Title: IN-Security
SUMMARY: The men of South Park fear the UPS man is sleeping with their wives, and Jimbo quickly realizes he doesn't have a wife to worry about.
Pairings: Jimbo/Ned
Disclaimer: I read this about 10 times, but I'm sure I missed some spelling mistakes.
Story Warnings: gayness
"What? You don't even have a wife Jimbo!"
An alarm started beeping almost immediately, the other men looked surprised Jimbo of all people had insecurity. Yet when Jimbo dug into one of his many pockets his words became quiet and rushed. The beeping stopped shortly after, Gerald and Steven exchanged a confused glance after the overweight man proceeded to shove the phone back into his pocket.
It was true though, Jimbo didn't have a wife, let alone children. There was no reason for him to be part of this group trying to keep their wives safe. Maybe he just had a strong feeling for women to feel safe in their homes, or that men should be able to protect their families whenever a situation may arise. No matter the reason for his partnership or his relationship status, he still have a strong opinion on the subject. It was just strange for him to go as far as beating up the UPS man when he wasn't defending anyone in particular.
Gerald suddenly did a double take, realizing something was missing from this picture. Besides the fact his family was being invaded by his drinking buddies, a certain someone who was always by Jimbo's side.
"Where's Ned?"
Later, fingers tight against the wheel and foot to the floor, Jimbo's heart beat violently against his chest. Wishing to just burst through the front door of his cabin and speed away, driving all the way back to Louisiana at the same time.
No, he didn't have a wife. No one else in the bane group was unmarried, they all had wives and children to worry about. But Jimbo wasn't worried for his own home's safety, that's was his guns were for. For some reason Jimbo had the sneaking suspicion Ned was sleeping with the UPS man. Randy's accusations had them on the edge of their seats, While his friends slammed down their beers and bellowed about the safety of their families, Jimbo's mind wandered to Ned twisted in the sheets with another man.
He sped by the massive UPS truck several times this month delivering a box when he wasn't home. No matter how hard he tried he always managed to miss it. It wasn't until the other day did he finally remain home and wait for the knock at the door to get a good look at this guy. The man was young, late twenties maybe. His skin was bronzed and his hair a sandy blonde. Jimbo couldn't see how a man like this could seduce the women in South Park, he wasn't anything special. In fact Jimbo struggled to find an outstanding feature about the man, he was bland as they come. A background character you would never suspect anything of. The longer the hunter stared at the man, the angrier he got. His eyes were a hazelnut, not as outstanding as Ned's baby blues. He had a baby face if Jimbo ever saw one, maybe with a beard or a mustache he wouldn't look like a giant man baby.
Jimbo merely puckered a lip, glaring at the man the entire time. Signing for the large package. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, he was friendly, outgoing and even offered to help drag the large package inside. Yet the offer was taken with a pinch of salt as soon as he spoke one final time, then Jimbo's blood boiled. "Tell Ned thanks for the beer the other day, it really helped me out with all the craziness going on in this town."
That was the final straw.
Jimbo wouldn't put it past Ned to find other men attractive. It would be hypocritical in fact. But there was no denying the absolute betrayal creeping up the back of his spine, forcing him to tighten his hold on the wheel as he sped home. He trusted Ned with his life, and still his mind played images of the smaller man seducing the UPS worker inside their home. Ned might be getting old, and his hair starting to grey, but damn could he shake his hips in such a way that would make even a straight man do a double take.
To his horror, the UPS truck drove past, kicking up dirt as Jimbo forced his hummer off the road to let the other through. Jimbo felt himself growl, resisting the urge to follow after and once again try and teach the man another lesson.
This wasn't helping his cause, Randy's declaration of protecting their wives were starting to eat away at his rational thinking. He needed to talk to him, now.
Jimbo couldn't get out of the car fast enough though felt immediate remorse for slamming his car door shut so hard. He was pissed to high heaven, but his precious truck wasn't giving him these waves of jealousy.
Once he reached the door, he all but kicked it open, this time uncaring to the loud bang.
"Ned!"
