bitch like you."

"I'm not a bitch. Maybe if your head wasn't so far up your own ass, you'd be able to see that. And then you could look where you're fucking going." She started to stomp off when he reached out and grabbed her arm, pulling her back towards him.

"Where do you think you're going? This ain't over."

She shot him a look of disgust. Get your grubby little hands off me, Jeff."

He immediately released her, "Good idea, cause I don't know where you've been. Fucking bitch."

"What did you just call me?"

"I think you heard."

"Why don't you do the world a favour and drop dead." She huffed and walked away before he could retort.

"Fucking bitch," he yelled at her retreating back.

She raised her hand and flipped him off as she carried on walking.

He waited until she was out of sight before he continued on this way to the arena parking lot. Their conversation running through his mind as he walked. It didn't take him long to reach his rental. He jumped in and was about to speed off when something he saw out of the corner of his eye caught his attention. Maria and Randy were laughing at something as they were putting their bags in the trunk of Randy's rental. He glared at them briefly before speeding off, tires screeching as he did so.

"Who the fuck was that moron?" Randy asked, looking up at the car.

"Who do you think? Jeff fucking Hardy. I had a run in with him a couple of minutes ago. Literally, actually. He nearly knocked me to the floor. He wasn't watching where he was going as usual."

Randy shook his head, "What am I going to do with you two eh? Bang your heads together?"

Maria just shrugged, "We just don't get along, probably never well."

"Come on, let's get out of here." He opened the passenger side door for her.

Jeff had been driving for about twenty minutes. It was raining pretty hard and road conditions were getting worse by the second. Despite this, Jeff hadn't slowed down at all since he'd left the arena. He was still pissed with what had happened with Maria earlier. He thought back to the last words she'd said to him. She'd told him to drop dead. "Fucking bitch," he muttered.

And that's when it happened. He looked at the road ahead of him. There was something in the road. He slammed on his brakes but with all the standing water from the rain, the car skidded as he tried to avoid the animal in the road, "Fucking deer." Those were the last words to come out of his mouth before the car overturned and his world faded to black.

Randy and Maria were a couple of miles down the road. Despite her earlier run in with Jeff, the redheaded diva was now in a great mood. She was happily signing along with the radio.

"What the fuck?" Randy said, covering his eyes slightly as on coming vehicle flashed their headlights at him repeatedly. Randy slowed to a stop and wound down the window as the other car pulled up along side of his car. "Are you out of your mind? Are you trying to blind me?"

"I'm sorry. I didn't know what else to do. You're the first car I've come across. There's been an accident back there and I don't have a cell phone. Can you call 911?"

"Of course. My friend will call the cops and we'll head back to the accident, okay?"

It only took a few minutes for them to get there. Maria instantly recognised the over turned car, "Oh my god, that's Jeff's car."

"What?"

"That's Jeff's car," Maria repeated.

Five minutes later, flashing lights were surrounding the car. A further twenty minutes later Jeff had been recovered by the ambulance crew and was being place in the vehicle.

Maria was shaking and Randy was doing his best to comfort her. "This is my fault."

"Of course it isn't, Ria. It was an accident."

"Excuse me, How he is?" Maria asked one of the paramedics as they passed.

"Do you know him?"

"Yeah, he's our co-worker," Randy replied.

The paramedics face turned grim, "It doesn't look good. I'd be surprised if he makes it."

"No, no, no, no, no," Maria repeated.

"Maria, this isn't your fault," Randy reassured her.

"Of course it is, I told him to drop dead."

Elsewhere …

Jeff opened his eyes slowly, half expecting to be in a hospital only it looked more like a hotel room. Scratch that, it was a hotel room. He just couldn't remember how he'd got there. He looked towards the window, noticing a stream of sunlight coming into the room. The noise of a door opening brought his attention back to the other side of the room. He turned his head just in time to see someone run to the bottom of the bed and dive under the covers.

"What the fuck?"

He heard a muffled giggle and then whoever it was started licking his leg. He flicked on the light on the nightstand and slowly lifted the covers. The first thing he saw was a mass of bright electric blue hair and then she lifted her head to look at him, grinning as she did so. "Morning, baby."

