A/n: Well, a new fic. I have made this because I wanted to. Hehehe...
Anyways, please read this and review it for me, Ok? Ohh... by the way, this
is a short fic. I mean, I wouldn't add any chapters for this. But then, I
could always change my mind. If you see the 'owari' word down there then, I
won't add any chapters. But if you see the 'TBC' thingy, then I would add
chapters, OK?
Disclaimer: I don't own RK and this story is kinda adapted from another story *I forgot its title*. But then, of course, I changed some parts, HAHAHAHA!!!
The Love of the Nun
By: Killua K.
@~~~~~
When you would become a nun, you would give up everything.
Everything...
Your family,
Your friends,
Yourself,
And even the person you loved most...
But then, these sacrifices are nothing- compared to what you will earn afterwards. And that is- having the love of God.
@~~~~~
"Misao, the mass will start any minute. Remind Father John to be ready for it," Kaoru Kamiya gently told her.
Kaoru Kamiya- she was an ordinary nun there in the convent. She was a loving woman and a very kind one. She entered the convent when she was in high school.
"Oh, yeah, right...I almost forgot to remind him, well, thanks. By the way, would Mother Superior come, too?" Misao asked her.
Kaoru smiled softly and her big blue eyes sparkled. She shook her head. "She isn't feeling well today. But then, she said that she'll just make up for her absence today by attending other masses."
Misao smiled. She was feeling nervous today. She didn't know why but maybe it had something to do to her last test now.
'Misao, this is your day...' she talked to herself. 'Come on, you can do it. Don't think of the circumstances that will take place after this.'
"Mi-chan...you can do this," Kaoru spoke to her with warmth and love. "You will be what you want to be after this- so need not be worried. May God bless you, my dear friend."
She smiled widely then hugged her.
"Arigatou gozaimasu, Kaoru-san...Thank you very, very much," she said. After that Kaoru left her for a while.
She sat on a chair there and clasped her hands. She held a tiny rosary between them and prayed silently.
'Oh, God...help me. Please help me pass my last test. I know I'm asking too much from you but...well, I have to fulfill my promise to my parents. I *will* be a nun and they'll be happy about it. Please, help me with this...'
Her eyes were tightly closed and she saw nothing but black vastness.
Could this be a good sign?
Or another bad omen?
Please, let it be good.
I don't want to fail this.
I have failed in many things before.
But no...not now.
I can't fail.
I mustn't fail.
@~~~~~
"This is a big day- especially for the students. I hope they will all pass. We need more people who will spread the word of God to mankind," a priest spoke. He was red-haired and he had violet haze eyes. They spoke of such happiness and enthusiasm. He was smiling widely before her.
"Of course, they will, Father. Even if they do not pass this, we would still give them a chance. We are not that strict. And whenever I see them so nervous, I just see myself in them. I was just like them before. So nervous of what'll happen and what might take place," she said.
The red-haired priest smiled at her. He was calm and seemed so peace- loving. Serenity sailed in his faded eyes.
"Did you remember when I appeared that day before you, Kaoru?" he asked suddenly.
The nun was surprised to hear this. But, yes, he was right. She saw him that day and her mind became so troubled.
Flashback:
"Why have you come back?" she cried at him angrily. Tears spilled from her lovely blue eyes. She leaned herself on the brick wall and wept.
He held her hand and caressed it. He smiled sadly to her. "Don't you want me to see you?"
She closed her eyes and removed her hand away from him. "Yes! And it's because I hate you so much. How dare you come here and make me hesitate to my decision! Kenshin, I've forgotten you for a long time because I wanted to become a nun. And then you'll come here?!"
He slightly frowned then tried to touch her soft cheek. He felt her hot tears as they wetted his big rough hand. "I came here to see you and make you remember that you're not alone..."
"But you have made me feel alone for a very long time! Haven't you realized that? When I needed you, you were not beside me. When I wanted you to know my decision of entering the convent, you didn't care about me. When I asked you if it'll be good for me to become a nun, you said 'yes'!" she shouted at him. She removed her veil and ran her fingers through her dark shiny hair.
"But it was GOOD for you to become a nun, right?" Kenshin told her as he held her arms.
She cried hard. "No...It isn't. I'm not happy being what I am now. You know that I wanted to be with you. How could you just refuse me to be your loved one? Am I not fit for it?" she said sadly. Her tears continued flowing down to her cheeks. He wiped them by his fingers then finally, hugged her tightly. She was warm and her petite figure just fit perfectly in his arms.
"No, Kaoru. I loved you too. But then, you didn't know that I entered the seminary too, that day when you asked me if your decision of becoming a nun was right. And so I said 'yes'. At least we could be together even if not as a couple. At least I could see you everyday in the convent or in the church. And that would be enough, Kaoru," he explained as he ran her fingers through her silky black hair. She continued crying then she embraced him too. But she was sad. God, she was so sad about it.
"How could fate be so cruel to us?" she asked him, her voice was shaky.
"No, Kaoru. Fate wasn't cruel to us. It was rather a blessing to us. I thought we would be away from each other since...but then, it was really a surprise when you told me that you'd become a nun...And fate didn't become rude," he said.
She held him tightly. More tightly than before. She was crying now- not because of sadness, but because of happiness and forgiveness. Then she closed her eyes and tears spilled again. They were hot and it hurt her face.
End of Flashback:
She smiled at him and blushed a bit.
"I was glad that you became a priest, and that I became a nun. That would be enough for me, Kenshin- although sometimes, whenever I would think about this, I couldn't avoid regretting those days. Maybe if you have told me before about you, entering the seminary, maybe I would have stopped you. And maybe we would've been married. But then, I didn't know that this would happen," Kaoru spoke.
Kenshin went nearer to her then embraced her tiny figure. His face was against hers and he missed this warm feeling for a long time. He loved her so much- until now. But then this love that he was feeling now, was a pure one. One with forgiveness. He caressed her body.
Suddenly, he heard her weeping...
@~~~~~
She had reminded Father John and she was very prepared for the mass.
Suddenly, she smiled widely then felt so confident about everything.
'God will be beside me. He will help me with this and I would not fail it. I will become a nun and my family will be proud of me.' She thought.
She walked along in the hall and her footsteps echoed through it. She has never felt so happy. She felt so light.
"Misao-chan!"
She looked back and saw another nun running to her. She grinned widely then stopped walking. "Ohayou, Omasu-chan...What is it?" she asked.
The nun reached her then took in big amounts of air as she caught her breath. "We-well...somebody's l-looking f-for y-you...He said that he is your friend..." she informed her.
Misao raised her eyebrow. "HE? As in, HE?"
Omasu nodded her head then chuckled. "He's cute...He has a good built and has fine muscles. OHHH!!! If I'm not a nun, maybe I would've flirted with him. He's so handsome. Misao...remember this, don't make a sin!!! Hahahaha!!!" she laughed. Misao was puzzled but then she laughed with her too.
"Well, OK...but where is he?" she asked her.
"He's outside. He has been waiting for you for a long time. It took me hours before I found you so run!" she shouted. Misao smiled then walked briskly away from Omasu.
"OK, by the way, thanks!!!" she cried as she left.
@~~~~~
He stood beside the great tree with its leaves gently falling down as the dear gravity called for them. He was waiting for hours. And he felt that he couldn't wait any longer. He tucked his big hands into his pockets and waited.
Misao...
He thought about her. He had known that this will be her last day of school. And after this, he couldn't anymore win her back. She will be a nun in her whole lifetime. He wouldn't want that- so he came here.
He wanted to talk to her about things that might change her mind. But he doubted if he could ever do that. It was too late but he hoped.
He looked back and saw the convent. It was so big. It was so old. How could she leave him for this old place? He was better than this place and she wouldn't choose this place in replace of him.
Suddenly, he saw a woman running to him. He realized that it was she.
He smiled widely and was glad to see her. Finally, the woman reached him. She was Misao. His Misao.
"Mi-chan..." he spoke. She looked at him and was so surprised.
"A-aoshi...h-hi," she said. She felt more nervous. Why is he here? She thought.
He smiled back. "Hello..."
Misao was confused. "Hi."
"Hello."
"Hi."
"Hello."
"Hi."
He stopped then looked back and saw the leaves of the great tree as they fell slowly onto the ground. He felt peaceful. How could I convince you that you are for me? How could I ever tell you that this is not your destiny?
"Aoshi...so- why did you come here?" she asked him.
