The Decision
Avatar Alchemist
Duo looked over at Hilde as she leaned over the shoulders of their three year old daughter, Helen.
"No, the small one goes in here. See..."
Duo smiled, he loved them both very much but he couldn't help but think of what could've happened had he not gotten married to her. He wouldn't have a daughter that was for sure. He'd probably be alone and confused. Suffering through a big ass mid-life crisis. However, fortunately for him he had broken away from the old Duo. Yes, perhaps it did mean hiding his true feeling of passion and true love but he couldn't face it. He couldn't go through with it all his life. There was no way he could ever have done on days like this he hated himself for having betrayed those whom he had truly loved. He hated himself for betraying himself and his feelings. He felt unworthy of Hilde and her trust and their daughter. On days like this he wanted to die or go back and put things 'right' but he couldn't and so he stood from his chair at the breakfast table, kissed his daughter and wife goodbye, and left for work.
Hilde caught Duo's stare and blushed. He did that a lot. In the five years they had been married, he still stared at her as if for the first time. She loved him so much but she still waited for the day when he would pack up and say he was tired of it all. She waited for the day when he would decide he didn't want to hide himself. She knew it would come. Eventually, he would come to realize that this isn't right and the their life would fall apart sooner or later. Sometimes, though, on days when he looked at her like that, she pretended that day would never come. On days when he made love to her, she liked to think he really felt passion for her. On days when he held his daughter close and walked hand in hand with her, she liked to think he would stay forever...But then she would stop to think and live one day at a time.
Duo stood and kissed both his wife and daughter goodbye and left through the back door. He got in his car and drove off down the busy streets and to his job.
Quatre, who could hold no ill will towards anyone and who understood the decisions Duo had made, had given him a job at one of the many Winner Corp.'s buildings. Duo was in charge of the shipping department. He overlooked the exports and made sure imports were complete and accounted for. Once in a while, Quatre would drop by to check on things. Sometimes Trowa would accompany him, sometimes Wufei would also come, Heero was the only one that never came. Duo had lost all contact with Heero but he supposed he should have expected it. Heero had not at all been happy with the decision Duo had made. Trowa and Wufei were taken by surprise but they still spoke to Duo, though it wasn't the same but that was also to be expected. They were uneasy with Duo's decision. It didn't seem normal to them but to Duo they couldn't be farther from the truth, things were perfectly normal.
Duo got out of his car and walked into the Winner building. He walked to his office where upon arrival his secretary handed him paperwork, messages, and asked if he wanted anything, like a cup of coffee or a massage, he looked tired.
Duo smiled, thanked her, accepted her offer for coffee, but declined the latter offer. He entered his nicely furnished office and sat behind his desk in his expensive leather chair.
His secretary walked in with a cup of steaming coffee as Duo began to work on the paper work. He needed to make sure that things were in order so he could prepare the exports, making sure all was good to go, and in doing so making space to assure the imports. He took his coffee and dismissed his secretary.
Two hours from then he looked up from the last form and remembered he had been given messages. He looked through them. He needed to call a Mr. Something-or-Other about this-and-that. He also needed to make sure that things were in top shape for a visit Quatre would make in two weeks. He put the messages down and turned back to his work but decided to instead get up and visit with the boys in the warehouse. He wanted to talk to the warehouse manager to see how things were actually running down there. He wanted to make sure that all the workers knew Quatre would be visiting so that it didn't catch them off guard.
He got up and left his office. He made his way to the warehouse. He entered and immediately the warehouse manager came to him. The man spoke rapidly and excitedly. The next board meeting was going to be good. Things were going fantastic everything arrived and left on schedule give or take an hour or two.
Duo smiled and congratulated the man for his hard work and told him to make sure that all the workers new about Quatre and that they keep up the good work so that he could personally tell Quatre the news.
The man smiled and excused himself while he went to his intercom. His voice resounded throughout the whole room. Good Job. Keep it up. Visit from the big boss in two weeks, he should be impressed.
Duo chatted and went over several other things with them man before he noticed the time and decided he should go finish the paper work so that he could make it home in time to take the girls out for dinner.
He walked back to his office and finished working on the last form. Though, it took him the longest to complete much of the information on it was wrong, outdated, and had to be double checked with the information on the computer's database. He looked at the clock on the wall. Five. He got up and walked out to his car.
That was a regular day now. Wake up, go to work for five through eight hours a day, come home, sleep, and so on and so forth. Things were pretty routine. They were in order and despite what other could think, they were perfectly normal. Though, it wasn't like his old self, he did admit, but he was thirty now. Things were right for the first time in his life and nothing could change things.
