i tore you by the seams
"i could never blame you," he says, taking his hands and closing them over hers. / / fredroxanne, gears turning.
a/n: fredroxanne, because i watched percy jackson today and i was just about dying because bianca and nico should be in the next movie.
disclaimer: me no own
he isn't entirely sure what to do.
it's his job as big brother to protect her, right? but why can't he manage more than a quick "it's not that bad, believe me" and an ever lingering hug long enough for him to savour the raspberry scent in her hair. but she's growing up and he can't help but do anything more than look over his shoulder every five minutes.
"i'll make you proud," she whispers into his ear, putting the last of her school robes into her new suitcase.
"i promise."
with that, she presses her hand against his chest with a soft smile, closing the door in his face.
fred isn't scared.
he's bloody terrified.
roxanne is everything he wasn't. where she made all of her cousins laugh so hard that pumpkin juice started spouting out their noses, he managed to put their pet cat to sleep just by reciting his lines for his grammar school play. roxanne could've flown on a broom for days, where he could barely sit on one. he finds it every hard to express his feelings, by speaking or acting, and there she is, having a row with james about a prank, eyes burning and hair flying.
he knows she won't be in his house but he can't help but to wish for it otherwise. he fingers his green-and-silver tie despite of what it took to earn it. molly laces her fingers with his underneath the table with a mental 'she'll be fine' and he could almost feel the heat rising to his ears.
"weasley, roxanne!"
he waits in bitterness.
fred already knows where she'll end up, but his tongue refuses to speak of it.
red and gold fly up and there's an applause because she's the first weasley in a while to be sorted into the house of the greats.
"fred!" she's running down the hall with a transfiguration book in her arm and a grin that he knows too well. he considers turning and walking away because that would very slytherin of him to, but there's also the fact that she's his only sister. blood ties run deep.
"roxanne," he says with indifference. he really couldn't help it. "what brings you here?" she frowns and tries to take his hand but he slaps it away.
"fine, be that way." she looks hurt already. fred really wanted nothing more than to bring his fingers to her chocolate coloured skin and kiss her senseless but that would be scandalous and she's eleven and he's only twelve and he knows that it's not right to do that kind of thing to your sister.
"i just wanted to say that i was sorry," she whispers, a wave of sadness visible in her eyes. "you know, for being sorted into gryffindor."
"why should you be sorry?" he's surprised at the anger rising his voice.
"because i didn't make you proud."
"roxanne—"
"i knew how much you wanted us to be in the same house."
he walks away so fast that she barely noticed his body trembling from how right her words were.
molly's sprawled on his bed along with about a hundred pieces of parchment filled out top to bottom. she was sharing her notes from last year to help him with a particularly difficult charms essay about the differences and similarities for at least twenty basic charms. molly, as always, was an over-achiever.
"you have to tell her, you know," she says, barely looking up from her own homework.
"what, you too?" he scowls. fred had already gotten a scolding from his mum via howler for making his sister distressed. he was just lucky that the owl delivered it to him while he was in the loo and not in the dungeons or the great hall for everybody else's ears.
"i don't like it when you're upset," she says simply and he didn't bother figuring out what that meant about molly's feelings towards him.
"she's too bloody clever for her own good," he grumbles, but really he was more shocked than anything else. roxanne usually never displayed signs that she cared about other people's feelings, only when she was sick and half-dying does she take account of what she's done to possibly hurt others.
"no, you're just daft," molly rolls her eyes, a secret playing on her lips.
"what does that have anything to do with this situation?"
"dear, everything."
it's christmas eve and as the same as every other one in his life, fred hates it.
he hates the festivity and the movement and the bloody joy in the hair because his family makes such a big deal of keeping it together and at any sign of depression or sadness, they will find the cause and give them extra attention and care. like they needed it.
but this one was particularly more for the subject of hatred because when dominique shows up with dark glasses over her eyes, her face pale and hair having the same texture of dry straw, he curses the gods above. grandmum weasley just cries and nobody knows what to do about it and granddad holds her like they've done this a million times before (and he knows they have everyday since his uncle fred died before his time) and this was really what they needed the least during christmas.
"i'm sorry for doing this to you all," dominique says to fred when he guides her to a chair far away from everybody else. "i didn't mean for anybody to get hurt."
"and you're the one who's injured beyond repair," he says, managing to produce a bitter laugh from inside his throat. "dom, you care too much. we'll be fine, it's you that won't be able to... see anymore." the last part becomes softer than a whisper, but she still catches on and nods.
"okay, i guess you're right.." she looks completely lost, which was far from how fred remembers how dom was.
"hey, you'll get through this. have you managed to play your violin without the sheet music?" he asks, with a desperate attempt to get her to feel better.