He fell silent. He didn't reply.
"Well, would you attend the mass? You know, this mass is a very special one- for us, students. We would be ordained this day if we would be fit for a nun. I hope you would see me there, and I hope I would pass this. Please pray for it, Aoshi-sama," she said kindly. She was so happy to see his old friend. She wasn't able to see him for a very long time.
He didn't speak a word or two.
She was still confused. "Well, you know what? At last I would be able to fulfill my promise to my parents. Before, I refused them. I was so stubborn. But when they both died," she paused. She was hurt to reminisce her past. She didn't want that bitter part of her life. "I promised to myself that I would become what they really wanted me to be."
He was still silent.
"Uhh...? Umm...they said that they wanted me to become a nun because they wanted me to offer myself to God. Besides, I was given to them even if they were so old."
He didn't speak.
Suddenly, she was pissed off.
"Aoshi," her voice raised. "Won't you even give me a response after what I've said?!"
He finally looked at her- his dark eyes sparkled. His bangs swayed along with the breeze that passed them.
"I'm sorry...It's too late," he said sadly. He tried to smile but he can't. He then hugged her tightly. After that, he lost her. He left the place and tried to fix things.
@~~~~~
I came here to have you
I was here to fetch you
I went here to stop you
But how could I do that?
Now that you have chosen to become
A person that you really wanted to be?
I know I have no power...or the authority
To prevent this fate that you have preferred
But I just hope you would understand
You are not meant for this
And never will be
I am meant for you
And that is because we both deserve this kind of destiny
@~~~~~
'I don't understand him...He visited me but then he didn't even speak. He's really weird. And I just don't know how to find out what he's feeling. He would always hide his feelings- by his mask.'
Misao walked slowly back to the convent.
The leaves from the big tree fell again as gravity pulled them.
She watched everything around her. And it was peaceful to look at these things. 'I will be a nun...And I will be happy. I have just realized this thing now- now that it's too late.'
Suddenly, she felt something coming out of her eyes.
She tried to touch her cheeks.
Her fingers were wet. 'Tears...'
She wiped them away. 'I never cried for a long time. I thought my tears were long gone. But then...'
Flashback:
The tension grew. They were crying all. She too was confused of what her parents were saying.
"You are not fit to be what you want."
"You are destined to be God's servant."
"We know what's good for you so do follow us."
"We have to repay God by offering you to Him. That is the only way. We're old, Misao. We can't anymore think of other ways of how to repay Him."
"Pursue this vocation, my child."
She wiped her tears and looked at them. 'Why are they saying these things to me? I don't understand them. I don't want to understand them.'
"Please, Misao...be the person that we want you to be."
"You should follow us."
She lowered her head then tried to arrange her thoughts.
"No, I don't want to be a nun. It's enough for me to be an ordinary person with an ordinary life. I don't want to be caged in the convent nor devote myself to Him," she protested.
"But we know what IS good for you. How could you reject this kind of opportunity of repaying the great man who gave life to you?!" her mother shouted at her. She was crying hard. She was tired of repeating these things to Misao. Everyday of her life, she reminded her daughter that she should become a nun. But she couldn't comprehend now why she was refusing to be one.
"I don't WANT TO BE A NUN, do you understand?" Misao yelled at her mom. Her father was startled when he heard his daughter's angry voice.
"Misao, that is YOUR MOTHER. How could you do that to her?!" he bellowed at her.
His daughter stared at them then angrily then turned her back away from them and walked out.
"MISAO!!!" her mother shouted as she moaned. Her husband hugged her then hushed her to silence.
She left but she came back...for their burial.
She cried when she left and she still cried when she came back.
Her parents were murdered. They were mistaken to be the two persons that the killers really wanted to kill. And now, she has no family. She didn't know what to do. Until she remembered their last wish for her...
"We want you to be a nun."
It was a very simple wish but then it was also full of sacrifices. And she didn't want any sacrifice.
But they also sacrificed for me. How could I just refuse them- now that they're dead? She thought.
For many months, she struggled to find the right answer. Often, she would have decided about it but her thoughts would be disturbed by worries again. And she would repeat the whole process of thinking. Not until he came...
"Tell me, Aoshi. Would it be good for me if I become a nun?" she asked her dear friend. She knew that she could always run to him whenever she has problems like this.
"Well, what do you think? It really depends on your decision," he replied.
She sighed. She looked at him and saw his eyes. "Do you want to know the real reason that I don't want to become a nun?"
He stared at her too and was intrigued. "Yeah..."
She turned her blue eyes away from him and inhaled an amount of air. Her long braid was slightly lifted from her back by the wind that passed them.
"Well, it's because of a man."
"Really?" Aoshi said.
"Ahuh."
"Why?"
She didn't reply.
"Why, Misao?"
She looked at him again and grinned slightly. "I'm in love with him."
Aoshi was startled. 'She's in love with someone? But...how about me?'
Suddenly, Misao laughed. "If I become a nun...I can't love him. The only man that I should love is God."
He nodded his head. "Aa~"
"Well, what do you think now? Should I become a nun?" she asked.
Aoshi stood up then looked down on her. She was beautiful and so innocent. "Yes..."
She widened her eyes and was shocked. She didn't expect that kind of answer from him. No, she didn't.
"Huh?"
"Yes, Misao. Your parents are more important than that man. Right?" he said. With that, he left easily. And she was more confused.
End of FB:
'But then...well, I could never be too sure of what I am really feeling.'
She looked up in the sky and imagined his face. It was shadowed- by his mask. 'I was angry with him. And it's because he let me entered the convent. I loved him. But then, he didn't understand me. I'm just confused now- why did he come back? What for? It's too late...I could never be the same Misao again. I have changed drastically,' she thought. She lowered her head then ran back to the convent.
@~~~~~
"Omasu-chan, have you seen Mi-chan? The mass will start now," Kaoru asked the nun. She was carrying the chalice which contained the blessed host.
"Ohh...she has a visitor. She'll be back- soon," she replied. She fixed the cloth covering the table to be used by the priest. "Don't worry. It will be just a short conversation."
Kaoru smiled slightly. She sighed then placed the chalice on the table. She looked before her and saw the empty room. The benches were unoccupied and there were no people around except them. 'This will be the day...of sacrifices. People don't realize how a nun greatly sacrifices when she enters the convent. Every woman who will be ordained in this room has their own story of their life- of how they turned their backs from their family and loved ones. And I was just like them. Though you'll earn a very great reward for being a nun...you'll still somehow feel that there is something missing.'
Her eyes were suddenly glued on something. It was a cross. She grinned widely. 'But if it's really your destiny to be a nun, you just can't change it. No matter what you do...you will still be a nun. You just have to accept it.'
She closed her eyes and offered a little prayer to God.
'May they find their true destiny, O Lord God. Amen...'
@~~~~~
He sat there on the long bench and thought about her. 'I know it is wrong to come here and try to stop her. But then, this is what my heart dictates me to do. So...how could I refuse this thing? I know I have been a stupid coward. I thought that I could live by myself...without her. But no...I couldn't. I need her. I love her. How could she do this to me? How could she reject me?'
The wind passed smoothly.
It was cool and gentle.
The leaves fell from the tree above him. A leaf fell on his hand. He clenched his fist and heard the crunching sound.
It was too late.
He should've done this before.
And not just now.
He could not stop her anymore...
@~~~~~
Spirit of God in the clear running water
Blowing to greatness the tress on the hill
Spirit of God in the finger of morning
Fill the earth, bring it to birth
And blow where you will
Blow, blow, blow till I be
But breath of the spirit
Blowing in me
Blow, blow, blow till I be
But breath of the spirit
Blowing...in...Me...
At last, the mass was finished. Misao didn't even feel it. She was troubled at Aoshi's presence. 'What does it mean?' she would ask herself many times. She would sometimes glance at him and see him looking at her. She was really uncomfortable with his actions. She didn't know why.
In the middle of the mass, she saw him talking to Father Kenshin *oh...it sucks. I'm sorry. Kenshin being a priest isn't really a good idea. But then I have no choice- Killua K.* and that just troubled her more. 'Aoshi knows Father? Weird...'
They were being ordained.
"These women are here in front because they are willing to be ordained and become lifetime servants of the Lord. Though they have done such great sacrifices in their lives, they didn't mind them. Instead that made them more determined of what path of life they will choose. And that is becoming a nun..." Father John recited as he looked at the women and all the people there in the church. He continued what he's doing.