Duo entered his home and found Hilde and Helen waiting in the kitchen. The sweet smell of steak filled his nostrils and he smiled. He kissed both on the cheek and sat at the table.
Dinner went on as usual. Hilde talked about her day and asked about Duo's. He would tell her what he'd done in a general way. Then he announced that Quatre would visit and perhaps so would Trowa.
Hilde mumbled words of excitement then fell silent as Helen chided that her uncle's were coming. Duo smiled at the child and invited her to the park after dinner. She happily accepted but halfway through dinner she fell victim of sleep. Duo took her in his arms and smiled as she curled her hands around him. She mumbled little incoherent things along the way to her bedroom. Duo laid her down and wrapped the covers tightly around her. He sat on the edge of the bed and watched her sleep. She was a wonderful gift and she gave Duo happiness and a million joyous experiences that melted his heart when he remembered each one. He would do anything for her just as he had given things up to be where he was now.
Hilde walked in to the room and went to stand next to the bed. She also looked down at her daughter. She bent down and gave her the tiniest of kisses on her cheek then kissed Duo and went off to take a bath.
Duo called after her that he would go out for a while.
She looked back at him with a weird expression on her face but said nothing.
Duo traced his finger down the side of Helen's face then stood and walked out of the room silently. He exited the house through the garage and made his way to the forest area along the park. It had a nice path that he liked to walk from time to time when he needed to think. Tonight was one of those days when he needed to think but he didn't know what about. He only knew he felt a nagging feeling in his chest. The same feeling he got every time he knew that Quatre would come. However, what Duo didn't realize yet was that that nagging feeling was anticipation. His subconscious secretly hoped that it was Heero who came down with Quatre and every time Heero didn't come his subconscious would feel depressed and Duo would bury himself in more work and at nights he'd let the pain go by making love to Hilde.
Duo walked along the path for several hours before he stopped and looked up to the sky. He had taught himself to ignore the old feelings and block out all the memories but the starry sky made him go back.
Heero finished packing his clothing. He still didn't know how Quatre had managed to convince him to come along but when he thought about it, he had been more than willing to go. It had been much too long of a time without seeing Duo. If only that, he wanted to see him and then step back out of his life for good this time. Strange how Heero had always thought he could forget or how he had thought things would be okay and that maybe he could also make a decision like Duo's. However, things hadn't come out as he thought. He couldn't escape the memories and the more he thought about all the time of happiness the more enraged he became in the present. It hadn't been fair. All of what had happened had been very terribly inconsiderate and selfish and while he was always thought of as the strongest one, that night and every night since had uncovered the truth about that. He was breakable. He was not perfect. He did love.
Heero looked up as the door bell to his apartment rang. He grabbed his bag and coat and made for the door. He opened it and greeted Quatre.
Trowa was waiting for them downstairs so that he could drive them to the airport.
Once at the airport Heero waited patiently while Trowa and Quatre said their 'goodbyes'. He watched as a singled tear left Quatre's eye and was amazed of the emotion on both of their faces despite the fact that they would only be gone for a week. The scene ended and Heero nodded in Trowa's direction as his own mode of saying 'goodbye'.
Both Heero and Quatre walked onto Quatre's private plane and Trowa stepped away to a safe distance so he could watch the plane until it became no more than a speck in the sky. It seemed it was a tradition when one traveled without the other, the one left behind would watch the plane disappear in a more or less dramatic way.
Quatre looked over at Heero and smiled. Finally, things would be found out.
Heero said nothing, he only closed his eyes and hoped not to dream about all the things that could and, most likely, would go wrong. He wasn't expecting to go back a happy person. He was expecting to go back as miserable or even more so than his current state.
Duo woke up with a start and looked around the room. All was well, he was in his home, sleeping with his wife beside him, and a room away slept his Helen. He was pretty sure that had been a nightmare but what exactly is consisted of, he didn't know. He got up and got ready for work. Quatre would arrive today and things needed to be in top shape. He needed to make sure nothing had happened over night that could cause discomfort to his friend and boss.
