Police Foundation Fundraiser Gala, 2016
Olivia shivered slightly from the loss of her coat and tucked the cloakroom tickets for Ed and her jackets into her clutch. She felt Ed's hand move to the small of her back protectively as he gave her a worried glance. She smiled back in assurance that she would be fine, after all, the room wasn't that cold. There were moments when his constant protectiveness was suffocating to someone so used to being alone as Olivia was, but in this particular moment she appreciated it.
She had always felt vulnerable at these big events, like she was under a microscope and moving beside someone else made her automatically feel less visible. It must be the dress she mused to herself. She felt more than equal to conversing with anyone in the room in a professional setting, but something about these events where the men's suits were just more polished versions of their work clothes but the women were expected to put more effort into looking beautiful with hair, makeup and oft revealing dresses changed things for her. Olivia couldn't help feeling like a calf on market day. How can I expect them to respect my judgment in a critical situation the next day if they have an image of me dolled up like Jayne Mansfield?
She'd tried to articulate her feelings to Tucker while they were getting ready but he hadn't seemed to quite get it. I guess he's never been the lady police officer trying to be taken seriously.
Olivia sighed and tried to push the uncomfortable feeling from her mind. She had to admit that she had mellowed over the years, and now she was Lieutenant she knew being there and networking was important, not just for her but for the whole department.
As they moved into the main ballroom she scanned the room inquisitively. Many faces she knew, many she didn't, as expected.
They moved towards the bar and Ed quickly procured them glasses of Champagne. They had hardly clinked their flutes in a quiet toast when he was immediately approached by someone Olivia didn't know and engaged in conversation. Olivia listened idly, being sure to pay enough attention to 'mmm' and nod at the right time, but amusing herself people watching.
Ed's acquaintance was midway though a dull anecdote about the importance of police car maintenance when her eye was caught by a flash of red and gold entering the room. She drew breath sharply, instinctively recognising long cream coloured legs and pale satin hair... Alex
What was she doing here?
It had been years. Not intentionally, but not quite unintentionally either. Alex hadn't worked on an SVU case since 2012. Olivia knew she was just a phone call away; she'd even seen her in the distance at the courthouse but avoided making contact. She still knows how to make an entrance, I'll give her that.
She was wearing a figure skimming red dress, elegant and expensive looking, much like the woman herself. She hadn't aged a day in four years, and Olivia wasn't sure if it was the lighting or if she wasn't positively glowing. She couldn't tear her eyes away as she watched Alex greet Chief Dodds. It was only as Alex gestured to the woman beside her in an obvious introduction that Olivia even registered that she had a companion.
The woman was tall and brunette, with lightly tanned skin and a petite frame. Her dark hair was whisked back into an elegant chignon and her black gown was simple but chic. Olivia didn't recognise her.
Feeling a soft tap on her arm, Olivia realised she had been openly staring and turned back to the conversation in front of her, purposefully ignoring Tucker's questioning eyebrow.
"Special Victims Unit, who'd you kill in a past life to get stuck there?"
Olivia realised that she was being addressed.
"A rapist I hope" Olivia responded dryly. There was an awkward silence as Tucker's acquaintance didn't know whether to laugh or backpedal. Ever the diplomat, Tucker jumped in.
"Olivia is very passionate about SVU Joe, I don't think she considers it penance. But, Ah, before I forget, you mentioned last time I saw you that Golf Course upstate that I simply had to try, where was that again? We've been thinking about taking a weekend away soon."
Conversation back in safe waters, Olivia couldn't resist looking around for Alex again. Alex and her companion were now in a small cluster of people who were laughing raucously. Something twisted in Olivia's gut watching Alex with the brunette. Was she imagining it, or did Alex's hand lightly brush the mystery woman's forearm as she was gesturing wildly to emphasize a point? Olivia had known Alex a long time, seventeen years, and to watch her to was to open a well read tome and cast ones eyes over familiar passages. Alex didn't have to do something so obvious for Olivia to be able to read her. She may be introducing the woman to everyone else in the room as a friend or colleague but Olivia knew. Alex's whole body sang of it, the slight turn of her hip inwards towards the woman, her small sideways glances when the rest of the group had their attention on someone else. The woman was undoubtedly Alex's lover. The anguished pang that pierced Olivia's chest surprised even her. She had seen Alex with many suitors over the years, but this is different.
