Disclaimer: Sailormoon belongs to Naoko Takeuchi.
Return of the Three Lights
or
A fanfiction idea gone wrong (?) - the Outer Senshi version
The author snorts. She looks seriously pissed. It appears that the whole fanfiction business has finally driven her over the edge. So many things to do, so little time to do them… So few original ideas, so much writers' block… Too much caffeine/sugar/what-keeps-a-person-awake-and-alert. Oh, the cruel life of a fanfiction writer.
"Dammit" she growls "this was supposed to be fun and stress relieving! So why am I beating myself over some stinky story that doesn't come out nicely? Write fanfiction they said… It will calm your nerves and improve your writing skills they said… It will be good for you they said… Good my ass! Arg!"
She takes a deep breath trying to calm herself. It doesn't work though, so she slams her fists on the keyboard.
"Fine! I don't fucking care! I'll just write whatever comes to mind first and post the blasted thing!" She pauses to evaluate the situation. "After I get a new keyboard."
Some time later the author leans back into her chair.
"Done. Time to get a hold of that beta-reader of mine..."
OOO
All is quiet on the Outer Senshi front. Galaxia has been beaten, the "acursed she-males" as Haruka would call a certain trio have gone back to their home planet, all is well that ends well. Or whatever the saying goes like.
Michiru and Hotaru are sitting on a couch watching a romantic film. While eating popcorn naturally. Haruka is sprawled on a second couch snoring lightly. She's been sound asleep for quite some time. Setsuna is sitting on the floor next to her, hunched over the jewel of Plutonian accessories. No, not the Time Staff. Her laptop. She is happily typing away kami-knows-what. That is, if her stony expression can count as happy. Suddenly her eyes widen.
"NANI?" she bellows right into Haruka's ear. The tomboy jerks up.
"Please don't hurt me Michi-chan! I didn't steal the cookies!" she yelps and lands on the floor with a loud thud. Setsuna is gaping (shock, horror) at the monitor. The other two burst out laughing as Haruka wakes up.
"Ouch… my butt…" she rubs her backside and glares at them. Michiru raises an eyebrow.
"I didn't steal the cookies? Haruka dear, I think you've been spending too much time with Usagi-chan lately…"
"And who bugged me to do so in the first place?"
"How could I possibly imagine that she would rub off on you?"
"She didn't. You, however, are obsessed with your cookies and that's more than enough to give me nightmares. Dear."
"I am not obsessed with anyone's cookies. It's not my fault that you can't keep your hands to yourself. I specifically told you not to touch that batch, didn't I?"
"Well, you didn't have to make me sleep on the couch for a month just because I tried them!"
"Tried them? You ate them all!"
"But they smelled delicious!"
"Ami-chan was coming over, I'd made them for her!"
Haruka pouts.
"Why don't I ever get any cookies?"
Michiru flashes her a seductive smile.
"You get plenty of cookies dear. Just… not that kind."
"Heh. Point taken." The tomboy smirks. "Care to give me another one?"
"I thought you'd never ask…"
Passionate kissing follows.
"Oh Michi…"
"Oh Ruka…"
"There they go again." groans Hotaru. "Go get a room!" she yells. They ignore her. She sighs, then her eyes sparkle mischievously. "What the hell, they're better than the film anyway." She switches off the TV set and continues eating popcorn while watching her adoptive parents. An hour later the two are still kissing.
"Mmm Michi…"
"Mmm Ruka…"
"What do you say we go bake some cookies?"
"Haruka-papa? Michiru-mama? I'm out of popcorn. Can you stop now?"
Romantic atmosphere broken, the duo stops and glares at her. They move to sit down again but notice Setsuna. She's still gaping at the monitor. Her usual stony expression has melted into an ecstatic smile.
"Creepy. Waaaay creepy."
"Setsuna-chan? Setsuna-chan!"
Their voices shake her out of her trance. She blinks and looks up at them in confusion.
"Eh? What?"
She looks back at the monitor.
"Oh!" she exclaims happily. "I remember now! Oh…"
Her eyes water up and she clasps her hands in front of her heart sighing dreamily.
"What's with the drama?" asks Haruka only to regret it the next moment as Setsuna enters Minako mode.
"THE THREE LIGHTS ARE BACK!" she screams at the top of her lungs, jumps to her feet and starts a victory dance.
"They're back! They're back!" she sings as she waves the laptop in the air. Then she abruptly stops and hugs it tightly.
"This is a great day my friends!" she says with a goofy grin.
The others sweatdrop.
"Oookaaaayyy…"
"A great day? This is a great tragedy."
"Ruka!"
"Setsuna-mama? Are you feeling all right?"
She ignores them and starts singing again.
"They're back! They're back!"
"Why are you so happy anyway?"
Cryptic smile. In Plutonian standards it translates into a torrent of images. Haruka and Yaten having a swearing match. Haruka taunting Taiki about her/his reseeding hairline. Haruka chasing after Seiya because the later flirted with the wrong person (aka Senshi) again. Hotaru hiding her Three Lights' albums from the wrath of her Haruka-papa. Haruka storming the house on a search and destroy mission against the aforementioned Three Lights' albums. Michiru chasing after Haruka with a spatula because she messed up the house while trying to unearth the aforementioned Three Lights' albums. Haruka cackling maniacally after finally finding the aforementioned Three Lights' albums. Michiru trying to persuade Haruka not to destroy the discovered Three Lights' albums. Michiru distracting Haruka with a lap dance so that Hotaru can re-hide the aforementioned discovered Three Lights' albums. And of course Setsuna herself taping everything for future laughs.
In short, chaos and mayhem. The perfect medicine for boredom and depression. What more can an immortal Time Guardian ask for?
When Setsuna finally manages to calm down a bit, Michiru confiscates the laptop and everyone flocks around her.
"When did they come back Michiru-mama?" asks Hotaru.
"A great day…" sighs Setsuna.
"About a week ago. They say they couldn't bear to abandon their loyal fans..."
"Bull."
"Ruka. Behave."
"Will you perform with them again Michiru-mama? Last time was really cool!"
"Over-my-dead-body."
"Ruka!"
"Why did they have to come back? I hate their guts!"
"You're just mad because Seiya flirted with Michiru after that concert, right Ruka-chan?"
"Shut up Pluto."
"Truth hurts cocky racers…"
Haruka grumbles something about nosy Time Guardians and transvestite Kinmokunians.
"Now, now, you have to be nice to them this time dear. No name-calling and no fighting."
"I don't want to be nice! I hate-"
"Tenoh Haruka, would you rather sleep on the couch for another month?"
"But Michi-chan…"
END
OOO
The beta-reader finishes reading and frowns.
"Um... What the hell was that?" she asks scratching her head.
The author shrugs her shoulders and grins sheepishly.
"Beats me…"