Seven Hours Past Dawn
"I'll just see what I can do about that!" Kitty's voice shook with barely suppressed emotion. Her heart was so full she kissed Matt square on the lips, not caring who might be around to see in that moment. They, she and Matt both, had been given a second chance. Some day she'd tell Doc just how badly his actions had hurt her, but this wasn't the time for it. Matt's head dropped to her shoulder and she struggled a little to hold her balance with so much of his weight against her. It was a rare thing for him to show this much weakness in such a public spot, and, like he had done for her just a few moments earlier, she caressed him reassuringly.
Suddenly he jerked his head upright and looked at her, his face stricken. "Kitty? What did you say to Doc? When you first came in?"
"Never mind that." Kitty shook her head. "We'll talk about it later." She did not want him to use what little strength he had left resenting Doc; once again, there would be plenty of time for that later.
"Tell me now," he said petulantly. She shook her head again.
"Un uh. You are going to bed now, before you fall over. Nobody is doing anything until I get you taken care of. Sam!" Kitty gestured to her bartender, who was sorting through a box of jewelry seized by the Gore gang for anything that might belong to his employer. While Kitty went ahead to get the bed ready for him, Sam and Doc supported Matt as he slowly climbed the stairs.
Kitty flitted around the room, nervously arranging things that didn't need to be arranged and repeatedly adjusting Matt's pillow and covers, painfully aware that she was most likely getting on his nerves. He so hated to be "fussed over" and usually only permitted it because it kept her from fussing at him for being shot or injured yet again. The truth was, she was finally at her breaking point. She had managed to hold herself together from the moment Doc had said there was nothing he could do for Matt the night before until the moment she'd walked into the Long Branch and seen him sitting in a chair, very much alive. Sam had had the good judgement to slip quietly out of the room as soon as he'd pulled Matt's boots off for him, but Doc was still there, and from the looks of things, he was planning to stay awhile, for he had emptied half of the contents of his bag onto the side table and was mixing up a dose of sleeping powder. He handed Kitty the glass while avoiding her gaze.
"Have him drink this," he instructed. "I'm going to get one for you, too."
Kitty shook her head briefly. "I won't drink it," she said quietly, not wanting Matt to overhear. "I need to stay awake in case he needs anything."
Doc started to say he'd stay and sit with him while she rested, thought better of it, and brushed a hand over his mustache. "Just let me look him over and make sure he didn't open up any of those wounds and then I'll get out of your way," he offered resignedly, turning toward the bed.
"Fine," Kitty agreed. Doc waited while she put her arm around Matt's shoulders to support him while he drank the bitter liquid. He quickly checked over his bandages, seeing that they were intact and there were no signs of fresh bleeding.
"Looks all right for now. I'll be back in a few hours to check on him again. If he starts bleeding again or getting feverish before then, you send for me right away," he added, as if they'd never been through this before. She nodded silently. Doc repacked his bag, leaving her some bandages, disinfectant, and some more powders in case she needed them. "I'd like to talk to you before I go, if I may." Kitty sighed, but wordlessly led him into the sitting room and closed the door most of the way, leaving it open a crack in case Matt called out. She crossed her arms in front and braced herself for something she was not really ready to hear.
"I know this isn't really the time for it, and we'll have this out for real when he's in good enough shape to join in." Doc tilted his head in the direction of the bedroom where Matt lay. "I just want you to know I didn't set out to deceive you when we were out there on the street. He was all but gone, honey. I sure didn't expect him to be alive when I got back to him. Any other man would have been dead. And then, it's like Festus said. If they'd known Matt was still alive, they would have come back and finished him off."
Kitty stood silent and immobile. If she looked at Doc or spoke she knew she would burst into tears, and she absolutely hated for anyone to see her cry. Doc laid a hand on her shoulder gently, and it was all she could do to stay in control. "What I'm trying to say is, I'm sorry I had to do what I did. I just didn't think I had any other choice at the moment. I know you're upset with me, and maybe this didn't help any, I just couldn't leave without saying something. I'm sorry." Kitty squeezed her eyes shut and gritted her teeth, nodding. She followed Doc to the door and locked it behind him. She crossed the room to the door connecting the two rooms and peeked in on Matt. Seeing him asleep, she closed the door and sank down into the same chair Doc had helped her to hours earlier, pulling a pillow over her face to muffle her sobs.
