April 9th, 1900

Cordelia was fifteen and smiling widely.

She'd come to the Institute for a visit and it just so happened that there was a meeting between the Clave and the Fairy Court on the very same day. The meeting was finished now, everyone milling about in conversation and Cordelia couldn't decide where to look, every fairy being so lovely and enchanting. She had no idea where Alastair had gone and Lucie had bounced off, her curiosity dragging her away. Cordelia turned back to James, hovering quietly behind her like he wasn't quite sure what to do with himself, when a particularly fetching Fairy caught her eye.

He smiled at her, slow and handsome, before gliding towards her and James. She smiled politely and James drew closer, beautiful golden eyes narrowed.

"My lady," the fairy knight said, kissing her hand. She curtseyed and James shuffled his feet awkwardly.

"You must be the most luminous of all the angel's children," the knight said smoothly and she bit the inside of her cheek to keep from giggling.

"I doubt it."

"You are the fairest of them all," he insisted. "So fair indeed, that you belong not among these mortals, but dancing among the fairy realms. I would whisk you away, if only you would ask." Well, he certainly has a flair for the dramatic, she thought, digging her nails into her palm to keep a straight face while James' eyes narrowed into slits.

"A tempting offer, but I must decline. I am awful fond of these mortals," she told him with a smile, pulling her hand out of his grasp. The knight shrugged.

"Alas, if that is your wish. A good day, my angel." She nodded as he left, his eyes already fixed on Gwendoline Highsmith.

"Well that was forward," James groused and she smiled, taking his arm.

"Come along, let's find Lucie. She'll be terribly upset she missed this."

"Hmph."

June 3rd, 1902

The rain had stopped, thankfully, as she cradled Cornelius Pontmercy's head in her lap. James was bent over him, hurriedly healing his wounds with runes. Cordelia smoothed Cornelius' hair from his forehead and prayed the others found them soon. Cornelius was in bad shape, sweaty with glazed eyes and James could only do so much. The blood had mostly been washed away by the rain, but even still, the smell of it seemed caught in her nose.

Cornelius grunted and she squeezed his shoulder, murmuring comfort as she did. He began to babble incoherently, his words slurred together.

"No, no...tarts...tarts not pie...yellow socks...nonono...whywould...father said...picked me a daisy?" She leaned closer to hear him, his nonsensical jumble making her nervous. James sat back, looking defeated.

"I don't think there's much else I can do. We need a Silent Brother." She nodded, chewing on her lip. James looked awful and she felt her heart twinge. He'd done the best he could and she couldn't stand the idea of him being guilty.

"It's alright, James. You did everything you could," she murmured and he looked at her, gold eyes shining. He moved closer and she reached out a hand, taking his and twining their fingers.

This was the first time they'd both been out in the thick of things and she'd never been so terrified in all her life. James had been incredible, but then she wasn't surprised, she'd always known he was destined for greatness. He looked down at their joined hands, and she squeezed, hoping to alleviate some of his guilt.

"Go on and find some help, I'll stay with him," she told him and his head snapped up, eyes meeting hers. She could see in his face that he didn't want to leave and she felt something in her stomach flutter.

"It's fine James. Just go, we'll be alright." He frowned but she smiled reassuringly and finally he admitted defeat, letting out a loud sigh. He stood, never letting go of her hand and even though every single part of her ached, she felt something like sunlight in her chest. Just as he was about to leave, Cornelius lurched in her lap, eyes wide.

"Wait! Wait, I...I..."

"Yes, Cornelius? What is it? I'm here, I'm here," she told him, James peering over her shoulder anxiously.

"M...m...marry me!" Her eyes went as round as saucers and James' jaw dropped before he quickly fixed his face in a frown.

"He's delirious," James insisted with a shake of his head and Cordelia looked down at Cornelius' fevered face.

"Why don't you get better, and we'll discuss it then?" She whispered in Cornelius' ear and James watched her with a strange look on his face before turning to leave. She watched him go, graceful as ever as the rain began to fall again.

December 25th, 1903

Christmas had to be one of Cordelia's favourite times of year. London always looked beautiful covered in snow and the general atmosphere around Christmastime never failed to bring a smile to her face. The Institute's party was another favourite of hers and this year's was the best she could remember. The only downside was that she'd yet to share a dance with James.

She'd been hoping for one all evening, but she'd been swept around the floor by every man here except for James. At least, that's how it seemed. She was currently dancing with Leopold Freeman, who'd had a bit too much to drink and was stumbling all over her toes. He was red faced and merry and being that it was Christmas, she was willing to forgive the bruised feet.

"You know," he declared, voice a bit louder than necessary, "I think I could marry you." She barely restrained her snort.

"Is that so?" She asked and he nodded heartily, swaying dangerously.

"Oh yes, I think you'd make a lovely wife. What do you say, marry me Cornelia?" Her eyebrows rose, Cornelia?

"As flattered as I am Leopold, I think you may regret this in the morning and as such, I think I shall have to refuse." He looked somewhat cross-eyed before the music came to an end. He released his hold on her, still looking confused when she felt someone tap her elbow. She turned and her breath caught in throat as there stood James, looking terribly handsome.

"May I have this dance?" He asked and she nodded, her heart racing. Leopold wandered off and James took her hand as the music began. He held her close and she could feel his body heat through their clothes, her face blushing red in response.

"I've been meaning to ask you all night, but it seemed everyone else kept beating me to it," he murmured and her eyes widened while her heart skipped a beat. She wanted to say something in response but couldn't think of what and then he suddenly came to a stop. She looked up at him in question and his eyes were darted to the side, a nervous expression on his face.

