I am back everyone! I'm really excited for this story. It's been bugging me for years to get it finished and it finally is. I hope everyone enjoys! Leave me comments to let me know what you think! It is a prequel, so bare with the ending, but don't worry, it will go on...though it does work fine as it's own story.
MyKate beta this for me, but all mistakes are mine!
Disclaimer: I do not own CSI or it's characters or the parts of CSI that I did use in this story. This story is set in my own AR of my mind.
Takes place shortly after Warrick's death in season 9, but Sara in my story hasn't been around since mid/to late-season of season 3, shortly after Eddie dies.
Synopsis: 5 years have passed since Grissom and Sara have seen each other. Shortly after Warrick's death, that all changes.
Upside Down
It was a cool late afternoon, near the end of May, in Marina Del Rey, California. The salty air brushed up against Gil Grissom's face as he leaned against the railing on the private boardwalk a few blocks from his mother's California beach house. It had been years since he had been at his childhood home, but his mother thought that after Warrick's deathcoming back 'home' was the best for her son. He would deny it, but inwardly he agreed that staying at home in Vegas enduring an enforced 'vacation' was not an ideal plan. He knew he would have been bored out of his mind with nothing to do, but spending these last two weeks with his mother, aunt, and uncle, just wasn't what Grissom characterized as ideal either. But he couldn't dampen his mother's enthusiasm for his temporary return back to California just for a couple weeks. She seemed to need this vacation just as much as he would. Today was the first day in two weeks that he finally left the house, and his mother was glad.
Betty Grissom had long ago given up hope for her son to find true happiness in the traditional sense. She knew his work consumed him, but she had hoped one day that he would find a woman to love and who would love him in return. She had thought he found that when he first started talking about Sara Sidle, nearly ten years ago, after one of his seminars. For the first couple years he knew Sara, he mentioned her almost every time he talked with his mother. Then slowly, she heard less and less about her – mostly around the time he started to realize his hearing was going. But then five years ago, he stopped mentioning her all together. Betty always wondered why, but never was able to press an answer out of her son, so she eventually stopped trying. She worried about him despite that even as a child he was quiet and closed off to most of those around him, she worried that he was growing even more distant, more…lonely.
She stared up into the sky and sighed quietly. Out in the distance, storm clouds were forming as the waves were getting a bit more restless. She looked over at her son and noticed that he was intently staring out into the ocean. She wondered what captivated his thoughts. She studied his features and noticed that he aged quite a bit in the past few weeks. His face was drawn in tight, new creases appeared around his mouth, and he looked overly exhausted. She knocked on the railing to gain his attention. He turned and looked at her as she began to sign, "There's a storm coming. We should head back to the house soon. I don't want to worry Marie."
"I know. We'll head back in a minute. The storm still seems a little a ways.-" Grissom stopped signing as he whipped his head back towards the beach. He heard her voice. It had been five years since he heard her voice, but he was certain it was her. He kept staring out across the beach, his eyes frantically trying to find where she was. Three young children were running while laughing across the beach. That was when he saw and heard her.
"You three need to stop! I can't keep up with you!" Sara laughed. "Petey, stop throwing the sand!"
"Sara, you're getting old." A man, whom Grissom didn't recognized, said as he bumped into her shoulder, "You need to relax. Let them have fun. It's been days since they've enjoyed your company."
Grissom couldn't hear what the man said and thought, Is this why she left? She found someone new? Someone who can give her a future? Probably. One night with me, and she went running. The kids can't be hers though… They're too old. He watched the small family run around the beach, and a pang of jealousy jolted through his body.
"Gil? Gilbert?" Betty kept trying to get his attention. When it was no use, she turned back to the beach, and saw the family of five goofing around. She didn't know who they were, but was certain her son did – he couldn't take his eyes off of them.
"Meredith! What did I tell you about going into the water?" Sara scolded as a wave splashed over Meredith's small feet. She finally caught up with the three children, and Meredith jumped back away from the water.
"Sorry, Mommy." Meredith gave Sara a small pout. "I wanna go swimmin'." She pointed to the water.
"I'm sorry, but you can't. It's almost dinner time, and there's a storm heading this way. Maybe tomorrow. Alright?"
Meredith nodded her full head of light brown curls and ran off towards Annie. Sara turned to Don, "We should head back soon. That storm will be hitting here before we know it. Just look at the waves!"
"I know. I know. Relax, Sara." Don spoke calmly.
"You know I won't relax until the kids are safe in the house."
"Yeah, yeah." He turned his attention back to the kids and saw that Petey was staring towards the boardwalk. "I'll go gather them up." He turned and saw Meredith running back towards them.
"Mommyyy!" She yelled as she jumped into Sara's arms.
Grissom watched them silently. Mommy? I was wrong. She even has a child with him. She really did move on. My Sara. No. She's not mine. She's moved on…
Don walked over to Petey as he spoke to Annie, "We're leaving sweetie. The storm is going to be hitting soon."
"Okiedok Daddy!" She yelled over her shoulder as she took off towards Sara and Meredith. The ten year old girl's dark brown hair bouncing against her shoulders as she ran.
"Petey? What is it buddy?" Don asked as he crouched next to him.
The seven year old pointed, "That man. He looks like the man in the picture." Innocent brown eyes turned to look at his father.
Don turned and looked where Petey was pointing. His eyes widened at the man standing next to a woman, who had more salt than pepper in her hair, indeed looked like the picture of the man on Meredith's nightstand. He turned his focus back to Petey, "He does, but I doubt it's him, son… But don't say anything to your Aunt Sara or to Meredith. Alright?"
The boy nodded and ran off towards the others. Don turned back to the man and woman, and noticed they were signing to one another. He thought, "No, it can't be him…" He turned and started to walk off in the direction of his sister, and the three kids.
When Grissom noticed the young boy point over towards him, he quickly turned his attention back to his mother. Dark brown eyes were studying him. They were asking him a silent question.
"Don't go there."
"Gil, you obviously know them. It's her isn't it?"
Grissom didn't answer his mother. He just turned and started to walk back to the house.
"Gilbert!" His mother's voice was very rough.
At the sound of his name, Grissom turned back to his mother with sad, darkening eyes. He slowly signed to her, "Please. Let's get back to the house before the storm hits."
