Finn's Feet.
Summary: Five times Finn's feet were a problem, and one time…
LOL, this fic is ridiculous. Call me crazy, but I really wanted to write a story about our lovable Frankenteen's awesome pair of feet. If you're a person who finds feet icky, you should probably leave now, or if you choose to stay you should definitely skip part III.
Anyways, happy reading!
Glee is Copyright Ryan Murphy
I. "And, break!" Finn Hudson shouted to the huddle gathered around him. The Titans were currently losing to the East High Whitehawks by three points. There were twenty seconds left, and one touchdown was all they needed to win.
The play started well enough, the ball being passed to all the right players and being sent in generally the right direction, and Finn was ecstatic when he saw Cooper break away from the pack and head toward the end zone. Finn ran up alongside his teammate, and then suddenly Cooper was on the ground. A few seconds later Finn registered a minor pain in his right foot. Cooper was soon after dog piled by many large Whitehawks.
As the Titans trotted off the fields, heads hanging in shame, the voice of Coach Beiste penetrated the night air.
"What happened out there!" She yelled. "Cooper, you had it!"
"Almost had it," Cooper said, "'Till Frankenteen's huge feet got in the way."
"Hey!" Finn replied, a little offended. "You could…learn to watch where you're going." Finn knew the moment that it left his lips that that argument wasn't going to fly well with the guys.
"Way to go Potatohead," Azimio chimed in, "If you weren't a giant mutant freak with giant mutant feet we could have won that game!" This was quickly followed by murmurs of agreement from the rest of the team.
And that was the moment Finn realized that the football team hated his feet.
II. "And 5, 6, 7, 8!" Mr. Schuester chanted before demonstrating the dance routine the club was going to use for an upcoming number, "Okay, now you guys try it!"
Brittany had it perfect on the first go. The rest of the club took a while longer, however. Some of them took a lot longer.
"C'mon Finn, it's pretty easy." Mike said, repeating the routine of steps and slides for Finn to observe. Finn didn't think he'd ever be able to pull it off, especially keeping up to speed. In fact, there were moments when Finn could swear that Mike had actually sprouted two extra legs mid-dance.
"From the top!" Schue shouted as the club tried once more, "Almost Finn, you'll get it next time buddy."
"Yeah right." Finn moaned. He was trying really hard, even if one couldn't tell by watching him. It just didn't seem like his feet were responding to the messages they were getting from his brain. He had actually been a hair's breadth away from kicking Tina on his third or fourth run through. And he actually had kicked Rachel during a rehearsal for their last number. She cried for days about it.
Near the end of the rehearsal everyone but Finn pretty much had the number down by heart, while he had yet to actually finish it once. But they kept doing it over in the hopes that their so-called captain would miraculously figure it out.
"Okay guys, I think we'll wrap it up for today. Great rehearsal!" That was Mr. Schue, ever the optimist.
"It would've been if we had actually accomplished something." Santana said with her ever-present sneer.
"Atta go, Frankenfeet." Puck added before slinging his bag over his shoulder and leaving.
Great, Finn thought as he left the choir room, Glee club hates my feet too.
III. Finn was pretty stoked. It was family movie night, which meant that he got to watch awesome movies and eat a ton of popcorn. What could be better?
He ran straight to his room after dinner to change into his movie sweatpants. He took his socks off too and threw them in the corner with his jeans. He kinda-sorta remembered his mother saying something about using his laundry basket, and he tried to remember what it was, but he probably wasn't listening then. Before he could ponder it any further, the heavenly scent of buttery popcorn swept its way into the room and beckoned Finn downstairs.
He practically flew into the living room and jumped onto the couch beside Kurt, who was holding the popcorn.
"Someone's excited," Kurt said, smirking at his stepbrother.
"What? I like popcorn, okay?" Finn replied with a grin before shoving a Finn-sized handful of buttery goodness into his mouth. Kurt had no idea how Finn could still eat that much after they had just finished dinner, but when it came to food the bigger teen was full of surprises.
"All right, everyone ready?" Burt asked. Once he got nods of approval from the rest of the family he pushed the play button on the remote.
Finn decided to make himself comfortable, leaning back into the couch and putting his feet up on the coffee table.
A few minutes later, Carole spoke up.
"Does anyone else smell that?"
"You mean that combination of old cheese and dirty laundry?" Burt asked in return, "Yeah, I do."
The family looked around for a while to find the source of the intrusive odour, when Finn suddenly got a sinking feeling that he knew what it was. Experimentally, he wiggled his toes.
"Annnd, it just got worse," Kurt chimed, much to Finn's disappointment. But he just pretended not to notice and kept focused on the TV screen.
Kurt, however, eventually caught on. The boy had a very talented nose. He could actually distinguish real Prada from fakery on scent alone.
"Finn?" He asked, somewhat tentatively, trying to be as sensitive as possible, "Um, Why don't we pause the movie while you go soak your feet for a minute?"
"That's coming from your feet? Damn kid, don't you watch where you walk?" Burt asked incredulously.
"Try to hurry sweetie, I don't want to stay up too late watching this movie," Carole added.