"James?" she asked and his cheeks turned faintly pink. Her eyes were wide when he finally looked at her, and she felt lost in the liquid gold of his eyes.

"Cordelia, I...well, I think you are one of the most incredible people I have ever met and I was wondering if it would be alright if I were to call on you. Well, what I mean is, I would like to court you, uh, if, um, if you were alright with that. Because you see, um, I'm-I'm quite fond of you. I uh care about you a great deal and err-"

"Yes," she whispered, cutting him off. He looked at her in shock and she felt like the sun was rising in her chest.

"You mean it?" He asked in incredulity and she nodded happily.

"I would like nothing more." A smile broke out on his face and he leaned forward, pressing his forehead against hers.

"Cordelia, I hope you don't think this too forward but, um, I think I may be in-"

"Cornelia! What are you doing, aren't we to be married?" Leopold bellowed as he stumbled towards them and Cordelia felt like she'd been set on fire.

"Cornelia?" James asked with a bemused expression and Cordelia grimaced.

"Well..."

August 19th, 1904

Cordelia was in a very bad spot indeed. The Aldertrees were having a ball. That, in itself, wasn't too much of an issue, as Cordelia enjoyed a good ball as much as the next girl. The problem was that rumours abounded that Carlisle Aldertree was planning on proposing at said ball. Even this, usually, wouldn't be too much of a dilemma, except that she was fairly certain the woman he intended to ask, was her.

She'd always known Carlisle was fond of her, but she'd never imagined it was to this level. When the rumours had first begun, she hadn't thought much of it, but then Carlisle had hand delivered her invitation and practically pleaded that she attend. This was a little disconcerting, but then his sister, Susanna, had invited her dress shopping, picking out a deep green one, all the while telling her how it was Carlisle's favourite colour. Even worse, Mrs Aldertree had asked her over for tea, where she touted Carlisle's virtues and assured Cordelia of what a wonderful young woman she was.

She'd gone home feeling ill and had immediately written to Lucie, at an utter loss of what to do. The Herondales were away on a family trip and it was rather awful, as she needed her best friend now more than ever. Unfortunately letters took time, and Lucie's reply had not come by the time of the ball, leaving Cordelia to deal with the situation on her own. And if she'd had any remaining doubt that Carlisle would be proposing to her, Alastair promptly crushed it.

She'd been sitting alone when he'd found her and the serious look on his face assured her that she wouldn't enjoy the conversation they were about to have.

"Carlisle Aldertree is going to propose to you," he said firmly and she nodded, looking down at her feet.

"I'd surmised as much."

"And what are you going to say?" Her head snapped up to look at him, incredulity written across her every feature.

"You can't honestly be asking me that?" When he didn't answer, but continued to stare intently, she glared.

"No, of course," she answered firmly and Alastair frowned.

"Because of James Herondale?" he demanded and she felt her cheeks turn pink, her fingers tightening on the chain around her neck, the one carrying the Herondale ring James had bestowed upon her before he'd left. Alastair's frown deepened.

"You cannot continue to waste your time with him. Carlisle is a good man from a good family, and you could not ask for better."

"I'm not in love with him."

"Because you're too busy being infatuated with James?" Alastair spat, sounding aggravated and she took a deep breath to keep her calm.

"My feelings for James have nothing to do with this. I am not in love with Carlisle and I refuse to marry someone I don't love."

"No, instead you'll spend the rest of your life waiting on James Herondale." She fiddled with the chain around her neck and wondered how to explain it to Alastair. She loved James and she knew he loved her back. They'd kept their courtship quiet these past few months, but there was no doubt in her mind about her future with James. She struggled for the words to express to Alastair that maybe she was waiting for James, but it wouldn't be for long, that she knew for sure.

"Cordelia," Alastair said, breaking her silence, "I'm your brother, I only want what's best for you."

"I know, and Carlisle Aldertree isn't what's best for me. But you needn't worry. I do not plan to waste my whole life waiting on James Herondale." Alastair sighed but nodded. He stood to leave, squeezing her shoulder as he went and she pulled out James' ring, running her thumb over the patterns.

"I'll miss you terribly, Cordelia. But here, I want you to have this while I'm gone."

"Wha-your ring? But James-"

"I love you. And while I'm gone, I want you to have this, so you'll know that I'll be missing you and that I'll be thinking of you, counting down the days until we're back together again."

"Oh James, I love you too, and I'll miss you just as much."

"And one day, one day this will be a different sort of ring, I promise."

"James..."

Cordelia sighed as she pressed the ring between her palms, wishing it were already a different sort of ring.

She'd been praying Carlisle intended to propose in private and she could quietly turn him down and that would be that. But when he'd taken her hand and led her to the center of the room, signaling at the band to quiet down, she'd had her hopes utterly dashed. He'd smiled sweetly, gone down on one knee and pulled out a ring and she could've cried. She almost thought of saying yes and breaking it off later, so as to save him the embarrassment but she didn't want to give him false hope.

Please let something happen, anything, to stop this, please, please, please

"Cordelia Carstairs, will do me the great honour of becoming my wife?" She could already feel the tears gathering in her eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Carlisle..."

August 19th, 1904

Cordelia hugged herself as she stood in the Aldertrees' garden, feeling absolutely wretched. She wished Lucie were here, Lucie always knew how to make everything better. She'd watched Carlisle's heart break and had known it was her fault and she doesn't think she's ever felt so guilty in all her life.

She could feel James' ring through the material of her dress and squeezed it through the fabric, wishing he were here. The breeze picked up and she hugged herself tighter, fighting back tears.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't want to hurt you, I'm so sorry

"Cordelia!" Her eyes snapped open and she turned, heart thumping against her chest.

"James...?"