Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I don't own CSI or any of the characters. They all belong to CBS. I also don't own the lyrics to Breakaway.
A/N: Just in case you missed it the first time in the summary, SPOILERS for 9x02 The Happy Place (although I don't know what was so happy about the whole episode)
Some dialogue taken from The Happy Place.
As always a very special thanks to my wonderful beta Maisy13 for all the hard work, I have to admit I wouldn't know what punctuation was if it hit me in the face, so thanks again for putting up with all those mistakes. You're the best!
Thanks in advance for reading and reviewing.
Breakaway
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye
***
Grissom's phone rang for the 3rd time that night and again he ignored it as Sara sat up on her elbow and glanced at the screen as she leaned on Grissom's chest. "That's the lab again," she said in between rings, "Do you wanna get it?"
"No," he answered abruptly.
Taking his hand in hers she gently started caressing his left index finger with her own, "Maybe we should go away for a while."
Grissom just stared ahead and shook his head. "I can't," he paused thinking again of Warrick and the events of the past week. "We're so short," he finished sadly sighing. He looked over towards Sara and with a glimmer of hope in his eyes he asked her, "Why don't you stay?"
She looked miserably at the hand she was holding, still stroking his fingers with her own. "I can't stay here." She continued stroking his fingers, then looked back at him, but he wasn't looking at her anymore, his gaze had returned to that invisible spot he was staring at moments ago.
Sara lay back down beside him, resting her head on his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart. "It would be nice to take a trip..." as Sara continued to describe the trip she wanted to take with him, all Grissom could think of was why, why couldn't she stay here anymore, be with him. He needed her now more than ever and she was just going to pack up and leave again, this time for good. "...walk in the footsteps of Darwin." as she finished talking about the trip, Sara slid her hand onto Grissom's chest, at first playing with the first 2 buttons before she began to stroke his chest softly. Grissom's hand automatically fell on top of hers caressing it gently, as he thought to himself, "How can I let her go again, how will I go on knowing that she can't come back here?"
Sara walked away from Detective Vega, furious with him and annoyed at this job, and headed directly towards the lab, where made her way to Grissom's office. She found him sitting behind his desk doing the last of the paperwork that had been sitting on top of it for the past week. She knocked on the door and let herself in before he mumbled a barely audible "come in".
He looked up and seeing it was Sara, smiled as she sat herself in the chair directly across from him. Sara didn't return the smile and instead handed Grissom the Tom Adler file and waited while he read it. "None of the phone calls to Tom Adler's home phone could be traced back to Tony Thorpe," he stated.
"Well he could have used a pay phone or a disposable phone."
Grissom looked back down at the file in his hands. "There's no evidence that Thorpe was ever in Pam Adler's room. No trace of him on her, or in her. And, Doc Robbins found no sign of sexual assault."
"Yeah, but we don't know when that happened, and we both know that semen deteriorates within twelve to twenty four hours."
Putting the file down on his desk Grissom looked directly into Sara's eyes. "Sara you have to consider the possibility that the husband made up the story to justify his actions."
"No, absolutely not," she said shaking her head defiantly.
"I'm not saying he didn't love her, he loved her so much that he kept her alive for eight years."
Sara stared icily at him while he continued, ignoring the angry look she was giving him. "You're still a scientist, you know after that many years of atrophy she wasn't coming back to him. I mean", Grissom paused for a few seconds gathering his thoughts, "Sooner or later a relationship in stasis withers, you get angry," Sara nodded as Grissom continued, she knew where this was heading, "You need more than the safety of knowing you're not alone."
Staring at him Sara replied coldly. "Then he should have just walked away."
"Maybe he couldn't," Grissom paused again, "Maybe he needed her to leave him." Sara's cold stare bore a hole right through Grissom's heart, he knew what was coming next, in fact he expected it.
"Who are we talking about right now?" her voice now held a furious tone.
Grissom looked into Sara's eye's seeing more than just anger there, then he looked back down staring blindly at the pen he was still holding. He couldn't look her in the eye, he could still see the pained look she was trying to disguise with anger and it tore his heart that he was doing this to her so soon after Warrick's death. He couldn't take back what he said, and he knew that now they were here, he couldn't lie to her and tell her he was talking about the case. They both new that this conversation wasn't about the case anymore. He opened his mouth to say something, anything, but no words came out.