At that moment Alex looked up, directly at Olivia. Their eyes locked for a moment, cerulean blue boring into Olivia's soul before she hastily looked away, turning back to Ed and his conversation.
"Anyway Joe, I think I need to find Lieutenant Benson something to eat. Good to see you."
Tucker hooked his arm though Olivia's and guided her towards a table of canapes.
"Liv, I know Joe is dull, but you weren't listening to a word he said. What's wrong?"
Looking up cautiously, Olivia fixed her eyes intently on Ed, fighting to ignore the flash of red in her peripheral vision.
"Nothing Ed, I think I'm just hungrier than I realised, Champagne has gone straight to my head."
The blur of red had now become too big to ignore. Olivia's eyes widened as she realised Alex and her date were now moving determinedly on a trajectory that would have them bump right into them at the canape table.
"Really, Liv. What is it? You look like you've seen a gho" Ed didn't get to finish.
"Captain Tucker, Lieutenant Benson, how lovely to see you."
With a smile Tucker shook Alex's hand in greeting. "ADA Cabot, we're not on duty, do call me Ed"
With every ounce of self control Olivia forced her cheeks into a smile. "Alex" She nodded in greeting.
"So the rumors are true?" Typical Alex, straight for the jugular.
Unfazed, Ed laughed, and put his arm loosely around Olivia. "Can you blame me?"
Alex laughed good naturedly in answer, but Olivia caught an almost imperceptible flicker of displeasure cross her face.
"Allow me to introduce Nathalie Lagarde from the French Consulate in Montreal."
"Lovely to meet you." Nathalie's lyrical French accent was warm and gracious. She was even more beautiful in close range. Large, dark, almond shaped eyes echoed her smile with a twinkle, and distinctive, enviable cheekbones lent her face a certain aristocratic grace.
"Enchante" Tucker took her hand.
"Ah, vous parlez francais?"
Tucker looked confused.
"No, he doesn't." Olivia interjected. "But we were on holiday in Paris last month so he nailed the basics "
She couldn't help but look up at Alex as she said it.
.
Warm sheets.
A stream of sunlight fighting its way through the opaque curtains to touch the bed.
Soft pale arms wrap themselves around her, as a firm body presses up against her back.
"Mmmph. Lets not go to work today Liv"
"Really counselor. And what do you propose we do instead?"
"Go to Paris."
Olivia groans and rolls over to face Alex. She tenderly brushes blonde tendrils from her face.
"And what would Donnelly say about that?"
"Ewww, Liv, you can't talk about Donnelly while we're naked." Alex buries her head in Olivia's shoulder, tickling her with her eyelashes as she plants soft kisses along her collarbone. The traffic noises as peak hour begins outside fade into the background as all of Olivia's senses are consumed by Alex.
"Mmmm . You're obsessed with Paris."
"It's my happy place."
"I've never been."
Alex draws back abruptly. "Sacre Bleu! Mademoiselle Benson we must fix this" she exclaims in a terrible French accent.
Olivia laughs and runs her hands down Alex's smooth back seductively.
"I'm serious Liv. We deserve it after this year. As soon as this case is over let's plan a trip."
"And how do we explain that we're on holiday to the same city at the same time?" Olivia's hands have moved down to cup Alex's derriere, and she squeezes it suggestively.
"We'll figure something out. Paris is special, I want to share it with you." Alex's voice is husky now, a whisper close to her ear.
Alex kisses her then, and her mind goes blank as their bodies melt together.
The case doesn't finish though. Not in the way they expect it to. Less than a week later Alex is in an unmarked car headed to Wisconsin and Olivia is sitting at the back of an Episcopalian church watching her Funeral. Thinking about the last time they made love. Thinking about Paris.
.
Alex's expression was unreadable, her courtroom face, but Olivia would bet her apartment that she was recalling the same moment.
"Ah, 'ow nice" Seemingly oblivious to the rising tension, Nathalie smiled at Olivia and Tucker.
