The Promise We Made
The Great Hall was abuzz with activity as the students helped themselves to breakfast. There were only a few hours left before the Hogwarts Express would be pulling into Hogsmeade Station, taking the students of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry back to Platform Nine and Three Quarters, where they would return to the Muggle world on King's Cross Station. Gryffindor had been announced the winner of the House Cup and Quidditch Cup the previous day during the Leaving Feast, which was no wonder that Gryffindor table was the noisiest of all four House tables, still celebrating the fact that they snagged a double victory that year.
Suddenly, a single tawny owl flew into the Great Hall, which struck a lot of people as strange, as there usually wasn't mail on the last day of school. Who'd want to send mail to their sons, daughters, or protégées when they'd be returning home shortly? This appearance especially foreboded ill news for a person with messy jet-black hair and hazel eyes hidden behind glasses. His best friend, who was sitting beside him, nudged him and whispered, "James… it's your owl."
James Potter raised his head just in time to see his owl descend right in front of him. Had it not been for a Remus Lupin, another of his friends sitting opposite him with the last member of the infamous Marauders, Peter Pettigrew, his breakfast might have been knocked to the ground by Snidget, named after the rare and near-extinction species that was once used in the Quidditch matches. All four young men's attentions were now on the envelope in James's hands.
James read the address on the cover carefully. It was from his mother. "It's all right, mates, just a letter from my mom. I wonder what she wants…" he explained to his friends, who were eager to know who the sender was. They visibly relaxed and left James in peace to read his mother's correspondence. However, barely had he finished when he stiffened, then said a hollow, "Don't follow me" before walking briskly out of the Great Hall, much to the puzzlement of his three friends.
Sirius Black made to rise from the table. Despite his best friend's order, he felt that, as he was almost like the brother James never had, he had a right to be by his best friend if he was in times of need or sorrow. And anyway, James was the closest person to family that Sirius had. If he didn't stand by James, what kind of a brother was he?
He was stopped, however, by Remus. "He said not to follow him, Padfoot. Let him be. When he's ready, he'll come to us," the brown haired man spoke calmly. Furious at his nonchalance, Sirius rounded up on him and spoke with a quavering anger in his voice. "We should be with him to make him feel better, not stand around doing nothing when he needs us most. What's wrong with you, Remus? Don't you understand? He needs us!"
"Not this time, I don't think so, Sirius," Remus answered back quietly. "This isn't as simple as Lily rejecting him or something." All three glanced around the Hall, searching in vain for the pretty redhead that had long held James's heart. After a fruitless search, Remus continued, "This probably has something to do with his family. I know that you're as good as one of the Potters now, but he has a right to have some solace to mull over stuff before he faces us."
Grumbling and muttering incoherently, yet accepting the rational in Remus's argument, he sat back down, but stood up again, declaring that he had lost his appetite for breakfast and his decision to return to Gryffindor Tower to finish his packing. Remus and Peter agreed, and together, the three traipsed back to their dormitory, where they did nothing but sit around and stared at nothings, waiting for James's return.
Upon exiting the Great Hall, James broke out into a run. He ran and ran, until he reached his destination: the Astronomy Tower, for he was pretty sure that no one would be coming up this high on the last day of school. His tough demeanour shattered, and he cried his heart out. The parchment in his clenched left hand was being crumpled as he tightened his fist.
Tears splashed down shamelessly as he blindly bemoaned the injustice of what had happened. So absorbed in his bitterness was he that he failed to register the soft noise of someone's footsteps echoing in the quiet corridor. In fact, he was so oblivious to the world that he didn't hear the person standing behind him until a voice spoke, "James?"
He was pulled back from his thoughts instantly as he recognised the voice. He barely noticed that this was the first time the person had used his given name instead of surname. However, it did not make him any kinder towards the intruder. Without lifting his head, he mumbled loudly, "Go away, Lily. Leave me alone."
Her response shocked him. "No, I'm not leaving till you tell me what the hell has happened to you. You may push your friends away, but you shall not do the same to me. I saw your owl, and I saw you run out of the Great Hall after you've read your letter. I know something's wrong. Tell me, James."