"Alright," she signed as she mentally added: I'll leave it be for now, but I will get answers.
~~~~GSR~~~~
The next morning, Sara was standing against the island in the kitchen as she put some strawberry jam on her toast. She enjoyed the quiet time of the morning, as everyone else was still sleeping at 6 a.m. Even though she was off of work for the next few days, she still woke up at normal work time. Her boss let her take a week off due to hearing about Warrick's death. It hit her hard, and she felt not only the loss of Warrick and not only getting to say goodbye, but also the loss of her old team. She missed them – maybemore than she was willing to admit. Moving out to California was unexpected and extremely unplanned. A month after she left, she wrote letters to everyone to let them know why she left so suddenly and without goodbyes. They all told her they were sorry for her family's loss, and that they'd keep in touch. The only ones who really did were Warrick, Greg, and Nick. Catherine had told her sorry and that she would be missed, but the older woman only had sent an occasional email before all efforts were ended. Eddie's death and Sara not being able to prove who murdered him hung greatly between them. Sara knew she did everything she could, but she also knew that it didn't comfort Catherine much. Grissom. Everyone, including Catherine, avoided saying anything about him. His name would slip up in conversation every once in awhile, but the conversation would be immediately redirected. For Sara, his letter was the hardest to write - she had so much hurt and so much to explain that she had written to him first. But when she got it back without it ever being opened, her heart broke. She tried to be angry with him, but she couldn't blame him for not wanting to be in contact with her. She had left a couple days after they spent a beautiful night together, buteven now it still felt like her heart had been ripped out. During that time being forced to deal with her estranged family was tough enough, and with the added heartbreak ofleaving Vegas, she felt lost and alone.
Now, five years had passed, and her life was finally going well. She loved her job and had a great team. She finally had the relationship she always wanted with her brother, loved her niece and nephew to death, and had the greatest daughter anyone could ask for. She was truly blessed and was, for the most part, happy where her life ended up. But the tug of Las Vegas, of her old job and team, and of Grissom still snuck up on her from time to time. She missed them, a lot. As hard as it was to leave them, she didn't think she could ever go back to her old life, not after everything that has happened. Going to Warrick's funeral was hard enough. She snuck in and out without being seen, except by him. She just knew she couldn't handle talking in person with her old friends, those she thought as her family, nor to him. When his eyes landed on her during the eulogy, she knew she had to leave. The pain in his eyes was unbearable. So she slipped out when he looked away and said, "I'm going to miss him so much." It was better that way…
The sound of soft footsteps on the stairs pulled her out of her reflection. She looked up from her toast and saw light brown curls turning the corner from the living room into the kitchen.
"Mornin'" Meredith smiled.
"Morning, Bug. Did you sleep well?" Sara smiled back at her daughter as she climbed onto a stool at the island.
Meredith's smile widened at the endearment and nodded her head, "Can I have eggs in a nest for breakfast?" She paused for a moment while in thought, "And some orange juice, please."
"Of course, Bug." Sara smiled as reached across the island and poked Meredith in the tummy. Meredith's laugher filled the kitchen as Annie and Petey made their way into the kitchen.
"Morning, Aunt Sara! Can I have some eggs in the nest, too?" Annie asked with bright green eyes.
"Yes, sweetie." Sara then turned to look at her nephew, "Would you like some too, Monster?"
Petey looked at his aunt with a smile and shook his head as he responded, "No. I think I want my Monsters cereal, please."
Sara laughed. She had come up with the monster nickname for Petey when she first moved in with them. He was almost three when his mother diedand didn't understand where she went. The confused little boy became as quiet and ghost-like as his father. He moved around the house as if he was a monster trying to sneak up on a little child. He had scared Sara so badly one day while she was doing laundry that she called him a monster. The nickname stuck, and ever since he's been obsessed with monsters.
Sara poured him a bowl of his monster cereal and passed it to him as he sat down next to Meredith. Then she poured Meredith some orange juice and Annie some apple juice. She handed Annie hers and placed Meredith's down in front of her before turning to make the breakfast on the griddle. Annie sat at the table with her apple juice and one of her fairy tale books in front of her. Don came into the kitchen and kissed her on top of her head.
"Reading anything good, sweetie?"
The ten year old grinned, "It's about a man who fell asleep for twenty years!" she exclaimed.
Sara and Don both laughed at Annie's excitement over Rip Van Wrinkle. Fairy tales had always been Sara's favorites growing up. They helped her escape the violence that was around her. One day, while she was going through some of her boxes in the basement looking for theentomology text book Grissom gave her one year for Christmas, she came across all of her fairy tale books. When Annie saw them, she asked if she could borrow them. She promised Sara to be careful with them and gave her aunt a huge smile. Sara couldn't pass up the opportunity – it had been the first of the big smile that had crossed her young niece's face since her mother had died 6 months prior. And since the fairy tales always helped Sara get through the rough times of her childhood, she thought they mighthelp her six year old niece. Even though the now ten-year-old had read all of the fairy tales hundreds of times in the past five years, she still seemed in awe over the stories, displaying the same joyas if she was reading them for the first time.
Don ruffled Petey's hair as he went by him and then tickled Meredith's neck. "What's for breakfast?"
Sara turned to her brother with a raised eyebrow, "I'm making the girls eggs in a nest," She laughed at her brother's scrunched up face, "I don't know what you're having."
"Hm, I think cereal will be fine for me. I don't get how you girls like those gooey messes so much." He poured himself some Cap'n Crunch and sat down next to Annie at the table.
"That gooey mess is delicious,"Annie said looking up at her father.
"Yeah!" Meredith agreed.
Sara just laughed at the friendly banter of her family. She placed an egg in a nest on Annie's plate. "Here, Ann." Annie quickly got up from her seat to retrieve her breakfast then sat back down and began to eat happily. Sara then placed one on Meredith's plate and then cut it up for her before placing the "gooey mess" in front of her.
"Whacha eating, Aunt Sara?" Petey asked before he took his last bite of cereal.
"I already ate Monster." She grabbed her empty cup and Petey's bowl, rinsed them out, and put them into the dishwasher. She then started to clean the makings for eggs in a nest.
Don picked up his empty bowl and walked over to the sink. Placing his bowl in the sink and turned to Sara. "I'll clean up the kitchen," he smiled as heshooed her away.