"yeah.. but maman says it's too dangerous." she looks offended while remembering that moment. "so, i played nocturne in c-sharp minor for her by heart." dom grins, and fred can vaguely see james brightening up while she smiled.
"way to go," he says, proud with his cousin's nature of defiance. "that's the dom i know and hate so dearly!" she laughs and it feels like normal again.
"har har, so, how's it between you and roxy?" he pretends not to sit straight up in his chair in apprehension.
"honestly, we haven't spoken for months." he admits, because he realises that she couldn't see his facial expression.
"oh," that was all she said, before biting her lip. "you guys used to be really close.. nothing could stop you two."
"well.. things change."
dominique nods off, and he could tell she was thinking about her own falling out with victoire over the years. he didn't even consider the fact that dominique was only nine now, and far too young to be so wise.
he clamps his hand on her shoulder, uttering a less than adequate excuse to leave before strapping on his navy coat and heading out into the snow banks.
fred likes it better outside the burrow than inside of it.
the fairy lights were much brighter and more mysterious in the winter chill, the lonesome trees grieving for the loss of their leaves. the snow glistens under the faint lights from inside the house, and it was definitely much more peaceful outside with the wolves than with the weasels.
he wasn't able to get very far due to the fact of a medium-sized blob blocking his way and causing him to take a trip into the snow.
"bloody hell! what the heck was that?" he curses, rubbing his nose.
"mmhm.." the blob said, and it took him a while to realise it was probably one of his relatives. he turns them over to see who had enough stupidity to lie down and take a nap outside in two degree weather.
he could taste the bile rising in his throat.
roxanne, of all people, was lying down in the snow, layers of sweaters and two thick jackets covering her like bubble wrap. unfortunately, this also meant it was very hard to rise to her feet, if possible. her dark skin matched his and her eyes stared back at him, pine brown with green flecks. he could count the freckles on her nose.
"are you— ahem —going to help me up?" she looks at him with irritation and it didn't dawn on fred until later than all he's been doing for ten minutes as staring at her with furrowed eyebrows. he blushes up to the tips of his slightly pointed ears.
"say 'ahem' too much, you're gonna end up like umbridge," he whispers underneath his breath and she laughs so hard that it startles him to the point of almost taking an accidental trip to the loo in the snow. god, her laugh was heavenly.
"fred—" she hesitates, a million thoughts going through her mind. she's sitting up in the snow and he's on his knees, trying to help her up but failing and they both fall back into the snowbank.
"don't blame me for saying this," she started until he puts a gloved finger to her lips. she goes cross-eyed for a second and her brother's face comes back into view.
"i could never blame you," he said, taking his hands and closing them over hers. "i'm sorry for being so selfish." her face flushes to a color of red m&ms.
"what for?"
"i wasn't being honest with you.. and that left you looking for answers by yourself."
"what?" he can tell that she's getting thoroughly confused now.
"let me talk, goddamit. i haven't gotten to speak my mind for the last twelve years, let me have a moment." he snaps, and she immediately becomes quiet.
"i am proud of you, roxanne." he lets that sink in. "the awards, the trophies, certificates— that's what uncle percy expects for molly, and not what i expect for you. i know you can do it, it's just that's not your thing." he takes a deep breath. "i see you in transfiguration when i pass by in the halls and you're a natural and professor langdon never saw it coming. you're amazing on a broom and i swear you're even better than mum. dad says that you're really good with pranks and that you get away with it far too often because you have such an innocent face, which i can vouch for. i can't get mad at you for long.. and i really want to kiss you right now."
she colours even redder and fred's hand immediately flies up to his mouth because you're not supposed to tell your eleven-year-old sister that you wanted to kiss her under any circumstances. or like it's more wrong than anything else. roxanne has a look that she tries to cover that he could sense it before he sees it. she looks at him with such pity and confusion, but he couldn't blame her.
"i'm sorry," he says far too quickly. ".. i didn't mean that.." he can't help but break a little bit more with each lie he so dares utter.
"yes," she looks at him with glassy eyes and a type of expression that he sees on molly's face whenever she looks at him. "you meant that, fred. i won't get mad or tell anybody.. just tell me that again." her voice drops to a whisper and fred swears that he would never understand girls for the rest of his life. especially his sister.
"i really want to kiss you, roxanne," fred breathes into her ear, the warmth of his voice he's never heard before. she looks at him one more time before pressing her fingers to his cheek and the gap's closing between them and his ice-cold heart is melting for all the wrong reasons.
she blinks with her brown eyes flecked with green before closing them as their warm lips lock for the longest moment ever.
fred braces himself for eternal damnation as her fingers lace into his hair.
it was so worth it.
a/n: i want to puke on this story but there you go. if you read, please review. constructive criticism is very much advised. please.
-gwen