But then, Misao wasn't listening to him attentively. She was glancing at Aoshi. She saw his face. He looked angry about something. 'Is he angry with me?' She thought it that way. Suddenly, she saw Father Kenshin as he approached Aoshi and patted his back.
'What's happening?'
"They will be making a vow. A lifetime vow- that they will serve Him and all mankind to the utmost that they can. And, people, this is hard to do. So let us appreciate them." The people clapped loudly and cheered for the women. Misao saw Father Kenshin again. He was comforting Aoshi.
Aoshi was cupping his face and his gray eyes were clouded with such mystery and mixed feelings. Misao wondered why he was acting so strange. Suddenly, when the people were clapping loudly, Aoshi walked out of the room. Kenshin followed. Kaoru came too and went to them.
"Now, put your hands on the Bible and recite thy prayer. It is the time to execute your long-life vow to God..."
Misao put her hand on a Bible and closed her eyes.
She felt them hot.
Tears spilled from them as she recited her own prayer.
'Is this really my destiny, Lord God? Tell me...I am pleading at Your mercy. I do not want to regret this for my entire life.' She whispered in her mind. She heard nothing except for her heart beat and her own breathing.
@~~~~~
Kaoru washed the towel again and squeezed it. The water dripped from it slowly. She mixed some alcohol into the water in the bowl.
She looked at her.
She was pale. She was so weak. It happened after the mass.
'Why did you have to collapse, Misao? What's the problem?'
Misao was attacked by flu. She was so hot and she lost her natural color. 'Oh, Misao...' she thought. Kaoru placed her hand on Misao's hot forehead then caressed her face. She pitied her so much. 'You do not need to suffer like this. You deserve something better. I know that this is too hard for you but please be strong...'
She smiled sadly as she looked at her friend. She has seen all her sacrifices since she came here in the convent. And she knew exactly what she has been through. 'You are not the only one having this problem. There are many people just like you.'
Suddenly, Misao woke up and her sweet sleep was shattered.
"Don't leave me, please..."she said frailly. Tears spilled from her blue eyes as she looked up. "No...don't leave me alone here- Aoshi-sama..."
Kaoru gasped.
@~~~~~
"It is too late, Kenshin. I should've done this before and not just now. I can't accept it. It just hurts. I wish she didn't enter this convent. She'll be imprisoned here forever," he spoke. His face was shadowed but then even if it was lighted, Kenshin will not be able to see what he was truly feeling. Aoshi has worn his mask for a long time and has not removed it since. Maybe, it was also the reason that urged Misao to enter the convent. She hadn't comprehended his actions too well and it ended up just like this.
"She doesn't love me anymore. She has forgotten me for a long time. What really hurt me was when the people clapped loudly when they will be making a vow. As if those people there truly know how great these nuns are sacrificing- as if they know how hard it feels to turn back from your loved ones for another greater love..." Aoshi said angrily.
Kenshin examined his face. He was angry and his mask was slowly being removed. He was not really surprised about it. He knew that someday Aoshi will remove it by his own will. Not until...
He saw tears from his green eyes.
Aoshi was crying in great pain- for the very first time.
Kenshin patted his back and smiled at him.
"What do you want me to do with it, my friend?" he asked gently as he pitied his friend.
Aoshi wiped his tears by his big fingers and took in air into his lungs. He looked at the red-haired priest and saw his reaction.
"Nothing..." he said. "I just want you to listen, Father Kenshin...that's all."
Kenshin gasped.
@~~~~~
"I just wanted him to tell me the truth..."
"But isn't that the truth?"
"No, it isn't, Kaoru...because if it is, then maybe I'm not suffering right now," Misao explained as her tears streamed from her blue eyes.
"Then what is it?" Kaoru asked her sick friend.
Misao wiped her tears by her fingers and felt the heat from her cheeks. She knew she was so hot and that she was ill. But she didn't mind it.
"That it is not good for me if I'll enter the convent. That I will not be happy here," she told her as she looked at her.
Suddenly, Kaoru hugged the nun in front of her and comforted her lovingly. She hushed her as she wept. "It will be all right, Misao-chan. Everything will soon be fine. You will overcome this. I know it."
Misao clung on Kaoru's clothes and began crying harder. She felt so hot and sick for the first time. "I hope..." she spoke weakly.
@~~~~~
Many days had passed.
And everything seemed normal again after that incident.
But not for one nun...
'It isn't normal if you keep on thinking about him- though he had hurt you so much. It isn't normal if you keep on missing him badly. It isn't normal if you feel so damn lonely. It isn't normal if you are suffering like this. It isn't normal if you are- a nun like me...'
Misao was kneeling on the kneeler inside the chapel. She was praying solemnly but then those thoughts were troubling her so much. 'What should I do?'
Her eyes were closed tightly as ever. She remembered what happened before...
Flashback:
She was lying on the bed, looking at the big cross nailed on the wall at her feet. She was praying as she held the rosary. Her temperature wasn't improving. She was getting hotter as every second passed and she didn't know exactly what to feel or what to do.
Footsteps resounded.
She was startled and as the door near her opened slowly, sweat rolled down on her temples. She breathed in hard. And her heart beat faster.
The door opened...and she wasn't able to see the form clearly. "Miss Kaoru?" she trembled as she held the rosary. Suddenly a shadow grew bigger on the wall as the person entered the room. It came closer to her but it was still a mere blur to her. The room wasn't well-lighted and it was quite dark.
"I'm not Kaoru."
She gasped. "Omasu-chan...?"
"Iiye..."
She breathed in another considerable amount of air. She began to shiver- not in hotness but in coldness. "Then..."
It came closer and when the shadow was lighted by her lamp beside her, she was shocked to find him standing before her. "A-aoshi..." The rosary that she held slipped from her shivering hands and fell on the wooden floor.
The man bended down and got the rosary. He gave it back to her hands. He suddenly held her face and caressed it. "Misao...congratulations. You're a nun." He said simply.
She looked at his handsome face and felt herself so hot. "Arigatou...Aoshi- sama."
Quickly, he stood straight then looked at her for the last moment. "I know it's too late but..." he said. Surprisingly, he stooped down and held his face near her. His breath was damping her hot face. He looked directly at her and found her so fragile and so delicate. "I wish I have said this before you entered the convent. But I was too coward to face the fear of losing you if you have known this feeling of mine..." Misao shivered again and felt so weak. She barely heard his words. She only concentrated at his face and memorized his every feature and every inch of it. "Aoshi-sama..." she murmured. She gazed at his green eyes. The mask was gone. She wondered how he was able to remove it on his own. She could clearly make out of his feelings now.
"Ai shiteru, Misao-chan..." he spoke gently then pressed a kiss on her lips. He tasted it and found it so sweet. But then, he had to stop it. It wasn't right to kiss a sacred woman. Before he let go of his lips, Misao pushed him away as she quickly sat up on her bed. She felt dizzy but also angry at what he has done to her. She wiped her lips then looked at him furiously. She saw his green eyes as they widened in shock. "How dare you..." she said softly.
He chuckled then kissed her again. But now, it was short. He enjoyed seeing her like that. Besides, he would never see her like that anymore. He was going to leave her- for good. He smiled- but it swiftly turned into a frown. He reached her cheek and ran his fingers on it. It was so smooth and so soft.
"I love you, Misao. But I guess- it's too late. Besides, I am leaving you now..." he explained sadly. She began to feel sad about his news. Suddenly tears sprang from her eyes as she looked at him.
"Nani?" she spoke as she trembled.
"I will just disturb you here. And this will also be for your good," he told her sadly.
"H-how...long?"
He removed his hand on her face then turned away from her. He started walking away from her. Then he reached the door and opened it slightly.
He looked back and saw her crying. "For good..."
She was shocked. Tears poured from her eyes quickly as she gasped. She saw him as he slipped out of the room. The shadow was gone. The door was closed.
She moaned as she cried.
The light from her lamp was suddenly put out. The room fell dark and she felt herself becoming hotter. She shivered in coldness as she hugged herself tightly.
She was afraid.
End of Flashback:
'Oh God...Tell me, lead the right way for me. I can't continue my life like this.'
With that, she stood up.
"I like to talk to her. I know that she knows the truth."
@~~~~~
I've tried every single way to have you back
But then you, yourself refused me
How could I just accept that?
Well, we both know it is a big sin
And I don't want to commit another mistake
I have to see you again
And tell you that I have lied
That I loved you but I couldn't have you for myself
And it is because...