Too stunned to reply and probably the first time he'd ever been lost for words in his life, he simply dropped the covers back down again.

He could feel her working her way up his body, dropping single kisses on various places as she went. It didn't take long for her head to appear from under the sheets.

She grinned at him again, "What's the matter? Cat got your tongue?"

"Maria?"

"Erm … yes?"

"What are you doing?"

She frowned at him, "If you have to ask, I must being doing something wrong. You don't usually complain."

"I didn't say I was complaining," he said before he could stop himself.

"Nero, are you okay?"

"Nero? That's not my name." Jeff protested.

"Well duh, of course I know that."

He shot her a confused looked, "Then why'd you call me it?"

"Because I call you it all the time. You're acting a little strange this morning."

"You're the one acting all weird ass. What's with the hair?"

This time it was Maria's turned to be confused, "I haven't done anything to it." She was about to ask him something else when her cell phone started ringing on the nightstand. She reached over and grabbed it. Not recognising the number on the caller id, she answered cautiously, "Maria Hardy."

Jeff's eyes nearly popped out of his head, "What the fuck?"

She squatted his arm as she carried on her conversation, "Oh hey, where are you? … Oh right, I see … Yeah he's awake. Okay, see you later … love you too." She ended the call and tossed her cell phone back on nightstand.

"Maria Hardy?"

"Now you're official scaring me. Do you have amnesia? … Okay, that was a really stupid question, don't answer that." She shook her head and rolled off him onto the other side of the bed.

Despite the fact he didn't have a clue what was going on he had to laugh a little at her amnesia question. "We're married?"

"Yup, for nearly two years now. Oh god, I knew we should have gone to the hospital last night. I'm going to kill Dolph Ziggler." She sat up, not seeming to care that she had no top on.

"Are you naked?"

Maria laughed, "Nope, I'm wearing a thong. Is seeing my boobs making you uncomfortable?"

"No, but it's kinda distracting, if you know what I mean?" Was he flirting with her? He shook his head.

"Right. I guess I should put on a shirt and then we can figure out what's going on with you." She got out of bed and bent down to retrieve a shirt from the floor and pulled it over her head. She sat down on the bed.

Jeff recognised the shirt as one of his favourite but said nothing. He had enough information to take in without asking her about that.

"What do you remember about last night?"

"You and me having that argument and then when I was driving back to the hotel, there was a deer in the road and I tried to avoid it."

"Babe, none of that happened. First of all we didn't have an argument. We never argue. And second, I think that was all a dream because you were yelling out in your sleeping last night. Fucking deer or something like that," she informed him.

"A dream?"

"Yeah, you were in a match last night with Dolph Ziggler. He fucked up the chair shot and knocked you out cold. You were out for like a minute or so. I wanted to take you to the hospital but of course you refused."

"I hate hospitals."

"I know you do, babe but I think with this possible amnesia you really need to go. There's no telling what kinda of damage has been done. I couldn't bear it if something happened to you, I love you too much."

"You love me?"

"Of course I do. I wouldn't have married you if I didn't. I'd better call Randy back and tell him what's going on."

"That was Randy on the phone earlier?" Jeff asked, remembering the fact she ended the call telling the person she loved them.

"Yeah, he was just calling to check up on you," she replied.

"But you told him you loved him," he pointed out.

"Of course I love him, he's my brother."

Jeff looked at her in disbelief, "Orton's your brother?"

"You don't remember that either. We're going to the hospital and that's final." She got up and walked around to Jeff's side of the bed. She picked up her cell phone and dialled a number ended the call immediately when she got his voice mail. "Damnit, his battery must be dead." She sat down on the edge of her bed and took his hand in hers, "Even if they can't do anything at the hospital we'll figure something out okay?"

"Okay … I think I'm going to take a shower first."

"Usually I'd ask if you'd like me to join you but I don't think that would help right now," Maria admitted. She released his hand and moved further down the bed so he could get out.

He pulled back the covers and sat up, "Probably not but it could be fun." Was he flirting again? He couldn't seem to help himself as she was being so nice to him. He'd definitely woken up in the land of the bizarre and all his strong feeling of hatred he'd felt towards her had suddenly vanished. Just what the fuck was going on?