"Fine." Turning with her trademark smirk, Sara asked, "Meredith, wanna go for a ride when I bring Annie to school?"
Meredith's face lit up as she squealed, "Yes!" She then darted from the kitchenand up the stairs - forgetting all about the rest of her breakfast.
Sara laughed, "Bug! What about your breakfast?" Shaking her head, she turned to Annie, "I guess I'm going to go get her dressed. Will you be ready in ten?" She received a nod from her niece and then headed up the stairs.
~~~~GSR~~~~
Grissom stood in the kitchen of his childhood home. He was brewing a pot of coffee, and making a small breakfast for himself. It was a little after 7 a.m, and his family was still upstairs sleeping. He knew his mother would be up soon, but he was still trying to avoid her questions about Sara. As they entered the house the night before, the storm had just hit. He had retreated upstairs to his room, saying he was tired and going to go to bed early. He had lain in his bed for hours thinking about Sara and her little happy family. Trudging off to the kitchen, Gil made a half-hearted attempt at finding some nourishment. Buttering his toast, his mind replayed those scenes over and over as he felt his jealousy rise over the nameless man who now held a place in the life of his Sara. HIS Sara! Grissom sank onto the chair with such despair that the knife clanged loudly as it dived onto the table. His head drooped forward. He hurt. Even five years after her leaving, his heart still could not release her. That night he spent with her was the best night of his life. She consumed his whole being, and her leaving pained him more than he ever thought possible. He sighed. She moved on, and he knew he should do the same, couldn't muster the resolve to do. He threw out the rest of his toast, and hurried outside onto the front patio. He sat down on the step and put his head into his hands. How am I ever going to move from the one person I've ever truly loved?
Betty was coming down the stairs when she felt the vibrations of the front door closing. She sighed. She wished her son would talk to her about the family on the beach yesterday. She knew he was hurting, but couldn't do anything to help him. She quietly followed him outside, and sat down next to him. She grabbed his hand and they sat that way for awhile. It was her way of letting him know that she was still there for him. It was their last day there, and she wanted to make the best of the situation. She squeezed his hand before she let go of it. Grissom turned to look at her.
"Are you alright?"
"I'm fine mom." Grissom released a breath. "It's just been a few long weeks, that's all."
Betty stared at her son carefully, "You've been really quiet since we got back from the beach yesterday."
"Mom, please don't. I don't want to talk about i-"
"Don't give me that. It was her, wasn't it? It was Sara."
The last sentence wasn't a question. Betty knew it was. Grissom couldn't deny it any longer, "Yes."
"Gil-"
"She's moved on. That's the end of that." He got up quickly and walked off towards the boardwalk. Betty sighed again. Oh, Gil.
~~~~GSR~~~~
By the time Sara and Meredith got back from dropping Annie off at school, Petey had already been picked up by his friend Zack and his mom, Lori. They lived two houses down, and gladly would bring him to school as his school was in the opposite direction of Annie's school and Meredith's babysitter. Sara sighed as they entered the quiet house. "Don, you still home?" she called out as her keysclinked into the bowl near the door. When she received no reply, she knew Don had gone into the office for his ten o'clock meeting. She looked at the clock nearby, 8 a.m., and she sighed again. She went up the few stairs in the foyer that went up into the spacious living room. She looked around, "Bug? Where did you go?" She called through the house.
"I went to go grab blankie." Meredith said as she bounced down the stairs with her lady bug fleece no-sew blanket that Sara made for her birthday last year, "Can we watch Nemo?"
Sara looked over at her daughter, "Sure, bug." She smiled. She was glad that Meredith asked to watch a movie. She didn't quite want to bring her to the beach just yet. She went over to the movies and found 'Finding Nemo'. She put it into the DVD player, and went over to the big papasan wicker chair. She grabbed the TV and DVD remotes off the end table as Meredith climb up into the chair with her. Don had bought Sara the chair right after Meredith was born and ever since then, it was their favorite cuddle spot. Once they were comfortable, Sara started the movie with Meredith squealing with joy.
~~~~GSR~~~~
Grissom headed towards the small private cove that he had discovered as a child when his father died. It was hidden amongst the rocks about a mile away from the boardwalk in the opposite direction of Sara's house. It became his spot. No one knew about it, and it made the perfect getaway for a young Gil. For the now fifty-two year old, it still made a great getaway from his mother. He climbed the rocks that hid the cove. Once in the cove, he sat down and took off his shoes. He let the waves wash over his feet as he looked out into the ocean. A lot had happened in the last few weeks. Work was frustrating and stressful. Everything that happened with Warrick on the Gedda cases, and then Warrick's death took a huge toll on him – especially having Warrick die in his arms. He remembered back to when Catherine had told him years ago how the team was forming a family around him, whether he liked it or not. After Warrick's death and seeing the tape about Eli, Grissom fully understood her meaning. Warrick saw him as a father, which Grissom never realized. Warrick's words during his psych interview for Eli's custody rang through Grissom's head, "Listen, I've always tried to be a good man, but I've screwed up. But what I have is always been one man in my life that sets me straight. I've learned a lot from him. How to be fair. How to forgive. How to be inspired. How to inspire others."
The interviewer responded, "Sounds like a special person."
Warrick smiled, "He is. If I could have picked my own father, I'd have picked him."
He started to wonder if Greg and Nick saw him that way as well. He sighed. He watched the waves move in and out of the cover as he thought back to the funeral.
Grissom never thought he'd have to do a eulogy at someone's funeral, especially at Warrick's. It was one of the hardest things he knew he'd have to do. Not only did he have to speak in front of his team, but also in front of the Crime Lab, the Las Vegas Police Department, and Warrick's family and friends. When the priest was done speaking, Grissom made his way up to the podium. He inhaled deeply as he looked out into the crowd. His eyes landed on Tina and Eli. He swallowed hard and looked down at what he had written. He looked up again as he started to speak, "As Crime Scene Investigators, we meet people on the worst day of their lives. They've just lost a family member, somebody they loved – often in a horrible way. A piece of their heart is gone, and will never be replaced. The phrase we're trained to offer them, 'I'm sorry for your loss.' as we know now, doesn't offer much. Warrick Brown was a young boy when his parents passed away. Much too young to learn that life can be so tragically short... But I think that it taught him how precious life is, and so he lived his life to the fullest, each day as if it was his last day. I was with Warrick on his last day. All the qualities that defined him, his tenaciousness, his deep sense of loyalty, his courage to risk his life for what he knew was right. All of those traits were with him on that last day. Just before he died, we were all having breakfast together. Our team. His friends. His family." He looked out into the crowd, his eyes roaming over the entire room. His eyes settled in the back row where one person sat – where she sat. He tried to continue, "And Warrick was…he was…" He started to get choked up and tried not to cry. His eyes moved away from her, "I'm going to miss him so much." He saw Catherine, Nick, and Greg in tears as his own silently made their way out of the corner of his eyes. When his eyes settled back over to where shehad been sitting, she was gone.