I am just like you
A prisoner...
@~~~~~
"Come in," her voice echoed through the door. The nun opened the door then finally, entered the room. She saw an old woman on a chair coughing roughly. She was nervous and she didn't know exactly what she has to say.
"Mother Superior, I want to talk to you- personally. Would it be all right for you?" she asked gently. She rubbed her hands as she sighed.
The old woman nodded her head and coughed again- but this time it was rougher than ever. Her old tired eyes looked over the nun and seemed to examine her.
"Nani?"
"I just want to ask you something..." she continued.
"What then?"
"Mother...would it be all right if I'd quit being a nun?"
The old woman gasped when she heard her words. She coughed again then looked at the young woman in front of her. She was frail and she seemed so ill and weak. "What made you think that way?" she finally said.
The girl looked at her. Tears sprang from her eyes.
"I don't know..." she murmured.
She burst out crying.
@~~~~~
Kaoru was stupefied.
She heard enough. She didn't exactly know what happened to her friend. It was just too good to be true. She didn't even realize how her friend felt after those long days. She didn't know anything about her.
Omasu held Kaoru's right hand and gave it a slight squeeze. She looked at her. "That's what Mother Superior told me. But she also said that she really doesn't know if that act was right."
"Quitting from a profession like this- it's just awkward for me...as if it is a big sin. But maybe, Misao is not really fit for this. She's been acting so weird lately. Something is bothering her. And I'm not really sure about it. But I think it is about- Mr. Shinomori," Omasu continued speaking. She was confused just like Kaoru. She hasn't witnessed any kind of case like this yet.
Kaoru lifted her head and looked at Sister Omasu. She was sad about the news. From the very start, she had felt that something was not really right about Misao, choosing this profession. "Sister, do you think Mother Superior would let her quit? Misao has become a nun- but only for a few weeks. Maybe, Mother would consider it."
"I don't know, Sister Kaoru," Omasu replied as she held both of Kaoru's hands.
"Maybe," she added. "But...maybe not."
@~~~~~
He walked along the hall.
He was wearing that same cloth that priests wear. He held a bible in one hand and a bag on the other. He was placed in that convent to preach and light other people's worlds. But then, he knew no one could ever give light to his own world except her.
@~~~~~
Night came.
She was confused- about everything. 'I don't know what to do now.'
Flashback:
"Crying...or rather- wasting tears wouldn't do any good to your problem, Sister."
She looked up at the old woman and quickly wiped her tears away by her fingers. They were hot and wet. But then, it was just relieving to cry.
"What w-will then d-do...good to m-m-my...problem?" she asked the aged woman.
The woman reached out for her hand and held it as she released heavy coughs. "Follow what your heart says. It is the only right thing to do." She coughed roughly.
Misao smiled slightly. "But my heart is not saying anything about it. My mind, however, is confused."
Mother Superior laughed then was attacked by her terrible coughs again. Her hands slipped from Misao's. "Really..? Or, you are just not listening to it?"
Her eyes widened in shock as she looked at her. She lowered her head and frowned a bit. 'How could I just listen to this stupid thing of mine? Actually, it is the main cause of my problem. It is where the real problem is. How could it produce the right solution for its own problem?'
"Sister, tell me the truth. What is your reason? I mean every act you make has a reason for it," Mother Superior asked.
Misao looked up at the woman and again, tears fell slowly from her tired eyes. "I guess I am being haunted my past. And I just can't turn my back from it."
Mother Superior smiled then coughed again. She breathed in. "Well, I think God is not really calling you for this duty. Maybe, this is just a false alarm- like everyone says."
Misao held the old woman's rough hands and rubbed hers against them. "Wouldn't it become a sin, Mother?"
The woman laughed gain. "If you are really telling the truth, maybe it won't."
Suddenly, Misao smiled happily then stood up as she embraced Mother Superior. "Domo arigatou gozaimasu, Mother..." she cried happily.
End of Flashback:
'I know that, what Mother meant was- she has let me to quit. But I am not really sure if what I will do is right.'
She slipped into her night clothes then sat on her bed. She looked through her window and saw the dark sky. It was full of stars.
"Aoshi...I am doing this for you- for me."
@~~~~~
The next day...
The door opened and two nuns entered her room. She was packing that time. She was almost finished.
"Ohayou, Sister Misao," the two nuns both greeted happily. But behind their big blue eyes were tears- ready to be spilled out. They went to Misao and hugged her tightly. "I am not 'Sister Misao' anymore. I'm just 'Misao'. I am going to leave this convent for good," Misao said as she tried to stop herself from crying.
"Don't say that, Misao. You will also visit us, right?" Omasu spoke. Suddenly, tears fell from her eyes then she quickly grabbed her friend and embraced her. Misao hugged her too as she nodded her head. "Of course, Sister Omasu. I will never forget you."
She let go of the nun then smiled to them. "I may not be a nun anymore- but I wish I were still your friend," Misao said. Suddenly, Kaoru cried hard and moaned. "Oh, Mi-chan...I will miss you so much..." she cried as she hugged her friend tightly. "Don't forget me, please," Kaoru pleaded. Surprisingly, tears fell from Misao's eyes too then embraced Kaoru back. "I won't..." she replied.
@~~~~~
The two nuns ushered her to the church. There, they met Kenshin and Misao hugged her priest friend. "I will miss you, Father Kenshin..." she said. Kenshin smiled sweetly. "I will too, Misao. May God light your way," he spoke.
"Oh, by the way, have you met the new priest? He's arrived yesterday. I haven't introduced him to you yet," Kenshin said. The women shook their heads.
"Well, it is all right, Father. Besides, I'm not a nun anymore. If I visit here, maybe- I will meet him too," Misao explained. She sighed as she held her bags.
They hugged their friend again- for the last time. Then the two nuns and the priest left when Misao said that she was going to confess to a priest.
She walked along the aisle of the church and observed everything.
'It had been a long time since I decided to come here to Your House. I wanted to serve You and it isn't just because of my parents' will, or even Aoshi's decision- it is also because I love You too. But then, my past is haunting me...or should I say- I am still living in the past and I can't move on. But now, I know where I will go.'
She went to the place where she would confess. She entered the little room and prepared herself.
"What did you come here for?" the priest spoke.
"I came here to confess for my sins, Father," she replied.
"Well then, tell your sins to me."
She sighed then continued. "I quit from being a nun."
"Doushite?"
"I am being haunted by my past."
"Would you mind if I ask you to explain to me what that past maybe?"
"Oh, of course not, Father."
"Well, what could your past be?"
"It is a man whom I'm in love with before. He went to the convent and told me that he loved me too. He said that it was too late to stop me from becoming a nun."
"And that is your reason?"
"Hai...And not only that...I think I'm still in love with him. And I know that loving someone is forbidden if you are a nun- or any servant of God. I was confused. So I left this profession."
"Did Mother Superior agree to your decision?"
"Oh, yes, Father. She told me to follow my heart. And I guess, this is what my heart says. Besides, I have confessed to God. I think he would understand me. I have been suffering so much since that man came. And you know what, Father? He even kissed me when I was sick. How could I just tolerate what he has done? I do not fit for this job."
Silence...
The priest didn't speak nor did she. Suddenly...
"You do not need to quit from your job."
Misao was shocked. "And why should I not?"
Surprisingly, the divider opened and the priest faced Misao. She quickly recognized the face. It was he. It was...
"Do not leave me anymore, Misao. I am here now. We could be together this way. Now that I've known, you love me too," the priest spoke. His raven hair covered his emerald green eyes as he smiled sweetly. He was hand some. He was too perfect to be a priest. Misao couldn't believe what she saw before her.
Suddenly, she grinned widely as tears spilled from her big sapphire blue eyes.
"Aoshi-sama..." she murmured.
~~OWARI~~
A/N: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHARRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!! A nice short fic! I've finished it, but then it took me weeks. Well, it's all right. I hope you liked it. Please give me a nice review. Actually, I'm not really familiar with the names of religious things in church. Well, if you were confused, I'll explain it to you clearly.
Aoshi entered the seminary even before Misao entered the convent. That's why he agreed Misao's decision of entering the convent, it is bec. He knew that if she's a nun, she can't love a man.
Then, Aoshi became a priest. He had known that Misao was about to become a nun. He rushed to the convent to stop it. He knew that if he would be able to stop Misao, he would quit from being a priest(that's implied anyway). But then, it was as if Misao doesn't love him anymore. So he felt that it was too late. And then, things happened...and you know the ending.