"but tell me, what is the French Government doing at a NYPD benefit? France aren't donating are they?" Ed chuckled at his own joke.
"Mais non, unfortunately not. I am 'ere as a private citizen. I was simply visiting New York and Alex suggested I join 'er."
"And Alex can be very compelling when she makes a suggestion." Olivia kept her tone light and jovial, pausing as Nathalie nodded and gave Alex a knowing smile. Olivia then continued, "So tell me, how do you two know each other?"
"We met in the Congo actually." Alex seemed to have found her voice again.
"well, that is the short version." animated, Nathalie was clearly much keener than Alex to recount it.
"I'm intrigued." Ed's encouragement was all Nathalie needed to continue.
"Well, to say we met in the Congo is a very loose description. We were working at the same agency, but the overlap of our time there was quite small and we didn't 'ave much to do with each other."
Alex interjected. "you didn't like me."
"non!"
"it's true. She didn't like me." her tone was teasing now.
Olivia's stomach twisted again at their easy banter.
"well, lets just say that you were not the warmest person there." she gave Alex that little smile again."anyway, we didn't stay in touch, but about 18 months later I found myself in New York in, 'ow you say, ah, a sticky situation. I was transiting for 2 days on my way back to Paris and my luggage was delayed, so I decided to get a bite to eat and do some shopping on the way to my 'otel, but I was mugged near Times Square, I lost all my travel documents, all my money." She paused for effect. "Never in my life did I 'ave so much bad luck. Without my planner I couldn't even remember the name of my otel."
"My god." Ed was a captive audience.
"It was a Friday night so the embassy was closed. I 'ad no idea what to do, I didn't think I knew anyone in New York. Then as I was sitting in the Police Station I remembered that this icy American lady I had met briefly in the Congo, this Cabot, she was from New York. The kind Policeman helped me to contact 'er office, and luckily she remembered me. She whisked down there immediately, threatened the officers that if they didn't do their best to 'elp me it would amount to an international incident, took me to dinner, made me laugh again and put me up in 'er spare room for the week it took to get my passport reissued. She saved me."
"It wasn't that dramatic. Besides, what choice did I have? I couldn't leave you to sleep in the police station."
You could have given me some money and dropped me at a 'otel. So you see, my misfortune was the beginning of a beautiful friendship."
"Quite the meet cute." Olivia commented politely.
"Almost like the time you arrested Olivia" said Alex shortly to Tucker, and Olivia could see that she immediately regretted it.
"Well, all's well that ends well, you're not the only ones that didn't have love at first sight." Olivia wasn't sure if she was jumping in to the awkward pause to save Ed or Alex from the embarrassment. No sooner were the words out of her mouth than she realised she had actually made the situation worse by implying that Alex and Nathalie were in love. If Olivia wasn't already sure that they were a couple, the stricken look that momentarily flashed across Alex's face, confusion on Ed s and the way Nathalie looked to Alex for guidance confirmed it.
The awkward silence continued a moment before Nathalie raised her glass "To changing your mind about someone"
Her genuine smile and confident statement had diffusing powers, and Olivia could easily see that she was a formidable diplomat.
"Cheers to that." Ed chimed in his arm snaking back around Olivia's waist. They tapped glasses, and as they took a sip they were joined by a colleague of Alex's from the DA s office. He nodded to the group.
"What are we toasting? Have you convinced her yet?" His question was directed at Alex.
"unfortunately not." Seeing the blank looks on Olivia and Ed's faces she continued. "I'm trying to convince Nathalie to take position at the French Consulate in New York, that was one of the reasons I insisted she accompany me tonight. Surely a night surrounded by the very finest of New York s Finest will help convince her crime here isn't as bad as her personal experience would suggest!"
Nathalie shook her head. "But I think I have spent enough time in North America, I miss Europe. I also 'ave an opportunity at the EU headquarters in Brussels that at the moment is more appealing than New York for me. I 'ave my own mission to convince Alex to take a job in The Hague."
Alex shrugged. "Let's see how this election pans out. You might be the winner when we wake up on Nov 9."
"You wouldn't seriously leave New York again?" Olivia realised her voice was a lot more upset and accusative than she intended.
