Getting Past

by Bob4Cat5

AU. Logan's not in trouble at the Reunion. Veronica's a lawyer and basically happy. Mac plays cupid. A little. This kind of explores the idea of Veronica not trusting herself around Logan and not believing they can get past what happened all those years ago. Veronica's a little OOC, but I hope it's otherwise believable.

"This is probably the worst thing I ever got conned into doing," Veronica pouted as her eyes scanned the smallish ballroom. Smallish for the Neptune 90909 district, anyway.

"Not me," her two friends said very nearly simultaneously and, when she turned to them with her mouth dropped open in shock, she caught them surveying the crowd, too.

"Remember that time I got electrocuted?" Wallace asked Mac. They still hadn't looked at Veronica since her comment.

Mac nodded somberly. "I almost lost my scholarship money for senior year after hacking the Dean's personal email."

Veronica sighed heavily. "Okay," she said as she stared down her two favorite people. "So, I guess I'm just a better con artist." She shrugged, tried to play it light even though her pulse quickened with guilt. "And… you guys were due," she conceded.

Neptune High Class of '06 Reunion. Fake smiles, fake tits, and fake personalities because, let's face it, none of these people truly existed without social media and millions. Many of them wouldn't know an honest day's work if it slapped them across their stilted, botoxed faces.

"What are we doing here? Seriously?" Veronica asked.

"Look, BFF, you went to an Ivy League school, racked up a lot of debt, and are a successful lawyer. And you did all that for what?" Wallace asked, eyes wide with mirth. "To not throw it in these guys' faces?"

Veronica rolled her eyes and Mac giggled.

"Oh, shit," Wallace hissed and made eye contact with Mac. His finger pointed only slightly towards the entryway as a couple entered.

There was a cacophony by the door and that, combined with the looks that were passing between her two table mates, caught Veronica's attention. She did a double take and it felt too slow. She couldn't take the scene in fast enough.

Tall, lean, tan. Uniform?

'My God,' Veronica's mind went there before she was even conscious of the thought. 'Logan.'

Carrie Bishop was on his arm and Dick was the cause of the noise.

"I knew you guys…" She could hear some of what he was saying. The booming voice of Dick Casablancas carried. Logan high-fived him then, but didn't look particularly pleased to be doing so. Carrie high-fived, too, and squeezed Logan's arm. They clasped hands.

Time officially stopped. Veronica's heart was in her throat and she was pretty sure she wasn't breathing properly.

'Look away,' she willed. Her fingernails bit into her palms. 'Not yours. Not for a long time.' She drug her eyes back to Wallace and Mac. They both looked concerned. Veronica smiled wanly.

"I guess this town's big enough for the both of us," she quipped. She took a sip of her soft drink and wished for a little kick, just to wipe out the last few seconds.

"Veronica…" Mac started.

"I never thought…" Wallace picked up after her.

Veronica kept her smile in place. "No, of course. Plus, we're all adults. This is a free country." She gestured towards Logan with her glass. "Protected by him, apparently."

Another glimpse as she spoke and she wondered how long it would be before he spotted her or if he already had. Panic pushed her forward in her seat and she scoured the area for exits.

"Veronica." Mac turned her name into a warning.

"I'm not staying." Veronica gave her best leveling look.

"Come on. It's not great, but isn't it all water under the bridge at this point?" Wallace asked. "Ow!"

"I kicked him for you," Mac supplied.

Veronica giggled. "Thanks. Look, you guys knew I wasn't into this. And that," she said and pointed at the offending couple, "is just icing on the cake."

"I still don't get it. You never even talk about the guy…?" Wallace shook his head in disbelief.

Veronica and Mac both shot him an exasperated look.

"What if Jackie walked in right now?" Mac asked. She put a hand on his forearm.

Wallace shrugged. "Well, I wouldn't run away. I'd wanna know how she was. How her kid was. What happened to 'we're all adults'?" He asked them with a fair amount of attitude.

Veronica slumped down at his comment. "Well, you're a good man, Wallace Fennel. As for me… let's just call a spade a Sam Spade." Veronica smiled and tried for a faraway look. "'He adjusted himself to beams falling and then no more of them fell, and he adjusted himself to them not falling.'"

Wallace quirked an eyebrow.

Veronica took a long, slow exhale. "I got used to this life. I can't invite that back in now."

"It's just one night, Vee." Wallace's brow furrowed. "Just a party. Not a…" He looked exasperated, threw his hands up. "Commitment!"

Mac's other hand came to rest at Veronica's wrist. She sort-of petted and soothed.

"I know it is. But I—we were—"

"Okay, Vee, okay."

'Broken,' Veronica finished in her head for her own benefit.

She leaned into Mac and so did Wallace. The three of them shared an awkward hug until loud microphone feedback interrupted and Madison Sinclair-Danner spoke.

"That's my cue." Veronica extricated herself from her friends.

It was darker in the ballroom now. The spotlight was on the wicked witch, who seemed poised to give a power point presentation. The greatest power point presentation, if her haughty posture was any indication.

Veronica stuck to the shadows until she came upon the kitchen door. She could hear Madison's high-pitched, infernal laugh as she reacted to her own opening joke. Veronica rolled her eyes. She followed a few members of the wait staff into the kitchen and found a back door that led outside. She actually exited fairly close to where she'd parked earlier in the evening.

"Veronica!" He was there. When she could escape everyone else, she never could him.

"Can I tempt you? One dance or whatever?" Logan asked, hands tucked into pockets. He pulled out the old standby, the dipped chin with the puppy dog eyes. He smiled. It was a warm smile, the one reserved for her from forever ago.

'You tempt me plenty. That's the problem,' she thought.

"I really can't," she said as she pointed her thumb back towards her car. "I hafta…"

"Right." His hand went up in… deflection? Understanding?

"I don't really go in for all this—"

He cut her off. "Sentimentality?" He asked almost bitterly. His eyes crinkled at the corners as he held the smile, though.

"I was gonna say phoniness and close quarters with people who loathe me, but that works." She was glib, her own smile put into place on her lips. Too wide, though. She scaled it back almost immediately. "You look good." She made a point of maintaining eye contact. He was not going to catch her ogling.

"So do you," he said in kind. Logan's mouth curved up only slightly and his glance fell to the ground. He looked all but shy suddenly and as if he wished the earth would swallow him whole.

'Good,' Veronica thought. She'd give anything to be anywhere else.

"It's just…" He continued and when he met her eyes again in that moment something flashed, caught the twinkle or glow of the streetlamp. It was arresting. "It's been…" His hand swept out in a gesture that attempted to cover the years. "A long time. I always hoped we'd…" He looked down and away for a moment. Did he know what his cute little pauses were doing to her? "I always hoped we'd be friends again…" His eyes flicked back to hers. "And you're running out without even saying hello. I'm… we're…"

'Broken.'

"We were friends before everything. I'm always gonna want to know how you're doing, what you're up to." He was being so nice. He held her gaze and it was all she could do to keep her distance.

'Steel yourself. You can't go there,' she reminded.

Veronica took a deep breath as his words hit, tried to compose herself. She smiled again, but this time it was forced, guarded, and borderline impatient. "You know this is what I didn't want, right?"

His eyes bore into her now. His stance was suddenly defensive.

"I didn't want to come here. I didn't want to see you. I didn't want to have to do… this!" Her hands fell to her sides and gestured, palms up. She knew she sounded peevish.

"Why did you come here, then?" He said through gritted teeth.

They stood there, caught in a stare. She wanted to say she was coerced, but the words wouldn't come. She was rooted, couldn't look away and couldn't speak. And when a minute passed by, maybe more without a word from her, a look of pain flashed across his face.

"Okay," he acquiesced. His voice was so quiet. "Take care, Veronica." He turned then and walked down the street to go back around to the front entrance.

"I can't do it," she whispered at his retreating form. "I loved you."

Later, after a bubble bath and a cup of her favorite lavender chamomile tea, she went over it all again.

Every nuance in his face as he spoke, every difference from her Logan in appearance and demeanor, everything was to be catalogued. The whole scenario went down so fast she knew she missed too much. The shorter hair, the twinkling and mischievous eyes, the god damned uniform. He was already invading her thoughts – had been for the last two hours.

'God!' She thought. 'When he asked me to dance!' Her mind's eye raked over his glorious dress whites, his tan, his lean frame. Her brain mulled his all at once shy and confident request. It was simple, sweet. Logan.

And she'd turned him down flat.

She could have…

'What, Veronica? Danced with him? Talked? Reminisced about old times? Ended up at the beach? In his bed?' She felt a flutter in her stomach at the thought. It had been awhile.

Veronica found herself following that thread. It had been a very long while. Since before Christmas when she'd been with Drew, her then-boyfriend. If she could call him that. He'd only lasted a few months.

No, that was wrong. She'd had a terrible one night stand after Valentine's Day. It had been unsatisfying and she'd hated herself afterwards.

And now, 'Too much work and no release makes Veronica a very dull girl.'

Her searching fingers slid under the sheets and her sleep shorts as her mind ran through images of Logan, her Logan juxtaposed with this newer, even sexier model. Fingertips brushed excited nerve endings and pushed inside on a continuous loop until she was panting. Her eyes closed and the scorched look he threw her before he turned away toppled her. She came to the thought of the pain she might have caused. She was horrified.

"Logan," she mewled.

'Always good to learn how sick and twisted you are, Veronica. How much lower can you sink?'

But she didn't ruminate long because with release came exhaustion and sleep.

The music was loud and not very good, but Wallace was making the best of it. He'd run into a crush at the reunion who'd extended an invite to her good friend Gia Goodman's after party. So, now they were here. Mac in the corner with a bourbon and Wallace on the makeshift dance floor with his lady friend.

Her eyes cautiously roamed from Wallace to the opposite corner. No, still looking.

'Great,' Mac thought. 'Veronica's going to kill me.'

