AN: Well, I don't know if any of you ship JohnnyXHarley, but I SOMETIMES do. Of course, my OTP is JokerXHarley, but I wanted to have some fun and do a fling between the Scarecrow and Harley Quinn. Please don't get mad if you ship the clowns, this is all for laughs(;
By the way, this chapter is inspired by "Off To The Races", by Lana Del Rey, who is the most amazing singer/song-writer EVER. She and Harley are actually pretty similar, too.
Disclaimer: Still don't own anything.
A beautiful blonde wearing high waisted shorts and a white shirt walked around the store, sucking on a lollipop. She twirled about like a little girl as she plucked hangers off the racks, laying the clothing over her arm. An employee strolled over to her.
"You need any help, ma'am?" He asked, smirking arrogantly.
Harley paused, then dragged the lollipop out of her mouth slowly and seductively. The boy watched the motion, practically drooling. She pretended to think. "Aw, thanks for asking, kid, but I'm good. I'll be checking out in a moment."
He flipped his long hair, trying to be cool. "Sure. I'll be waiting." He winked and turned away. Harley rolled her eyes. He thought she would ever be interested in scum like him? Hell no. She was the Joker's woman, the most notorious criminal in Gotham, and probably the world. She sighed with longing. She still had ten minutes until she could finally see his perfect face again. And that was ten minutes too long. Enough to drive her crazy! She chuckled to herself quietly and made her way to the front of the store, groaning internally when she found herself at the register of the stupid child from earlier.
"I'm back!" Harley announced, plastering a fake smile on her face.
After scanning all of the clothes' pricetags, the boy looked at her with big eyes. "You really have enough to pay for this, lady?"
"What can I say?" She laughed. "I got a sugar daddy, of sorts."
His face twisted in disgust. "Oh." A bolt of anger ran through her.
"Oh." She mimicked. "You think I was a cougar or something? I'm outta your league, buster." She gave him a wad of bills.
A few minutes later, she was waiting by the street, searching the cars to see if she could spot her dearly beloved. A black car with tinted glass rolled up, until the window rolled down to reveal a grinning, pale-faced man with a fedora on. Harley squeaked with happiness.
"Want to hop in the car, little lady?" He asked, smooth voice low and seductive.
Harley fluttered her thick eyelashes. "Where you gonna take me, Mister?"
A deep, dark chuckle. "Anywhere you want, baby girl!"
"Sounds good!" She chirped. "Pop the trunk, Puddin'."
He obeyed, watching in the mirror as she piled bag upon bag into the back. He shook his head when she slid into the passenger's seat and gave him a quick peck on the cheek before he could stop her. He stomped on the gas pedal. "Where's the receipt?" The Joker sighed, sticking out his hand, and Harley handed over multiple sheets of paper. "Jesus Christ, Harl!" He shouted. "Do you really not care if we have to start living in a cardboard box on the side of the road? Remind me to give you a budget next time."
His henchwench folded her arms over her chest. "Excuse me, Mistah J, but I thought you wanted me to look good. My boyfriend is the best-dressed man in Gotham and he wants me to wear cheap clothes? That's a good gag, lemme tell you."
The Joker turned and backhanded her before turning back to the road. She cradled her cheek and glared at him for a moment before breaking into an adoring smile. "I missed you, Mistah J."
"You were gone for two hours, you dumb blonde."
Harley sighed and shook her head. "A moment without you wipes the smile of my face, Puddin'."
The Joker smirked, reaching over to pat her on the head. "You're a good kid, Harl, even if you're a terrible cook."
"I won't cook for you ever then!" She retorted, glaring at him.
"Watch your tone of voice, young lady!" He snapped back, then started gesturing wildly at her clothing. "And just so you know, you better not be wearing such revealing clothes in public next time, you hear? I don't like other guys to think I'm sleeping with some kinda floozy!" This prompted a sharp gasp of anger from his girlfriend, who instantly slapped him across the face.
"Listen up, Mistah J!" She yelled. "I ain't wearing any 'revealing' clothes! Just because women and your day covered up every inch of skin they had don't mean I have to! I'm a lovely-looking gal and I'm sorry if you can't learn to appreciate it." Harley then proceeded to open the door and tried to step out before the Joker grabbed her arm and pulled her towards him, furious.