Matt's eyes were too heavy to keep open, but the sleeping powder hadn't completely taken hold when Kitty and Doc had left the room, and his mind lingered at the edge of consciousness. He heard Doc's voice, quiet and gentle as he always spoke to Kitty whenever Matt was the patient; too quiet to make out the words from the next room. He heard her close the door when Doc left, and then he heard the sound he dreaded most of all. Or perhaps he merely sensed it, as faint as it was. "Damn," he muttered helplessly, and felt guilt wash over him. He had managed to piece together enough of the conversation in the Long Branch to be sure that Kitty had indeed said what he thought she said. The thing he had feared the most about he and Kitty's future had very nearly come to pass, and worse, Kitty had spent hours of agony believing that it had. He understood Doc's reasoning, even though he didn't much care for it, but, as usual, the responsibility, aside from the Gore gang's actions, rested on his shoulders. He had to make this right for Kitty sooner rather than later.
"Kitty," he called, although it came out as more of a weak croaking. He cleared his throat and tried again, summoning what little strength he currently possessed. "Kitty!" It was as close to a shout as he was going to get, but he still figured she wouldn't hear him if she was crying. To his surprise, the door opened a crack, although she stayed on the other side of it.
"You're supposed to be sleeping," she admonished gently. "What can I get you?"
"You," he answered, a plaintive note in his voice.
"Sure," she said tenderly. "Just give me a minute, all right?" The door closed and Matt let his eyes droop shut. He imagined her going through the motions of her daytime rest (when she had time to take one) ritual. She dipped a towel in the basin of warm water someone had managed to provide while she and Doc were getting him settled, and wiped what was left of the previous night's paint off her face, going over the smears of black around her eyes several times. She quickly unbuttoned her dress and slipped out of it, tossing it over her dressing screen to deal with later. Then she unlaced and removed her corset, taking in several much-needed deep breaths. Rather than take the time to brush her hair, she simply pulled the pins out and combed her fingers through several times. Finally, she pulled the rust-colored velvet wrapper she wore when she retired early for the night but didn't go to bed right away from her wardrobe and put it on over her remaining underclothes. Matt had no idea he had gone to sleep and dreamed about Kitty doing those things until he was awakened by a slight movement on the mattress next to him. He opened his eyes and grinned at the woman next to him. She'd done exactly as he'd dreamed, right down to the article of clothing she was wearing.
"Sorry. Didn't mean to wake you."
"S'all right. I asked for you, didn't I?"
"You certainly did. Now, just what did you have in mind in the condition you're in?" she teased lovingly."Just this." With much effort he raised his arm and draped it around her shoulders, pulling her toward him weakly. Kitty scooted an inch closer to him and rested her hand across his stomach, mindful of his many fresh bullet wounds.
"Easy, Cowboy. I don't think this is really what Doc meant when he said lots of attention."
"Doc can go..." Matt's mind drifted away from him before he was able to articulate what it was he wanted Doc to do.
"Un huh," Kitty murmured in agreement.
His mention of Doc reminded Matt that he meant to talk to Kitty about something. "Kitty, I'm-" he began.
Kitty raised up on her elbow and put her other hand gently over his mouth. "No, Matt. Please don't. Not right now, all right?"
Matt nodded, and they both fell silent, but he could see the damage had been done. Her upper lip trembled despite her pressing them together firmly, and a crease formed between her brows. Then the tears he'd interrupted earlier returned and coursed down her cheeks. "Oh, Matt!" she exclaimed, turning away in embarrassment. Matt felt a wave of shame. He always reacted so awkwardly on the rare occasions that Kitty cried in his presence, it was no wonder she was acting this way.
"Come 'ere, honey," he encouraged her. She turned back toward him and laid her head against his shoulder. "I'm sorry," she muttered.
"Don't be sorry. Maybe it's better if you get it out of your system," he conceded. Kitty seemed to be trying to stay in control. Her shoulders shook and she soaked the front of his shirt, as she made soft whimpering noises from time to time. Matt held her in both arms as best as he could and stroked the length of her hair down her back as she gradually calmed. She wiped her eyes with the back of one hand and laughed ruefully.
"I'm supposed to be taking care of you, not the other way around," she said between hiccups.
"You are takin' care of me," he insisted, pulling her back against his shoulder.
"I'm not hurting you, am I?"
"Nope," he snorted. "I'm still so full of medicine I don't feel a thing."
"You'll tell me if I start hurting you." It wasn't really a question.
"Yep," he said. They both knew he wouldn't.