She'd caught Logan re-entering the reunion, all hunched shoulders and dejection. Mac had known just by his posture who he'd been outside to see. He'd paused then and took a deep breath, perhaps to regain composure. And, just like that- consequences be damned—she'd opened her mouth.

"She doesn't even let us mention you, you know?" Mac had spoken to his back at first.

He'd spun around at her words, more quickly and gracefully than she'd have thought he'd have had a right.

"Mac?"

"Hey, Logan."

There hadn't been more time then, though, because Carrie and Gia were there suddenly and they'd pulled him away.

But all bets were off now. He hadn't stopped staring at her for more than a minute or two at a time since he'd arrived.

'And now he's coming over here,' she stood up and away from the wall in anticipation.

"Mac." He smiled.

"Logan." She returned it.

"You look great. How's life been treating you these ten years?" Logan asked. He extended his hand. She shook it.

"Not as well as you, I think," Mac indicated his uniform with a small flourish.

"Ah," Logan gave a wave of deflection, "I only joined up five years ago. Before that, it was a pretty rough ride."

"But you're good?" Mac asked.

He put his hands in his pockets. "Yeah," he smiled a little shyly, "for a while now. I love it, Mac."

She smiled again. "And you got a special lady friend, too?" Mac nodded slightly towards where Carrie stood across the room.

"Yeah, she's a good buddy," he looked down, but his eyes stayed on her. "You gonna report back?"

"Like I said, not allowed."

He laughed, but it was hollow and Mac nearly felt its bitter sting.

"I shouldn't have said anything." She looked away to Wallace and his crush. They were still dancing and Wallace looked none the wiser to the conversation occurring only scant feet away. She took a sip of bourbon. "It's not my business."

"Maybe," he concurred, nodded, "but I was her friend, too… A long time ago, I know…" Logan's eyes fell to his feet. He tipped one foot up then the other. Slowly. Carefully. As if he were inspecting his shoes. "I just wonder how she's doing… what she's doing."

"She's a lawyer," Mac supplied and his eyes flashed to hers. "Pretty big time. She's up for partner at a small start-up firm that's recently taken off. They're all young. They scouted her freshman year when she interned."

He beamed. "Of course."

Mac laughed. "Yeah. Look, I should go… away from you." She pointed to the bar.

"Thank you, Mac. And I get it, but just one last thing? Is she happy?" Logan's fingertips landed lightly on Mac's forearm. He retracted them almost immediately when her eyes fell to the connection.

Mac brought her eyes up to meet his desperate ones. "No. I don't believe she is."

His face fell.

"She's really into her job, but she isn't happy. She's just… there. She just… goes," Mac said as she gripped her glass tighter. She definitely shouldn't have said that! "I gotta…" She tilted her glass, the universal sign for 'empty and need a refill'.

"Yeah, yeah." He waved her away, but he looked troubled. "It was good seeing you, Mac. I didn't mean to—"

"It's okay. What can she do to me?" Mac shrugged and they both chuckled a little.

"Good luck at Kane Software!" Logan called with a smile as she started towards the bar on the opposite side of the room.

She turned back, her mouth open in shock. He simply pointed his middle and index fingers at his eyes and then at her. He smiled warmly and waved. Mac smiled right back. Why exactly did her friend insist on shutting this guy out?

Which was exactly the sentiment of her morning text to Veronica.

=== Talked to Logan last night. Think you should, too. ===

And that had been hours ago. She tried again.

=== Still on for 2nite? ===

=== Yes. ===

Well, she wasn't dead, then. Or angry. Or not enough to cancel.

Mac decided she'd broach the subject later at dinner. Maybe after Veronica had a couple of drinks. Maybe after she had a couple herself.

It had been early morning when Logan dropped Carrie off at her condo. The after party had gone much later than expected and the girls had gotten caught up in reminiscing. Well, Gia had. And Carrie loved Gia. She'd put up with anything to keep Gia happy.

So, they'd stayed even after the last guests had left and they'd done a brisk clean up with their friend.

Logan hadn't been able to sleep even after a shower. He's spent another hour online looking over some preliminary information regarding his next deployment.

When he finally did fall off, his last wakeful thought was of Mac's words at the ballroom.

"She doesn't even let us mention you, you know?"

Logan dreamed of Veronica. Her eyes were both fire and ice. Her stance was tough. She had a hand on her hip and her ass was barely covered by a tight little jean skirt. Apparently, it was high school all over again in his fantasy, too. She was speaking, some horrible vitriol if this was anything akin to his true high school experience.

But he wasn't listening. He couldn't take his eyes off the calf-high, butch boots she wore. He never could. Even when he wanted to taunt her into oblivion, he'd also wanted to fuck her into that very same place sans anything on but those ever-loving boots.

"You could pay attention when I'm ripping you to shreds, Logan. You could at least pretend. Don't you think my mouth is hot, too?" Dream Veronica asked as she pulled her bottom lip between her teeth.

He did. He did think her mouth was hot, too. He remembered exactly how hot and damp and glorious that mouth could be, especially wrapped around him.

But it wasn't that kind of dream, apparently, because then she was crying. She was as she'd looked at the reunion – older, but more gorgeous than ever. No matter that her eyes were getting puffy and she was sniffling to keep her nose from running. His mind had decided long ago that she was always going to be the gold standard. He was always going to admire her strengths and her weaknesses, her flaws and her perfection, and her grace and her fight. And he was always going to love her.

"This is something I'm never getting past." The old words came back like some kind of a sick, twisted and backwards mantra. Her beauty combined with the torment rolling off her tongue was like a dagger; a shiny, pearl- handled one that gutted him and looked good while doing it.

His chest was tight and his vision blurred as his own tears fell. The weight of his guilt was crushing and his body forced itself – him—awake. He pushed himself up onto elbows and then moved all the way up to sit against the headboard.

Logan found he was crying, literally, and he gasped as his lungs fought for air. He reflexively wiped his eyes with the backs of his hands. He tried to steady his breathing with slower, deeper breaths until he calmed. Until his body calmed. It had been ages since he'd had such a physical reaction to the memories. Seeing her again, though, had brought the old insecurities to the forefront. It had made their failure as a couple more concrete.

It always came back to the end. That stupid one night stand with Madison. Or the other end. The one where Veronica walked out of his life without ever looking back.

"You're out of my life. Forever."

With a heavy sigh, Logan pulled his phone off the night stand. It was 11:00 a.m. There was already a text from Carrie.

=== Thx for the escort, Lt. See U next time we R in town. ===

Veronica had spent the last couple of days at Mars Investigations helping her father with some well overdue billing and filing. So, in payment, her father had decided to take for out for the day.

To the zoo.

"You know I'm not seven anymore," Veronica said as the spring mounted antlers on her headband bobbed around and she kept up with her ice cream cone.

Keith Mars took a picture with his phone. "I beg to differ," he said as he offered her a view of the screen.

She huffed and pulled a half smirk.

"Is it really so arcane, Veronica? Why we're here?"

"Da-ad," Veronica whined playfully. It wasn't lost on her that she'd only cemented the idea that she was an eternal child.

"I'm serious. We had some good times here! I miss daddy / daughter days!" Keith smiled broadly and clapped her on the back.

"Me, too, Pops." She licked at her ice cream more quickly. The sun had come back out from beneath a few clouds. It seemed warmer immediately and an imminent threat to her cool treat.

They meandered through the monkey house, content to spend the day together like old times. At one point, her father wandered ahead as Veronica finished her cone and cleaned up her hands and mouth. She tossed her napkins in the garbage and her eye caught that of a gorilla in his habitat.

The gorilla sat, ramrod straight. His chin was tilted up proudly, defiantly. She moved closer. He watched her, maintained eye contact. They studied each other, seemingly, and Veronica couldn't help but think of her showdown with Logan in the alley the night before.

Not that her mind hadn't been on him anyway since their meeting. Not that she hadn't had a million foolish fantasies about him since last night.

Mac had spoken to him. About her, no doubt.

Maybe not. Mac was loyal.

But Logan was persuasive. And charming. He probably knew all there was to know by now and Veronica was trying to decide how disturbed to be by that when her father doubled back for her.

"What's going on there, honey?" He asked.

"I think I made a new friend," she replied and indicated the beast with a nod of her head.

"You certainly have a type," Keith nudged her with his elbow, a silly grin on his face.

She chuckled. "You're funny, old man."

As she and her father stood side by side taking in the proud animal, Veronica found that she wasn't as disturbed as she thought she should be. All of the fantasies and daydreams had greased the way for a more open mind and maybe a more civil and kind-hearted Veronica.

Then came Mac's text asking her to give him a chance. It jarred her. Veronica knew her own mind, her own heart. She'd made her decision. She and Logan were better off apart.

No matter how many daydreams she had about him.

She and her dad wandered the zoo for a few more hours. Veronica marveled at the giraffes as she always did and cooed over the sloths. She filled her belly with just the right amount of junk food and took a few photos of the penguins. She texted one to Wallace.

=== Someone else looks good in a tux. ===

"Thanks for this, Veronica," her dad said as he hugged her to his side on the way to their car.

"Thank you! I really needed a day to relax."

"And you're still coming for your birthday?" He looked down at her as he asked.

"Yes, I'm still coming for my birthday," she sighed out and leaned further into him until it was awkward. They pulled apart to continue the trek to the car.

The drive back to her father's house was uneventful and relaxing. Once they returned, Veonica began to get ready for girls' night with Mac.

Dinner at the Asian fusion place Mac had wanted to try was excellent, but it was BYOB and they hadn't known.

So, it was off for drinks then. Mac suggested the '09er and Veronica bit. The restaurant was only a couple of blocks from the club so they walked.

=== '09er 2nite ===

She'd gotten Logan's number off of Wallace's lady friend before they'd left the party. The procurement of said number was maybe a bit nefarious, but she'd gotten it, nonetheless.

So Mac had done it. She'd texted Logan right under Veronica's nose to get him out with them. She knew the possibility of incurring her friend's wrath was strong, and, in fact, more of a probability. However, she couldn't stand the nothing anymore. This whitewashed version of Veronica had body snatched long enough. Her friend needed help, a slap in the face maybe. Something. Mac would accept the consequences if it meant Veronica might come back into brilliant hi-definition color.