"Fine, I'm going" The larger boy grumbled as he got up off the couch.
As he walked into the bathroom he couldn't help but let out a sigh. The football team was one thing, glee club was another, but now even his own family hated his feet. This week was not going well.
IV. Finn was having a very familiar dream. He was standing in the middle of a forest, searching for a clearing. He knew once he found the clearing that he'd also find a plethora of little bunny rabbits who wanted to play with him. And the lead bunny (the one with the floppiest ears) would jump up and give him a hug. It was Finn's favourite dream.
At long last, Finn broke through the many trees to a bright, sunny clearing with a large hill in the center. All the vegetation was a rich shade of green, and the moist grass felt awesome between Finn's bare toes.
He looked to the top of the hill and to his joy he saw the colony of rabbits and their floppy-eared leader. He began to run towards it with open arms for his long-awaited bunny hug. But as he got closer and closer, it felt like he was actually getting faster and faster when he should have been slowing down. Finn willed his feet to stop, but he had no control. He just kept running and running until-
SQUASH!
To Finn's complete and utter horror, there was a small, white, furry blob crushed underneath his foot.
"Oh god," Finn cried in agony, "I'm so sorry!" He instantly brought his foot off of the bunny, and tried his best to resuscitate him.
The other bunnies were unimpressed with this sudden act of altruism however, and all began hissing and baring their teeth at the large intruder.
"Whoa dudes, it was an accident," Finn pleaded with the bunny tribe, but they didn't seem to respond. One of the bunnies leapt at him, but its jump fell short. Instinctively, Finn stomped on it before it could try and attack him again. This only served to heighten the rage of the rest of the colony, and suddenly Finn was stomping rabbits left and right. They were reproducing like crazy, and there seemed to be a never ending cloud of rabbits bent on Finn's destruction. The boy stomped for dear life.
After the final bunny had been taken out of commission, Finn shamefully fled into the forest. On the way, however, he ended up accidentally kicking a deer, uprooting a tree and clogging a gopher hole. But he kept running, hoping to escape the macabre scene he had created. He ran and ran and ran until all he could see were blurs of green and brown, swirling into an eternal pit of despair.
He eventually woke up in a cold sweat. His favourite dream had become a terrible nightmare. He looked at the two big lumps in his blanket at the end of his bed. "Stupid feet," he said scornfully, "now even the bunnies hate me."
V. Finn was enjoying a nice walk home from school. The sky was bright and sunny, football practice had gone reasonably well and he hadn't been required to pull off any dance moves for a few days now.
"Hey Frankenteen!" A high-pitched voice yelled. Finn looked up the street to see a bunch of the neighbourhood kids playing in the sprinkler. He remembered the day he and his mother moved in with the Hummels and how fascinated the kids were with him.
"He's so tall," they had said as they looked up at him in awe.
"I think he could beat up my dad."
"Maybe he's actually Superman!"
From that day forward, Finn became the most popular "big person" on the block. Somehow, the kids always managed to convince him and Kurt to play house with them. The kids would take turns being the mommy and the daddy, while Kurt was always forced to be the maid. Finn, on the other hand, would be the evil monster who would break down the house and try to eat everybody. The family would always find a new and innovative way to defeat the monster though, even if they sometimes had to sacrifice the maid to buy themselves more time.
"What's up dudes?" Finn asked as he approached his little buddies.
"We're having fun in the sprinkler!" One of the little girls explained enthusiastically.
Suddenly, the sprinkler stopped rotating and the water went from spraying rapidly to dripping feebly onto the grass. Looks of horror and confusion crossed the many little faces, until one of them spotted the cause of the problem.
"He's standing on the hose!" One little boy screamed, in what couldn't help but remind Finn of a declaration of mutiny.
"Get off Frankenteen!" Another boy yelled as he ran up to Finn's leg and started pushing on his calf with all his might.
"All right, all right, I'm moving." Finn said as he turned and continued his trek towards his house.
The children, unaware of how well their voices carried down the street, were having a post-crisis discussion.
"He stepped on my Barbie last week too."
"He steps on a lot of things."
"Maybe if his feet weren't so big…"
While it was still sunny out, Finn felt as though he had his own personal rain cloud stationed above his head. Even the little kids, who loved gross things like grasshoppers and mud, hated his feet.
VI. Still upset over the incident with the kids; Finn solemnly marched up his driveway. He was stepping so hard it was almost as if he were trying to bruise the pavement. All he wanted to do was go up to his room and stew in his own misery. He knew his parents were still at work, so he could avoid having an awkward and grumpy conversation with them. He hoped Kurt had Cheerios practice or had gone to Mercedes' house or something.
He walked into the mudroom and slammed the door behind him with all his strength. His ears were instantly assaulted with a piercing screech.
"Eeep!"
Before Finn's head had stopped ringing Kurt had run up behind him and latched his arms around his bigger brother's waist.
"Kill it!" Kurt shrieked hysterically. "Killitkillitkillitkillit!"
Finn looked down at the ground and saw a very large, hairy, slimy beetle scuttling across the hardwood floor.