"Just because Alex is the New Yorkiest New Yorker I know!" She looked around the group with a forced smile, appealing for backup on this statement.
"I do love this city, but things have stalled a bit for me at the DA's office, working at the International Criminal Court would be fascinating. Besides, if it comes to a choice between living in a Trump America and eating waffles for breakfast by a canal, its not a hard call."
Alex's jest fell flat on Olivia. "The Alex I knew wouldn't just jump ship because of an awful administration, she'd stay and fight for those that needed her." Olivia's tone had become bitter, and her words hung in the air. For once Alex clearly didn't know how to respond.
"Come on Olivia, taking a huge opportunity for her career at such a prestigious international organisation can hardly be construed as jumping ship" Ed's tone was conciliatory, and Olivia reddened, knowing how inappropriate her outburst had been. "besides, I wouldn't say no to Waffles by a canal!"
"and all that French wine!" Alex's colleague from the DA s office chimed in.
"On that note, I think its time for another drink." Olivia gestured abruptly with her empty champagne flute and with a small tug on Ed's arm took leave of the group. No sooner had they blended into the crowd when Ed turned to Olivia.
"Why do I feel like I missed something huge in that conversation?"
"Conversation? You mean Cabot's little Don't ask Don't tell theatre production?" Olivia spat viciously. She was livid. How dare Alex just give up on New York, on America, the moment some French floozy came along.
"Olivia, what the hell are you talking about? I know you and Cabot used to be close friends, but you haven't talked about her since we've been together. Why are you so upset?"
Olivia took a deep breath and tried to regain control over her tone and pitch. "It just sounded like a hasty decision. Alex is a New Yorker through and through, I can't see her being happy in some tiny European port city. Clearly I overreacted, I'm sorry if I embarrassed you."
Tucker shook his head. "Lucky you're gorgeous in that dress. I haven't seen you so angry since the last time I arrested someone from SVU."
Olivia rolled her eyes. "She is brilliant though. Look at the way she's leaving everyone enchanted with her French amour." Olivia couldn't resist rolling the last word off her tongue with just a little sarcasm.
"Olivia, you've lost me again."
"Alex is flawlessly executing a six point Coming Out strategy. She hasn't been tied to any serious male suitor in years, now she's strategically introducing her 'friend' to key professional and social contacts, who are charmed of course. Nathalie will become a fixture next to Alex at events where they will tell hilarious anecdotes that hint at a close friendship but don't quite arouse suspicion. Then if Nathalie moves to New York it will only be natural that she'll be staying with Alex while she finds her feet because of the horrendous property market. By the time the New York Times style section features Ruth Bader Ginsburg officiating their understated but elegant Wedding at the Cabot country house, everyone will either know without quite knowing when they first knew, or be so embarrassed that they didn't see the obvious that they won't be gossiping about it."
Tucker's eyes were wide, his expression incredulous. "Cabot's gay?! That woman?! Alexandra Cabot! In that dress?!"
"Ed!" Olivia hissed his name in embarrassed admonishment.
"God, its a genius plan. Not that I would expect anything else from her."
Yeah, genius. Olivia grimaced. I only pretty much wrote it for her over a decade ago. Back when she was too chicken shit to actually go ahead with it. Deciding that was information better left unsaid, Olivia just nodded.
"I still don't understand why you're upset Liv. If Alex is in love and happy, isn't that a good thing? Nathalie seems perfect for her; elegant, intelligent, stunning."
"I just have a weird feeling about it."
"Cabot is a grown woman Liv, and an exceptional one at that. If she really has been in the closet all this time then Nathalie must be a remarkable woman for her to finally consider coming out."
Olivia felt like she'd been punched in the gut. Tears sprang to her eyes and she blinked them back furiously, looking down in the hope that Tucker wouldn't see. The air seemed thick all of a sudden, she needed to sit down.
"Ed, I need the ladies room. Chief Dodds is just there, why don't you say hello and I'll be right with you?"
Olivia knew the nearest bathroom was just behind the canape table, but she couldn't face an audience to her misery. She strode purposefully, or as purposefully as one can in an evening gown, to the back of the room. She was pretty sure she recalled being in an annex to this room at a previous event and that there were some toilets there.