"Damn it, Gil, I'm not walking out this time so for once just give me a straight answer without freezing up."
Grissom sighed, "Let's just....let's talk about this later, at home, ok."
"No." Sara stood up and headed for the door. Thinking that she was going to leave Grissom was about to say something until she closed and locked the door. Sara wanted no interruptions during this conversation, not if she could help it. They were going to work this out right now. "Now tell me what this is really about Grissom."
More silence ensued and Sara was getting fed up with his little game. She knew him too well; he'd just keep giving her the silent treatment until she gave up and walked away. But she wasn't going to give in that easily, not this time. "I thought you were fine with our arrangement, what changed?"
Finally after what seemed like an eternity Grissom answered her question, "I was, until earlier this evening when you said you couldn't live here anymore."
"You knew that there was a possibility I would never come back to Vegas."
"Yes, a possibility, at least before tonight I had a glimmer of hope that you'd be back, but now that you've confirmed my worst fear, I just don't know what to do about this...about us anymore." Sara stared at him blankly tears beginning to form in her dark brown eyes as he continued, "I love you Sara, and every day we spend away from each other makes it so much harder for me to go on and pretend that everything is ok when in reality I'm hurting inside, knowing that I can't be with you, that I can't just pack up and leave the same way you did."
Now Sara was furious. "So what you're really trying to say Gil is that you don't have the heart to walk out of this relationship, so you're giving me permission to leave you?" She was trying hard not cry, but not hard enough, a lone tear slipped out and slid down her cheek, she wiped it away but the others began to follow.
"Sara, calm down." Grissom stood up and made his way to where she was sitting, he hated it when she cried and hated himself for being the person who drove her to tears. He wanted to hold her in his arms, to comfort her, to take back everything he said and tell her that he was sorry, but the damage was already done and she pushed him away, "Don't...don't touch me Grissom," she sobbed.
She never called him Grissom anymore and hearing her say it now felt like a slap in the face. "Sara, please..."
"You know, the funny thing is that in the beginning you never wanted to risk it all for me because you were afraid that I'd be the one to leave you, and here you are pushing me away, forcing me leave." She turned towards door. "As soon as I help Tom Adler through this, I'm flying back to San Francisco," she said as she opened the door and left, leaving Grissom standing stunned in the middle of his office, mouth open in shock as he realized that she'd heard everything he said to Lurie several years ago, and the huge mistake he'd made letting by her go.
Grissom sat in the interrogation room listening to Scott Bonfilio confess to murdering the woman he once loved, "Have you ever loved someone so much that you would kill for them?"
Grissom stared vacantly at Scott, his mind screaming "yes" he loved Sara so much that he would kill for her, if she was in danger and killing would save her life, then yes he would without hesitation.
He heard Scott say, "She promised me everything, and then she took it all away." and for the second time that day he had a flashback to his interrogation with Dr Lurie. Grissom had said the exact same words to Lurie when he'd tried to get him to confess to murdering Debbie Marlin. Grissom stared at the table realizing that what he'd feared the most all those years ago had finally happened and he was the only one to blame. He was the one who told her to leave him, that he couldn't do this anymore.
Grissom stood up abruptly and left the interrogation room, he had to call Sara and stop her from leaving. Taking his cell phone out of his pocket, he dialed her number, but all he got was her voicemail, he tried several more times, leaving her a message the final time to call him back. Looking at his watch he realized that she might be back at the townhouse packing, giving it one last shot he dialed his home number. The phone rang several times before his answering machine picked up.
As Sara zipped up her carryon and slid her backpack over her shoulder, Tom Adler's words echoed through her mind, "After a while I realized the only one who was feeling any suffering was me, I just wasn't living, but I just couldn't move on and leave her there like that." Was that how Grissom felt these past 7 months, trapped, dead inside? She never wanted to hurt him, all she wanted was for him to be happy, and if the only way for that to happen was for her to leave him, then that's what she would do no looking back, no coming back to Vegas.
She took one last look around the bedroom, taking everything in, before walking out.
As she walked out of the front door she heard the phone ring downstairs. Sara closed the door and walked away.
***
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I love
I'll take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway
Fin
Breakaway Lyrics by Kelly Clarkson