Once the beetle got close enough to the 'Furt' boys, Finn tilted his right foot back onto its heel and then brought it back down flat onto the floor in one fluid motion. He then lifted his foot up to reveal so much beetly mush on the floor.
"I'll go get the dustpan," Kurt said after detaching himself from Finn's hips and taking several deep breaths to calm down. As he walked towards the hallway closet he added, "Thank God for your freakishly huge feet."
Finn, who up until that point had been completely engrossed with the nasty beetle pulp on the floor, shot his head up to look at Kurt. "What? You mean, you don't hate them?"
Kurt was getting used to the random "Finn-isms" that his brother would often drop out of nowhere and didn't make sense to anyone other than himself, but he couldn't help but let out a chuckle when he heard that one.
"Now Finn Hudson, what would ever make you say that?"
"Well, everybody seems to hate my feet," Finn began to explain, desperately wanting to get it all off his chest, "I mean, I trip kids on my own team on the football field, I take forever to get the dances in glee right, I ruin family movie nights, I squash bunnies and I ruin playtime for little kids!"
Kurt took awhile to process this, discarding the bunnies comment as another Finn-ism and trying to remember what the neighbour kids were doing when he walked past them earlier that afternoon. Eventually he spoke up.
"Finn, I seriously doubt that the football team hates your feet. Think about how many times your feet have helped you run touchdowns, or power through groups of opposing players. Trust me, I've watched you guys play and I know without you and your gargantuan feet the team would be much worse than it already is."
"Hey!" Finn shot back, a little offended. But Kurt just kept staring at him, and after processing that comment for a while he just nodded his head, "Yeah I guess."
"And we definitely don't hate your feet in glee club either. You may take awhile to learn the group dances-" Kurt stopped when he saw the incredulous stare Finn was giving him, "Ok, you always take forever to get it right, but when it comes to solos and you have to improvise your own moves you're actually pretty good."
"Really?" Finn asked in pure disbelief.
Kurt placed one hand over his heart, "Brother's honour." And with that, Finn knew he meant it.
Kurt then took out the dustpan and brush and proceeded to remove the beetle stain from the floor. After that, both boys moved into the kitchen where Kurt dumped the beetle into the garbage while Finn went straight for the cookie jar before sitting down at the table.
"And so we had to pause the movie for a minute while you washed your toes out," Kurt continued, "Your feet are actually real helpful around here, like when you help my dad with setting up carjacks, or when you help your mom shovel weeds out of the garden or," he added, a little sheepishly, "saving me from bugs."
The frown Finn was wearing when he had walked in had now been replaced with his characteristic half-smile. Kurt wasn't entirely sure if it was because of the things he was saying or because his cheeks were full of chocolate chip cookies. He wasn't even really sure if Finn was still paying attention.
"But the kids," Finn said as his smile faded, reassuring Kurt that he wasn't wasting his breath.
"Lemme guess, you stepped on the hose?" Kurt asked. In response, Finn just nodded in shame.
"And then they said my feet were too big."
"You know what they said to me when I stepped on it?" Kurt asked. Finn looked up at him and shook his head, curious.
"Get back in the kitchen, maid!" Kurt shouted, complete with the fingersnap and angry eyebrows the kids always used when they played their game.
Finn couldn't help but laugh. "Well," he said, "I could use more cookies…"
Kurt threw the brush at him, only for Finn to snatch it out of midair. "Too slow!"
"Besides Finn, they're kids. They hate absolutely everything at one point or another. I'm sure tomorrow morning they'll be latching themselves to your calves and making you walk with them on your feet for a few blocks like usual."
"You really think so?" Finn asked. The kids had seemed really mad about the sprinkler.
"Yes Finn, I do." Kurt replied, glad that his brother didn't look so sad anymore. "Here, why don't I give your big, smelly feet a massage to prove that they're not hate-worthy? After you shower to make them not smelly, of course."
"Okay!" Finn cried with excitement as he shot up out of his chair. He instantly ran out of the kitchen and upstairs towards his bathroom. He had never gotten a foot massage before, but Puck always talked about how great the ones he got from his sister were. Of course, Puck had to threaten to melt all of her dolls before his sister would even consider touching his feet, so Finn could only imagine how awesome a massage from someone willing to give him one would feel. And on top of that, no one actually hated his feet! This was the best day ever!
In his haste, Finn accidentally bumped an endtable that was sitting in the hallway with his left foot. The vase that was sitting on top wobbled precariously for a few moments, then fell off.
"Whoa!" Finn cried as he watched the vase fall. His mom would kill him if it broke. So, using his football skills, Finn shot his arms out and caught the vase moments before it would have smashed on the floor.
"Finn?" Kurt called up from downstairs. "Your feet didn't break something did they? I would hate to have to take back that entire speech."
"Nope!" Finn called back proudly. He held the vase in his hands as he replayed the catch in his head. It was epic! It was real NFL material! It was-
In his excitement, he squeezed the vase too tightly and it shattered into a bunch of tiny pieces.
Finn's feet weren't really a problem, but his hands? That's another story.
And, there you have it. Review if you like, although I already know that it's stupid. :P