Thanks for reading!!!
^______^ That's a big smile from your author here!!!
By: Killua K.
Disclaimer: I don't own RK and this story is kinda adapted from another story *I forgot its title*. But then, of course, I changed some parts, HAHAHAHA!!!
The Love of the Nun
By: Killua K.
@~~~~~
When you would become a nun, you would give up everything.
Everything...
Your family,
Your friends,
Yourself,
And even the person you loved most...
But then, these sacrifices are nothing- compared to what you will earn afterwards. And that is- having the love of God.
@~~~~~
"Misao, the mass will start any minute. Remind Father John to be ready for it," Kaoru Kamiya gently told her.
Kaoru Kamiya- she was an ordinary nun there in the convent. She was a loving woman and a very kind one. She entered the convent when she was in high school.
"Oh, yeah, right...I almost forgot to remind him, well, thanks. By the way, would Mother Superior come, too?" Misao asked her.
Kaoru smiled softly and her big blue eyes sparkled. She shook her head. "She isn't feeling well today. But then, she said that she'll just make up for her absence today by attending other masses."
Misao smiled. She was feeling nervous today. She didn't know why but maybe it had something to do to her last test now.
'Misao, this is your day...' she talked to herself. 'Come on, you can do it. Don't think of the circumstances that will take place after this.'
"Mi-chan...you can do this," Kaoru spoke to her with warmth and love. "You will be what you want to be after this- so need not be worried. May God bless you, my dear friend."
She smiled widely then hugged her.
"Arigatou gozaimasu, Kaoru-san...Thank you very, very much," she said. After that Kaoru left her for a while.
She sat on a chair there and clasped her hands. She held a tiny rosary between them and prayed silently.
'Oh, God...help me. Please help me pass my last test. I know I'm asking too much from you but...well, I have to fulfill my promise to my parents. I *will* be a nun and they'll be happy about it. Please, help me with this...'
Her eyes were tightly closed and she saw nothing but black vastness.
Could this be a good sign?
Or another bad omen?
Please, let it be good.
I don't want to fail this.
I have failed in many things before.
But no...not now.
I can't fail.
I mustn't fail.
@~~~~~
"This is a big day- especially for the students. I hope they will all pass. We need more people who will spread the word of God to mankind," a priest spoke. He was red-haired and he had violet haze eyes. They spoke of such happiness and enthusiasm. He was smiling widely before her.
"Of course, they will, Father. Even if they do not pass this, we would still give them a chance. We are not that strict. And whenever I see them so nervous, I just see myself in them. I was just like them before. So nervous of what'll happen and what might take place," she said.
The red-haired priest smiled at her. He was calm and seemed so peace- loving. Serenity sailed in his faded eyes.
"Did you remember when I appeared that day before you, Kaoru?" he asked suddenly.
The nun was surprised to hear this. But, yes, he was right. She saw him that day and her mind became so troubled.
Flashback:
"Why have you come back?" she cried at him angrily. Tears spilled from her lovely blue eyes. She leaned herself on the brick wall and wept.
He held her hand and caressed it. He smiled sadly to her. "Don't you want me to see you?"
She closed her eyes and removed her hand away from him. "Yes! And it's because I hate you so much. How dare you come here and make me hesitate to my decision! Kenshin, I've forgotten you for a long time because I wanted to become a nun. And then you'll come here?!"
He slightly frowned then tried to touch her soft cheek. He felt her hot tears as they wetted his big rough hand. "I came here to see you and make you remember that you're not alone..."
"But you have made me feel alone for a very long time! Haven't you realized that? When I needed you, you were not beside me. When I wanted you to know my decision of entering the convent, you didn't care about me. When I asked you if it'll be good for me to become a nun, you said 'yes'!" she shouted at him. She removed her veil and ran her fingers through her dark shiny hair.
"But it was GOOD for you to become a nun, right?" Kenshin told her as he held her arms.
She cried hard. "No...It isn't. I'm not happy being what I am now. You know that I wanted to be with you. How could you just refuse me to be your loved one? Am I not fit for it?" she said sadly. Her tears continued flowing down to her cheeks. He wiped them by his fingers then finally, hugged her tightly. She was warm and her petite figure just fit perfectly in his arms.
"No, Kaoru. I loved you too. But then, you didn't know that I entered the seminary too, that day when you asked me if your decision of becoming a nun was right. And so I said 'yes'. At least we could be together even if not as a couple. At least I could see you everyday in the convent or in the church. And that would be enough, Kaoru," he explained as he ran her fingers through her silky black hair. She continued crying then she embraced him too. But she was sad. God, she was so sad about it.
"How could fate be so cruel to us?" she asked him, her voice was shaky.
"No, Kaoru. Fate wasn't cruel to us. It was rather a blessing to us. I thought we would be away from each other since...but then, it was really a surprise when you told me that you'd become a nun...And fate didn't become rude," he said.
She held him tightly. More tightly than before. She was crying now- not because of sadness, but because of happiness and forgiveness. Then she closed her eyes and tears spilled again. They were hot and it hurt her face.
End of Flashback:
She smiled at him and blushed a bit.
"I was glad that you became a priest, and that I became a nun. That would be enough for me, Kenshin- although sometimes, whenever I would think about this, I couldn't avoid regretting those days. Maybe if you have told me before about you, entering the seminary, maybe I would have stopped you. And maybe we would've been married. But then, I didn't know that this would happen," Kaoru spoke.
Kenshin went nearer to her then embraced her tiny figure. His face was against hers and he missed this warm feeling for a long time. He loved her so much- until now. But then this love that he was feeling now, was a pure one. One with forgiveness. He caressed her body.
Suddenly, he heard her weeping...
@~~~~~
She had reminded Father John and she was very prepared for the mass.
Suddenly, she smiled widely then felt so confident about everything.
'God will be beside me. He will help me with this and I would not fail it. I will become a nun and my family will be proud of me.' She thought.
She walked along in the hall and her footsteps echoed through it. She has never felt so happy. She felt so light.
"Misao-chan!"
She looked back and saw another nun running to her. She grinned widely then stopped walking. "Ohayou, Omasu-chan...What is it?" she asked.
The nun reached her then took in big amounts of air as she caught her breath. "We-well...somebody's l-looking f-for y-you...He said that he is your friend..." she informed her.
Misao raised her eyebrow. "HE? As in, HE?"
Omasu nodded her head then chuckled. "He's cute...He has a good built and has fine muscles. OHHH!!! If I'm not a nun, maybe I would've flirted with him. He's so handsome. Misao...remember this, don't make a sin!!! Hahahaha!!!" she laughed. Misao was puzzled but then she laughed with her too.
"Well, OK...but where is he?" she asked her.
"He's outside. He has been waiting for you for a long time. It took me hours before I found you so run!" she shouted. Misao smiled then walked briskly away from Omasu.
"OK, by the way, thanks!!!" she cried as she left.
@~~~~~
He stood beside the great tree with its leaves gently falling down as the dear gravity called for them. He was waiting for hours. And he felt that he couldn't wait any longer. He tucked his big hands into his pockets and waited.
Misao...
He thought about her. He had known that this will be her last day of school. And after this, he couldn't anymore win her back. She will be a nun in her whole lifetime. He wouldn't want that- so he came here.
He wanted to talk to her about things that might change her mind. But he doubted if he could ever do that. It was too late but he hoped.
He looked back and saw the convent. It was so big. It was so old. How could she leave him for this old place? He was better than this place and she wouldn't choose this place in replace of him.
Suddenly, he saw a woman running to him. He realized that it was she.
He smiled widely and was glad to see her. Finally, the woman reached him. She was Misao. His Misao.
"Mi-chan..." he spoke. She looked at him and was so surprised.
"A-aoshi...h-hi," she said. She felt more nervous. Why is he here? She thought.
He smiled back. "Hello..."
Misao was confused. "Hi."
"Hello."
"Hi."
"Hello."
"Hi."
He stopped then looked back and saw the leaves of the great tree as they fell slowly onto the ground. He felt peaceful. How could I convince you that you are for me? How could I ever tell you that this is not your destiny?
"Aoshi...so- why did you come here?" she asked him.
He fell silent. He didn't reply.
"Well, would you attend the mass? You know, this mass is a very special one- for us, students. We would be ordained this day if we would be fit for a nun. I hope you would see me there, and I hope I would pass this. Please pray for it, Aoshi-sama," she said kindly. She was so happy to see his old friend. She wasn't able to see him for a very long time.