He closed his eyes as the salty breeze, and warm sun stroked his face. He couldn't believe that after five years he finally saw her again, and only a few blocks away from his childhood home. She's been here this whole time…and with…him. He sighed and shook his head. He still couldn't wrap his mind around the fact that she moved on. And not too long after we spent a remarkable night together. "How could you do this?", he spoke out into the ocean.
When he first learned from Ecklie that she turned in her resignation, he thought it was due to the rumors he heard a few minutes prior about him and Lady Heather spending the night together. But those had only just started, and he was certain she wasn't around to hear them. But to be sure and to explain, if she had heard the rumors, he quickly handed out assignments and went over to her apartment to set things right. But she was already gone by the time he had gotten there. Her landlord had said she turned in her keys a day and a half before, along with the next two months' rent to apologize for the abrupt departure. His heart had sunk as he slowly made his way back to his car. He was still certain of one thing though, she left before the rumors had started. So he didn't understand why the sudden departure. "I thought you left because of our night together, not because of some other guy." A lone tear slid down his face.
~~~~GSR~~~~
When 'Finding Nemo' ended, Sara looked over at the clock. Just a little after ten. She sighed. She still didn't want to go to the beach just yet, but knew Meredith would ask to go soon. If Meredith had her way, she'd be outside playing in the sand and water twenty-four seven. Sara sighed again, and looked down to see innocent, clear blue eyes staring up at her. She smiled.
"Mommy? When can we go outside?"
Sara's smile widen, "Soon, Bug." She thought for a moment, "How about you go up and find your bathing suit while I pack our lunch?"
Meredith's face lit up, "Okay!" She jumped down out of the chair and ran up the stairs. Sara laughed, and walked to the kitchen.
An hour later, cooler and tote bag in hand, Sara called up the stairs, "Bug, you ready?" She started to walk to the kitchen's sliding door that led out to the deck and the beach.
"I'm coming!" Sara heard feet running across the floor upstairs and then stomps down the stairs.
Meredith came running into the kitchen with her blankie in hand, and just her bathing suit and a matching sun hat on. Her hat was white, with little red lady bugs all over it. Her bathing suit was technically two pieces that was white with black polka dots all over it, red trim and straps on the top, and then a thick red skirt that went around the middle of the bottoms. There was a big red lady bug slightly off centered that connected the top and bottoms together. The head of the lady bug was a button; so that it was easier for Meredith to pull down to use the bathroom. Lori, who is a popular kids' clothing designer, made the bathing suit for Meredith. She wanted to try out a new line and asked Sara if she could use Meredith as a model. As a thank you, she made a special, one of a kind one for Meredith – which Sara got to help design. Once Sara saw the finished bathing suit she was just in awe, and Meredith quickly fell in love with the suit.
"I'm ready and good to go!", Meredith beamed.
Sara smiled down at her daughter, and then turned to open the sliding glass door. She stepped out into the bright, breezy day, and sighed. It was a perfect day for the beach. Sara carefully totted the small cooler and her tote bag over to the sand and placed them down. She turned her attention to Meredith.
"Let me set up and then put your sun screen on before you go off running."
"But Mommyyyy!" Meredith said with her fake whine.
Sara grinned, "No whining or we go back inside."
At Meredith's grin, Sara turned her attention to her tote bag and pulled out the beach blanket, "Help me spread this out, please."
Meredith quickly ran and grabbed one of the corners to the blanket, and did the best she could to help spread it out. After they had the blanket situated, Sara took out four small, but heavy rocks and placed them on all the corners of the blanket, so the wind wouldn't move them.
"Alright, Bug. Let's get sun screen on you."
~~~~GSR~~~~
Grissom slowly started to make his way back to the house. He glanced down at his watch and saw that it was just going on 11:30.
Have I really been out here for four hours!
He shrugged his shouldersand continued his turtle pace across the beach. He kept his head hung low and his hands shoved deep into his pants pockets. The cool ocean breeze felt nice on face. He sighed.
Do I really want to head backand go face my mother's questions again? God knows if she talked to Aunt Marie and Uncle Lou about it.
He sighed again. He really didn't want to head back to the house, but knew that he had to; otherwise he'd face his mother's wrath…especially since it was their last day there, and the last meal he'd be sharing with her for awhile.
Twenty Minutes Later
The boardwalk came into Grissom's view as he heard a gut wrenching scream come from a few yards away. When he looked up, he saw Sara rushing over to the water where her daughter stood screaming and crying.
"It hurts, Mommy, it hurts!"
Grissom quickly ran over to them as Sara scooped up Meredith and sat her down onto the sandwhere the waves didn't reach.
"Oh, my God!", rushed from her lips as Sara saw blood gushing for Meredith's foot.
Grissom reached them, took off his open button down shirt, and quickly elevated Meredith's foot. Sara didn't even have time to react as Grissom made quick work of wrapping his shirt around the small child's foot.
"Sara," he spoke in his no-nonsensetone, "come on. My Uncle is a retired doctor." Before Sara could even answer him, he picked Meredith up and started to quickly walk towards the boardwalk. All Sara could do was follow.
Don was just stepping off the porch when he saw Sara quickly following the man from yesterday while he held tightly onto Meredith, with her wrapped foot up in the air as best as he could.
"Sar! What happened?" Don ran after them.
Sara just shook her head as tears ran down her face. "I don't know. I looked down real quick to grab my book, and the next I knewshe was screaming." Sara started to shake as she stayed one step behind Grissom.