He didn't get a response, though he wasn't expecting one to be honest. Finding no sign of life in the kitchen or the living room he stomped to their bedroom. Angrily, Jimbo shoved the door open hard enough for the hard wood to smack against the wall.
The smaller man jumped, rudely interrupted from his book to stare at the fuming Jimbo Kern.
Jimbo found him lazing in bed, the TV playing the Crime and Investigation network with a book sprawled across his lap. Ned's legs were crossed indian style, still in his pajamas. And by pajamas it was those skimpy briefs and red robe. If he wasn't so pissed off he would have tried to get them off with his teeth. That was an entirely different train of thought, and he refused to stop being upset until he straightened this mess out.
Jealousy was a bad trait on Jimbo's part, it wasn't often he was outright furious about anything. As his own words got stuck in his throat, Ned reached for his voice box placed nearby on the table.
"Mn- can I help you?"
The sudden conversation snapped Jimbo from his state and stomped over to the edge of the bed, spying the amazon box and he seethed, red in the face as he snapped.
"UPS man again, huh? What did he bring you this time?"
Neds expression didn't change, but Jimbo did spy an eyebrow raised over his darkly tinted glasses. Obviously confused over the hostile tone about an amazon box of all things.
"Mnn- a book, your new boots came too."
Jimbo wasn't sure what to do with his hands, he felt helpless with the accusation dancing on the tip of his tongue. Yet Ned sat innocently on the bed, it didn't look ruffled by dirty sex and there was no sign of anything out of the ordinary, just Jimbo and Ned's belongings. Disgusted by the the box taunting him, the larger man shoved it off the covers, clattering to the floor and pointed an accusing finger, "If you're cheating on me with the ups man, fess up right now!" There was so much more he wanted to yell just on the tip of his tongue, yet his throat closed biting his tongue hard.
Ned didn't move, he stared and Jimbo got angrier, unable able to see those baby blues hiding behind the dark glass for a proper reaction. The smaller man closed his book with a thick thunk.
"Mnn- Wow."
Jimbo counted the number of guns they had hidden around the room, and resisted reaching for number five in the night stand to go hunt down the ups man before he got too far.
Being close enough to touch, Ned had to turn his body to reach for the collar of the fatter man's shirt, and forcibly tug him downward for a rough kiss.
Shock was evident on Jimbo's face while annoyance crossed Ned's, after adjusting his glasses he went back to his book. It was enough of a shock for Jimbo's thoughts to clear from his hurtful accusation. Finally realizing how ridiculous it was to think Ned would not only cheat on him with another man, but with someone who might be whoring around the rest of South Park. He might as well insulted his lovers intelligence while he was at it.
"Mn- you're an idiot."
The larger man's face burned red, stunned back to reality that Ned would never do such a thing as cheat on him with a delivery boy. Ned was a man of few words, and his actions spoke louder than those words. It was crazier with their relationship still a secret, and if the UPS man was gay and forced himself inside their home, Ned would have beaten him out the door and shoved Jimbo's shotgun up his nose.
Jimbo gave a defeated sigh, tugging at his collar when his clothes suddenly felt a bit too tight. He felt silly, he just scared maybe Ned got tired of him. He kicked off his shoes and joined the smaller man on the bed, the mattress creaking under his weight. But the other refused to acknowledge him, even as Jimbo curled an arm around his waist pathetically.
Muffling his words into Ned's hip, Jimbo spoke, "I'm stupid, I'm sorry."
Reluctantly, a tanned hand found its way to pat his head. It was like trying to be mad at a kicked puppy sometimes.
"Mn- you really think I'd cheat on you?"
Jimbo burrowed his head deeper into Ned's hip. Feeling ashamed for accusing him of such a horrible thing. "No…"
Ned didn't seem convinced and scoffed a little. Refusing to give the larger man the attention he wanted.
"Aw, come on Ned what do you want from me? Look at me! I'm a fat old man, I'm losing my hair, my feet stink to high heaven and I got ears that put dumbo to shame. Why wouldn't ya won't someone else? I ain't handsome like you, you're the looker here buddie, not me."