She and Veronica bellied up to the bar and they were served immediately. An IPA for Veronica, a scotch and soda for herself. It was still early and the bar area wasn't very crowded so they made themselves comfortable.

Logan didn't recognize the number. Maybe Dick was using a friend's phone.

He wasn't really motivated to go to the club. Last night had been… interesting or, to put a finer point on it, paralyzing. The chance to see Veronica, visit with her, show her he'd changed had been a looming fantasy for so long and it was all… over before it began. No chance. No laughs over drinks and no shared stories of his derring-do. No interest on her part, even. She'd meant it. She wanted him to stay out of her life. After all this time, they couldn't be friends or even civil for five minutes.

"You know this is what I didn't want, right?"

He groaned and shook himself out of his stupor. He'd be back out soon. Deployment started in less than three weeks. He wouldn't have the option of denying Dick's invitations. He finished grilling his burger and threw it on a plate. Dick couldn't deny him dinner, at least.

Veronica suddenly felt gutless. He'd been right there in front of her. Beautiful and endeavoring and right there.

And she'd shooed him away. Pushed him as if she'd put her hands against his chest and shoved as hard as she could.

She held a finger up for another shot.

"How did you get here?" Mac asked.

"Uber," Veronica replied. "I dated, you know? I did. I do."

"When?" Mac pulled her lips hard between her teeth in an effort to keep from smiling.

"Drew?!" Veronica's hands flailed in exasperation and one bumped her beer.

"That was months ago, Vee," Mac said and put her hand over Veronica's.

Veronica would have none of it and pulled her hand away immediately. "Stop bringing him up," she said flatly and no sooner did the bartender bring her shot than it was down her throat. She chased it with a swallow of her beer.

"Can you slow down? Let me get you a water." Mac motioned for the bartender and caught his eye.

"He hurt me."

Mac turned back to face her and her eyes went wide.

"I hurt him, too, though," Veronica explained and Mac seemed to compose herself again.

"Veronica," Mac sighed.

"We were so fucked up. I didn't think I could trust him. He sure as shit shouldn't have trusted me." She took another drink. "I kept so much from him after he turned into, like, my second dad." She made a face. "So, you see, we never had a chance." Veronica shook her head slowly.

Mac just looked at her with soft eyes. "Oh, Vee."

"The kicker? He was trustworthy. He only ever withheld because I was judgmental and paranoid. Imagine dating Richard Nixon." Veronica pointed her thumbs back at herself.

Mac laughed and Veronica thought she heard a laugh from somewhere behind her, but she kept on because Mac wanted to know, right?

She took another sip. So did her friend.

"I loved him, Mac." She was getting too girly, she knew. Mac wasn't even actually making eye contact. She was smiling and it was placating, but Mac seemed to be looking at something just above her ear. "Or I love him, I guess, because it doesn't go away." She waved her hand dismissively at the correction of her own words. "And he showed up looking all sexy as hell and with Carrie Bishop, of all people!" More flying of hands. "And I didn't trust myself be to be that close. So I just… told him I didn't want to see him." Veronica frowned. Her hands dropped, tamed by a sudden melancholy. She looked away, down at her glass, anywhere but her friend's eyes. "And then I couldn't stop thinking about him fucking Carrie's brains out after the party," she admitted meekly.

Another laugh from whoever was on the barstool behind her. She swung around.

"Look, buddy. This is a private—"

"Carrie's gay, Veronica," Logan said as he spun slightly on the stool to face her. "You'd have found out if you'd have bothered to catch up last night."

Veronica stared at him, her mouth open in shock. What was he doing here? Was this her own personal hell? How much of her rantings and confessions did he hear? Probably enough. She felt the blood rush to her face.

"Carrie's… g-gay?" She turned again on her stool so that she sat fully at the bar. Her mind raced with this new tidbit, clutched at it as if it were straws. Clung to it as if it could save her from a more difficult, clumsy, and strangling conversation. But also because if Carrie's gay… Then…?

An eternity passed in the seconds until her head turned back towards Mac. But Mac was no longer there.

Veronica scanned the crowd to look for her and saw her take a seat further down the bar – not out of sight, but not hovering in this unfinished business, either.

Veronica looked back at Logan uncertainly. His eyes had traced Mac's movements, too, but fell back on her when she'd turned.

"You love me, huh?" Logan's smile was warm and he seemed pleased to know that information. "That's something else we could have talked about last night."

"We are not talking about that," she mumbled and faced front again. She picked up her glass, but her hand was shaking so she set it right back down. She rested her palm flat against the bar top.

"Veronica?"

She couldn't look at him. She couldn't stand the assault on her senses. She couldn't stand to see the pull of the blue Henley fabric across his torso and the faint, shadowed outline of what lay underneath. She couldn't stand the gaze cast from the molten chocolate pools he had the balls to call eyes and the devotion they projected. She couldn't stand hearing her name in his voice or the scent of his aftershave wafting.

He put his hand over hers.

And she sure as hell wouldn't live through that.

She pulled her hand away as if he'd burned her and placed it in her lap instead.

"Okay. You love me against your will. I got it."

She could feel his gaze. It burned her, too.

"But we're here. We could just… talk," he said softly. "We could talk for a little while and I could tell you about the Navy –"

Veronica's head twisted to his at that. She quirked an eyebrow.

"Yes, I'm in the Navy now. A lieutenant. I'm proud of it and of what I've accomplished. And I've been… wanting to share that with you. I wanted you to know. In case –"

He smiled and she was caught in it. Caught in its warmth and acceptance. Caught in his delight at just sitting with her.

"In case it changed your mind," he continued.

Her brow crinkled and she asked, "About what?"

"Me," he replied and ducked his head. Then he turned straight on towards the bar. He drug his eyes back up and looked straight ahead for a moment. His Adam's apple bobbed with a rough swallow. He turned his head and once more met her eyes. He smiled again. It was brave.

Veronica saw his greatest desires then. His desire for her approval and praise. His desire to love and be loved. His desire for her.

'How can he lay himself out like that?' He forever amazed her.

"Logan," she warned.

"We're just talking a little. Or I am. I'm just taking my chance to catch you up. Okay?" He leaned closer and his fingers tapped her elbow. Then he rested his arm on the back of her chair.

She reeled with his nearness. "Logan," she said again, but it was gruff and she had to clear her throat as a distraction.

"And I went with Carrie last night because she's a friend and she thought an ex was gonna be there. She needed my support." As he spoke, his fingers brushed against the middle of her back and she jumped out of her skin. "Little did we know it would be the other way around." He sat up straight again and placed his two hands in plain sight on the edge of the bar.

Veronica's eyes were drawn to him. She took in his profile, the set of his jaw, and the parting of his lips on an inhale of breath. To be that breath that passed through those lips, that was consumed by those lungs, that filled them up, and kept him alive.

And therein lay the problem. She could never just sit and talk with this man as if they were only just friends and nothing passed between them. Somehow, at some point long ago, she'd found herself consumed by a great, scalding, and distracting passion for him.

Her eyes fell to her glass when he finally looked at her.

"Veronica." His tone was one of vexation now. "We don't have to… see each other again." Her eyes flew back to his. He looked stricken at his own words. "You don't live here, right?" He continued. "I barely live here. We could just be civil tonight. Just for a little while." He swallowed again and his eyes roamed her face.

He nodded towards Mac. "She told me you're a big shot lawyer now."

Logan was being so gentle with her. So gentle and so mature. He was being so patient in the face of her guardedness and so determined to breach her defenses if only for a short visit. Once again, Logan was settling for crumbs. Pattern re-established.

A tear slid, unbidden, down her cheek.

"Oh, God, no," he exclaimed quietly and his thumb was on her cheek instantly. He dragged the wetness away and her hand clasped his wrist.

"Stop." Her voice was too tiny and she hated it. She pulled his hand away. She couldn't give it up, though. She held it between both of her own in her lap. And what she thought would burn and bite and smart and tear her heart to shreds comforted with its smooth and soft familiarity. She sighed.

"We haven't seen each other for nine years," she started. Her eyes closed for a moment when his thumb began to stroke dainty circles against her wrist. "And I'm such a weak little girl because it's like we broke up yesterday."

He chuckled. "Weak was never any identifier for you, Veronica."

She was sort-of petting his fingers as she continued. "You're too much."

"Smile, then. It was a joke, a complimentary joke." His eyes twinkled at her and she automatically leaned towards him slightly as if in thrall. One hand slid up to his forearm and very nearly clutched at the exposed flesh and softer than soft hair she found there. The action only served to cement her next words and she knew what she had to do.

"No. You're too… you affect me too much."

He sighed. "It goes both ways, I think."

"Does it?" She was curious, but continued. "Remember when I was a girl and you teased me? I'd blush furiously and make for a getaway or hope Duncan or Lily would rescue me."

"You never needed rescuing by them," he said softly.

"I thought I did. At the time. At the time, your flirting or whatever you want to call it was… embarrassing."

"I'm sorry."

Her brow furrowed. "No, that's… I mean, embarrassing to a young girl. It was all relative, you know, to our age."

Veronica took a deep breath. "Your barbs when we were teenagers were… hard to take. I learned to steel myself and to give as good as I got, but it was hard. That time was hard."

He started to speak, but she raised a hand. He nodded and brought his own hand up from her lap to clasp hers. He turned them so that they were holding hands on the bar.

"I cried a lot at the beginning of all that. I took it so seriously. I know we were both hurting. I know that now, but—"

She stopped. Her palm in his larger one soothed her, gave her courage even as it excited her nerve endings. She looked back up at him.