"Mommy!" Meredith cried, "It hurts! It hurts!" She clung tighter onto Grissom, not even registering who was holding her.
"I know, Bug." Sara tried to hide the fright out of her voice, "Don't worry. We're going to the doctors."
Meredith nodded her head against Grissom's shoulder, even though Sara couldn't see her. Tears were streaming down her face, soaking Grissom's white beater tank.
"My house is just a couple blocks away. We'll be there in a minute or so." Grissom spoke with a surprising calmness.
A couple minutes later, they rounded the corner, and Grissom made quick work of the front steps. He hastily opened the screen door and yelled through the open house.
"Uncle Lou! Grab your house call bag! A little girl needs attention STAT!"
Betty and Marie came into site as Grissom hurried passed them with Sara and Don right behind him and Meredith screaming and crying in pain, as they sat at the kitchen table. They stared at each other in shock. Marie was the first to speakin worried signs.
"Gil, what happened?"
"I don't know."
Sara spoke at the same time, "She was just playing in the water and then screamed."
"Mommy! Mommy! Make it stop hurting!" Meredith cried.
"I know, Mer. It's going to be alright."
Grissom placed Meredith down on the island counter, with her foot elevated above the sink. He looked over the island at Sara. Worry and concern poured from her large brown eyes and over tear-stained lashes.
"It's ok. It's going to be alright," Sara kept telling Meredith.
Lou came into the kitchen with his house call bag. Despite being retired, he always kept his bag stocked with fresh supplies in case of an emergency. Right now, looking at the scared little girl, and her terrified mother, he was glad he did.
"Oh, my." He rushed over to the little girl's foot, where blood was started to leak out of the shirt. "What caused the laceration?" he asked as he put on latex gloves.
"She-" Sara choked shakily as she concentrated her gaze on the blood-soaked cloth, "She was playing on the shore in the waves, and then I heard her scream."
Lou started to unwrap Meredith's foot. Before he un-wrapped the last of it, he looked Meredith in her tearful eyes, "This is going to hurt, a lot. I'm extremely sorry, but I need to put pressure on your cut for a minute, alright?"
Meredith stared wide eye at the older man, before turning her attention to her mother.
"Mommy! Make the pain stop! It hurts!"
"I know, Bug. Let the Doctor do what he has to do, alright." Her dark eyes now focused on her frightened daughter's dark blue eyes, "Here," she reached out and grasped onto Meredith's tiny hand, "squeeze as hard as you need to. Alright?"
Meredith nodded her head and looked back at the Dr. Lou. He applied pressure on the clean gauze that now covered the cut, and Meredith closed her eyes tightly as she let out another gut wrenching scream.
"Stop! It hurts! It hurts!" She cried over and over again.
"I know. I'm sorry, sweetie. But I have to do this to get some of the bleeding to stop. I'm sorry." After a couple minutes, he looked at Grissom.
"Gil, I need to you to put pressure here on the gauze. I need to get out everything else to help stop the bleeding and to clean out the cut and sew it up."
Grissom took over as Lou rummaged through his bag, looking for a tube that suction cupped over the wound. A vacuum type machine was attached to the top of the tube, and then there is a small water tube attached at the very end. At a push of a button, the water gets pushed through the vacuum type machine and through the tube into the wound. The pressure of the water is powerful enough to clean out the wound completely. Once he found the device, he turned his attention back to Meredith.
"Sweetie, what's your name?" he asked her, trying to distract her some from the pain he knew he was about to put her through.
On a squeak, "Meredith."
Lou removed the gauze, and examined the deep, slightly bleeding gash on the inside of her right foot. Despite that she had been in the ocean when she cut her foot, to be sure it was completely cleaned, he placed the device over the gash.
"That's a very pretty name," he smiled at the little girl.
"Thanks."
"Alright. Now, this machine," He held up the end of the device in her view, "is going to clean out your wound. It's very powerful and is going to hurt." He looked over at Grissom and then Sara. Sara squeezed Meredith's hand tighter. "Can you be very brave?"
Meredith nodded her head, "Y-yes. I'm a big girl...I'm four and three quarters!" She held up four fingers, "Big girls are brave." She said with a confidence that surprised Sara.
Lou smiled bigger, "Yes, yes they are, and I know you are. Grab hold of your Mommy's hand if it gets too much. It'll only take a couple minutes to clean it out, alright?"
"Okay." She whispered.
Lou turned the device on and the high pressured water sharply went into the wound. Meredith let out another gut wrenching scream and grabbed hold of Sara's hand with more strength than the typical four year old. Tears began to pour down her and Sara's faces.
Sara quietly spoke to Meredith, "Bug. It's going to be alright. It'll be over in a minute. You're being so brave and strong. I'm so proud of you, Bug. I love you, so much."
Deep blue eyes, which matched her father's, stared right into dark, wet brown eyes. "Mommy, make the pain go away, please." Meredith pleaded.
"I wish I could, Bug. I'm so sorry."
"All done." Lou turned off the device and pulled it away from the wound. He looked down at it, and for the first time since Grissom rushed her into the house, he noticed how deep the wound went. "Okay Meredith, the worst part is over."
The little girl turned her head, and smiled weakly at him.
"Now, you're going to feel a slight pinch, but it'll only last a few seconds. I'm going to numb the area around your cut."
"Num…numb?" She sniffled.
"Put to sleep."
"Oh. Why?" The now curious little girl asked.
Sara smiled. She's definitely her father's child.
"So that I can close up your cut." He held up the stitches and his needles.
Bright, wet, curious eyes stared at the materials in his hands. "Those are going to close my cut?"
"Yes." Lou smiled down at the bright young girl. "Okay. I'm going to numb the area now."
He pressed the shot of Novocain into the area near the wound. He carefully injected the numbing agent into her foot. He threaded his needle then looked up at Meredith.
"Alright, Meredith, you're going to feel a slight tug on your skin, but nothing more. If it does hurt, please let me know."
"Mmk." Meredith spoke quietly, still sniffling.
Lou started to stitch up the wound with the dark blue thread. Ten stitches later, along the inside of her foot, Lou looked up at Meredith and smiled.
"You're such a brave little girl. I'm all finished."
