A/N: I've had this idea for awhile now...but Mia's flashback about her father and the evil ex-principal really pushed me to write this. In the show, we never find out what happened to Leanna aka Jax's mother other than the fact that she died. This is a oneshot of my theory. Warning: This will be very dark, it will describe the death of a character.

I wish you were here, but you're not

you're there...

And there doesn't know how lucky it is...

If Only

"What you need is a log puller!" Jax giggled.

Leanna ignored him, still going at her beaver routine. Her hands were below her chin, the tips of her fingers facing downward. Her two front teeth were biting her bottom lip repeatedly, and her eyes were crinkled with hidden laughter while making beaver sounds.

"I said a LOG PULLERRRRR!" Jax quoted with a yell, by now he was in a fit of laughter, clutching his favorite blanket tighter in his fists.

Leanna laughed with him, bending down to kiss him on both cheeks. Until, she leaned back, raising her arms threateningly.

The five-year old sobered, his eyes widening and his mouth forming an 'o' shape. "Mummy...please no."

"I'm gonna get ya!" Leanna smirked, now wiggling her fingers despairingly over her son.

"No! Mummy, please!"

"Too late!" Leanna squealed, tickling her son in the sides.

"No! Stop!" Jax laughed, "stop!" His feet were kicking the air, by now his favorite blanket was tossed to the side of the bed.

"Not until you give up!" Leanna grinned, still tickling him mercilessly.

"Ok!" the little boy gasped, "you win! You win!"

His mother pulled back, an easy smile on her face. "You've got to step up your game, Jaxy. I'm always beating you!"

"Oh, yeah?" Jax frowned. "Watch this!" He reared his arm back, letting the new, unfamiliar magic flow in his veins. He performed the move that he found he liked best, "Mummy is nice, and funny too, give her a rainbow hairdo!"

Suddenly, a bright, rainbow colored afro stood atop Leanna's head. Jax squeezed his eyes shut, laughing harder than he had before.

She frowned, quickly cancelling out the spell. "Nice spell, Jax."

"Thank you, Mummy," he replied with a smirk. A smirk that would haunt girls' thoughts in much later years.

"I think it's time you go to sleep, it's way past your bedtime," Leanna noted.

"Aw, come on Mummy! Can I stay up? Pleeeeaaaassseee? I'm almost six years old! I can handle it!"

Leanna smiled, "when you're all grown up, you can stay up until whatever time you want. But until then," she paused, tucking him in and giving him the blue blanket he carried everywhere, "you go to bed at eight o'clock."

Jax pouted, but accepted it silently.

"There's my good, little wizard," she praised, "now go to sleep."

She rose, heading for the door, when she heard a tiny voice call her.

"Yes, Jax?"

"Can we watch it again, tomorrow?" He asked, referencing the movie they were quoting earlier.

Leanna nodded, "of course. You like Lady and the Tramp a lot, don't you?"

Jax nodded, "Yeah! Except for all the mushy parts, those are gross!"

She laughed, "you say that now, but one day, like the Tramp, you're going to sweep your Lady right off her feet."

Jax's lips puckered as if he ate a lemon, "no way! Girls are gross! Besides you, Mummy. Can you be my Lady instead?"

Leanna smiled, walking back toward the bed to hug and kiss her son one final time. "Of course, I'll always be with you. Now close those eyes and head off to Dreamland."

Jax smiled, doing as she said. Before long, the little boy was off on the train to Dreamland.

The older witch smiled, before shutting the door quietly. Next, she went in the Nursery to check with Iris and Harmonia, her new twin baby girls. They were born only two months before. Leanna kissed each of them on their tiny heads, "good night, girls."

When she exited the room, she walked to the study, knowing exactly where her husband was. As usual, his head was buried in one of his many spell books.

"Jake, we need to talk."

"What is it, woman?" he snapped, not bothering to look up at her. "I'm busy."

"Too busy for me? For your children?" she questioned, eyes narrowed. "You haven't tucked them in for over a month, and even then you wanted to get out of there as soon as possible. They miss you, they want a father."

Jake growled, glaring at her and slammed the large book closed. "I am being a father! You're giving them too much affection, they need to grow up tough. I don't want them turning out soft."

"They're children!" Leanna protested heatedly, "Jax is only five and the twins were just born. They need love and affection! It's a part of parenting!"

"Maybe for you, but not for me. If I want Jax to rule this world someday with an iron fist, he's going to have be made of iron. He can't be a teddy bear."

Leanna took a step closer to his desk, "Jax is a good wizard, and he's going to stay that way. He's not going to rule the world."

"Yes, he will. I'll make sure of it when the next Fool Moon comes."

A tear rolled down Leanna's cheek, "Jake? What happened to you?" It was like he was completely different person.