He didn't speak a word or two.
She was still confused. "Well, you know what? At last I would be able to fulfill my promise to my parents. Before, I refused them. I was so stubborn. But when they both died," she paused. She was hurt to reminisce her past. She didn't want that bitter part of her life. "I promised to myself that I would become what they really wanted me to be."
He was still silent.
"Uhh...? Umm...they said that they wanted me to become a nun because they wanted me to offer myself to God. Besides, I was given to them even if they were so old."
He didn't speak.
Suddenly, she was pissed off.
"Aoshi," her voice raised. "Won't you even give me a response after what I've said?!"
He finally looked at her- his dark eyes sparkled. His bangs swayed along with the breeze that passed them.
"I'm sorry...It's too late," he said sadly. He tried to smile but he can't. He then hugged her tightly. After that, he lost her. He left the place and tried to fix things.
@~~~~~
I came here to have you
I was here to fetch you
I went here to stop you
But how could I do that?
Now that you have chosen to become
A person that you really wanted to be?
I know I have no power...or the authority
To prevent this fate that you have preferred
But I just hope you would understand
You are not meant for this
And never will be
I am meant for you
And that is because we both deserve this kind of destiny
@~~~~~
'I don't understand him...He visited me but then he didn't even speak. He's really weird. And I just don't know how to find out what he's feeling. He would always hide his feelings- by his mask.'
Misao walked slowly back to the convent.
The leaves from the big tree fell again as gravity pulled them.
She watched everything around her. And it was peaceful to look at these things. 'I will be a nun...And I will be happy. I have just realized this thing now- now that it's too late.'
Suddenly, she felt something coming out of her eyes.
She tried to touch her cheeks.
Her fingers were wet. 'Tears...'
She wiped them away. 'I never cried for a long time. I thought my tears were long gone. But then...'
Flashback:
The tension grew. They were crying all. She too was confused of what her parents were saying.
"You are not fit to be what you want."
"You are destined to be God's servant."
"We know what's good for you so do follow us."
"We have to repay God by offering you to Him. That is the only way. We're old, Misao. We can't anymore think of other ways of how to repay Him."
"Pursue this vocation, my child."
She wiped her tears and looked at them. 'Why are they saying these things to me? I don't understand them. I don't want to understand them.'
"Please, Misao...be the person that we want you to be."
"You should follow us."
She lowered her head then tried to arrange her thoughts.
"No, I don't want to be a nun. It's enough for me to be an ordinary person with an ordinary life. I don't want to be caged in the convent nor devote myself to Him," she protested.
"But we know what IS good for you. How could you reject this kind of opportunity of repaying the great man who gave life to you?!" her mother shouted at her. She was crying hard. She was tired of repeating these things to Misao. Everyday of her life, she reminded her daughter that she should become a nun. But she couldn't comprehend now why she was refusing to be one.
"I don't WANT TO BE A NUN, do you understand?" Misao yelled at her mom. Her father was startled when he heard his daughter's angry voice.
"Misao, that is YOUR MOTHER. How could you do that to her?!" he bellowed at her.
His daughter stared at them then angrily then turned her back away from them and walked out.
"MISAO!!!" her mother shouted as she moaned. Her husband hugged her then hushed her to silence.
She left but she came back...for their burial.
She cried when she left and she still cried when she came back.
Her parents were murdered. They were mistaken to be the two persons that the killers really wanted to kill. And now, she has no family. She didn't know what to do. Until she remembered their last wish for her...
"We want you to be a nun."
It was a very simple wish but then it was also full of sacrifices. And she didn't want any sacrifice.
But they also sacrificed for me. How could I just refuse them- now that they're dead? She thought.
For many months, she struggled to find the right answer. Often, she would have decided about it but her thoughts would be disturbed by worries again. And she would repeat the whole process of thinking. Not until he came...
"Tell me, Aoshi. Would it be good for me if I become a nun?" she asked her dear friend. She knew that she could always run to him whenever she has problems like this.
"Well, what do you think? It really depends on your decision," he replied.
She sighed. She looked at him and saw his eyes. "Do you want to know the real reason that I don't want to become a nun?"
He stared at her too and was intrigued. "Yeah..."
She turned her blue eyes away from him and inhaled an amount of air. Her long braid was slightly lifted from her back by the wind that passed them.
"Well, it's because of a man."
"Really?" Aoshi said.
"Ahuh."
"Why?"
She didn't reply.
"Why, Misao?"
She looked at him again and grinned slightly. "I'm in love with him."
Aoshi was startled. 'She's in love with someone? But...how about me?'
Suddenly, Misao laughed. "If I become a nun...I can't love him. The only man that I should love is God."
He nodded his head. "Aa~"
"Well, what do you think now? Should I become a nun?" she asked.
Aoshi stood up then looked down on her. She was beautiful and so innocent. "Yes..."
She widened her eyes and was shocked. She didn't expect that kind of answer from him. No, she didn't.
"Huh?"
"Yes, Misao. Your parents are more important than that man. Right?" he said. With that, he left easily. And she was more confused.
End of FB:
'But then...well, I could never be too sure of what I am really feeling.'
She looked up in the sky and imagined his face. It was shadowed- by his mask. 'I was angry with him. And it's because he let me entered the convent. I loved him. But then, he didn't understand me. I'm just confused now- why did he come back? What for? It's too late...I could never be the same Misao again. I have changed drastically,' she thought. She lowered her head then ran back to the convent.
@~~~~~
"Omasu-chan, have you seen Mi-chan? The mass will start now," Kaoru asked the nun. She was carrying the chalice which contained the blessed host.
"Ohh...she has a visitor. She'll be back- soon," she replied. She fixed the cloth covering the table to be used by the priest. "Don't worry. It will be just a short conversation."
Kaoru smiled slightly. She sighed then placed the chalice on the table. She looked before her and saw the empty room. The benches were unoccupied and there were no people around except them. 'This will be the day...of sacrifices. People don't realize how a nun greatly sacrifices when she enters the convent. Every woman who will be ordained in this room has their own story of their life- of how they turned their backs from their family and loved ones. And I was just like them. Though you'll earn a very great reward for being a nun...you'll still somehow feel that there is something missing.'
Her eyes were suddenly glued on something. It was a cross. She grinned widely. 'But if it's really your destiny to be a nun, you just can't change it. No matter what you do...you will still be a nun. You just have to accept it.'
She closed her eyes and offered a little prayer to God.
'May they find their true destiny, O Lord God. Amen...'
@~~~~~
He sat there on the long bench and thought about her. 'I know it is wrong to come here and try to stop her. But then, this is what my heart dictates me to do. So...how could I refuse this thing? I know I have been a stupid coward. I thought that I could live by myself...without her. But no...I couldn't. I need her. I love her. How could she do this to me? How could she reject me?'
The wind passed smoothly.
It was cool and gentle.
The leaves fell from the tree above him. A leaf fell on his hand. He clenched his fist and heard the crunching sound.
It was too late.
He should've done this before.
And not just now.
He could not stop her anymore...
@~~~~~
Spirit of God in the clear running water
Blowing to greatness the tress on the hill
Spirit of God in the finger of morning
Fill the earth, bring it to birth
And blow where you will
Blow, blow, blow till I be
But breath of the spirit
Blowing in me
Blow, blow, blow till I be
But breath of the spirit
Blowing...in...Me...
At last, the mass was finished. Misao didn't even feel it. She was troubled at Aoshi's presence. 'What does it mean?' she would ask herself many times. She would sometimes glance at him and see him looking at her. She was really uncomfortable with his actions. She didn't know why.
In the middle of the mass, she saw him talking to Father Kenshin *oh...it sucks. I'm sorry. Kenshin being a priest isn't really a good idea. But then I have no choice- Killua K.* and that just troubled her more. 'Aoshi knows Father? Weird...'
They were being ordained.
"These women are here in front because they are willing to be ordained and become lifetime servants of the Lord. Though they have done such great sacrifices in their lives, they didn't mind them. Instead that made them more determined of what path of life they will choose. And that is becoming a nun..." Father John recited as he looked at the women and all the people there in the church. He continued what he's doing.
But then, Misao wasn't listening to him attentively. She was glancing at Aoshi. She saw his face. He looked angry about something. 'Is he angry with me?' She thought it that way. Suddenly, she saw Father Kenshin as he approached Aoshi and patted his back.
