The Lily and James Collection
Introduction
The author would like to thank you for clicking on this story. Before choosing to remain amongst this authors incredible wit, and immense stupidity, the author would like to point out the back button *points to top left of screen* which all the sane readers will doubtless be finding necessary very soon.
The author would also like to take this time to apologise for the irritation caused by overuse of referral to herself in the third person, overuse of sarcasm, and anything else with may interfere with your enjoyment of this story.
You are hereby reminded that the author does not own Harry Potter, nor does she mean any offence, and from here onwards will refrain from sounding like an airhostess.
Thank you,
Laize.
[On a serious, non air-hostess note, the author would like to remind all readers that she is a faithful reviewer and worshiper of all Lily/James fanfics, and has even gone so far as to write many herself. This collection is merely showing the vague [*cough*ornotsovague*cough*] similarities between many of the Lily/James stories on ff.net. It is a badly written attempt to obtain readers, reviews and praise. She would like again to point out [whilst remaining religiously in the third person] that she means no offence. =)]
Story #1: Lily hates James loves Lily. 7th Year [Beginning]
[We find ourselves transported to the place where almost every Lily/James story begins. Welcome to the Hogwarts train, and the train is just leaving the station to save unnecessary plot and dialogue leading upto the departure]
[Depending on the author, we will either be introduced to James, Sirius and Remus [Peter is very rarely mentioned], or Lily and her three best friends: Arabella, [enter odd name #1] and [enter odd name #2]]
[If we are firstly introduced to James and his friends.]
Sirius: "I'm not sure why, but due to the authors extensive research on Lily and James stories, I have been found to start conversations the most by asking how everyone's holidays went, and/or grinning, and letting the authors all happily describe how dashingly handsome I am."
James: "And I grin, and look as fetching as ever, whilst announcing that nothing much happened over my oh-so eventful holidays. Whilst I am being laid-back, there is more time for the author to describe exactly how alike myself and Sirius are, and how much we are loved by the entire female population."
Remus: "And I will be sitting in the corner either studiously reading, or making the odd smart-person comment such as 'we have N.E.W.Ts this year'. Am I clever or what?"
Peter then appears from somewhere.
Peter: "Hello. I will now disappear, since most of the authors seem to hate me, and seem to forget my very existence. I shall disappear with my "I .Heart. you Voldemort banner" and remain anonymous for the remainder of the story.
Peter mumbles something incoherent and disappears. Neither James, Sirius nor Remus seems to care at all.
Pointless discussion about how charming they are, and how they are unfortunately too old and grown up to play tricks now ensues.
James: "So, after a long discussion in which time has flown by very quickly to save the author thinking up anything else to say, we have decided that Sirius is the most handsome out of the three of us. Dammit all!"
Remus: "Being the good friend that I am, and am surprisingly not bitter about the fact that I was a Prefect and yet James is Head Boy, I will remind my good friend James that he is due to go to a meeting of some sort now. James, you need to go to a meeting."
James: "I will have totally forgotten this. Thus, I will thank Remus, smile and walk out of the compartment acting like I don't care. Which I don't."
James walks out of the compartment towards the meeting-place.
___
[If we are firstly introduced to Lily.]
Lily: "I will enter the compartment, smile and announce happily that I am Head Girl. Although this is no shock, since all readers have already been informed of it in the first Harry Potter book, authors see this as a need for excited screaming, and cheering."
Lily and friends scream excitedly.
Arabella: "I'm really happy for you Lily. I am also very understanding about the fact that the only reason that I am in this story is so that I can fall in love with Sirius, realise that you love James, and argue with you."
Lily: "Thank you."
[Unusual girl name#1]: "Since I have very little to do with this story, except perhaps to fall in love with Remus, and realises that he is in fact a werewolf, I will have the most unusual name to draw attention to myself. For all future purposes, I will be called Midnight, and will disappear out of the story, until Remus' secret needs to be known.
[Unusual girl name#2]: "I will be introduced to the story at the start as the author realises that there seem to be more boys than girls. I will also have an odd name, such as Krystal, and will hereby disappear from the story. Perhaps I am hanging out with Peter all this time."
[Krystal disappears and is never mentioned again]
Lily: "Ooooh. Meeting time. Although I appear to have forgotten about it, being the very clever person that I am, I will in fact have planned this out brilliantly to arrive a few minutes ahead of time. Goodbye friends."
Lily's friends: "Goodbye."
[Very little talking and deciding will actually be done here, since dear J.K. Rowling has never told us what they discuss, but the fact that Lily very much hates James will be brought to attention countless times [Lily will spend the entire time either glaring or ignoring James]. as will the fact that James loves Lily [James will spend the whole journey staring lovingly at Lily.]
Lily: "Stop staring at me."
James: "I love you."
Lily: "I hate you."
[If the author is now feeling brave, we shall have a few ideas about what might happen, and be discussed. More likely than not, this scene will end after we realise how much Lily hates James, and how much James loves Lily]
James: "I love you."
Lily: "I hate you."
James: "Do you think they get it now?"
Lily: "Probably. Since the authors are all now running out of ideas, shall we go back and join our friends?"
James: "What a good idea! You are so clever. I love you even more!"
Lily: "I still hate you"
James: "I don't mind."
Lily: "Ok."
[They return to friends, Lily glaring at James on way out, to further enforce the extreme hatred that she feels. James now loves her even more because she hates him]
___ End Part 1 ___
The author has realised how similar her stories are to the above. Since she is currently not available and is attempting in vain to think up some original ideas, this page would like to, on behalf of the author, request that readers review.