"Later, all I wanted was to be enough. I was so good at school and work, but I was never good at being with you. You were so giving and loving and loyal and protective and sexy. It was intimidating. I fixated on the negatives because I was none of those things. For you, at least. I was jealous and cowardly and consumed with the idea of your screwing me over in some way. Like it was too good to be true. The thought of giving myself to you, loving you completely was terrifying. I had so little experience, too. I was convinced you'd get bored. Leave like everyone else. So, if that was going to happen anyway, I wanted to protect myself." She was trembling. His eyes were watery, but soft and calm and happy.

"You were more than enough," Logan said and leaned in towards her again. He brought their joined hands up from the countertop and the back of her hand to his lips. The feather-light touch was exhilarating. The resulting waves of warmth and desire that whisked all around her being brought on a full body shiver. "You were all those things, Veronica. Sometimes I was intimidated, too." He smiled big, but his eyes fell to their joined hands. He nodded as if caught in the memories. "A lot of times."

He almost always did this. Made it too easy. Seduced her with his soft lips and soft eyes and soft words then accepted whatever she gave. "No! You took what I doled out and made do. That wasn't fair and is far less than you deserve!" She wrestled her hand away from his and smoothed her hair back from her face.

"Veronica, I loved you. It wasn't like that. If you felt insecure in our relationship, I should have—" He rubbed a hand back and forth a couple of times over his own head. He was troubled, frustrated, but his tone was one of wonder and caring. "God! Why didn't you ever say this stuff then?"

"Nope. You did everything right. You tried to make me feel safe, secure, and happy." She took an overdue sip of her beer. "I was stupid. I couldn't possibly consider that I was anything compared to the other girls, compared to Lily. And I never let you just… be. Any mistake…" She sighed. "And I never said any of this stuff because I was less self- aware and more… fight or flight. We were messed up. I was messed up."

"Veronica…"

"I don't think I can have a healthy relationship with you."

"Can you? With any man?"

"Maybe someday," she said quietly. "Maybe this is helping." She took another sip. She felt him watching her still. Her eyes fell back to his. She noted the concern she found there.

"It's too much, Logan. It's silly, probably, but you affect me too much. I can't cope with all of that. Not again."

"We're important to each other," he stated. She nodded. His brows pulled together in consternation. "I'm just asking for your friendship in this instant. Maybe your phone number so I can call you once in a while. On your birthday, maybe." He gestured, palm up.

She raised her eyes to his. They looked hopeful. She almost sobbed with grief. It was still happening.

"You're still doing it, Logan. Asking for the bare minimum. You deserve better. You deserve the girl who's all in. I can't give that to you. And I can't feel like this. I know it's all relative. Maybe, when we're fifty, I'll be cuddled up with you on our couch and—"

She caught herself too late. 'Where did that come from?' She sat up straighter and blinked a few times.

"Wh-what did you say?" He sounded startled, and, when she looked, he had a dazed grin on his face.

"Nothing." She tried to turn away on the stool. His hand on the chair back stopped her.

"Not nothing. You see us together. In the future." Logan was too close.

She felt a bead of sweat at the back of her neck. She blew out a breath through pursed lips. "It doesn't mean anything or," she backpedaled, "it means that you're fiddling with my concentration right now." She shook her head. Her hands flew erratically in front of her face again.

"Please, just let me have your number." He grabbed one of her flying hands.

She stared straight into his eyes, open-mouthed. She'd never understand him. "I'm content now. I'm calm. I've got a good job, a good life. I see people. I go out with friends. You have your life. It's good now, right?" Her eyes flicked up and down his torso. She retrieved her hand from his. She had to because it felt like it belonged there inside his larger one. It was a traitor to the cause.

He leaned in, she pulled back reflexively. He leaned in again and kissed her on the cheek. She sighed.

"It's a 'no', then?" He asked, ignoring her question.

"It's a 'no'," she confirmed.

"You're saying that you're content to live your life without me in it? That you don't even want another friend to go out with sometimes?" He was still right there.

Again.

He was trying to be friendly, congenial, and good. And she was shoving him away as hard as humanly possible.

Again.

Her brow creased. He was confusing. Was he going to leave her alone? Was it finally going to be over? Was this the closure she needed? Was it what she wanted?

Logan was watching her and she realized she'd made him wait for too long for her answer.

"Yes, that's what I'm saying," she said and she tried to give him her most determined look even though she was waffling a little inside. He always did this to her.

He gently kissed her forehead this time. And for all the gentleness, it burned her anyway.

"Okay, Veronica. I reiterate, take care." There was a flurry of movement at his hip and his wallet was in the fray. He threw forty bucks on the bar. Had he even been drinking? Veronica had no idea.

"You, too."

He stood and looked her over once more, his eyes burning into hers for what seemed like another eternity before he headed towards Mac.

He felt lighter and like his head was spinning. He hadn't had a drop to drink, though. It was Veronica. Her nearness, her stubbornness, her admissions. She loved him. She pictured them together sometimes or ultimately or at least once. It didn't matter because it had happened somewhere inside her gorgeous, confounding brain. No matter what else – her ridiculous and unending quest for normalcy aside—she loved him. He was suddenly and irrevocably all in again. And with a clear conscience. He couldn't, wouldn't give up now. He just needed one little thing…

It had gone well.

It hadn't gone well.

Mac would have been able to call it just as easily as if she'd had a flower from which to pluck petals.

They'd been holding hands, but Veronica had looked as though she'd been under duress through most of it.

Mac smiled cautiously as Logan approached. "Well?"

"I don't recognize that woman. She's not the Veronica I remember," he said with a small smile.

"Maybe that's for the best?"

"For who? Her?" He shook his head sadly. "Look, will you do me a favor? Text me her number."

"If she didn't give it to you…" Mac fidgeted with her glass and struggled to make eye contact.

"Look, I won't bother her. I just want her to know I'm around. I just want—." Logan took a deep breath and ducked down, made Mac look him in the eye at last. "Okay, maybe I want to bother her a little." He smiled again softly.

Mac tried to speak, but he quickly added, "I just want to be friends, ease the way a little. Maybe bring the other Veronica back." He looked down sheepishly. "Maybe woo her a little."

"People change, you know? What if this is the real Veronica? You changed, right?" Mac threw out quickly.

"You don't think that. You wouldn't have done this if you thought that."

"I can't—"

"Where do you draw the line then?" Logan asked heatedly and with the hint of a scowl. "Or, I guess, here. Because I know it was your text that got me out here tonight. What were you hoping for? For your friend?"

"I don't know. I guess I thought maybe it'd bring her around one way or another. I know she's… not herself," Mac pleaded with him to understand.

"And how did I figure in? My feelings about seeing her and hearing what I heard when I walked up?"

"I'm sorry. I didn't think—"

"So, can we just say you owe me?" He asked and when she didn't reply and she looked down at her fingers twisting her glass against its coaster, "You know what? Text me the number or don't, but she just accidentally admitted to me that she sees us together in the future!" He leaned in still further and pointed a finger in Veronica's direction. "It surprised the hell out of her, but it's there. That idea's inside of her and I need to cultivate it, if I can. I need one more chance. She's the one that got away." His finger traced along the edge of the bar then and he watched it as he spoke.

"So, presumably, you said all of this to her and she turned you down?" Mac asked. Her brow creased in question. Veronica was too stubborn for her own good, Mac knew. "Why? If she's already with you in her head, why not initiate the real thing?" She shook her head.

"Fear? Or… I don't know. She thinks she'll get hurt. She wants to stay—"

"Numb," Mac finished for him.

Logan pointed at Mac as if to say, "Bingo!"

"I'm sorry," he started again. "I shouldn't have asked you to go against her wishes. I'll figure something out. Take care. Maybe I'll see you around." He smiled and turned to go.

"Bye, Logan." He waved without looking back and she fished her phone out of her purse. She texted him the number before she walked back down to her friend. 'In for a penny, in for a pound.' If she was going to play cupid in this crazy, star-crossed thing, she might as well finish the job.

"Hey," she said as she approached her friend.

"Did you orchestrate that?" Veronica asked somberly.

"I thought—"

"I guess maybe you're top con now." Veronica sighed. She took her last sip of beer. "Let's get out of here." She stood up.

"Veronica?" Mac halted her. "I only wanted to help. Are you angry?"

"Yeah, but more at me than anyone else. I'm serious. I ordered my Uber." Veronica made only brief eye contact, then turned away quickly and pushed through the tiny crowd that had started to form. Mac followed.

When they got outside, Veronica broke off and fell back into the shadow of the building. She leaned into the brick and Mac scoured the street for Veronica's ride. She saw a car stop close to the corner and turned back to Veronica to act as escort to the vehicle.

But what she saw when she faced her friend scared the shit out of her. Veronica's entire frame shook with silent sobs and her head was in her hands. Mac rushed to her side. What had she done?

"Oh, Veronica! I'm so sorry! I didn't know…" Mac hugged Veronica with one arm and patted her hair. She considered how that was not strictly true since she knew, she knew Veronica never talked about him or even let him be a subject of conversation. She pulled back slightly to ask," Can you wait here a second?" She felt Veronica nod. She squeezed her a bit then let go to run down to the Uber car.

Mac gave the driver ten dollars for his trouble, but explained that her friend couldn't use the ride after all.

She hurried back to Veronica and put an arm around her shoulders and clasped a hand in her own. She felt Veronica take a deep breath. They walked quickly to Mac's car and she opened the passenger side door for Veronica.

"Do you want…? Can you… talk about it?" Mac asked when they were both tucked into the Volkswagen. She grabbed the box of tissues she kept in the back seat and put it next to Veronica in front. Veronica pulled one from the box and blew her nose.

Mac started the car and pulled into traffic.

"I'll listen, Veronica," she said as she checked mirrors. "No judgment."

"Oh, Mac!" Veronica exclaimed. "I don't even recognize myself this last day! I'm not usually so… rile-able. I can't—"

She hiccupped.

'I haven't recognized you for years,' Mac thought, but kept it to herself.

"I can't tell you the last time I cried. I didn't even cry when Drew and I broke up!" Veronica blew her nose again.

"Pfft! Why would you? He was a douche!"