'What's happening?'
"They will be making a vow. A lifetime vow- that they will serve Him and all mankind to the utmost that they can. And, people, this is hard to do. So let us appreciate them." The people clapped loudly and cheered for the women. Misao saw Father Kenshin again. He was comforting Aoshi.
Aoshi was cupping his face and his gray eyes were clouded with such mystery and mixed feelings. Misao wondered why he was acting so strange. Suddenly, when the people were clapping loudly, Aoshi walked out of the room. Kenshin followed. Kaoru came too and went to them.
"Now, put your hands on the Bible and recite thy prayer. It is the time to execute your long-life vow to God..."
Misao put her hand on a Bible and closed her eyes.
She felt them hot.
Tears spilled from them as she recited her own prayer.
'Is this really my destiny, Lord God? Tell me...I am pleading at Your mercy. I do not want to regret this for my entire life.' She whispered in her mind. She heard nothing except for her heart beat and her own breathing.
@~~~~~
Kaoru washed the towel again and squeezed it. The water dripped from it slowly. She mixed some alcohol into the water in the bowl.
She looked at her.
She was pale. She was so weak. It happened after the mass.
'Why did you have to collapse, Misao? What's the problem?'
Misao was attacked by flu. She was so hot and she lost her natural color. 'Oh, Misao...' she thought. Kaoru placed her hand on Misao's hot forehead then caressed her face. She pitied her so much. 'You do not need to suffer like this. You deserve something better. I know that this is too hard for you but please be strong...'
She smiled sadly as she looked at her friend. She has seen all her sacrifices since she came here in the convent. And she knew exactly what she has been through. 'You are not the only one having this problem. There are many people just like you.'
Suddenly, Misao woke up and her sweet sleep was shattered.
"Don't leave me, please..."she said frailly. Tears spilled from her blue eyes as she looked up. "No...don't leave me alone here- Aoshi-sama..."
Kaoru gasped.
@~~~~~
"It is too late, Kenshin. I should've done this before and not just now. I can't accept it. It just hurts. I wish she didn't enter this convent. She'll be imprisoned here forever," he spoke. His face was shadowed but then even if it was lighted, Kenshin will not be able to see what he was truly feeling. Aoshi has worn his mask for a long time and has not removed it since. Maybe, it was also the reason that urged Misao to enter the convent. She hadn't comprehended his actions too well and it ended up just like this.
"She doesn't love me anymore. She has forgotten me for a long time. What really hurt me was when the people clapped loudly when they will be making a vow. As if those people there truly know how great these nuns are sacrificing- as if they know how hard it feels to turn back from your loved ones for another greater love..." Aoshi said angrily.
Kenshin examined his face. He was angry and his mask was slowly being removed. He was not really surprised about it. He knew that someday Aoshi will remove it by his own will. Not until...
He saw tears from his green eyes.
Aoshi was crying in great pain- for the very first time.
Kenshin patted his back and smiled at him.
"What do you want me to do with it, my friend?" he asked gently as he pitied his friend.
Aoshi wiped his tears by his big fingers and took in air into his lungs. He looked at the red-haired priest and saw his reaction.
"Nothing..." he said. "I just want you to listen, Father Kenshin...that's all."
Kenshin gasped.
@~~~~~
"I just wanted him to tell me the truth..."
"But isn't that the truth?"
"No, it isn't, Kaoru...because if it is, then maybe I'm not suffering right now," Misao explained as her tears streamed from her blue eyes.
"Then what is it?" Kaoru asked her sick friend.
Misao wiped her tears by her fingers and felt the heat from her cheeks. She knew she was so hot and that she was ill. But she didn't mind it.
"That it is not good for me if I'll enter the convent. That I will not be happy here," she told her as she looked at her.
Suddenly, Kaoru hugged the nun in front of her and comforted her lovingly. She hushed her as she wept. "It will be all right, Misao-chan. Everything will soon be fine. You will overcome this. I know it."
Misao clung on Kaoru's clothes and began crying harder. She felt so hot and sick for the first time. "I hope..." she spoke weakly.
@~~~~~
Many days had passed.
And everything seemed normal again after that incident.
But not for one nun...
'It isn't normal if you keep on thinking about him- though he had hurt you so much. It isn't normal if you keep on missing him badly. It isn't normal if you feel so damn lonely. It isn't normal if you are suffering like this. It isn't normal if you are- a nun like me...'
Misao was kneeling on the kneeler inside the chapel. She was praying solemnly but then those thoughts were troubling her so much. 'What should I do?'
Her eyes were closed tightly as ever. She remembered what happened before...
Flashback:
She was lying on the bed, looking at the big cross nailed on the wall at her feet. She was praying as she held the rosary. Her temperature wasn't improving. She was getting hotter as every second passed and she didn't know exactly what to feel or what to do.
Footsteps resounded.
She was startled and as the door near her opened slowly, sweat rolled down on her temples. She breathed in hard. And her heart beat faster.
The door opened...and she wasn't able to see the form clearly. "Miss Kaoru?" she trembled as she held the rosary. Suddenly a shadow grew bigger on the wall as the person entered the room. It came closer to her but it was still a mere blur to her. The room wasn't well-lighted and it was quite dark.
"I'm not Kaoru."
She gasped. "Omasu-chan...?"
"Iiye..."
She breathed in another considerable amount of air. She began to shiver- not in hotness but in coldness. "Then..."
It came closer and when the shadow was lighted by her lamp beside her, she was shocked to find him standing before her. "A-aoshi..." The rosary that she held slipped from her shivering hands and fell on the wooden floor.
The man bended down and got the rosary. He gave it back to her hands. He suddenly held her face and caressed it. "Misao...congratulations. You're a nun." He said simply.
She looked at his handsome face and felt herself so hot. "Arigatou...Aoshi- sama."
Quickly, he stood straight then looked at her for the last moment. "I know it's too late but..." he said. Surprisingly, he stooped down and held his face near her. His breath was damping her hot face. He looked directly at her and found her so fragile and so delicate. "I wish I have said this before you entered the convent. But I was too coward to face the fear of losing you if you have known this feeling of mine..." Misao shivered again and felt so weak. She barely heard his words. She only concentrated at his face and memorized his every feature and every inch of it. "Aoshi-sama..." she murmured. She gazed at his green eyes. The mask was gone. She wondered how he was able to remove it on his own. She could clearly make out of his feelings now.
"Ai shiteru, Misao-chan..." he spoke gently then pressed a kiss on her lips. He tasted it and found it so sweet. But then, he had to stop it. It wasn't right to kiss a sacred woman. Before he let go of his lips, Misao pushed him away as she quickly sat up on her bed. She felt dizzy but also angry at what he has done to her. She wiped her lips then looked at him furiously. She saw his green eyes as they widened in shock. "How dare you..." she said softly.
He chuckled then kissed her again. But now, it was short. He enjoyed seeing her like that. Besides, he would never see her like that anymore. He was going to leave her- for good. He smiled- but it swiftly turned into a frown. He reached her cheek and ran his fingers on it. It was so smooth and so soft.
"I love you, Misao. But I guess- it's too late. Besides, I am leaving you now..." he explained sadly. She began to feel sad about his news. Suddenly tears sprang from her eyes as she looked at him.
"Nani?" she spoke as she trembled.
"I will just disturb you here. And this will also be for your good," he told her sadly.
"H-how...long?"
He removed his hand on her face then turned away from her. He started walking away from her. Then he reached the door and opened it slightly.
He looked back and saw her crying. "For good..."
She was shocked. Tears poured from her eyes quickly as she gasped. She saw him as he slipped out of the room. The shadow was gone. The door was closed.
She moaned as she cried.
The light from her lamp was suddenly put out. The room fell dark and she felt herself becoming hotter. She shivered in coldness as she hugged herself tightly.
She was afraid.
End of Flashback:
'Oh God...Tell me, lead the right way for me. I can't continue my life like this.'
With that, she stood up.
"I like to talk to her. I know that she knows the truth."
@~~~~~
I've tried every single way to have you back
But then you, yourself refused me
How could I just accept that?
Well, we both know it is a big sin
And I don't want to commit another mistake
I have to see you again
And tell you that I have lied
That I loved you but I couldn't have you for myself
And it is because...
I am just like you
A prisoner...
@~~~~~
"Come in," her voice echoed through the door. The nun opened the door then finally, entered the room. She saw an old woman on a chair coughing roughly. She was nervous and she didn't know exactly what she has to say.
