The Ballad

of the

Nine Heroes

Written by Peregrin Took & Meriadoc Brandybuck

ACT I

With a mug of ale and a Peregrin Took,

There's one over there named Brandybuck,

And a guy named Sam who can really cook,

Frodo Baggins is certainly cracked (and proud of it!).

We all got our bags and then got packed,

To go on a journey so far away,

We'd have to skip four meals a day.

Elevensies, luncheon, dinner, and tea,

(I hope we don't die this way)

Just Frodo, Sam, Pippin and me.

We went to an inn called the Prancing Pony,

We met a ranger named Strider who said he'd help,

We said okay, lost we felt.

But his real name, he said, was Aragorn,

And guess what? He doesn't even like corn!

He led us through many a mire,

Oh, why didn't we just stay in the Shire?

He didn't let us have second breakfast,

'Cuz if we didn't get to Rivendell soon, we would be missed.

Going through Weathertop,

We were attacked by a horrible lot!

Though we tried to fight 'em off,

Frodo was stabbed, he couldn't even cough.

Aragorn tried to make him well,

But Frodo groaned and gave a yell.

Sam tried to show him the old stone trolls

(But that's a different story, to hear it, you must pay a toll.)

Aragorn told Sam to collect a weed;

'Kingsfoil,' he said, 'is what we need.'

Luckily an elf came along,

She took Frodo and saved us all!

Then we traveled to Rivendell,

(Did we have fun getting there? Well…)

All was well when Frodo was better

I, however, didn't even get a letter.

Elrond said the Ring must go to Mt. Doom

When we said we were coming, he fumed!

We were all as happy as can be,

'Till Gandalf came, Boromir too,

(He saved our skins, both of us, two!)

Legolas is handy with a bow,

Gandalf really surely does know,

The way to get into Mordor so cruel.

Gimli uses an axe as his tool

(Gandalf always calls me a fool).

We all set out one very fine day,

Until the snow came and chased us away.

We were almost frozen to death,

That harsh wind took away our breath.

We had to go through the Mines,

Frodo almost got eaten by slime.

Then old Gandalf forgot the way,

And we waited a long time, I have to say.

Gimli sighed, 'My legs hurt…can we take a bus?'

Then Frodo saw something following us.

Gandalf said it was Gollum the thief,

He's so thin, he must not eat beef.

Finally Gandalf remembered the path,

'It's not this way, it's that way-do the math!'

There in the deep we were attacked,

Frodo was hit, and then he blacked.

Gandalf fell that dreadful day,

By a terrible Balrog he held at bay,

To help us all and save the day.

Out from the Mines did we emerge,

We traveled to Lothlorien, where we did splurge.

Frodo got light to shield him from night,

Legolas got a bow with which he could fight.

Boromir got nothing, but Gimli got hair,

We got some daggers, so shiny and fair.

Sam got a coil of Elven rope,

Aragorn got a sword, but he ain't a pope.

We sailed down the river so blue,

Pippin ate four Lembas, that 'tis true.

On the banks of the river did Boromir shine,

He fought off the orcs, one at a time.

Alas he attacked Frodo,

But Frodo saw it coming; he ain't no dodo.

So away Frodo ran, to the Seeing Seat,

Then he decided that he had to leave.

But Samwise the Brave decided to go

With Frodo, his friend, who said, 'No, no!

Don't come with me, it's dangerous for us all!'

But Sam was determined: 'Sir, for you I'd scale any wall.'

So Frodo was glad that one of his friends was true,

He knew Sam would follow him through and through.

Boromir died on that sorrowful day,

The price for his actions then he did pay.

Pippin and I were captured by orcs,

They thought we had the Ring, they ain't no dorks.

Legolas, Gimli, Aragorn too,

Dashed away at the end to our rescue.

Where were Sam and Frodo, all this time?

They sailed away (this is a terrible rhyme),

They traveled to Mordor, where shadows lie.

We're not sure yet if they live or die.