Veronica gave her a sideways look.

"Sorry! No judgment!" Mac cried as she turned left.

Veronica smiled a little. "He was a douche, wasn't he?"

Mac chuckled. She risked a glance at Veronica who was staring out the side window. She took a right.

It was quiet for a few more beats before Veronica spoke again.

"I almost got him killed once, you know?"

"Drew?" Mac asked and her head spun to Veronica's side of the car again in surprise.

"No. L-Logan." When Veronica said his name it was a whisper, almost reverent. "I got Wallace hurt. You could've been in a lot of trouble. I ruined my dad's life."

"We're all fine and I'm sure your dad doesn't see it that way," Mac said, tried to appease. "You can't still seriously be blaming yourself for that crap?"

"You're too nice. Don't be nice. That person that I was… I was—"

Another hiccup.

"I was reckless and awful. Now, I'm calmer, normal."

"Veronica. That person you were," Mac said as she glanced back over to the passenger seat, "that you are is kick-ass and awesome. I wouldn't waste my time otherwise." She saw Veronica roll her eyes in her peripheral as she took another left and they neared Keith's bungalow.

"You said you love him. Isn't that…? Shouldn't that count for something?"

Veronica looked like she was about to speak but didn't.

"You love him. He loves you. Some people never have that! Should you be so careless with it?" Mac asked as she pulled into Keith's driveway.

"He loves me?"

Mac gave her 'the look'. The one that said, "Clearly, you are an idiot."

"I can't be careless with his life," Veronica said softly.

"That was years ago! All this stuff happened years ago! And why do you feel like you'd be more careless with his life than the freaking Navy?" Mac slapped her hands down on her lap. "He's a grown man. He can handle it!"

Veronica stared back at her now, open mouthed and Mac just knew it was about to get sassy in the front seat.

"I thought there was no judgment?"

Mac sighed. "I know I said that, but…" She put her hand over Veronica's as it clutched a tissue. "No, you're right. I'm sorry. You can't be careless with his life."

Veronica nodded.

"Because…?" Mac tried switching tactics.

Veronica looked at Mac questioningly. Mac looked right back, eyebrows raised in her own question.

"Because… I love him." Veronica looked at her lap. Her hands and Mac's hand and the tissue were one big ball.

"And so? Couldn't you just give it a chance? Work your way forward together? You've grown up. You didn't actually get him killed. He's grown up. He's in the Navy, for Chrissakes!" She exclaimed. "You shouldn't have to be a martyr for something that almost happened years ago." Both of Mac's hands returned to the steering wheel and, in her frustration, she gripped it tight. She ended her tirade by staring at the house. "I'm sorry. I'm repeating myself and there's maybe a little judgment, but there were some points I really wanted to hit home." Mac turned again to face Veronica and she smiled gingerly.

Veronica giggled softly, but quickly changed gears. "I can't. It's too," Veronica swallowed mightily, "volatile. I have a good job. Friends." She smiled. "I'm steady."

"What good is that, Veronica? When all is said and done, what good is that?" Mac thought this conversation might actually be the death of her. Talking round and round with anyone gave her heartburn and she was starting to feel the effects. "God! You talk about him and your… past or whatever as though they were some sort-of drug! Like you couldn't find a balance."

"I couldn't," Veronica said. "Not when it came to him."

Mac shook her head. "I call bullshit, Veronica. You're Veronica Mars. You can do it all, have it all. If anyone can, I mean." Mac sunk further into her driver's seat. She sighed as she looked over her friend, over the state in which she currently found her. "Sleep on it, maybe? I have his number. Just ask, okay? If you change your mind?"

But Veronica didn't change her mind. She went home two days later and buried her nose in a new case even as she tried an old one.

After a particularly crap day, she drug out her favorite old t-shirt and some sweats. As she reached into the back of the closet for her cute little ballet flat slippers, her fingers brushed against a box buried in the back corner.

Her brow wrinkled in confusion until she got her hands around the box and brought it out to the light.

It was one she'd confiscated from the local grocery store when she'd moved ages ago. She knew what she'd find when she opened it.

The box flaps fit snugly, but she pulled until she saw them.

Lily. Duncan. Logan. Right on top.

The photos practically leapt out at her. She smiled as she picked one that clung to the side of the box. It was Mac with an arm around Backup and her father loitering in the background. She remembered that day. It was a good one.

But of course the homecoming photo was on top. It was what she'd noticed first and the one from which she'd tried to distract herself.

It wouldn't do to ignore Lily, though. She'd never allowed it in life and it wouldn't be allowed this night.

She picked the photo up and brushed her thumb over her friend's face, wistfully.

"I miss you," she said softly. Her eyes caught Logan's face and she thought it was true of all of them, on some level.

Veronica set the picture aside and grabbed a handful of others. She began to thumb through them. Ultimately, they turned into a collage of mostly Logan or Logan and herself. In every one they were smiling. She was taken aback at first, but then she started to enjoy the look of herself with him, the look of their faces and bodies side by side. Together. Smiling and placid.

She went back to the box. Wallace was in there and a really old one of her and Lily and Meg.

But then she came across a photo of her very favorite t-shirt, the one she was wearing right now. The shirt had gotten her through so much and had brought so much comfort. But there was something she'd forgotten. The shirt… had been Logan's.

And there he stood, next to Wallace at the edge of the beach. His head was thrown back slightly in a laugh and Wallace's eyes were on Logan, though he hadn't yet turned his head in that direction. Wallace had a smirk brewing and Logan's hands just barely crossed in front of his own stomach. The stilted action was comical, but she didn't care. It was cute. They were cute.

The phone rang and she set the photos and box aside to reach it.

"Hey, Dad," she said and smiled as she spoke.

"Hey, kiddo. Just wanted to check in. You seemed out of sorts a few days ago," Keith said. "How's the new case?"

"It's moving right along, but the trial is… trying. I just want to cuddle up tonight," she said and wiped a hand over her eyes.

"Sorry to hear that."

It was silent for a moment.

"Dad?"

"Hmm?"

She could hear papers rustling. It was distracting.

"You still at work?" She asked. She hated how late he worked and how hard he still pushed himself.

"Mmm."

"Dad?" She asked again.

"Veronica?" He mimicked her a bit.

"Do you think I made the right decision?"

"About what, kid?" Her dad queried. The rustling stopped.

"About life, work." She shrugged even though he couldn't see.

"That's broad. Are you alright, Veronica?" Her dad sounded concerned.

"Yeah. It's just sometimes… I wonder if I… chose wrong," Veronica finished and took a deep breath. "It's silly. It's not like I can go back."

"Are you happy?" He asked.

"Basically."

"Basically?!" He sounded astonished by her choice of word. "You're basically happy? Well, my job's done then!" And there was no escaping the sarcasm he laid out for her.

"Da-ad. You know what I mean," she scolded. "I know I've got it good, but sometimes I think I'm missing something."

"Some thing or some one?" Her father asked, knowingly.

'Dads,' Veronica thought. Her mouth curved up slightly on one side.

"Maybe both. I don't know. I just found some old photos and they got me to thinking, I guess."

Silence. He waited her out.

"Like I said, it's silly."

He sighed heavily. "You can change whatever it is that's keeping you back, Veronica. Whatever you think you're missing, you can find it again, I think. You could always find anything."

"Dad," she drew the word out a bit, as if shy, humbled. She caught herself smiling.

"It's the truth. You hold all the cards."

They sat in silence for another few moments. The thought was absorbing.

"Thanks, Dad. But enough about me. How was your week?" Veronica asked as she scooted up onto her bed. She piled a couple of pillows against the headboard and leaned. She listened to her dad's soothing voice explain how he'd found the latest evidence in his insurance fraud case.

She laughed at a self-deprecating joke he made, but it turned into a yawn and she realized she was exhausted.

"Am I keeping you up, honey?" Keith asked when he heard her.

"A little. It just hit me."

"Okay, well, let's call it a night," he said.

"Hey. Good talk," she joked, pretended she was the parent. He chuckled.

"Goodnight, Dad."

"'Night, honey."

The hand holding her phone fell to the bed and she sat still and contemplative until she felt herself starting to nod off. Then, she hopped up to plug in her phone and set her alarm. She kicked the box to the side so that it was right inside the front of the closet.

Veronica woke rested and ready to attack the day. She showered and primped and picked out her second best suit since she'd worn her favorite yesterday.

The box caught her eye as she pulled down the hanger. She bent to it and plucked up the photo of Logan and Wallace. She looked at it for a few moments and chuckled at its goofiness. She leaned the photo carefully against the lamp on the bed side table.

Logan's last few weeks had been busy. He was deporting soon and there was plenty to do in readying what amounted to a small city for the months ahead. Plus, he'd needed to run several test flights in his plane.

He thought of Veronica nearly every day. He thought of her from the old days – her smile and her giggle. He thought of her angry and crying. He thought of their clasped hands at the bar and of her soft cheek when he'd kissed it.

But he'd kept his word. He hadn't bothered her. The responsibility of her number in his phone was a great one and he didn't take it lightly. He'd thanked Mac profusely the day after, when he guessed Veronica wasn't with her. And then, he just let it comfort him.

Her birthday was coming up, just before his deployment. He wanted to text her or call her. He hoped to at least provide her with his email. Maybe while he was gone they could be pen pals or keyboard kibitzers or whatever they called it in this day and age.

None of it was ever far from his mind, but now was not the time.

"Mouth!"

Apparently.

"Yeah?" He answered absentmindedly, not even sure who had called for him.

"Are we gonna get this show on the road or what?" Bilbo shouted across the tarmac.

Logan laughed out loud. "Or what," he said, just for himself.

Veronica checked her make-up and hair. 'Drinks with the gang. With Jarrod.'

When she was reasonably satisfied with her appearance, she exited the restroom and went in search of the hotel bar.

They had closing tomorrow so it was guaranteed to be only a drink or two and an early night. Perfect. Perfect for getting to know the young, hot shot lawyer the firm was courting.