Hilde opened her eyes and sat up sleepily. She was happy that morning. Duo had made love to her last night and she loved to think that he loved her. She looked around the room for him but the sound of the shower explained to her that he was getting ready for Quatre's arrival. She laid back down and closed her eyes. She always feared Quatre's visits. Quatre had the power to change Duo's decision even if it could in fact be considered too late. Hilde knew Quatre had that sort of influence over Duo even if Quatre himself didn't know it. However, if Quatre wanted to take Duo away it would have already happened and she also had to think of Quatre as the type of person he was. Quatre was never known to be cruel of deceitful. He was loving and honest. He would never take a husband away from his wife of and no less would he take a father away from his daughter.
Duo came out of the bathroom fully dressed but didn't notice Hilde was awake for she laid on the bed with her eyes closed. He dried his hair quickly and tied it back in his usual braid, though now it was considerably shorter than before. He then walked over to his wife and kissed her forehead gently. He left the room and went to his daughter's room. He kissed her as well and then proceeded to his study to retrieve his briefcase. He finally left his house and went on his way to work. Upon arriving to his building he noticed the rental car that Quatre always preferred and he stepped in rather rushed. He hadn't expected Quatre to come so early in the morning. He made it in to his office where upon his arrival his secretary announced that Mr. Winner was waiting inside for him and had been doing so for at least thirty minutes.
Duo entered the office his eyes immediately falling on Quatre. He went to him and hugged him. They exchanged the usual words of greeting. Duo offered Quatre his seat across the desk but Quatre declines as always and sat in one of the chairs across from Duo's. Duo circled his desk and began to sit when he looked up and saw the person in the farthest corner of his office. He felt a weird sensation in his chest and walked to this person. He didn't know what to say or what to do exactly but for some reason his body did. His arms flew onto the others' body and for some reason all that was: his wife, daughter, the time and place. Everything that didn't have to do with that hug and that moment suddenly didn't matter. What did matter was the strange feeling of contempt and the fact that he was being hugged back and that a set of lips were softly touching a secret place on his neck. Duo pulled away and shook his head, "Heero."
"Duo," Heero whispered.
Duo said nothing as he turned and walked to his chair. He turned away from both his guests and looked out the window. This couldn't be, and while this had been his wildest and most loveliest of secret dreams for the longest time. It was also wrong now and it went against everything he had worked for. He turned back to Heero and offered him a seat.
Heero said nothing. He seemed hurt perhaps or disappointed in the way the reunion had gone but he also seemed to accept it. He sat down and avoided Duo's eyes. He wanted more than anything to leave now. He had been wrong to come. What had he been thinking? Duo had everything going for him and what right had he to just show up after so long and think that it wouldn't disrupt Duo. He hated himself immensely in this moment but he could do nothing. After all this time one would think that he would be able to move on, and perhaps go in the direction that Duo had, but he couldn't. He was stubborn and he couldn't let go. He didn't want to and how he hoped he would've never been forced to do so.
Duo stood and offered Quatre and Heero a trip to visit the rest of the managing staff.
Both, Quatre and Heero stood and followed Duo down the halls of the building. They made several stops and talked to many people. However, in each one conversation Heero was being left out being as he knew very little of the operations that kept The Winner Corp. going. He still worked along side Wufei and his wife Sally in The Preventers.
By the end of the work day Quatre was very well pleased with the progress of this particular branch of the Corporation and spoke with Duo about promoting some of the lower employees.
Duo thought that was a great idea and seemed very enthusiastic. He was very close with them all and he was hoping to have a way to repay them for all their hard work and effort.
Quatre announced that they had better get back to their hotel so that they could get something to eat before he took Heero around the city.
Duo's phone went off and he answered it. Helen wanted to see her uncle's, would Quatre mind having dinner with them. Also, there were extra rooms in the house would they like to stay there during their visit?
After some debate because Heero insisted he didn't want to bother Duo and his wife the settled on going over for dinner but then going to their hotel for the night.
Duo didn't argue with their decision and drove ahead of them while they followed. They entered the house together.
Hilde came out of the kitchen and almost dropped the wooden spoon in her hand. She stuttered nervously but recovered as Helen walked out of the kitchen and ran to Quatre.
Quatre took Helen in his arms and kissed her cheek. He seemed genuinely happy to see her and she was giddy to see him
Duo walked to Hilde and kissed her cheek all the while feeling strange to have done it in front of Heero. He had often kissed her in front of Quatre but things were different with Heero there.
Duo watched as Quatre introduced Heero to Helen. She smiled at him and took his hand to lead him into the living room.
Hilde looked at Duo as he watched Heero then she turned to Quatre. She grew mad at the smile on his lips. Somehow she knew he had planned this. She wasn't just being paranoid, she was damned sure that Quatre had come specifically to take Duo away from her. She turned from Quatre knowing she hadn't greeted him but not caring. She went into the kitchen and continued to work on dinner.