It was pathetic to see Jimbo get upset over something like this, but over the years he came to deal with Jimbo's insecurity even if the man himself refused to admit it.
"Mn- I don't think you're ugly." and it was a hundred percent true. Otherwise he wouldn't be sharing a home, a bed, anything really.
Jimbo mumbled again. "That wasn't what I said."
A small easing smile curled the corner of his lips and Ned gently tugged at the lobes of Jimbo's large ears. "Mn- I like your ears, and your belly. Lots of cushion."
What could only be called a whine, was all he got in response.
"Mn- Nobody's perfect. I can't grow a full beard, I'm the shortest guy in South Park." he paused to breath "Ngh- I'm missing my arm Jimbo."
Jimbo remained silent, refusing to remove his face from the others hip. The smaller man set his book aside, deciding to toy with the others thinning hair instead. It was always a comfort game when Jimbo ended up like this.
Jimbo groaned, squeezing him like a teddy bear. "I know, I know, The guys were freaking out over this picture and I, I don't know, I just got carried away."
"Ngh- you don't even have a wife."
It wasn't a secret Jimbo tended to act before thinking things through. Anything sounded like a great idea with several beers in your system. Another reason Ned made sure Jimbo didn't get too deep into a scary situation. But more often than not, they find themselves knee deep in trouble like they were caught with their pants down. It was almost impossible to be angry at Jimbo when Ned knew this whole absurd situation was probably Randy's fault. Jimbo was a bit of a tool without Ned being their to deter him from idiotic tendencies.
This had to be one of those circumstances, this had misunderstanding written all over it, Ned didn't exactly want to know what was going on, yet it was silly to try and make sense of a situation like this. Randy always dragged his friends into ridiculous scenarios, this was no different.
Stuff like this was one of consequences of living in South Park, yet the smaller man found it endearing. Not necessarily all the time mind you.
"Mn- you know what this means don't you?"
Jimbo finally peeled himself away, fear flashed across his face at the many implications of his words. Ned quietly wondered where his hat went, maybe lying limp in the hallways after being thrown in his small fit of rage.
"Uh…" Jimbo's face fell, like he spilled bad news. He might love teasing the larger man but not about their relationship when stuff like this happens.
"Ngh- you are sleeping on the couch tonight."
Sighing in relief, the larger man leaned back on his heels, then to his bum. "Guess I deserve that. Ya know I'm real sorry right? This is all Randy's fault, he started gettin' us all hopped up thinking Sheila was banging the UPS man. I just thought maybe since ya keep orderin' all this shit you were sneaking round." Jimbo seemed to realize exactly how outrageous it was when he said it outloud and scrubbed a hand over his face. "I'm an idiot. Oh my god."
Rolling his eyes, Ned tugged off his glasses, placing them on the night stand. "Mnn- use that brain of yours, I know it's not entirely soaked in redneck juice."
Jimbo looked down at his thumbs, twisting his hands. A nervous habit he acquired in order to avoid conflict, which was saying something considering he never did it with anyone other than Ned. Any other station Jimbo would have had his pistol at the ready.
It was quiet for a moment, the overweight man twiddling his thumbs, still embarrassed over this whole thing, "If you ask me, Thad doesn't know what he's missing."
Ned cocked a tiny smile, "Ngh- You're still sleeping on the couch."
"I said I was sorry!"
"Mnn- I'm still mad you think I'd cheat on you. Thad's too young and scrawny anyway."
An almost bashful look crossed the other man's face. "What are you sayin? You like fat guys?"
Ned gave a undecided shrug with a curl of his lips, giving his lover a coy look from beneath his lashes "Mn- it's a lot more to hold onto."
Jimbo's nose crinkled up, scratching his beer belly defensively as he settled in beside the smaller man. A warmth spread from his chest hearing Ned actually liked him the way he was and found himself embarrassed once again. There was going to be lots of ass kissing later on to make up for this one.
"Mnn- I'm up for a threesome though."
"Jesus Christ, I get it. I'm a moron, Ha ha."