Or was he courting them? Or her?

His eyes were trained on her anytime she happened to glance at him and he winked at her an average of four times a day since the start of this new case.

Jarrod had been brought in as a junior advisor. They liked him and it was easy to see why. He was intelligent, charming, and efficient. He'd win over a jury in a heartbeat with that whole men wanna be him, women wanna be with him vibe he had going on and he wasn't too hard on the eyes, either.

She had just passed through the entrance when she heard her name called from somewhere to her left.

"Veronica!" Jarrod nodded at her when she swung her head round.

He smiled. She smiled.

The couple of drinks was actually three and she helped put away some really excellent spinach and artichoke dip. Jarrod had guided her to the outside by the small of her back and into her cab by the elbow. It had made her feel singled-out and a little bit special. It felt good to have some male attention, but his touch lacked electricity and, after those drinks, it brought out a bit of dispiritedness. She was home by eight and in bed by nine.

Veronica tried to reread over her notes for the following day. She wasn't delivering, but she wanted to mimic the process. She knew it wasn't long before they gave her the opportunity. She was a hot shot, too.

The picture on the bedside table caught her eye. Logan caught her eye.

'There's electricity there,' she thought and sighed. Her notes fell to the bed. Her eyes roamed the photo for several more moments before she pushed herself up and out of her bed.

The box was still at the front of the closet. She crouched down and fished through it again. She pulled out more, more, more photos. The ones of Lily and her, Mac, and Wallace. The ones of Logan and Logan and her.

Veronica's finger bumped a metal frame. It was the black and white of them from just before the start of freshman year at Hearst. They were close, her lips posed in a big, fake pucker at his cheek. His smile was soft. His eyes were… softer. They caressed the camera and, in turn, her as she gazed upon them.

She stood. She walked to her dresser without taking her eyes off the portrait. She placed it at the back and in the center. Right in front of the mirror.

Veronica remembered how smooth that cheek felt beneath her lips and how it wasn't ever a great leap until his mouth was under hers. She remembered how that felt, too. She shivered because the jolt always came next, when the tips of their tongues met.

'God! His tongue! His mouth in general.'

It was a cinch she wouldn't be contemplating Jarrod in this way anytime soon.

Veronica climbed back into bed. She took another long look at the photo and then at the one by her bed. She cleaned up her paperwork, set her alarm, and turned out the light.

The next week was good. The firm had won the case, but the new client was growing ever more demanding. She saw Jarrod a lot. She'd even said yes to a Friday night out with him.

The Mexican place had been exactly to her liking and she'd had more than one Modelo. But when Jarrod had leaned in, she had pulled back. He'd gone for her cheek then.

Like Logan. But it wasn't like that because it seemed clumsy and there was nothing. No tingling. No spark. No jolt.

"Sorry." She wasn't, though. "I'm—"

'Broken,' she thought.

He rolled his eyes. "You have a boyfriend, right? I'm an idiot," he said as he stepped back. His palm hit his forehead. "You're kinda too good to be true. You have to have a boyfriend."

Veronica smiled. "Well, I'd like to have a friend, anyway. Maybe one who likes Monday Night Football?"

"That's a trick. Your firm goes out to O'Malley's for that a lot," he chuckled and leaned against the railing outside her building.

She chuckled, too. "Yeah, but I never know what's going on. You could help, maybe?"

"Maybe."

"I had fun."

"Me, too," he said with a smile. "Goodnight, Veronica." He stood up straight again and headed down the four steps to the sidewalk.

She gave a little wave to his back and watched him flag down the next cab.

Inside, Veronica went to the fridge for a water and there they were.

The Fab Four. She'd put the homecoming photo on the fridge. Her gaze fell to Logan first. He was so young and baby-faced and gorgeous. He wore a goofy grin, probably due to all the glorious cleavage in his face.

She shook her head and took a sip of water.

'Lily.'

But she soon cast her gaze to herself and Duncan. She vamped idiotically while Duncan tried for suave. The good times. All of them seemingly carefree.

Right before she lost everything.

And found some things, too.

Resilience, strength, self –reliance.

Love.

Veronica took another sip of water. It was early. She called Mac. They watched a movie together over the phone. She shouldn't have, but she told Mac about Jarrod. At her friend's delighted squeal, Veronica cringed. She left out some details, but it was soothing to hear Mac sound that way about her life, about a choice she made. Mac hadn't sounded that way for a long time. Not about her. She shouldn't have spun it the way that she did, but she wanted it to be true. Veronica wanted to be happy. She wanted Mac to be happy.

Maybe…?

They'd been in touch the week before to firm up plans and Veronica was back in Neptune for her birthday dinner.

"This is so great!" Veronica gushed as she looked over the Luigi's menu.

"I thought you had a surprise?" Mac prompted. She watched her friend pour over the extensive menu of Italian food. "And I thought that surprise was in the shape of a new guy?"

Veronica's head snapped up. So did Wallace's.

"There's a new guy? Why don't I know about this?" Wallace squinted at the two of them.

"Because it was very casual and he had to cancel."

"Really? Or did you not give him a chance?" Mac leaned across the table a bit then looked to Wallace for help.

"Mmm. He's a good buddy, I guess. I think that's all it is, though."

Mac did a double take at Veronica's reply. 'Good buddy?' It was a call back to something Logan had said at the reunion. Did these two idiots go to the same school of charming linguistics?

"What?" Veronica asked as she took a sip of water.

Mac noticed Veronica hadn't ordered a proper drink. "Nothing." She supposed there wouldn't be any more drunken revelations. She supposed she wouldn't find out if Logan had used the number. Veronica hadn't mentioned anything during their phone call. They'd been too busy discussing Jarrod. But it didn't seem discussion about him was in the cards tonight, either. If there even was a Jarrod. She wouldn't put it past Veronica to create a distraction to shut her up.

"So, Happy Birthday, girl!" Wallace boomed. He reached across the table to smack Veronica's arm.

She chuckled. "Thanks."

Her phone pinged.

"Oh! That might be Jess! Do you mind? We've been waiting for the release of some documents."

"Go ahead." Mac waved it off.

There. He'd done it. He'd sent a photo of his couch at the condo in San Diego. Well, just the corner with the big, fluffy, comfortable-looking pillow on it.

=== Happy Birthday, Veronica! See you in 20 yrs for some hardcore cuddling! ===

Logan expected nothing. But there wasn't any half way for him anymore. He sent a second text.

=== Or sooner, if ur up for it! ===

He left his phone on the island, couldn't stand to imagine looking at it constantly and waiting. He ran upstairs to change. A good run would fill time.

On his way back down the stairs, he heard his phone. His breath caught and his heart raced. He attempted to calm himself and slowly approached the counter.

It might not be her.

He woke up the phone.

=== I might need a blanket. ===

Logan smiled broadly. He couldn't have hoped for this if he'd tried. It was too much.

That she recognized him in the words. That she was receptive. That she flirted back.

'She flirted back,' he awed.

His phone sounded and vibrated in his hand.

=== For proper cuddling. ===

Logan couldn't help himself.

=== I'll keep you warm. ;) ===

Veronica smiled as she replaced her phone into her purse. She looked up at her friends and suddenly felt excited for her time with them in a new way. Everything seemed brighter in that moment, as if she'd just suddenly and finally woken up. A warmth spread up from inside and a giggle threatened to bubble out of her.

"Was it what you were looking for?" Mac asked with a smile.

"Uh," Veronica stalled and looked back down at her menu, not trusting herself to make eye contact. "I think it might be what was missing."

When the waiter arrived, she ordered her favorite dish and her friends laughed to hear her thoroughly enjoy her food. And for dessert, she had the biggest piece of chocolate lava cake they had in the joint.

They moved to the bar after dinner while Wallace talked about his crush from the reunion.

"I mean, she is smokin'!" Mac and Veronica gave him identical glares. "But that's not- I mean, she's nice and smart, too!" Wallace scratched at the back of his neck.

Veronica cracked up. It felt like old times. She thought of the box and the photos. She felt transported. There were a host of feelings inside her, but it wasn't the time to ruminate. So she shoved Wallace playfully.

"That's right!" She exclaimed.

Logan texted Veronica his email address, but hadn't heard back since. It had been two days. He was due to leave in a week and a half and work was ramping up enormously.

He needed to do a last test flight the day after tomorrow and he had an appointment for a physical today. It was all pretty standard and, coupled with the briefings and assignments, pretty busy.

He thought of Veronica often, but had little time to dwell. Probably for the best. Her silence spoke volumes.

She wasn't ready.

But he already knew that.

Mac called Veronica a few days later.

"How's tricks?" Veronica asked.

"I'm more interested in yours," Mac responded.

"Oh! Are you… flirting with me? Why, Ms. Mackenzie, I do declare!"

Mac sighed mightily. "Work is shit," she said, giving in to her friend.

"Come out next weekend. We'll do up the town."

"I'll meet your new guy," Mac sing-songed.

"You can meet some of my friends, maybe. The ones who aren't nosy."

"I learned from the best," Mac said cheerfully into the phone.

"Seriously. Visit. Next weekend," Veronica commanded.

"Okay, Vee. I'd love to." Mac smiled.

"And I'd love to hear about your shitty job or not. Whatever's clever." Veronica was smiling, too. Mac could hear it.

Mac noticed it right away.

"You have a picture of Logan on your fridge," she stated, eyes on Veronica and finger pointed at the homecoming photo.

"Technically, I guess, but I got a little… sentimental about Lily the other week."

'Not completely untrue,' Veronica thought.

Mac softened immediately.

"Relax. I just still miss her sometimes," Veronica explained. She scrolled through restaurant choices on her phone. She'd remember the name if she saw it.

"I heard about a place," Mac said. "It's Vegan."

"Here?" Veronica asked.

"Yes, here."

Veronica found it.

"Bunting's Gardens," they said in unison.

"I guess it's decided," Veronica said as she ordered an Uber car.