Meredith smiled at him, still with small tears sliding down her cheeks. Sara quickly hurried over to the other side of the island and scooped Meredith up into her arms. She held onto her daughter tightly, while murmuring over and over as she kissed her forehead, "I'm so proud of you, Bug. You were so brave."
Grissom watched the interaction between the two, and an ache of sadness tugged on his heart. He turned his attention to what Uncle Lou was saying to Sara.
"Her stitches will have to stay in for at least ten days. I sadly will be back in San Diego with my wife by that point, so you'll either take her to the hospital or her primary care doctor. Here is my card," He handed her his business card, "Even though I'm retired, I'm still pretty well known around this area. Make sure for them to send me the bill-"
"I couldn't ask you to do that-"
"It's fine. My treat for having such a brave little girl. She's been the best patient I've had. It's the least I can do." He looked over at Grissom, "Besides, any friends of Gilly's are friends of mine." Lou smiled.
Sara's smile was timid, "Thank you."
"Any time, Dear." He pulled out some butterfly band aids from his bag, "If you decide to give her a bath tonight, use one of these. Don't put it on too tight though, you don't want to pull out any of the stitches, and just be very careful when taking it off. I recommend waiting till tomorrow night to give her a bath though. And give her some Children's Tylenol or ibuprofen if she starts to complain about the pain."
"Again, thank you. So much!" Sara gladly accepted the band aids and then handed them to Don, who had come up behind her and started to run his hand through Meredith's silky curls.
"Thank you, Doctor." Don turned his attention to Sara, "Come on, Sar. Let's get her home, and into warmer clothes."
Sara nodded her head, and turned to leave. Again, "Thank you." And started to leave, avoiding Grissom at all costs.
Betty looked over at Grissom and began to speak rapidly, "So that was Sara…" At his nod, she continued, "And her daughter?"
Grissom nodded again, "Yes, Mom…leave it alone."
Marie joined in the conversation, signing while speaking out loud, "Such a brave little girl. Being almost five at that too!"
"Five?" Grissom signed and spoke with confusion. "She said she was four."
Lou joined in, "And three quarters," He chuckled, "so almost five. So brave-"
He didn't finished as Grissom was running out of the house while screaming, "Sara! Wait!"
Confusion crossed all of their faces, and they quickly followed him.
Sara and Don were just reaching the end of the small yard when Grissom came storming out of the house. The loud bang of the door made all three of the Sidles jump. Sara stopped walking, and Meredith held on to her mother tighter.
Grissom spoke angrily, "Sara! Stay." It was a demand.
Sara started to turn, but stopped before turning fully. She started to hand Meredith over to Don.
"Don. Take her back. Give her some Children's Tylenol, and get her into some comfy clothes. Then see if she'll eat some lunch, and she can watch a movie, if she'd like. Maybe she'll take a n.a.p." She spelt out 'nap'.
Don took the small child into his hands, "Alright. Call if you need me." He turned and started to head back in the direction of the boardwalk.
"Sara. Why didn't you tell me I had a child?" He spoke bluntly.
Sara watched as Don turned the corner before turning fully towards Grissom. When she didn't answer, he started to repeat himself.
"Sara. Why-"
"I was waiting till she was out of ear shot so she didn't realize that it was you holding her and comforting her."
"Why didn't you tell me? You were obviously pregnant before you ran away from me…from us!" He hissed.
"I did! But you sent the letters back!" she snapped at him before turning away from him and all but whispered, "But you had to know becauseyou opened the last one, kept her picture, then sent. the. letter. back." The last was said with such venom that it took Gil a moment to grasp the message before his confusion cleared.
"Letters? What letters? You never sent any letters!" his voice loud in evidence of his painful realizations.
She finally looked up at him and glared, "I sent you three letters!" She yelled back. "But you sent them ALL back to me! You kept her picture! How could you have not known?"
"Sara." Gil's eyes closed as he tried to calm the pounding that was threatening behind his now-squinting eyes. "I swear to you… I. never. received. any. letters."
Her dark brown eyes bore into his deep blue ones. She shook her head as tears began to form, "But… her picture was gone in the last one…and it was taped shut again…I thought…you had to…"
He shook his head, "No. I didn't." He took a slow step closer to her, "If I had known I'd be part of her life. You know me better than that…or you did…" He dropped his eyes from hers and turned. He stood frozen when he saw his family standing there watching with curious, big, shocked eyes.
"Gris…I thought-" She sighed again, "I thought when I got the first one back, you were just still really pissed at me leaving…the way I did…"
He repeated himself, eyes still fixed on his family to avoid her gaze, "You ran away."
"No… I didn't…Well, not entirely." She twisted her hands together. "I had a family emergency. I explained it in the first letter…and the letters I sent to the team," she whispered. "But you sent yours back and I asked them not to tell you…that you had your reasons for avoiding me…" She shook her head again, and continued on sadly, "I didn't even know I was pregnant until I was almost five months along…so I had sent you another letter, only to get it back, unopened like the first." She looked back up at him, boring her eyes into his back, and with unsteady confidence, "I figured you were still pretty pissed off…but when…I had her…two months early…I sent you a picture and a third letter…explaining everything that was going on…"
"I didn't…know." He turned and looked back at her with tears in his eyes.
"I wrote 'urgent' on the back of the envelope with hopes that you would read it…but then I got it back, taped shut, and the picture missing…I…I thought you knew, and made up your mind…that you didn't want…" She shook her head as a tear rolled down her cheek. She turned away.
"Sara. She's part of us…part of you. Of course I would have wanted her. I'd have been part of her life…your life. I would have fixed-"
She whipped back around, "Fixed what? That you slept with Heather not even a day after you slept with me?" sheyelled.
Shocked, he quickly looked away and closed his eyes. He looked back at her a few seconds later, "I didn't think you heard the rumors."
"Of course I heard them, Grissom. How couldn't I?" Her voice was low, but loud.
"I thought you left beforehand…I…I didn't hear them till two days later…then Ecklie told me you resigned, so I hurried to your house, but your landlord said you had already left… I didn't sleep with Heather. I-"
Sara snorted, "Right. You didn't sleep with her. You fucked her." She threw her hands up, "Same difference!" Her voice was curt.
"Sara," His voice matching her sharpness, "I. Never. Slept. With. Heather. Why would I? Especially after I had made love to you the day before? She tried to – damn did she try, but I would not let her. She got pissed and told me to leave. I wandered the city while trying to figure out the case, but then needed more information from her…So I had to go back to her house. We had tea and talked. That's it! I swear to you that was all we did!"