James finally lifted his head and regarded Lily with a fierce stare. "Why do you even want to know? You hate me, remember? James Potter, resident bully? Or did you get up on the wrong side of bed today?"
Lily did not know she was more shocked by James's tears or his choice of words. All she knew was that she had marched up to him and slapped his face. "Just because you've had a bad day doesn't mean you can be this snippy with me, Potter." For the first time, James regretted being unable to rein his temper. He winced at Lily's venomous emphasis placed on his last name. "And for your information, I've never hated you, but I just might! God, I thought you are a different person deep down, but I guess I was wrong."
And without another word, she turned to leave, when she heard James's strangled voice saying quietly, "Lily, you're right. I'm… I'm sorry. Please don't leave me…" She was unnerved by the vulnerability and insecurity in James's voice. He had always been obnoxious and arrogant. But now… he sounded so… lost… She turned hesitantly and sat down beside James. She looked into his hazel eyes and saw only confusion, and an innocence Lily never knew existed in James. She was suddenly sorry for her earlier actions. "I'm sorry too, James. I shouldn't have slapped you. I should have respected your privacy."
"No, I deserved that," he whispered in the same quiet tone. They sat there in awkward silence until James told her, "My mother wrote me. She told me that… that my father… is…" His voice suddenly choked in his throat. He couldn't say it. To say it would be to confirm it, and James didn't want it to be true. It couldn'tbe true. Maybe when he reached home his mother would tell him it was all a joke. It was hope against hope, and futile, but still possible.
He shivered suddenly as Lily encircled her arm around his waist and drew him close to her bosom, like a mother would to a crying child. "It's OK, James. It's OK to cry. I won't ask, if you're not ready to tell. You know you can always come to me when you're ready," she whispered soothingly, not knowing that she was echoing Remus's words a moment ago.
"Why? Why him?" James moaned despairingly into her embrace, clinging to her neck as his tears spilled afresh. "He is the best father I could ever have, and now he's… he's gone…" he wailed loudly, sobbing hard. "He'll never come back… He'll never see me graduate, get my first job and know my wife and my children… Why him? It's not fair!"
Lily understood at last. James was mourning for a lost parent. Just like she was late last year. She thought the pain was gone, but now it came back to her. She wept silently with James, though no tears flowed out, as the memories of her mother came flooding back to her.
"I know, James. I'm sorry," she murmured into his ear. "I know how it feels."
"How would you know?" he demanded weakly.
"Because… because she will never come back again either," she whispered, more to herself than to James. "My mother…"
James's heart stood still. Lily had lost a parent too. She knows…
"When?" he managed to ask. She looked at him and told him, "Last year, in November."
James gasped as it hit him. "So that's why you were absent for a few days last November! I was worried when you weren't in class, and McGonagall won't tell me anything…" Lily nodded. "Yeah, that's it. It was so hard to let her go…"
"Lily… Why do they have to die? Dad was a good man. He wasn't prejudiced, he wasn't cruel, and he was so good to everyone. Why did he have to die?" James asked tentatively, not wanting to touch a raw nerve. Lily lapsed into deep thought. Why indeed?
"In the earlier days of Mom's death, I used to comfort myself that she's still watching over me, only from afar. I thought that, perhaps… perhaps she is now at a better place. She's never stopped loving me, like I'll always love and remember her. And…and she wouldn't like me to waste my life away moping after her forever. She'd want me to live life, so I won't have any regrets if I should ever follow her footsteps into the other world. I have to move on, for her sake and mine," she replied after thinking hard. Then she added, "I miss her. I miss her a lot. God, it's only been seven months."
James was silently contemplating her words. He didn't feel so bad anymore. The pain was still there, and probably would be forever, but he could at least accept it better now. Lily was right. He had to try to move on. His father wouldn't want his only son to waste his precious life. He'd want him to live, learn, and love.
"Thanks, Lily. Thanks a lot. I… I feel much better now," James whispered his thanks to the woman holding him together as he wiped away his tears. And perhaps she always will. He must know…
"Lily, do you really… hate me that much?" he asked slowly, afraid to incur her wrath once again. Her response was a surprised "No. Didn't you hear me just now? I never did." "But you always shout at me… that I'm… that I'm as bad as Snape…" he trailed off sadly, as he remembered that day by the lake last year, after Defence Against the Dark Arts O.W.L. theory.