Dinner was interesting. Veronica found most of hers to be too spicy or too bland, but Mac seemed to like it. She did end up talking about work a little and Veronica sympathized. The corporate world seemed rough and just as competitive as her job. She told a few stories of her own and they they sort-of tried to one-up each other.

"But did your boss ever ask for your input on the new project as a lesbian?"

"Touché." Veronica quirked an eyebrow. "And where did that even come from?"

Mac shrugged. "I have a very strict policy on dating coworkers—don't. I can't say the same for anyone else who works there."

Veronica shook her head and laughed. "What do you say we blow this pop stand? There's a new club I thought we could check out! I mean, you look good. I look good. We should hit the town!" She reached back around her chair for her purse and picked up the check. "Whaddya say, old buddy, old pal?"

"I say 'Yeah, see!'" Mac did her best Edward G. Robinson.

There was a live band at the new place and the crowd was lively. Veronica ordered a scotch on the rocks for Mac and a beer for herself.

They found a high top table in a corner and took up space there. A group of guys approached some time later and Veronica noticed how Mac practically drooled over the tall, really blonde surfer-type fellow while his friend offered to buy the ladies drinks. Veronica hadn't remembered laughing so hard and so often. The guys turned out to be comedy writers from some show Veronica had never heard of, but Mac brought off impressed. Possibly enough for the both of them.

They stayed until the band quit. Veronica saw Mac trade numbers with the blonde guy and they said their goodbyes.

"That was really fun," Mac said when they got back to Veronica's. "Those guys we hi-larious!"

"Yeah, it was good."

"The band killed it," Mac commented as she walked to her bags.

"Oh, you noticed?" Veronica asked, cheekily. She grabbed a couple of waters from the fridge. She saw Mac's eyes flick to the picture then back.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Mac asked as she stepped out of her heels. She gripped pajamas tight to her chest.

"You exchanged numbers with that guy."

"Lars? Yeah, so?" Mac quirked an eyebrow.

"Lars?" Veronica's eyes went wide. She chuckled and Mac glared. "He reminded me of someone."

"Who?" Mac asked and indicated with her thumb that she was going to change in the bathroom.

"Dick Casablancas!" Veronica yelled to breach the door Mac had just closed.

"Ew! No way! Dick doesn't have an eighteenth of that guy's brain power!" Mac called out from down the hall.

Veronica set the waters on the coffee table and went to change, too. Her feet were killing her. She wanted her comfy slippers, but she was careful about her sleep wear. No favorite t-shirt tonight. She put on an old Stanford one and her sweats.

"I thought your friends were gonna meet us out?" Mac asked when they regrouped in the living room.

Veronica waved her off.

"I want to meet him, Veronica. Make sure he's good enough for you," Mac said and raised one of the waters to her mouth.

"And I told you that it's casual." Veronica looked her friend dead in the eye.

"So then it's no big deal if he comes out with us. And what do you mean? Like 'friends with benefits' casual? Are you guys… fuck buddies?" It was Mac's turn to look surprised.

"No," Veronica guffawed. "We're just friends. Period."

Mac pulled her legs up onto the couch and turned to sit cross-legged facing Veronica. "So… you're not interested in Jarrod and now you have that picture up of Logan," Mac stated. Veronica opened her mouth to speak, but Mac stopped her.

"Last year you wouldn't have had that picture on the fridge. You didn't. Five years ago… Any year, pick a year," Mac said and gestured with an open palm. "You wouldn't even listen to his name in conversation let alone have a picture up."

"Wh-who?" Veronica stammered out as she looked down at her lap.

"You know who," Mac chastised.

Veronica looked up at her friend and felt a single tear roll down her cheek. She wiped it away quickly with the heel of her hand.

"He held my hand," she said in a whisper. Her throat seemed to close up. "And," she drug the word out, tried to collect her thoughts and reign in her suddenly close to the surface emotions. "It felt like home and like I'd been burned all at once." She lowered her head again, her fingers picked at her nails. "It felt like I'd be smothered and die if I didn't touch him."

"Jesus."

Veronica didn't like the awed look on Mac's face when she met her eyes again.

"But it was completely one-sided."

"Oh, Veronica, no," Mac said in a tone that Veronica took for pity. She gave her best girlfriend a tight-lipped smile and a shrug.

"No, I mean no. That's not right. He begged me for your number." Mac rolled her eyes. "I'm sorry to say that I gave it to him. But," she rushed on with her explanation, "he said he just wanted to renew your friendship. That he cared. That…" Mac blinked. She looked as though she was second-guessing herself.

"He texted me on my birthday. He gave me his email and, just for a second, I thought… Well, I don't know what I thought. He hasn't responded."

"You emailed him?!" Mac exclaimed.

"Yeah, but he didn't answer so…" Veronica's eyes pooled, but she looked up to keep them from spilling. "That picture was about Lily, but it was nice seeing him and me happy again. In that other time. I forgot." Veronica blew a breath out through lightly pursed lips. "I think I ruined things. I was awful…"

Mac shook her head. "I think he was going back out, though. Deployment," Mac said in response to the silent question Veronica posed with her eyes. "I heard internet's spotty and there is only a very little amount of time allotted to that sort-of thing anyway."

"Deployment." Veronica said the word. Rolled it around in her head.

"I mean, I don't know for sure, but it could be one reason why you haven't heard back. Maybe give it time. Maybe don't write it off yet," Mac advised.

Veronica was abashed. She should have come up with that. "What I'd like to write off is this conversation."

"Why?"

"It's super embarrassing! I'm constantly crying like an idiot in front of you, like, all the time now!"

"Not all the time," Mac appeased with a smile.

They fixed up the sofa bed then and put on a movie. The drive, the night out, and probably flirting with the Dick Casablancas clone had Mac passed out within the hour and Veronica switched everything off, locked the front door, and moved to her bedroom.

She grabbed her laptop case up from the floor and pulled out the machine.

Still nothing from Logan.

She set to typing.

Everything had passed. His body, his mind, his plane. Logan had three days until he was back out.

He pulled up Dick's number. It didn't even ring.

"Dude! We're still on for tonight, right? You're on your way?" Dick bellowed in his ear.

"Yeah, I just gotta check my email. I'm expecting two – Whoa!"

"What is it? Porn? Forward that shit to me!" Dick demanded.

The two emails were there, but there were two others he hadn't expected.

"No, it's not porn. I gotta go. I'll see you in a few hours," Logan said and ended the call.

To: Echolls,L

From: VeronicaMars

Logan,

Friends, huh?

Interesting offer made even more interesting by tempting birthday photo. Thank you. That sofa and pillow look truly tantalizing.

His eyes ate the words up quickly, gobbled at them greedily. She'd emailed him! Days ago! How had he not seen this?

She probably thought the worst by now. Well, they weren't them if he didn't have to fight all obstacles.

Nine years and I acted like that. I'm ashamed at my behavior at the reunion. At the bar, too, but for different reasons. I'm sorry I was so rude, mean, selfish, harsh, ridiculous, child-like, and bitchy. Well, the list could go on and on. And I apologize. Sincerely.

You're right. We're important to each other. I'm always going to want to know, too. I mean it. In fact, I've been dying for nine years to know. I've just been too much of a coward to follow up. If this doesn't work out, I'll still always wonder.

So, yes, I'm a lawyer. It's interesting and it challenges me. Sometimes in ways I like. Sometimes in ways I don't. I'm up for partner. We tried our last case successfully, but my current one is driving me crazy. Not enough paper trail, too much aggravating client. (Can't say more except that you know how meticulous I love to get with my research and documents and records. Oh, my!)

This he recognized. This was his Veronica. And the admission that they were close enough at one point that he would know her doggedness when it came to research? Catnip. His blood ran faster, his neck flushed warm. 'If this doesn't work out'? This? Work out?

I'm glad you found something worthy of you, Logan. The Navy? Wow! I always knew you had greatness in you. I'm so proud… and curious. My greatest regret from our two recent encounters? Not getting to hear about that. But maybe you'll write back and tell me?

In case you're wondering what turned me around, I'll tell you that I unearthed some pictures. Of Lily and homecoming. Of you. Of you and me. They made me more sentimental than that stupid old reunion. I remembered some stuff and I liked what I remembered.

So, friends? Like I said, interesting offer.

-Veronica

Logan read the email again. Then two more times after that.

Friends. Pictures of them. Together.

'There's another one, idiot,' his brain reminded and he quickly closed one so he could open the other.

To: Echolls, L

From: VeronicaMars

Logan,

I haven't heard from you. That made me… think some stuff. But Mac is visiting this weekend. You remember Mac? The friend of mine that you coerced into giving out my number? Don't worry. We're all still friends.

The point is, she told me you might be redeployed and that the choice to be in touch with me might be out of your hands. Sooooo, I've chosen to believe that's what's going on right now. And I've also chosen to believe that a couple of items in the old inbox might be nice for a guy out at sea for a long stretch.

Good luck out there, by the way. And thank you for your service. I forgot to say that before. I'm looking forward to actually meeting that sofa someday.

'My God!' Logan's hand covered his gaping mouth. The sudden constriction he was feeling below suggested that he was looking forward to that meeting, too.

Veronica on her back. Her hair splayed out across the throw pillow. His mouth on her—

He shook his head. 'Not now.'

Anyway, I won't make a nuisance of myself and I'll keep it short. Only because it's really late and I don't even know where to start after all these years. Do I talk about my dad and how I feel like he still works too hard? Do I tell you Wallace is still the biggest player in the '02? And how Mac is trying to push me into the arms of the new guy at work? (There. See how you like it.)

Logan had an answer to each one of those questions. Yes, yes, and yes. And what did she mean by that parenthetical?

I reiterate, Navy man. Stay safe. What is your rank? Let's start there next time.

Take care,

Veronica

'Next time?'

He was up and out at his car before he realized he didn't have his keys. He came back inform the garage to grab them off the counter. His phone was there, too. He rolled his eyes in disbelief.

Once in the car, he fired off a text to Veronica.