As anticipated, these toilets appeared to be deserted. She stuck her head around the corner of the line of stalls to check, before settling on the small settee in the mirrored entrance chamber. Olivia let out a long slow breath and massaged her temples. On her march to the bathrooms she felt almost hysterical, anger and sorrow and bitterness churning in her mind. Now, alone in the silence, she was deflated. Empty and sad.
Unintentionally in his attempt to rationalize her Ed had managed to wallop her most tender wound. She hadn't even processed where her anger was coming from before he had put it into words on her behalf.
Nathalie must be a remarkable woman for her to finally consider coming out.
And that was exactly what had bothered her; from the moment she saw them across the room. Olivia had had a long time to reconcile herself to the idea that she and Alex hadn't worked, wouldn't work. She had accepted that Alex wasn't capable of coming out, wasn't prepared to put a partner ahead of her career. Alex's drive and passion was part of her attraction, and she realised somewhere along the way that she had romanticized the idea. Seeing Alex with a male beau was to see her in exile. Olivia couldn't feel jealous when she knew that whoever he was, he wasn't getting all of Alex. There would always be a part of her in reserve. She could imagine the excuses, Alex craftily evading physical intimacy while still stringing him along.
Nathalie was different. So fucking different.
And as Tucker had spoken, Olivia had realised that a tiny part of her had kept believing, for all these years, that if Alex was ever ready to come out, it would be for her. Removing that thought from the equation was like running a scalpel through scar tissue. Old wounds were bleeding again. Was I not enough?
The door creaked, alerting Olivia that someone was intruding on her solitude. She froze, as she looked up and saw an all too familiar flash of red. Alex was stood stock still in the doorway, clearly as stunned to see Olivia as Olivia was to see her. Neither of them moved for what felt like a full minute.
"Liv"
Olivia ignored Alex and stood up. She walked to the mirror and inspected her makeup, using a finger to brush her slightly smeared eyeliner into submission. She then moved towards the door. Alex still hadn t shifted, and was blocking her exit. Olivia cleared her throat.
"I was just leaving."
"Liv." This time Alex stretched her arm out to brush against Olivia's.
"Liv, what's wrong?"
"Nothing that is any of your concern."
They stood in stalemate, Alex's hand still lightly touching Olivia s forearm. Olivia wasn't quite prepared to push her out of the way, and Alex showed no inclination of budging. They artfully avoided eye contact.
Olivia finally spoke, so softly that Alex almost missed it. "Congratulations Lex. I'm happy for you."
"You've got a funny way of showing it, biting my head off in front of everyone."
Olivia felt her anger flare once more. She pulled back from Alex.
"Well, I meant it. The Alex I knew wouldn't jump ship." she paused, teetering on the edge of recklessness for a moment before ultimately relinquishing sense to emotion. "But then again, the Alex I knew wouldn't bring a woman to a fundraiser as her date."
There. She had said it.
"Coming from the woman playing happy families with the Rat Squad." Alex's bright blue eyes flashed. Olivia's heart beat faster.
God she's sexy when she's angry.
"Least he's not embarrassed to be seen with me."
"gee; now it s my fault that I'm not part of the heteronormative patriarchy, so secure in my privilege that I don t have to worry about the implications of my social life on my career. Sorry Olivia, I'm not a straight white man for you to build your picket fence with."
Every part of Alex bristled with indignation, her hand visibly quivering, but Olivia wasn't prepared to back now.
"I never asked for a picket fucking fence. You didn't even kiss me goodbye."
"what?" Alex had the nerve to look surprised, like it took her a second to work out what Olivia was talking about.
"when you got into the truck that night, you were still more concerned with what some FBI agents thought of you than kissing your girlfriend goodbye." Olivia fought to keep her voice level.
"I was trying to protect you. I didn't want Velez to go after you too." Alex spoke slowly as if starting the obvious.
Olivia rolled her eyes and suppressed the urge to stamp her foot.
"Bullshit Alex. everyone there was on the job."
"and if there was no such thing as a rat, your boyfriend would be out of a job."
Alex's sarcasm just made Olivia more enraged. "Why do you have a problem with Ed?"
"Why are you yelling at me about something that happened fourteen years ago?"