Lily heaved a great sigh. "James," she began in a slow, patient tone. "I only don't like the fact that you hex people for fun, just because they exist. It's the same thing as Snape calling me Mudblood," James tensed up considerably, "because of who I am, a Muggleborn. But I know that you're not like that. You're better than that, James, I know you are. I'm waiting for you to change into the better person I know is in you."
"If I do… will you… will you…" James began awkwardly, but didn't know how to continue. He suddenly blurted out, "Will you go out with me?" and immediately cringed, waiting for the customary rejection.
Lily considered it carefully. She knew that he really liked her, and, Merlin, she had liked him for a long time. If he'd really change… would she be brave enough to risk a relationship with James Potter? He was famous for his one-week flings, if only rare and far between. "James, do you really like me or is this just because I…" she was unwilling to ask what she had in mind. Maybe it was better not knowing. But James asked knowingly, "…Because you're a challenge?" When Lily nodded embarrassingly, James chuckled lightly, the first smile he wore since news of his father's demise reached him. "No, Lily. It's not that. I really like you, only partly because you're the only girl who doesn't fall into my arms willingly and easily. You're a challenge, so to speak, because you have integrity. You would never have a bad boy for a boyfriend, would you?"
Damn, he can read me like a book, Lily thought amusedly. James took the half-smile playing on her lips as a sign to continue. "You're smart, beautiful, compassionate, fair, kind, gentle and a whole lot more. I love your smile that always lights up my day, though I rarely received one." Lily looked guilty but James brushed it off before she could apologise. "You're so perfect, Lily. But most importantly, I feel completed when I'm near you, though I get so nervous that I did everything I could to mask that. No one has that kind of effect on me, Lily. I used to think that it was just a silly crush, and I'd get over it soon. But it wasn't. You aren't nothing to me, Lily, you're everything. All those girls I've been with, I kept comparing them to you. I couldn't stay with them long. It would be unfair to me, as well as to them, because I was always thinking of you when I'm with them, and how nice it would be to have you as my girlfriend instead of them."
Lily lowered her head, her cheeks blushing from James's words. And I thought I was the only one hopelessly in love, she thought, smiling. "So… Will you give me a chance?" James's voice broke through her reverie. His hazel eyes were filled with fear and nervousness, yet pleading and begging at the same time. You know you want to, Lily, an inner voice spoke in her brain. "Yes."
"Wh- What?" James stammered, unsure if he heard correctly. "Yes, James, I will go out with you if you change for the better. I promise," Lily answered seriously. James thought for a moment, and then requested mock-solemnly, "Shake on it?"
Lily, however, shook her head. "I have a better idea." She moved in and kissed him, taking his breath away just with a short, gentle kiss that was nevertheless passionate. "How about that?" she asked sweetly as they broke apart. James was speechless. She'd instigated the kiss! And not only was it just as he hoped for, it was full of an emotion she held for him… love. "Wow," was all he managed to say with a stupefied expression. Lily giggled a little.
"Come now, James, or we'll be late for the train. And… you might want to tell Sirius. From what I heard, he would want to know about… your dad," she beckoned the still-dazed man. He snapped out of his stunned brain and remembered guiltily that Lily was right. He had forgotten that Sirius was also as good as his father's son, and had a right to know that he was no more. Then there's the funeral.
"Lily… Will you… be there? Just as friends… I need your support… I'm not sure if I can do this alone…" he asked brokenly, as his barely healed wound opened and began to bled afresh, though this time, he did not shed tears.
Lily nodded. "You'll never be alone, James," she reminded him as she pulled him up on his feet. "You've got your loyal friends with you, and you still have your mother. You'll come through this. Like I have. Almost." She shook her head sadly. "The wounds will never heal completely, but we must still try to live. We cannot let sorrow control us forever."
Together, they descended from the Astronomy Tower and headed for their dormitories, where they would do any last minute packing before taking the school carriages to Hogsmeade Station. James held Lily's hand secretly all the way (to avoid awkward stares and questions), lacing his fingers with hers, and she didn't argue or complain, but smiled at him as she remembered their promise, sealed with a kiss.
– Finis –