Duo offered his guest a drink, which they both accepted. He went into the kitchen, knowing well that Hilde was mad but he still didn't understand the real problem at hand. Duo was still very unaware that by the end of the week all his feelings would come back and that life as he knew it and as he had grown to accept it would vanish. Everything he held dear to him now he would think about leaving. New loyalties would be tested against old. It would be a battle that could very well finish killing Duo's soul.
Heero looked around the living as Quatre conversed with Helen. He looked around at the pictures here and there. There was a picture of Duo's wedding day and next to it was a picture of him pointing out Hilde's pregnant belly, as if pointing at it would make it more obvious than it already was. There were other pictures, beautiful pictures, and all that Heero could see was that Duo truly was happy with the life he now lead. He turned back to Helen. She grabbed at her little skirt and performed a little dance and sing combo for Quatre who laughed happily.
Heero shook his head. No, he couldn't stay here. He had to leave. He had been wrong to think that things could be normal between him and Duo. He saw the face that Hilde had made. She was mad and worried of loosing Duo.
Quatre noticed Heero's look of confusion and went to him. Perhaps he had been wrong to take him along. Heero hadn't wanted to come.
Hilde walked out of the kitchen and announced dinner was ready. She took Helen by the hand but before she could pull her away Helen grabbed a hold of Heero's hand and pulled him along. Hilde and Heero stared at each other for an awkward moment but they said nothing to each other and neither made a move to let go of Helen.
Dinner went on quite normally. Duo had talked with Quatre about work. Once in a while Hilde would comment. Helen talked with Heero being as he was the only grown up who either, wasn't talking or wasn't mad. Heero chatted to her idly, wishing dinner would end soon and that Hilde would stop glaring at him the way she was.
Half way through dinner Heero gave up pretending things were going well and he excused himself. He got up and walked outside into a cold snowy day.
Quatre blushed a bit and thanked Hilde for dinner but it was time to go back to the hotel. He told Duo to come by the hotel and pick up some paperwork for the raises the employees were to receive. Hilde of course didn't seem too happy about that but she said nothing.
That night, Duo went out for another walk but this time he asked Hilde and Helen to join. Duo looked as Hilde and Helen walked in front of him. He thought again that he loved them. That he cared for them and that he was glad they had come into his life but then that feeling in his chest returned. Again he wondered what it was and for a moment he realized that the days to come would be dangerous and would cause him trouble and pain. But again what Duo didn't know was the main reason and cause for the feeling in his chest had to do with Heero's re-entrance into his life.
Helen looked back at her daddy and ran to hit him gently on the leg, tagging him then turning away and running. Thus engaging in a game of tag that she was sure to win.
Duo ran after Helen suddenly feeling disgusted for feeling how he felt, because in some way he was doubting his life and his present. He put all of it in a tiny box where he had been keeping it all and for the moment chased after his Helen.
Hilde watched as Duo chased after Helen. She laughed lightly when Duo gently fell to the grass pulling Helen down with him. She loved to watch him play with her because in those moments Duo belonged to her, the mother of his daughter. Duo may not love her but he would remain with her because of what they had together. They had created life and Duo could not ignore that. Whether he never truly loved her, he couldn't ignore that she had been the bearer of his greatest joy.
On their way back Helen fell asleep in Duo's arms and as he walked along the path beside Hilde he did what came naturally to him. He took Hilde's hand and held it tight. He looked over at her and confusion stirred in him. He had no idea for the cause of the one tear rolling down Hilde's cheek.
Heero sat on his bed thinking it had been best that he tell Quatre he was leaving. He finished packing his clothing and announced to Quatre that he would be leaving the next morning after he saw Duo for one last time.
He had been a complete idiot to think...God, what had he thought? That Duo would come back to him? That things would be as they were when Duo loved him? To think he'd fooled himself into actually believing that. How wrong he had been. He knew Duo had a wife and a daughter. He'd even seen pictures of the little Helen but he still came and hoping for what? To tear Duo away from his family. His wife and daughter. From the new life he now lead with apparent happiness?
No, it was over and tomorrow after one last goodbye Heero would be on his way to his own new life. Perhaps he would finally go to Relena. Perhaps he would bury his sorry in her bed. Yes, it was time that he give in to her love and begin anew. It was time he made his own decision.
Is it over? Heck no! Please go on the next chapter and review! *sankyuu*!