"Mother Superior, I want to talk to you- personally. Would it be all right for you?" she asked gently. She rubbed her hands as she sighed.
The old woman nodded her head and coughed again- but this time it was rougher than ever. Her old tired eyes looked over the nun and seemed to examine her.
"Nani?"
"I just want to ask you something..." she continued.
"What then?"
"Mother...would it be all right if I'd quit being a nun?"
The old woman gasped when she heard her words. She coughed again then looked at the young woman in front of her. She was frail and she seemed so ill and weak. "What made you think that way?" she finally said.
The girl looked at her. Tears sprang from her eyes.
"I don't know..." she murmured.
She burst out crying.
@~~~~~
Kaoru was stupefied.
She heard enough. She didn't exactly know what happened to her friend. It was just too good to be true. She didn't even realize how her friend felt after those long days. She didn't know anything about her.
Omasu held Kaoru's right hand and gave it a slight squeeze. She looked at her. "That's what Mother Superior told me. But she also said that she really doesn't know if that act was right."
"Quitting from a profession like this- it's just awkward for me...as if it is a big sin. But maybe, Misao is not really fit for this. She's been acting so weird lately. Something is bothering her. And I'm not really sure about it. But I think it is about- Mr. Shinomori," Omasu continued speaking. She was confused just like Kaoru. She hasn't witnessed any kind of case like this yet.
Kaoru lifted her head and looked at Sister Omasu. She was sad about the news. From the very start, she had felt that something was not really right about Misao, choosing this profession. "Sister, do you think Mother Superior would let her quit? Misao has become a nun- but only for a few weeks. Maybe, Mother would consider it."
"I don't know, Sister Kaoru," Omasu replied as she held both of Kaoru's hands.
"Maybe," she added. "But...maybe not."
@~~~~~
He walked along the hall.
He was wearing that same cloth that priests wear. He held a bible in one hand and a bag on the other. He was placed in that convent to preach and light other people's worlds. But then, he knew no one could ever give light to his own world except her.
@~~~~~
Night came.
She was confused- about everything. 'I don't know what to do now.'
Flashback:
"Crying...or rather- wasting tears wouldn't do any good to your problem, Sister."
She looked up at the old woman and quickly wiped her tears away by her fingers. They were hot and wet. But then, it was just relieving to cry.
"What w-will then d-do...good to m-m-my...problem?" she asked the aged woman.
The woman reached out for her hand and held it as she released heavy coughs. "Follow what your heart says. It is the only right thing to do." She coughed roughly.
Misao smiled slightly. "But my heart is not saying anything about it. My mind, however, is confused."
Mother Superior laughed then was attacked by her terrible coughs again. Her hands slipped from Misao's. "Really..? Or, you are just not listening to it?"
Her eyes widened in shock as she looked at her. She lowered her head and frowned a bit. 'How could I just listen to this stupid thing of mine? Actually, it is the main cause of my problem. It is where the real problem is. How could it produce the right solution for its own problem?'
"Sister, tell me the truth. What is your reason? I mean every act you make has a reason for it," Mother Superior asked.
Misao looked up at the woman and again, tears fell slowly from her tired eyes. "I guess I am being haunted my past. And I just can't turn my back from it."
Mother Superior smiled then coughed again. She breathed in. "Well, I think God is not really calling you for this duty. Maybe, this is just a false alarm- like everyone says."
Misao held the old woman's rough hands and rubbed hers against them. "Wouldn't it become a sin, Mother?"
The woman laughed gain. "If you are really telling the truth, maybe it won't."
Suddenly, Misao smiled happily then stood up as she embraced Mother Superior. "Domo arigatou gozaimasu, Mother..." she cried happily.
End of Flashback:
'I know that, what Mother meant was- she has let me to quit. But I am not really sure if what I will do is right.'
She slipped into her night clothes then sat on her bed. She looked through her window and saw the dark sky. It was full of stars.
"Aoshi...I am doing this for you- for me."
@~~~~~
The next day...
The door opened and two nuns entered her room. She was packing that time. She was almost finished.
"Ohayou, Sister Misao," the two nuns both greeted happily. But behind their big blue eyes were tears- ready to be spilled out. They went to Misao and hugged her tightly. "I am not 'Sister Misao' anymore. I'm just 'Misao'. I am going to leave this convent for good," Misao said as she tried to stop herself from crying.
"Don't say that, Misao. You will also visit us, right?" Omasu spoke. Suddenly, tears fell from her eyes then she quickly grabbed her friend and embraced her. Misao hugged her too as she nodded her head. "Of course, Sister Omasu. I will never forget you."
She let go of the nun then smiled to them. "I may not be a nun anymore- but I wish I were still your friend," Misao said. Suddenly, Kaoru cried hard and moaned. "Oh, Mi-chan...I will miss you so much..." she cried as she hugged her friend tightly. "Don't forget me, please," Kaoru pleaded. Surprisingly, tears fell from Misao's eyes too then embraced Kaoru back. "I won't..." she replied.
@~~~~~
The two nuns ushered her to the church. There, they met Kenshin and Misao hugged her priest friend. "I will miss you, Father Kenshin..." she said. Kenshin smiled sweetly. "I will too, Misao. May God light your way," he spoke.
"Oh, by the way, have you met the new priest? He's arrived yesterday. I haven't introduced him to you yet," Kenshin said. The women shook their heads.
"Well, it is all right, Father. Besides, I'm not a nun anymore. If I visit here, maybe- I will meet him too," Misao explained. She sighed as she held her bags.
They hugged their friend again- for the last time. Then the two nuns and the priest left when Misao said that she was going to confess to a priest.
She walked along the aisle of the church and observed everything.
'It had been a long time since I decided to come here to Your House. I wanted to serve You and it isn't just because of my parents' will, or even Aoshi's decision- it is also because I love You too. But then, my past is haunting me...or should I say- I am still living in the past and I can't move on. But now, I know where I will go.'
She went to the place where she would confess. She entered the little room and prepared herself.
"What did you come here for?" the priest spoke.
"I came here to confess for my sins, Father," she replied.
"Well then, tell your sins to me."
She sighed then continued. "I quit from being a nun."
"Doushite?"
"I am being haunted by my past."
"Would you mind if I ask you to explain to me what that past maybe?"
"Oh, of course not, Father."
"Well, what could your past be?"
"It is a man whom I'm in love with before. He went to the convent and told me that he loved me too. He said that it was too late to stop me from becoming a nun."
"And that is your reason?"
"Hai...And not only that...I think I'm still in love with him. And I know that loving someone is forbidden if you are a nun- or any servant of God. I was confused. So I left this profession."
"Did Mother Superior agree to your decision?"
"Oh, yes, Father. She told me to follow my heart. And I guess, this is what my heart says. Besides, I have confessed to God. I think he would understand me. I have been suffering so much since that man came. And you know what, Father? He even kissed me when I was sick. How could I just tolerate what he has done? I do not fit for this job."
Silence...
The priest didn't speak nor did she. Suddenly...
"You do not need to quit from your job."
Misao was shocked. "And why should I not?"
Surprisingly, the divider opened and the priest faced Misao. She quickly recognized the face. It was he. It was...
"Do not leave me anymore, Misao. I am here now. We could be together this way. Now that I've known, you love me too," the priest spoke. His raven hair covered his emerald green eyes as he smiled sweetly. He was hand some. He was too perfect to be a priest. Misao couldn't believe what she saw before her.
Suddenly, she grinned widely as tears spilled from her big sapphire blue eyes.
"Aoshi-sama..." she murmured.
~~OWARI~~
A/N: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHARRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!! A nice short fic! I've finished it, but then it took me weeks. Well, it's all right. I hope you liked it. Please give me a nice review. Actually, I'm not really familiar with the names of religious things in church. Well, if you were confused, I'll explain it to you clearly.
Aoshi entered the seminary even before Misao entered the convent. That's why he agreed Misao's decision of entering the convent, it is bec. He knew that if she's a nun, she can't love a man.
Then, Aoshi became a priest. He had known that Misao was about to become a nun. He rushed to the convent to stop it. He knew that if he would be able to stop Misao, he would quit from being a priest(that's implied anyway). But then, it was as if Misao doesn't love him anymore. So he felt that it was too late. And then, things happened...and you know the ending.
Thanks for reading!!!
^______^ That's a big smile from your author here!!!
By: Killua K.