=)
Introduction
The author would like to thank you for clicking on this story. Before choosing to remain amongst this authors incredible wit, and immense stupidity, the author would like to point out the back button *points to top left of screen* which all the sane readers will doubtless be finding necessary very soon.
The author would also like to take this time to apologise for the irritation caused by overuse of referral to herself in the third person, overuse of sarcasm, and anything else with may interfere with your enjoyment of this story.
You are hereby reminded that the author does not own Harry Potter, nor does she mean any offence, and from here onwards will refrain from sounding like an airhostess.
Thank you,
Laize.
[On a serious, non air-hostess note, the author would like to remind all readers that she is a faithful reviewer and worshiper of all Lily/James fanfics, and has even gone so far as to write many herself. This collection is merely showing the vague [*cough*ornotsovague*cough*] similarities between many of the Lily/James stories on ff.net. It is a badly written attempt to obtain readers, reviews and praise. She would like again to point out [whilst remaining religiously in the third person] that she means no offence. =)]
Story #1: Lily hates James loves Lily. 7th Year [Beginning]
[We find ourselves transported to the place where almost every Lily/James story begins. Welcome to the Hogwarts train, and the train is just leaving the station to save unnecessary plot and dialogue leading upto the departure]
[Depending on the author, we will either be introduced to James, Sirius and Remus [Peter is very rarely mentioned], or Lily and her three best friends: Arabella, [enter odd name #1] and [enter odd name #2]]
[If we are firstly introduced to James and his friends.]
Sirius: "I'm not sure why, but due to the authors extensive research on Lily and James stories, I have been found to start conversations the most by asking how everyone's holidays went, and/or grinning, and letting the authors all happily describe how dashingly handsome I am."
James: "And I grin, and look as fetching as ever, whilst announcing that nothing much happened over my oh-so eventful holidays. Whilst I am being laid-back, there is more time for the author to describe exactly how alike myself and Sirius are, and how much we are loved by the entire female population."
Remus: "And I will be sitting in the corner either studiously reading, or making the odd smart-person comment such as 'we have N.E.W.Ts this year'. Am I clever or what?"
Peter then appears from somewhere.
Peter: "Hello. I will now disappear, since most of the authors seem to hate me, and seem to forget my very existence. I shall disappear with my "I .Heart. you Voldemort banner" and remain anonymous for the remainder of the story.
Peter mumbles something incoherent and disappears. Neither James, Sirius nor Remus seems to care at all.
Pointless discussion about how charming they are, and how they are unfortunately too old and grown up to play tricks now ensues.
James: "So, after a long discussion in which time has flown by very quickly to save the author thinking up anything else to say, we have decided that Sirius is the most handsome out of the three of us. Dammit all!"
Remus: "Being the good friend that I am, and am surprisingly not bitter about the fact that I was a Prefect and yet James is Head Boy, I will remind my good friend James that he is due to go to a meeting of some sort now. James, you need to go to a meeting."
James: "I will have totally forgotten this. Thus, I will thank Remus, smile and walk out of the compartment acting like I don't care. Which I don't."
James walks out of the compartment towards the meeting-place.
___
[If we are firstly introduced to Lily.]
Lily: "I will enter the compartment, smile and announce happily that I am Head Girl. Although this is no shock, since all readers have already been informed of it in the first Harry Potter book, authors see this as a need for excited screaming, and cheering."
Lily and friends scream excitedly.
Arabella: "I'm really happy for you Lily. I am also very understanding about the fact that the only reason that I am in this story is so that I can fall in love with Sirius, realise that you love James, and argue with you."
Lily: "Thank you."
[Unusual girl name#1]: "Since I have very little to do with this story, except perhaps to fall in love with Remus, and realises that he is in fact a werewolf, I will have the most unusual name to draw attention to myself. For all future purposes, I will be called Midnight, and will disappear out of the story, until Remus' secret needs to be known.
[Unusual girl name#2]: "I will be introduced to the story at the start as the author realises that there seem to be more boys than girls. I will also have an odd name, such as Krystal, and will hereby disappear from the story. Perhaps I am hanging out with Peter all this time."
[Krystal disappears and is never mentioned again]
Lily: "Ooooh. Meeting time. Although I appear to have forgotten about it, being the very clever person that I am, I will in fact have planned this out brilliantly to arrive a few minutes ahead of time. Goodbye friends."
Lily's friends: "Goodbye."
[Very little talking and deciding will actually be done here, since dear J.K. Rowling has never told us what they discuss, but the fact that Lily very much hates James will be brought to attention countless times [Lily will spend the entire time either glaring or ignoring James]. as will the fact that James loves Lily [James will spend the whole journey staring lovingly at Lily.]
Lily: "Stop staring at me."
James: "I love you."
Lily: "I hate you."
[If the author is now feeling brave, we shall have a few ideas about what might happen, and be discussed. More likely than not, this scene will end after we realise how much Lily hates James, and how much James loves Lily]
James: "I love you."
Lily: "I hate you."
James: "Do you think they get it now?"
Lily: "Probably. Since the authors are all now running out of ideas, shall we go back and join our friends?"
James: "What a good idea! You are so clever. I love you even more!"
Lily: "I still hate you"
James: "I don't mind."
Lily: "Ok."
[They return to friends, Lily glaring at James on way out, to further enforce the extreme hatred that she feels. James now loves her even more because she hates him]
___ End Part 1 ___
The author has realised how similar her stories are to the above. Since she is currently not available and is attempting in vain to think up some original ideas, this page would like to, on behalf of the author, request that readers review.
=)