He reached over and slammed her door closed and punched her in the face, all the while still driving, albeit dangerously. Other cars swerved to get out of his way.
"No, you listen here, you useless, pathetic broad." The clown hissed into her ear, making her flinch. "You are not allowed to go parading around with the goods on display. You're mine. It's bad enough that everyone thinks my girlfriend slept her way to a degree."
Tears sprang into Harley's eyes as she pulled away from him. He let her arm go and returned his focus on the road. She wiped at her face and tried to breathe slowly, feeling hot, burning anger.
Of all things, he had chosen to mention that? He knew exactly how much it had hurt her to hear people whisper about her when they thought she wasn't listening. Just because she was a short little blue-eyed blonde didn't mean she hadn't work as hard as everyone else in her class. Contrary to belief, she had earned her degree, and though she didn't really care about her old life, she regretted not having the nerve to stand up to anyone who thought she was a slut.
The rest of the drive home was silent.
xxx
When they arrived at the hideout, Harley got out of the car and slammed the door behind her. She did not bother to get her clothing from the car, marching into the building without a peep. The Joker merely waited a moment, then proceeded in after her, whistling jovially. "Hey, boys!" He greeted the henchmen, who were watching TV in the living room. "Anything happen while I was gone?"
They shook their heads. "Nah, Boss. It's been pretty quiet."
"Good." He nodded, then headed towards his office. It was always best to let Harley have her tantrum in their bedroom alone, as he had work to do and was not one who enjoyed headaches from her excessive crying and moaning. The Joker picked up a red crayon and giggled as he scribbled down another plot to humiliate his nemesis.
xxx
"Harley!" The Joker called absentmindedly from the room, studying the plan he was working on. "Get me something to eat!"
For a moment, he simply waited, expecting an adoring "Right away, Puddin'!" or "You got it, Mistah J.". But instead, he was greeted by silence, and he looked up. "Harley!" He shouted, louder. "Get your ass over here!"
He waited for the sound of little feet pattering as she rushed to his side. Yet again, there was no Harley and it was starting to aggravate him a little bit.
The Joker stomped out into the living room, frowning. "Where's Harley?" He asked Rocco, who looked a bit fearful. "I said, 'Where's Harley?'" He repeated, frown deepening quickly.
"I dunno…" Rocco replied.
"Uh, Boss, I know where she is." Henry ventured, putting his hand up meekly like a child in kindergarten class.
The Joker appraised him. "Go on," He prompted.
Henry looked at the ground. "Well, she, uh, had a buncha bags with her and just… left." He finished, running a hand through his brown hair. The Joker stared at him curiously.
"She left?"
"Yeah," He replied, worry lining his features. "She didn't say anything, though, we just figured you wanted her outta here for a little bit or something."
With that, the Joker strode into the hallway, throwing open the door at the end, disappearing into their bedroom.
It looked the same, so at least she hadn't gotten extremely mad and ruined any of his things. He would have had to kill her if she had damaged any of his property.
The Joker scanned the room to see if there was any evidence that would indicate where his girlfriend had gone. Immediately, he spotted a small piece of paper on the bed. He went over and picked it up, reading the note, with an expression that went from calm, to confusion, to fury.
"That stupid, useless waste of space thinks she can do this?!" He shouted, grabbing a gun from the nightstand and firing at the wall in rage. In the living room, the henchmen flinched.
J,
I don't think you realize how hurtful some of the things you said to me today were. Despite all that I have done for you, given up EVERYTHING, you continue to take me for granted and treat me very poorly sometimes. I am so tired of being disrespected like this.
I've gone to stay with an old friend of mine. Please do not look for me. I will come back eventually, but right now, I really need some time away from you.
Since I'm such a terrible cook, I know you'll be able to take care of yourself while I'm gone.
Thanks,
Harley
"That bitch ain't coming back eventually, she's coming back now so I can beat her scrawny ass!" He snarled as he crumbled up the sheet and pulled on his jacket. Still holding the gun, he left the room and headed towards the door, muttering angrily to himself all the while.
AN: How was it? No Johnny yet, but perhaps next chapter(;
Oh, Joker, you KNEW Harley was touchy about the whole sleeping through college thing! Why'd you have to go being an asshole for?
REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW, of course(: Seeya darling with the next chapter.