Chapter One: The Dream
As I stepped out into the dark gloom of the city, I had a queer thought. "Wondering of this, wondering of that, maybe I'll see my big, black bat." Quickly I banished that thought. I wasn't supposed to think of the Caped Crusader like that. As if he were an object, and not just any object, as if he were MY object. We all have our objects of affection; Joker has Harley, Two-Face has Scarecrow, Cat has Ivy and Freeze. Everyone seems to have that special someone, except me. It always rips me apart inside when I see my winged love running around town. Especially since I know he doesn't ever think of me. Unless, that is, he's beating me around in some dark alley.
Harley says I should just forget about him and move on. Find a nice, wholesome broad to make my Princess of Puzzles. I can't even begin to count the many countless hours I've laid on that dusty futon and poured my heart out to her. I suppose that even after all this time being Joker's plaything, her innate ability to probe people as a shrink still hasn't disappeared. Which makes me wonder if she does the same thing with him. Or any of the rest of us for that matter. She's given me all sorts of treatments to try to rid me of my fantasies of that god damned Batman.
Shaking my head of all of these thoughts, I shoved my left hand farther into my pocket and walked on. With my head bowed and my cane tapping on the stones, I began to hum a wee little tune. Always the same tune. Always running through my head whenever I think of that damned man. It's the same song I heard the first time I saw him. Underneath the moonlight in the pouring rain. Watching the water fall down his delicious frame. Listening to his forced banter with that stupid boy child that ran around on his heels. Then came the most beautiful melody out of nowhere. "Bum bum ba da lee de dum." That melody haunted me more than those damned fantasies.
I heard the car before I saw it. It whizzed past me, the brakes screeching to a halt as soon as the driver noticed me. Inwardly I groaned, knowing it had to be one of the other. Part of the 'family' we villians had created for ourselves. No doubt it was Scarecrow or Freeze in a stolen car wanting me to join in on the night's escapades. I tried thinking of a good excuse to get out of it as I looked up. I was completely dumbfounded by what I saw. It wasn't the family, it was him. The big black bat. I put on my best smirk and leaned on my cane, waiting for him to finally approach me. He strutted up to me with that overly macho swagger he has. He slammed me up against the wall of a nearby building and held me there by my throat. "What are you up to now, Riddler?"
It took me a few moments to regain my composure. "Riddles, riddles everywhere." He punched me in the face, hard, "Don't give me that bullshit." I felt the butterflies running rampant in my stomach. "This is just so wacky, Batty." Another punch to the face. I sputtered, tasting blood in my mouth. "Someone's a bit grumpy tonight," I drawled. A hard punch to the gut. I started seeing spots. With the last of my strength, I pushed off of the wall and tackled him to the ground. My stomach turned as I heard his head hit the pavement. I jumped on top of his chest and gave him a swift punch to the face. "Now now Batty, you'll have to learn to play nice with others." He flipped me onto my back and returned my punch more than a few times.
We tussled for a few minutes more. I rolled him onto his back again. Panting I took yet another good, long look at him. If only our masks were off and we weren't enemies. Oh how I longed to caress his beautiful face. Before I knew what I was doing, I found myself leaning down to kiss him. When he realized what I was doing, he tried to fight. I pinned his wrists to the ground and my mouth found his. I was surprised to find he was so willing. I kissed him harder, with a hunger I had never before felt. My tongue flicked over his lips lightly. He slowly parted his lips to allow me access. Our tongues did a wicked dance that gave me chills down my spine.
I felt his arousal pushing against my thigh. I knelt to whisper in his ear, "How bad do you want me Batty?" The only response I heard was a low moan. He flipped me onto my back and tore my pants open. I was uncertain as to what he would do next. He pushed me onto my stomch and held me in place by the back of my neck. I tensed as he thrust himself into me. He became rougher with each thrust. I felt myself reaching my tipping point. Getting closer with each brilliant thrust. Just as I felt myself reaching my climax, a strange voice called my name.
"Riddy! Riddy wake up!" It was Harley. I opened my eyes and was instantly blinded by the bright lights that Harley lit her so called office with. "Wha-huh?" I muttered. "Riddy you gotta wake up!" I pushed myself up on my elbows and looked around increduously. "What in the wide world of riddles is going on, Harley?" She instantly looked down in shame. "Harley, what the fuck did you do to me?" She tugged at her pigtails and mumbled, "N...nothin', I just put ya under." "You're making more riddles than me damnit. Just tell me already!" All I did was hypnotize ya to see if I could help ya deal with your, uh...situation." "And?" "Wail...you...uh...um." "I what?" She blushed a deep crimson and looked towards my pants. I looked in the same direction and saw the erection that was trying to burst from my pants. I covered my face with my right hand. "I'm sorry Harley."