Broken
My feet felt heavy as I slowly made my way up the flight of stairs, then the short walk to the room with the little metal plaits hanging on the door, one dangling lopsidedly by one screw. Yet that simple door had never looked more terrifying. Some how, right now, I was more afraid, and more hurt, then I ever had fighting any enemy.
My breath wavered, as did my raised fist. This wasn't supposed to happen. Peter was young, still a high school kid, with so much life left to live. He should've died peacefully at an old age, with kids and grandkids to say farewell, and not the bloody hug of a fellow soldier.
I caught the sob in my throat, and before I could let my emotions get the best of me, I hastily rapped my hand against the door. I half hoped she wouldn't be home.
But the door opened almost instantly, revealing a disheveled Aunt May, with a baggy sweater half falling off one shoulder, and some stretch pants gathered at her ankles. At the sight of the dark circles under her eyes, I knew I wasn't the only one missing sleep.
"Oh thank God, Tony." She whispered. Her hand fell away from the knob. "Where's Peter? I've tried calling him and he won't pick up- it's been days and I've been worried sick I could only hope he was with-"
I couldn't bear the string of words, so relieved and loving… I reached up and grabbed her shoulders- a little rougher then I'd intended, but I couldn't help myself. I was struggling to keep myself together.
Her voice came to a stumbling halt. "Tony?" She repeated, the anxiety slowly easing back into her tone.
I couldn't bring myself to look her in the eyes, so I instead kept my gaze trained on the cheap carpeted floor, like the coward I was, unable to look into the eyes of a hurt woman. I felt her go rigid beneath my grip. I tried to say something- to apologize, or maybe explain- but not words came. After a few silent seconds between us, I finally gathered my bearings enough to whisper.
"I'm so sorry." My voice shook more then I wished it too. In that moment, everything came rushing back, so much so that I could nearly hear his voice. Begging, pleading with me to make it all okay.
"Tony…" May's voice was frantic, and confused. Her hands grabbed my arms in a paniced demand. "Where is he!?"
I shook my head again. Lifting my head, I reached her eyes. Wide, bloodshot, and dazed. "He's gone." Was all I could think to say. Her mouth hung open and her gaze spoke millions. A silent plea.
"No." She hushed. There was a teeter in her voice, just as there'd been in mine. She repeated it, louder, and angrier. "No. No it's not true. NO. You're lying!" She shoved against me, squeezing my arms and writhing as she screamed the same words over and over again, pounding her fists against my chest. She was shaking in harsh sobs, making the swings weak and pointless.
I gently pried her hands out of my coat sleeves and tried to lead her inside, but she struggled against my hold, screaming for me to leave, for me to go back to my hell-hole office where she'd never have to see me again. The more she cried, the wider the ragged gape in my chest grew, more painful with each cruel but empty word. I knew deep down she didn't mean it. I should know. Hadn't I thrown pieces of metal across the planet? Punched against battered ships and piles of junk to release the grief and anger?
She gave feeble punches, each one I easily dodged, which only made her sobs worsen. Finally, after a few more minutes of futile struggling, she slid to the ground against the couch, hyperventilating into her hands and allowing me to softly shut the door. I didn't know what to do. What could I say?
"I'm sorry." My voice cracked. My shoulders were shaking.
"H-he was all... all I had left." She cried. "Everything… h-he was going to… he-"
I didn't know her very well, but I did know she cared deeply about her nephew. She had treated him like he was her own son. Doing the only thing I could think to do, I crouched on the ground beside her, gently dropping my arm around her shoulders.
It didn't seem to help- if anything, she only cried harder.
"I promised." She hiccuped. "I promised I'd take care of him. I-I promised Ben and-" she lifted her red face, tears making wisps of hair cling to her cheeks. "He was all I had left."
I didn't say anything. Not because I didn't want to, but because I physically couldn't. My heart felt like it was being torn to shreds. I'd told Pepper I'd wanted kids… and now, I don't think I could bear it if I ever did.
Peter was as much a son to me as he was to May. And I was as torn apart a she, only weighed down by the unbearable guilt.
It was all my fault.
Hey guys! :D So this is my first and possibly only Marvel fic, but dang it all if Infinity War didn't tear my heart to shreds. Peter Parker was/is my favorite character, and I was heartbroken to see him go. I haven't read the comics, but based off of what other people are saying, it seems like they might come back, so here's to that. *raises glass*
Anyways, I hope you enjoyed, and I apologize if I missed or spelled anything incorrectly. I'm still new to this whole Marvel thing. :P :)
-Kat