=== It's Lt. Echolls. Been busy getting ready 2 deploy. Leave in 3 days. Party 2nite in Neptune. Could you and Mac meet up there? ===

"Veronica! Whaddya mean, no?" Mac exclaimed as she gestured wildly. "Last night you were heartbroken about his lack of response! Now he wants to see you three days before he deploys and you're all… 'No'." Mac mimicked Veronica's nonchalance.

"It's a lot of pressure!" Veronica explained, exasperated by Mac's exasperation.

"Yeah. It's a lot of pressure and then he leaves. You won't have to see him again for, like, months."

"Months?" Veronica didn't recognize her own voice in the question.

Mac rolled her eyes. "For someone so smart, you're frighteningly ignorant." She crossed her arms over her torso and stared Veronica down.

"Well, damn." Veronica smirked. "That hardly seems fair."

"It's reality," Mac said flatly. "Look," she said as she cocked a hip, "I'll distract Dick so you guys can… get reacquainted.

"After last night's outing and subsequent exchange of numbers, I don't believe that would be a hardship," Veronica snarked.

Mac rolled her eyes. "We're going."

"You can go."

"We're going. Wear that teal cocktail dress," Mac instructed. She was trying to think if her new skirt would do or if she needed to stop by her place.

"It's a party at Dick's. I'm wearing jeans and a hoodie," Veronica countered.

"Okay," Mac said breezily. "So, let's get moving. I'll get the address."

In the end, they compromised. Mac wore the new skirt with her yellow and white striped halter. Veronica wore her teal peasant top and jeans.

The house was dimly lit, but the back yard appeared to be 'the spot'. They walked around. Halfway, Veronica clutched at Mac's hand.

"I'm petrified."

"I know, Veronica," Mac sympathized and squeezed Veronica's hand. "But he's expecting you and you can't wait to see him."

"I can't?" Veronica smiled big and loosened her grip.

"Nope. Come on," Mac replied and very nearly drug her friend into the tiki light.

"Veronica Mars!" Gia Goodman exclaimed in greeting too loudly and too many heads turned.

"Hi, Gia," Veronica returned the greeting, hesitantly.

"Veronica."

And then he was there. Right next to Gia. In front of her. He extended a hand, Veronica took it.

"Catch up with you later, Gia?" Veronica said over her shoulder as Logan led her away.

"Sure, I guess," Gia said and spun back to her other friends.

Veronica saw Mac make a beeline for what looked to be the bar.

Logan's fingers threaded through Veronica's own and he swung their arms as they moved onto the beach. Their pace was unhurried until he stopped and turned to face her.

"Thank you for coming," he said and smiled warmly. "You look great—gorgeous."

Veronica tore her eyes away from their clasped hands and raked them up his torso until they met his. "You, too." Her voice was rough, as if it suffered from little use.

"Veronica?" He dropped her hand.

"Yeah?" Her eyes followed the action and she stared down at her hand. She wiggled her fingers a fraction. Yep. All was operating normally, but it suddenly seemed as if her hand wasn't supposed to be that empty. As if something had been missing only she hadn't realized all this time.

"May I hug you?"

She swallowed, took a deep breath.

"As your friend?" He was still asking the question.

"Friends hug," she stated with a shrug.

Logan crushed her to him. Her heart thudded loudly and heavily against her breastbone. Her ear pressed against his chest and his heart, which hammered accordingly.

"Oh, God," Veronica mumbled into his shirt.

His arms around her, hers around him, and his breath in her hair flooded her with emotions and overwhelmed her with memories.

"I missed this," he said and kissed the top of her head.

"Me, too." Again, it was mumbled into his shirt. Her hands gripped said shirt at his sides. He squeezed her tighter.

Veronica breathed him in as he surrounded her. She drew in two solid breaths of Logan-smell before the sobbing started and her fingers twisted into the fabric at his waist.

"Veronica?" He asked in an uncertain tone and her arms circled him then as his chin rested on the crown of her head. Her hair pulled under the weight of his chin as she shook her head against him. "Okay," he said only just above a whisper.

How long had they been in each other's arms? Veronica wasn't sure and the sobs continued, ruthlessly. She felt relief at their isolation.

Logan was rubbing her back then and breathing deep. He took languid, profound breaths and carried her with him. Up, down. In, out. The sensation comforted and soothed in a way she'd been missing for a long time. Veronica's mind came loose and she actually rested to the point of limpness in his embrace. He took the weight without question.

Although Logan sensed she had calmed, his thumbs still traced circles into her back to maintain the mood. "I could stay like this until I have to leave Monday, but do you think…?" He pulled away from her a little to look down at her. "Would you like to sit with me on the beach and talk?"

Veronica brought her hands up between them to wipe at her eyes. "Okay," she nodded.

He put his arm around her shoulders and they made to walk closer to the sound of the waves crashing. His heart pounded ferociously when her fingers linked with his at her shoulder and her other arm stayed tight around his waist. He smiled down at her. She just smiled back, doe-eyed.

When he was reasonably satisfied that they could sit without getting wet, but be comforted by the lapping waves, he dropped and pulled her with him.

Veronica brought her knees up to her chest and twisted into him. Her head rested in his shoulder, a favorite nook from before. He looked out into the blackness until he felt her eyes on him. He turned and saw everything, so many emotions reflected in them.

Her fear, her want, her resolve, her love.

His whole life was there, too, staring back at him.

Her palm caressed his cheek then nudged and pulled until his mouth was a breath away from hers.

"May I kiss you?" She asked and it was whisper soft.

He didn't answer, just closed the distance. His hand circled her wrist and it became the still point on a spinning world. Even chaste, the kiss was earth-shattering. The caress of her lips was slow, gentle, and tangible. Finally. His memory had become too vague anymore—watered down images filtered through rose-colored glasses or a bleak fog depending on his mood. This was real and there was a found-ness, as if home was right in front of them. Slow, gentle, and tangible home with a warm and steady hearth fire. He still noted that old familiar threat of conflagration, though. Their passion had never been in question and more like a hurdle. Their struggle had always been how to live day to day without being consumed.

She pulled back when breath became short and lungs became tight.

"Wow," she marveled and the look on her face was one of awe and sudden contentment.

"Wow," he repeated the sentiment and he knew he wore the stupidest, goofiest grin. He felt his mouth stretch with it.

Veronica was back in the nook. Her nose laid against his neck. Her exhales brushed light across exposed skin and gooseflesh surged in its wake. His arm came up to cradle her close. "We're here," she breathed out as she settled.

"I'm deploying on Monday." He let the statement hang for a few moments. So did she. "It's six months."

Veronica's breath hitched. It was still. She heard the waves beating against the shore and perceived the wind on her face, but it was still. Her body and heart rejected the notion of finally having greatest desires fulfilled only to have them ripped away.

"Say something," Logan mumbled against her temple.

"That's…" She started, but was interrupted by her own thoughts.

'What, Veronica? Rough? Too bad? Okay?'

"Nothing." She'd been avoiding him for nine years; six months of sporadic contact hardly seemed like a challenge.

Logan sighed as he held her and she felt it all over.

"For us?" He puffed out a laugh. "You might be right."

She thought of the two of them easing their way back to one another, taking it slow, and getting used to each other again. Maybe she could find a balance with a little time. Maybe they could be… something again. Friends, at least.

But she needed him to know. She needed him to understand.

"I can't forget that you might've been killed because of me," she said, steadily. "That it might be better that I'm out of your life."

He pulled back to look down at her. His brow wrinkled in confusion. "What are you talking about?"

"Gory."

"Oh, connected, connected." He smiled then pulled her close again. He kissed her crown. "I hope that's not what these nine years have been about."

She jabbed him lightly with her elbow. "Not funny."

He squeezed her tighter. "No. It's not funny."

They sat in silence for a few moments until she tilted her head up to his in question.

"It's not funny," he started, "that you cared so much you'd leave for me." Logan almost sounded choked up as he spoke. "It's not funny how stupid we both can be." Another kiss, this time on her forehead. He sighed again.

"He wasn't back the next year, Veronica. I don't even remember where I'd heard he'd transferred to, but he was gone and I haven't heard from him since."

"But he could be watching-?"

"For nine years? For that stupid fight? Do you think he has the patience? If he embraced the family's lifestyle, he could be dead for all we know." Logan's hand slid up and down her arm comfortingly. It gave her chills. "Or he could be a kingpin now. He's not thinking about us."

"I just couldn't live with myself if something happened to you," Veronica said at his shoulder.

"And I just couldn't take it if you were out of my life again. It can't be better to be apart when we both feel so good about this." He emphasized his sentiment with another squeeze of her frame. "You feel good, right? We're gonna… stay friends, right?" Logan drew her face up just a little with a finger. His eyes held the ultimate question. His hand dropped and grabbed hers at his chest. He laid their joined hands over his heart.

Veronica placed an open-mouthed kiss at his pulse point. It was Logan's turn at surprise.

"Jesus!"

She squeezed his hand over his strong heartbeat. "I want to keep in touch. I want a spot on that couch." It all came out so spontaneously. She'd barely thought the words or considered ramifications, but they came out as determined.

He threw his head back in laughter and she giggled, the heaviness of the previous minutes suddenly erased.

"Sorry, I'm being presumptuous." She nudged him bodily and they both rocked back and forth with it. "And we have terrific timing."

"We do." He laughed again. "We really do."

"Some things never change," Veronica lilted. Her fingers slid up and across to his opposite shoulder. The hug was awkward, but she clung.

"Dude! Are you kidding me?!" Dick demanded from behind them.

"No. Some things never do," Logan said and craned his neck to face the onslaught.

A/N: The quote Veronica spews at Wallace during the reunion is Sam Spade from The Maltese Falcon by Dashiell Hammett. None of these characters are mine, I just love them to death. Well, a couple are mine, but they're the boring ones. Thank you, Rob Thomas, for one of the greatest, messy, triumphant, and gorgeous love stories this side of Austen, Shakespeare, and Mitchell.