"Right." Sara turned and started to walk away.
Grissom ran over to her and grabbed hold of her upper arm, "You DON'T get to run away. NOT this time!"
"Why? I learned from the best! Don't you think, Grissom?" she yelled as she sharply glared at him.
He took a step back seeing her icy glare, but didn't release his hold of her arm. "I never slept with her! Why would I?"
She yanked her arm out of his hold, "Because you're Grissom, and you've had a fascination with her since you met her. That's why! You never cared or noticed that I was right there in front of you. That I was right there already in love with you. You just wanted to figure her out - inside and out." She started to pull away, but his calm, crisped words stopped her dead in her tracks.
"Sex without love is pointless!" When he saw her stop, he continued, "So I ask you again. Why would I sleep with Heather, the person I have never been in love with, when the day before I had made love to you, the person who has held my heart since the day I met you?"
Sara just stood there, with her back to him, trembling. When she kept quiet, he went on, "And how could I not notice you?" His voice was shaky, "You fill my mind constantly. You're not only in my thoughts, but my dreams. I see you wherever I go, and hear your voice all the time – even though I haven't seen or talked to you in five years, I still do! It wasn't Heather that fascinated me. Yes, I was interested in her lifestyle, but nothing more! It was YOU who captivated me…that I wanted, no…that I want… to learn more about."
Sara then slowly turned to look at him. Tears streamed down her face, her eyes full of doubt. With an unsteady voice, "But-"
"But at the same time, you scare the living Hell out of me. You've been way more than I have ever deserved-"
Her dark eyes locked with his deep ones, and anger started to roll off her again, "Why do you always think you are never good enough! You don't get to decide what's best for me! Why does everyone always think they know what's best for me? News flash – I'm thirty-seven years old! I think I know what's best for me!"
"I'm fifteen years your senior, Sara!"
"So? Age is just a number; it has no meaning or point. It's only purpose is an excuse, to piss people like me off!"
"Fine, age doesn't matter, but did you ever think about how I feel about this? I mean, come on, Sara, I'm set in my ways. I'm quiet and awkward. I'm not a people person, and I'm horrible and I mean horrible at relationships. I have failed at every attempt in the past. The thought of losing you scares me. I lose you, and I'd die."
She snorted, "Really Grissom! I'm not a people person either. I'm probably just as horrible at relationships as you! And how could you have lost me when you didn't have me to begin with?" So much anger filled her voice and she turned back around, and started to walk away again.
"No. I've had you since the day you walked into my lecture hall. The moment our eyes locked!" She halted again. "You can't tell me I haven't; we both know that would be a lie! I still have hope…" Then he whispered, "it's the only reason why I'm still here."
Quietly, "You're right. You have…but I lost hope. I lost it the day that I got that third letter back…" She turned and looked at him, "along with what little trust I had left." She then turned and walked way, without looking back.
Grissom watched silently as Sara turned the corner, out of sight. A silent tear slid down his cheek as he turned back around towards the house. His family was still standing there, just waiting. His eyes locked with his mother's. She shook her head as she started to sign to him.
"Go after her. Fix it. Now. Before it's too late."
He sadly shook his head, "She made it clear that it's already too late."
"No, it's not. She still loves you."
"She has no trust or…hope."
"But she still loves you, Gil. Go after her. Fix it. Show her you still love her. Despite her not trusting or losing hope, she still loves you. That counts for something."
"But-"
"But nothing. As long as she still has love in her heart for you, there will always be hope. It's not too late."
Grissom stared deep into his mother's eyes before he turned back around and took off after Sara.
~~~~GSR~~~~
When Grissom reached the small boardwalk, he frantically searched the beach. He spotted Sara sitting close enough to the shore for when the waves came up, the water splashed over her feet before retreating back into its watery depths. He let out a sigh of relief. As he made his way slowly over to her, he saw that her legs were pulled up tight to her chest, arms wrapped tightly around her bare knees, and her chin resting on top of them. Tear streaks glistening her cheeks, but she cried no more tears. He took off his sandals, threw them gently on the beach, and then sat down next to her. As he rolled up his khaki pants, he noticed how she tightened her hold around her legs. He let the silence sit between them for a few moments before he spoke tenderly.
"There were two things I really hated when I was growing up." He glanced over at her as he continued, "The silence and…not having my father around." He sat for a moment in thought. "Neither is easy things by themselves, let alone when they're together, but…that was how I grew up. Silence and no father."
Sara slightly nodded her head to let him know she was listening.
"When I was three, my mother started to lose her hearing." He gulped, but kept his voice tender, "By the time I was five, she lost her hearing all together. Silence took over the house… despite the factthat my father and I both could hear."
He looked back towards the ocean as he drew his legs up and rested his forearms over his knees as he clasped his hands together.
"I knew how to sign before I could even talk. My mother and father thought it was important for me to know as my grandfather, my mother's father, was also deaf. It's hereditary, although, at that time, no one knew that and there was no surgery then to help either…" He sighed and glanced over at her.
"It's been almost forty-five years since I last heard my mother's voice. I mean, she occasionally speaks, but her voice isn't the same as when I was three… I try to remember how it used to be, but I can't. It saddens me, truthfully."
Sara briskly looked at him before looking back at the ocean. Her voice was barely above a whisper, "Why…are you telling me this?"
"Because…I still have hope. Whether you do or not, I do. I want to fix this… Fix us. And earning your trust back…comes first. Talking to you…letting you in, and I mean, really in, to know me better, understand me better, is by telling you things no one else knows." He shrugged, "And eventually, the more I tell you, the more I show you, the more trust I will earn back."
"But…" She shook her head, "What if…"
"You also deserve to know. Sara, this isn't only important for me to tell you, because of wanting us back…wanting at least our friendship back if nothing more, but also because of Meredith. Like I said before, it's hereditary. I already had surgery to fix mine…"
She looked up at him fully, shock in her eyes.
"A few months after you left, I had it corrected. I'm fine. They told me it could relapse, but not to worry about it. So I don't."
She nodded her head again before turning her attention back to the waves crashing over her feet.