Some hours later, Kitty was awakened by groans coming from the figure in the bed next to her. Her eyes snapped open to check on Matt. It appeared that he was trying to shift to a more comfortable position, but each movement elicited more groans. Sweat peppered his brow.
"Want me to get Doc to give you something for the pain?" Kitty asked, smoothing back Matt''s hair. Her eyes glazed with the threat of more tears.
Matt shook his head. "No," he answered through gritted teeth. "Just give me a couple of those powders and I'll sleep through it. If I see Doc right now I might have to kill him."
"None of that talk," Kitty scolded him quietly. "I need him around for the next time someone shoots you full of holes. Besides, Festus was right." Kitty turned to the powders Doc had left behind. "If they'd known you were alive they would have just come back and finished the job. You sure you want two?"
"Yeah. They won't hurt me."
Kitty considered Matt's logic as she mixed the powders for him. He was twice her size. If one put her to sleep for hours, why wouldn't Matt need two? She helped him once again drink down his dose, then held a glass of plain water to his lips to help wash away the foul taste.
"Thanks, Kitty." Matt lay back wearily and closed his eyes. Kitty pondered whether to join Matt and try to get some more rest or to call Sam to bring her some bookwork to do while he slept. A soft knock at her door gave her another option.
"Who is it?" she whispered loudly.
"It's me, Miss Kitty."
"Come on in, Festus."
The door opened and Festus stepped in, carrying a slightly lumpy cloth bag. He immediately reached up and pulled his hat off with his other hand.
"Matthew gettin' hisself some rest, is he?" he inquired.
Kitty nodded. "He was awake for a few minutes, but I just gave him some more medicine so I'm hoping he'll stay asleep the rest of the day."
"That's good. I didn't aim t' bother ya none, Miss Kitty, but I got some more of yer things them yahoos took last night." He held up the bag.
Right then Kitty could have cared less about whatever jewelry or cash Gore's men had taken. "Thanks, Festus. Would you mind putting it in the other room for me so I can go through it later?"
"Oh, not a'tall! Anything else I can do for you and Matthew? Town's pretty quiet right now, lots of folks jest a-takin' it easy after last night I reckon."
Kitty fervently wished Festus would stop bringing up the night before. She certainly didn't need any reminders. "As a matter of fact there is, Festus. Would you mind sitting with Matt for about an hour?"
"Wal, I'd be plumb tickled to, Miss Kitty."
Bless Festus for not asking why she needed to go out, Kitty thought as she slipped out the back stairs of the Long Branch ten minutes later. She had hurriedly brushed her hair and pulled it back and then pulled her cloak on to hide the fact that she was only wearing a wrapper with no corset underneath, though she doubted much if anyone was out or would care about appearances on that day if they were. She took the stairs to Doc's office, glad of the chance to talk to Doc alone. Though she really wasn't ready to see him, what she had to say to him couldn't be said in front of Matt. Doc was dozing in his office chair and looked up wearily when the door opened. "Kitty!" he exclaimed, taking in her hastily put together appearance. " Matt's-"
" ...just fine, " she finished for him. "Oh, you know what I mean," she amended when he started shaking his head. "He slept all morning, he's had some more sleeping powders and Festus is sitting with him now."
"I should go check on him." Doc rose stiffly and picked his glasses up from the desk, folded them, and put them in his vest pocket.
"I wouldn't, Curly," she warned, using the endearment unconsciously. "He doesn't want to see you right now."
"Oh, pshaw." Doc reached for his medical bag.
"No, I mean he really doesn't want to see you. He said he might kill you, and I think he was only sort of joking."
"Oh, for Heaven's sake, what for?"
"Why do you think? I guess you didn't tell him I, along with the rest of the town, thought he was dead, and I guess he didn't catch on right away when you brought me back to the Long Branch, but he's figured it out!"
"My God, Kitty, I had no idea..."
"No idea how I would feel when I thought the man I loved-the man I love, had just died in the street?"
"Kitty, don't put words in my mouth." Doc sputtered angrily. "I wasn't thinking that far ahead, I didn't know if I could save him, I didn't even know if there'd be anything left to save once I got done taking care of you!"
Kitty reacted as though she'd been slapped. Doc closed his eyes and dropped his head into the palm of his hand. "Honey, I'd give up everything I own if I could take back the last ten seconds."
"No," Kitty shook her head slowly and sunk into the closest chair. "I never thought about it like that, Doc."
"Well, don't think about it like that again, either. Forget it. I didn't mean it."