His glare didn't soften, "what are you talking about?"

"You never talked this way back when we were in high school. I knew you were a rebel wizard then, but this..." she paused, shaking her head, "this is just evil."

"Oh, you're now just figuring it out?" he asked sarcastically.

"You were not evil all this time!" she refused, "I will not believe it! I love you, Jake. Where's the man I married? The one who would leave a rose in my locker everyday with a note attached with a sweet poem inside? The one who always comforted me during storms...Jake, why?" she squeaked, more tears beginning to flow.

"I knew I would need an heir someday, you were easiest target. It also helped that you're a witch. And someday, I'll teach Jax my skills so he can do the same," he shrugged.

That hurt. Deeply. It felt like being punched in the stomach. All this time...he never loved her. Never. He just used her. She was just a babyfactory to him.

Leanna stared at him coldy, "Fine. But he won't give in to your disgusting ways. He's a good wizard, and you're not going to change that."

Jacob's lips pulled back in a snarl, he took a step towards his wife. "Now you listen to me. Jax is going to rule the world one day. He'll rule it like a king, with an iron grip on the universe. I'll make sure of it. Nothing you can say, or do, will stop him from accomplishing that."

Leanna's eyes widened just the tiniest bit, she saw a strange look in his eyes. Evil. Deranged.

"You're crazy," she whispered.

"Funny, my father told me the same thing," he mused. "Go to bed, Leanna. I'm sick of this banter."

"Banter?!" she shrieked, "banter?! You're insane! You're an evil, deranged lunatic! I would've never married you if I knew that you were really a monster. I'm reporting you to the Council, you're a danger to the Realm and Earth."

Jake growled, wrapping an arm around her throat. He began to squeeze, while using his other hand to cast a spell to bind his wife's hands together. "Oh no, Leanna. I'm afraid I can't have you do that. You see, my plan has to work, and you simply can't be in my way. I have two rules, you see. One, to not allow a more powerful witch to be around. I know you don't fall into that category, but you fall into the second one, which is to not let anyone stand your way."

Leanna strugged with all her might, desperate to get out of his hold. Unfortunately, it was no use. He was too strong, powerful. Her need for air was growing, but she knew that she wouldn't have it granted to her.

Her eyes wandered behind Jake's shoulder.

Jax Novoa had gotten out of bed, wanting a cup of milk. He clutched his blanket tightly. He was completely silent, watching with a mixture of confusion and knowing something was wrong.

Leanna felt black spots invading her vision, at least the pain would be over shortly. However, she was going to miss her children. They were going to be at the mercy of this man. God help them.

Leanna mouthed, "I love you," to her son before she fell limp.

Jake merely dropped her, then cast a spell to get rid of the purple hand prints around her neck, to a single purple line. Then, he made a rope appear around her throat. It would all look like a suicide, no one would suspect any foul play.

Jax gasped, then silently ran as fast as his legs could carry him to his room. Once there, he threw the blanket over his head. He didn't know what to do, or what happened. All he knew, was that Mummy probably wasn't going to be around anymore.

"I should've done something. I was right there! If only I reacted! I was practicing magic at that age, I could've done something! I let her die..." Tears poured out of his cheeks.

"Jax, there was nothing you could do," Emma soothed, wrapping her arm around him in an embrace, "you were only five. You didn't know what was going on. It wasn't your fault."

"Yes it was!" he shouted, "I was right there, Em. All I had to do was cast a spell and save her!"

"Jax, listen to me," Emma gently demanded, "it was not your fault. You were only a child. You didn't understand what was happening."

Jax was silent, until, "Emma. It's not only that...I let her down."

Her eyebrows furrowed, "how? In what way could you have let her down?"

"I tried to take over the Realm last year, I manipulate people, I cast spells to get what I want. I'm not a good wizard."

Her eyes narrowed, "Jax. You are a good wizard, don't ever forget that. You are nothing like your father. Yes, you tried to take over the Realm, but you didn't. You could've, but you didn't go through with it. And sure, maybe you were a little mischievous with your spell casting, but you never used it for evil purposes. You came back this summer a new, improved Jax Novoa. Your mother is extremely proud of you, I know it."

"No, she 'would be' proud of me. Not 'is.' She's dead, she's not here anymore."

"I beg to differ," Emma smiled, "your mother may be dead on Earth, but in Heaven she's very much alive. In fact, she's looking down on you right now. Hopefully, my mother is too, and liking how I'm turning out so far."

"Emma," Jax stared into her eyes, a smile on his lips, "you're the most amazing girl I've ever met. I know your mother is proud of you. Thank you...you're..." he couldn't find the right words.

A tear rolled down her cheek as they hugged. "Thank you, Jax."

"What a perfectly, beautiful little Lady. Well done, Tramp. I couldn't be any prouder of you."