Hey everyone!
Iam so sorry for not writing anything lately, Im shockingI know but oh well.I wrote this in the middle of english so if you dont like it tell me andI will do some more editting.
Special thanks: Pandapjays for getting me to do a better ending which is still not good and well you know.
well enjoy it!
Choice:
Choice. What is choice? People say we always have a choice but do we really? Everyday are told what to do by teachers, friends and family. Why can't they just leave us alone? Let my pathetic existence go unnoticed. He had choice and look what happened to him. They took him away from me, the only one that really loved me for me.
What if I had chosen differently? What if I didn't pilot the EVA? Would I be happy? But I would never have met him. Would I be happy having never known his loving embrace? What if I had chosen not to end his life? Would he still be here with me? His loving smile and caring deep red eyes. No, he made a choice, his life for mine but was it the right one? Why would he want to save a pathetic worm like me?
I don't want to feel this, this emptiness, this pain. I want it all to end. I want them all to die! If this is what life feels like, I don't want it. I just want to be alone! I want a world where no one can hurt me. I want to be alone!
My life has been full of pain. No one loves me and why would they? Who would want a pathetic loser like me? I wish that I had never been born. Not even my own father likes me. He's found someone else to replace me. He doesn't need me. No one needs me. I'm a coward and weak and sneaky. Life is pain!
But when I'm alone why do I still feel pain? If there's no one here besides me why do I still fell sadness? There is no trust to break, no feelings to hurt, no people to please but something is missing. Shouldn't I be happy now I'm alone?
Here there is only nothingness. Without people how can I be an individual? Without anyone else here there is nothing to distinguish myself from nothingness. Without people to interact with, there are no actions to form me. How can I exist without a sense of me?
But didn't they cause me pain? Yes, but they also brought me happiness. Even if the time we spent together was short, I wouldn't trade that time for anything. Without friends my life is meaningless. Without those people I wouldn't be me.
But are they really my friends? Do they hate me? I hate me, I'm pathetic. But one who really hates himself can never find true happiness. What if the only real pain is my hate? What if I start to like myself, for who I, for me? Because I am me and no one can stop that. I can like myself!
Happiness comes from within if I truly like myself then I can find true happiness. If I have to get hurt to find happiness with others so be it. I don't hate myself! I don't hate others! No man is an island, and happiness comes from our love of ourselves and those around us.
It is my choice!