Kitty shook her head again. "Look, Doc, I really didn't come over here to argue. We're both too tired to keep from saying things we don't mean. We'll all get past this in time. But I need to tell you something, and I can't say it in front of Matt."
"I'm listening."
"When I was sitting there after you and Festus left, I-well, to start with I wasn't thinking much at all, I just kept seeing Matt lying there and hearing you say there was nothing you could do, over and over. And I realized that he was gone, and there was nothing I could do, and there was no way I could be without him. And I swear, Doc, if they, if-if Gore's men hadn't taken my gun, I could have done something. I could have gone with him."
"Are you telling me that if Matt dies, that you plan on taking your life?"
"I wouldn't call it a plan, exactly. Let's just say that now that I know how it feels, it's not out of the question. But, just let me finish, all right? Anyway, at some point it came to me that once they finished their 'mission', Barens was most likely going to come back and have his way. Maybe even carry me off with them. Now, I really didn't care what happened to me with Matt gone, but just the thought of the men who killed him putting their hands on me, and-and-"
"Shhh, shhh, you don't have to say any more."
"I'm not done!" she shouted. She covered her face with her hands, regaining control, then repeated herself quietly. "I'm not done. I'd rather be dead than let that happen. Doc, all I'm saying is, if there's ever another situation like this, no matter how bad it is, if there's even the slightest chance, if there's any hope at all, please give it to me. Can you do that for me?"
Doc sat deep in thought for so long Kitty wondered if he'd understood her. He thought of the one thing Kitty hadn't said. If she'd been able to get ahold of a gun, and, thinking Matt dead, used it on herself, and Matt had lived to find out what she'd done, he would have failed them both. He reached for Kitty's hand and patted it gently. "You bet I will," he said at last. "But I need you to do something for me, too." She looked at him with one raised eyebrow. "I don't want to hear any more talk about killing yourself. You're stronger than that. When the time comes, if it comes, we both know that's the very last thing Matt would want. Can you promise me that?"
"I-I'll try. I can't promise I'll feel any differently about it, but I won't do anything foolish."
Doc nodded and swiped a hand over his mustache. He cleared his throat several times before he spoke. "I know it's not the same, Kitty, but there are an awful lot of us around here who couldn't live without you. Remember that."
Kitty sat at the small table near her bed, trying to keep her mind occupied with the inventory Sam had taken for her once everything had been returned. It appeared as though her remaining stock would be sufficient to cover all the damages the saloon had sustained the night before. As Gore himself had put it, she hadn't lost anything she couldn't replace. A slight creak of the bed caught her attention, and she looked over to see Matt attempting to get up. She was at his side before he got very far, but not before he let out a groan and put his hand against his side.
"Hold it right there." Kitty pressed her hands against his upper arms, easing him back down to the mattress. "Just what do you think you're doing, mister?" She stroked his forehead and cheeks with the back of her hand, relieved that he still seemed to be free of fever.
"I need to...uh…." Matt said with some urgency.
"I'll help you with that." Doc would say that was a good sign, Kitty knew. Matt lay back resignedly. Knowing how deeply Matt resented being so helpless, she went about that particular nursing task without further comment. "Doc gave me something to help with the pain," she said, when she felt it had been long enough for Matt to have gotten past the humiliation. She produced the bottle of laudanum and a spoon and he opened his mouth without argument.
Matt grimaced as he swallowed the foul-tasting medicine. "Doc was here?"
Kitty shook her head. "I went to see him. We're declaring a truce."
"We are?" Matt said, irritation creeping into his voice.
"We are," she repeated firmly. "No arguing, fighting, or killing Doc until you're healed."
"Yes, ma'am," Matt said meekly.
"You think you could eat something?" She was pretty sure she knew what the answer would be.
"I guess I am kind of hungry."
"Now, why doesn't that surprise me? Tell you what. If you promise to stay in that bed while I'm gone, I'll go get you some soup."
Matt nodded. Weakness and the dose of laudanum he'd just had were taking over. "I'm not going anywhere." He yawned and once again gave up the struggle to hold his eyes open. Kitty wondered if he was aware of the deeper meaning of the words he just said to her. Given his acceptance of his own mortality, he most likely did not, but Kitty was going to hold onto it all the same. She brushed a sweat-matted lock of hair back from his forehead and then leaned over and pressed her lips against his stubbled cheek before she responded to her unconscious lawman.
"I'm mighty glad to hear that, Cowboy."
END