Alex's flaming eyes met Olivia's and this time she refused to look away. Olivia's breath caught, the depth and intensity of Alex's gaze shocked her. There was something else too, a level of passion that she had rarely seen there before. It may have sounded like a semi rhetorical question, but Olivia could see that Alex cared deeply about her answer. Something about knowing that broke her anger abruptly.
"because." Olivia involuntarily choked up as she tried to put it into words, but now she had some this far she was determined to continue.
"because" she went on softly "because for fourteen years I told myself that you didn't come back to me because you couldn't deal with being gay on top of everything else. In the hotel room when you told me about your boyfriend in Wisconsin, then later when you got engaged to Robert that you weren't capable of dealing with being the gay ADA on top of being the one back from the dead. You still broke my heart, but I got through it convincing myself it wasn't about me, it was you. Then tonight I saw Nathalie"
Olivia's voice had been husky and now it completely disappeared. Alex hadn't broken her gaze, but the fire in her eyes had softened. There was a tenderness reflected in the deep blue wells. Olivia hated making herself so vulnerable to Alex of all people, the person who she had finally let herself love with abandon and who in turn had wounded her so deeply, but there was something cathartic about finally having the argument that they perhaps should have had years ago.
"because tonight I saw Nathalie and I realised that maybe what we had wasn't worth, that I wasn't worth coming out for."
Alex put both her hands on Olivia's upper arms, almost cradling her.
"Liv, it wasn't like that."
Olivia's arms burned beneath Alex s touch and she couldn't find any words, so she waited for Alex to continue.
"when I came back for the trial I had no idea how much longer I would have to be in witness protection. Years, a lifetime even. Before I left Wisconsin I vowed that whatever else happened in the city, I needed to make sure that you weren't waiting for me. I thought about you every fucking day, and the only thing worse than wondering if you were with someone else was wondering if you weren't with someone else. If you were waiting for me and suffering as deeply as I was."
She paused, seeming to consider how best to continue.
"Liv, there was no guy in Wisconsin, but I knew that thinking I had moved on was the only way to make sure you did. My life was ruined, but yours didn't have to be. I wanted to set you free."
Alex was almost whispering now. Olivia was in shock; she didn't really know what to think. The jaded, hurt part of Olivia wanted to challenge it, wasn't sure if she could believe it, but she knew Alex, and she couldn't doubt the sincerity of her countenance.
"I thought I was being noble, but it backfired on me when hardly a year later I found myself back in New York. I didn't know what to say to explain myself. My whole charade with the fake boyfriend just felt silly. And you were right about not being ready to cope with being publicly out. I didn't know how I could win you back when I couldn't offer what you had always wanted from me. So I did nothing."
A single tear rolled down Alex's pale cheek. Olivia instinctively reached up and brushed it aside. Alex's hands slid down Olivia s arms, and Olivia reached out to intertwine their fingers before she could drop her hands completely.
"I figured I should just find a husband, make everything easier. Robert was perfect on paper but in the end I couldn't go through with it. Then when Greylek departed and the opening came up in SVU I couldn't resist putting myself forward. I thought... I don't know what I thought. Perhaps that being near you, as your friend, would be less painful than not being near you. But it wasn't. You'd changed, grown your hair, femmed up. Munch and Fin were talking about how you just wanted to settle down, have a baby. Everything I couldn't give you. So I ran away to Africa."
Both women stood in silence, hands still clasped.
Olivia's mind couldn't process it all fast enough. She didn't know what to say. A small voice in her head was screaming that Alex hadn't gotten to the bit where she stopped loving her. Olivia could say a million things about how stupid Alex had been, but she could tell from the pain etched all over her face that Alex already knew all of that.
"So here we are."
"Here we are. Making ungracious digs at each other at a charity ball." Olivia smiled fleetingly at Alex s forthrightness. Some things never changed. Her expression turned serious.
"And you have Nathalie." Olivia's tone was temperate and factual.
"And you have Ed." Alex echoed.
"And you're moving to Europe."
"That's not set in stone."
Olivia sighed. "It feels like you're always leaving."
Alex shook her head. "If I thought there was a chance in hell of this, I wouldn't go as far as Jersey City."