"Sara." Her name tumbled off of the end of his breath. "I don't want you to think I'm only telling you all of this, because of Meredith…I'm not. I want to let you in…fully in. I want you to know me…all of me. The good and the bad."
He peered at her before looking into the bright sky. "I know this isn't going to be easy…I know you have your doubts, and you have the right to. I don't blame you. I'm mad, no… I'm pissed off that I didn't do this since the day I met you. I shouldn't have been a coward and pushed you away, only to pull you back, and then repeat the process. I should have gone after you the day I found out you left. I didn't know where you went, but I should have tried to find you…to do something, instead of sulk and make life more miserable. I should have fought for you…for us."
She turned her head and rested her left cheek onto her knee. She studied his face, and noticed how much he had aged in the last five years. There were new creases in his forehead and around his mouth. He seemed to pull his lips tighter, as if he was afraid to let them relax, and he now had a full beard, that he recently seemed to leave untamed. And then there were his eyes, which were darker, as if no more light shone through.
She softly spoke, "What happened to your father?"
He went to just glance at her when he noticed she was watching him. His eyes locked with hers and he sighed, "He died…when I was nine, and no one would tell me how or why he died…"
A tear formed in his eye and he spoke quieter, "I still don't know how he died, despite the connections I now have to find out…"
"I'm sorry," She whispered, "Is that why…"
"It's why I would have been there as soon as I knew you were pregnant with her. I wouldn't leave a child of mine fatherless. It's why I'm going to be there, proving to her, and to you, that I will be there no matter what."
Sara nodded her head, "I understand. I never thought…you didn't want to be part of her life…I just thought you didn't want to be part of…mine." She ended slightly below a whisper.
"Oh, Sara."
She turned her head back towards the ocean and rested her chin back on top of her knees.
"I've always wanted to be part of your life. I always will." When she didn't respond, he moved a little closer to her so that their shoulders were touching. It was then he noticed she was crying again. "Sara?"
"My father died when I was nine too." She said so quietly that Grissom had to strain to hear her. She quietly laughed as she shook her head. "Well, technically, he was murdered."
She turned her head back to him. Tears slowly made their way down her cheeks as she rested the side of her head on her knees. "Don was sixteen and luckily not there when it happened. Well, when he was actually murdered, that is." Her eyes darkened as she thought back to that morbid day.
"My house was never quiet…unless my parents weren't home, or…" She turned her head away from his concern gaze.
"Or unless either my father or my mother…or both…were passed out from being too high or drunk…"
"Sara." His voice was just above a whisper, "You don't-"
"No…I need to. Trust me." Her voice was hard, but showed a hint of anguish. She looked back at him with stern, black eyes. He nodded his head slightly.
She returned her cheek to her knee as her eyes drifted off past Grissom, and her voice became detached, "I…was the 'Oh shit, what are we supposed to do?' child. You know…a mistake…a big one in their book. Didn't help that they were both probably too high and drunk to realize what they were doing at the time, but as soon as my mother found out, she cleaned up…till I was born that is."
Grissom swallowed the hard lump in his throat. His voice hoarse, "Why-"
"-didn't they just have an abortion?" Her eyes locked with his, "Still illegal at the time…and despite her addictions and my how my father was…she still at that time valued her life." Sara shrugged and Grissom nodded.
"So they kept me…" She drew in a deep breath and held it a few minutes.
Releasing her breath, "My parents didn't want me, but… my brother did. All my life, he was the only one who made me feel loved… Wanted… Needed… Special…" And then so he barely could hear her, "Until you."
She turned her attention back to the waves crashing over her feet, but Grissom gently lifted his hand to her face. He cupped her cheek and slowly pulled her face back to look at his. Once he got her eyes to lock on his, he slowly ran his thumb over her cheeks to wipe away the tears.
He soothingly spoke, "Sara. You are special. So, so special." He continued to wipe her tears as she continued.
"You wouldn't know that in my house. The fights…the yelling." She pulled away, "The trips to the hospital…" She glanced up at the sky, and on her sigh, she whispered, "I thought it was the way everybody lived…"
When she locked her eyes with his watery ones, she breathed deeply, and continued, "When my mother…killed my father…I found out that it wasn't."
Tears made their way out of both of their eyes as Grissom pulled Sara into a tight embrace.
He kissed the top of her head as he quietly spoke, "Oh, Honey."
After a few minutes, and composing herself, she pulled out of his embrace; allowing his arm to encircle over her shoulders. She gave him a tired smile, "It's funny…the things that you remember and the things that you don't, you know? There was a smell of iron in the air. Cast-off on the bedroom wall. There was this young cop puking his guts. I remember the woman who took me to foster care. I can't remember her name, which is strange, you know, 'cause I couldn't let go of her hand…"
"Well…" Grissom looked at her gently, "the mind has its filters."
"I do remember the looks. I became the girl whose father was stabbed to death." Sara looked at Grissom intently, "Do you think there's a murder gene?"
"I don't believe that genes are a predicator of violent behavior."
Sara turned her head back towards the ocean crashing over her feet, "My father always had a way with people." She looked back at him, "He could make the biggest lie the most believable 'truth' you ever heard."
Afraid to keep looking at him, she rested her head on his shoulder as she went on, "By the time I was nine, my left arm had gotten broken at least five times, and my right arm twice… That's not including the fractures to my wrists and shoulders…" She gulped, "My father's excuse, 'She's so fricken clumsy. Always falling down those damn stairs with her nose shoved into one of her godforsaken books.'
If the doctors really had paid attention, they would have noticed that my breaks were caused by force…by twisting my arms so tightly. But it didn't help that one of his best friends was the chief of staff at the hospital…or that my Uncle was the sheriff."
She dropped her head down to her knees again, allowing her forehead to rest against them. Grissom studied her closely before speaking quietly, "Scars only remind us of where we have been. They don't have to dictate who we are."
Sara looked back up into his dark blue eyes before flickering towards the beach house. Slightly above a whisper, "Would you like to come inside?"
"Only if you're sure you're ready," Grissom replied back quietly, both of them reeling slightly from the innuendo.
Sara breathed in his scent deeply before respondingin a husky tone, "Ready if you are."
So, what did you think?
I can't wait to get to finishing up the first chapter of the sequel! I hope you all will enjoy it :)
~Kay