Tobey [0]

I cried. And while I cried, I reflected. Callie sat close to me and nestled so close to her, I could inhale her fragrance. She was back to the scent I had worked so hard to get her last Crossmas and a small smile twitched my lips.

I remembered everything. The hate, the violent rage to kill McAuley; the pain of Rebecca's death; walking to Callie's front door and realising the monster I'd become. I stiffened.

Callie [0X]

Tobey sniffed and pulled away from me. I shifted slightly, allowing him to lean against the banister of the stairs.

"Callie, I. . . I need to tell you something," he began, looking up at me. I reached out and stroked the tears from his cheeks. "Callie, you may not forgive me, you might not recognise me after I tell you what I've done. Just—"

"Tobey," I whispered. "It's ok." But my heart fluttered like a bird beating its wings against a cage. I had no idea what had happened. I had been blissfully unaware, in a coma, in a comfortable bed, while Tobey had been going through goodness knew what. He had done it for me; that much I knew.

Summoning up a deep breath, Tobey turned away from me. "Callie Rose, I've done a lot of bad things, since you weren't... here. When you got shot, I didn't know what I was going to do. I didn't think living would be worthwhile, without you keeping me going. Then I thought about what your mum said to me."

An involuntary shudder coursed through me. After Mum had told me what she had said to Tobey, I had shouted at her, screamed at her, for the first time since my 16th birthday. I had often wondered if that was the reason Tobey had barely spoken to me before today, and I almost understood. But knowing what Tobey felt for me now, I can only imagine how much it had hurt him.

"I realised, that in some way, she was right. I had to get back at them. I told myself it was justifiable, that it was within reason. I would make them suffer for what they had done to you. And back then, I didn't even know whether you were going to make it. I didn't know whether we would ever look each other in the eyes again. Speak to each other again. Kiss again."

A prickle of something strange and vaguely familiar crept into my heart again. Just from his voice, I could tell how much he loved me. And yet, at the same time, the hurt in his voice was unmistakable. And so I listened, as he recounted his whole tale, from almost killing Dan, to Jess's drug problems and the death of Rebecca. He told me how he had been overcome by hate and anger. And then he told me, with his voice shaking from both fury and fear, how he had stuffed the packet of cocaine into McAuley's throat and escaping the warehouse, wondering if he would be shot, by Dan.

Sadness flooded into my system as well as pity. Tobey had changed and we both knew it. But he had not changed so much that I couldn't love him. That would never happen. It was impossible.

[0]

Tobey

It felt like everything was lighter, breathing was easier. Physically, it felt like a weight lifted off my chest and I was floating. Just telling someone had done this to me.

I studied Callie carefully, drinking in each detail that I so adored. I would never grow tired of her quirky smiles, her deep eyes and the way she bit her lip softly when she was worried. As she was doing now.

"Callie," I said, hesitantly. "I was mixed up then, I still am. I'll understand if you have to leave."

But I don't want you to. Stay, Callie, please. The moment I had known would happen was fast approaching. She would turn away from me, from what I had been twisted into. The weight was back, with a heavy, venomous menace and my chest was tight. I could barely breathe at the prospect of not ever seeing Callie again.

The resolve that had wavered before mustered itself into a thick wall, shielding my heart and with an effort that felt like moving a mountain, I stood. I heard Callie move and I took another tiresome step forward, faster and faster, until I was almost running down the stairs.

"Tobey!"

I heard Callie's alarmed cry, reverberate off the walls of the pristine solicitors' workplace but my heart's armour threw it right back. Now I was running and close behind me I heard Callie.

"Tobey!" Another anguished cry rent the air, almost cutting me in two. I ran.

"Tobey." A different voice. One I hoped I'd never have to hear again.

Dan [0]

I saw him freeze. A strange feeling constricted me as I called out,

"We're still not even, Tobey Durbridge."