Olivia didn't have time to question what this was. Alex closed the space between them with a sudden sweeping confidence, her lips meeting Olivia's with unabashed hunger. Unthinking, Olivia returned the kiss. Her mind swept blissfully blank, her heart leapt. Alex was intoxicating. Soft but powerful lips caressing hers roughly. When their tongues met, Olivia felt a shiver of delight run through her entire body. Alex must have felt it too because at that moment her arms pulled Olivia close, possessively, comfortingly. For all the adrenaline of acting upon the forbidden that hung over them there was another layer to the kiss. Kissing Alex felt like coming home.
They broke apart, panting.
Alex looked at Olivia intently, a million questions in her eyes.
Overwhelmed, Olivia looked down. She looked up again a moment later, only to see the back of Alex silently disappear though the door. Her instinct was to follow, any way to prolong the moment. She shivered and wondered if she was delirious. If every part of her wasn't tingling so furiously she would have believed the dreamlike sequence of their argument, that kiss, was mere hallucination.
She was still lightly panting when she realised that Alex had left her there. The act of her leaving irked Olivia in its echo of everything that had passed between them in the last two decades. Even after their intimate confessions, Alex wasn't capable of leaving herself vulnerable for even a moment to wait for Olivia's answer. No. She doesn't get to just do that and leave again.
Olivia pushed her way out of the bathroom and marched back towards the main party room. She saw the red and blonde form weaving across the room and followed. It didn t take her long to catch up, as Alex stopped abruptly 10 feet before the exit. Olivia almost collided with her and was about to grab her shoulder roughly when she realised what had made Alex stop. Tucker and Nathalie were standing together talking animatedly. Their phones were out, obviously either exchanging numbers or comparing schedules.
"Oh god. Do something!" Olivia hissed at Alex, making the taller woman jump. She hadn't noticed Olivia appear behind her.
Alex was frozen. Uncharacteristically helpless, like she didn t know what to do now she had opened Pandora s box. It wasn t like Alex not to have a plan, and it stuck Olivia just how impromptu what had passed between them must have been. Olivia took charge, pushing past Alex and approaching Tucker and Nathalie.
"Ed, there you are! I got pulled into conversation on my way back then couldn't find you!" She kept her voice light, and forced a warm smile, even though her heart was pounding so ferociously that she feared the whole room could hear it. "Nathalie, lovely to see you again. Have you managed to lose Alex too?"
Ed gave Olivia and smile and a brief hand squeeze in greeting. It made her heart ache with guilt.
"Yes, I did. But it gave me a chance to ave a lovely conversation with Ed about your trip to Paris. e was just telling me about ow much you enjoyed the food." Mid sentence Alex floated up behind Nathalie, and merely nodded at the group in greeting.
"Nathalie has recommended a superb French restaurant here in New York we must try, and we were just trying to find a date we could all go together." Ed spoke animatedly, waving his phone through the air.
"That sounds lovely" Olivia said, with a flick of her eyes towards Alex. "Unfortunately my work is quite unpredictable. I used to joke that I never had a dinner plan I hadn't rescheduled at least 4 times." She laughed apologetically.
"Nonsense, unless a huge case breaks you're always home by seven these days. We were thinking Thursday this week. I know that's one of the nights that Lucy can stay later with Noah."
Olivia mentally cursed Ed and his determination to make this dinner happen.
"I think I have a meeting on Thursday evening." Alex chimed in businesslike. Olivia could see that she had slipped back into her courtroom persona.
"Yes, but you'll be finished by eight. It's not like we can eat French food at six o'clock anyway. We must dine as if we are in Paris. You keep saying you want me to get to know your friends, this is the perfect opportunity!" Nathalie spoke decisively.
"Wonderful, Thursday it is!" Ed sounded genuinely excited.
Olivia looked up at Alex. Shit.
.
a/n Just a little something that popped into my head. Had intended it to be a one shot but if I get enough requests and follows I will continue. Just how awkward can dinner with two successful mature couples be? ;)
Please forgive any punctuation & spacing errors - I had a terrible time uploading and had to upload plain text and reinsert all the punctation, paragraphs and italics etc!