Celestmas

A/N: MAREY Celestmas, everypony! Here's my little present for you, a crackfic! I hope you'll like the present fic I shat out, Bronies!

MAREY Celestmas, Molestia victims! Now our story begins with our smart and only-normal pony, Twilight Sparkle, who plans to spend Celestmas by herself by reading books while Spike was out with his own friends. Some ponies, however, was not going to allow that.

Twilight- (reading book)- Ahh, a good way to spend Christmas, away from those annoying ass ponies. Seriously, I NEED a break from them. *KNOCK KNOCK* Fuck, I jinxed it. (puts book down and opens door) Yeah, what-

Pinkie Pie: MAREY CELESTMAS!1!11!eleven!

Twilight- (facehooves) Hi Pinkie, came to burst my eardrums like always?

Pinkie- No, silly-willy-dickey-lickey! I came here to celebrate Celestmas with you, of course!

Twilight- Yeah, you don't have to, now if you'll excuse me, I'll be getting back to my reading-

Pinkie- Nnnnnnope! Can't let you do that, Twilight! I even brought friends!

Twilight- Friends? Oh no no no no, FUCK THAT! *SLAM*

Twilight didn't have time for that shit! She went right back to reading, hoping to Celestia that Pinkie left. Then a loud crash came through her wall.

Twilight- RAINBOW MOTHERFUCKING DASH!

Rainbow- Sup', sweetie? Wanna feel good on Celestmas? (wink wink)

Twilight- Please... just go away.

Rainbow Dash- Whoa girl, I was just playin'! Anyways, let's take to the skies!

Pinkie Pie- YYYYEEEEAAAAHHHHH!

Twilight and Dash- ... WHEN THE HELL DID YOU GET HERE?

Pinkie Pie- I'm always here! Anyways, Twilight can't fly, she's a unicorn, you dumb-fuck-dykey-wykey, heehee!

Twilight- Pinkie Cunt is right, which is a first. Anyways, if I hang out with you guys, will you leave me be after?

Pinkie and Dash- Yep!

Twilight- Fine, let the damn party begin!

And so the damn party began. Pinkie summoned all her friends which were the other mane cast, the famous background ponies, other ponies, and even the princesses! There were presents and shit under the big tree (not Twilight's home, but a Celestmas tree, making it a tree in a tree, yeah, figure) and the party was buckin'! Well... for Twilight, that was a bad thing, and was upstairs.

Twilight- Oh my fucking Celestia god, why I can't I ever get some peace around here? (slams head into pillow).

Fluttershy- (coming upstairs) Oh, Twilight, i-is something wrong?

Twilight- (rises head up) Fluttershy, I'll be honest and say you are the ONLY pony that I can tolerate and actually consider my friend, other than Applejack, Spike, Big Macintosh, and Twist.

Fluttershy- Oh, well I guess that's good to hear. I'm sorry we're ruining your Celestmas like this.

Twilight- You're not to blame, it's my fault for befriending some of these fucking ponies!

Fluttershy- Oh dear, y-you're not under the spell of Discord, are you?

Twilight- No, it's just that I was never able to tell somepony about it! Now you go on and party.

Fluttershy- Actually, I was coming to get you. Princess Celestia wanted to see you. And in case you would ask could she come up, she refused. She said she doesn't want you up here all day.

Twilight- Damn, that princess is smart. Alright, damn...

Very much not wanting to, Twilight went downstairs with Fluttershy to see the crap ton of ponies that were in her library. She tried spotting Celestia first rather than just randomly looking.

Twilight- You see her, Fluttershy? ...Fluttershy? (looks around) Fuck, she must have been dragged in by the big crowd. Ugh... EVERYPONY SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Everypony- (shuts the fuck up)

Twilight- Good, now which one of you fuck-brains seen Celestia?

Lyra- Oh, she's over there near the porn section of the library.

Twilight- Alright, thanks. And stop sitting on that bookcase! (trots over to Princess) Marey Celestmas, Princess! Is there anything you...need...?

Celestia- (reading clopfics) Ahh, oh shit, didn't see you there, my fellow student! Now, what I wanted to tell you was... hang out with your friends.

Twilight- Ummm, not that I want to disobey you or anything, but uhh... FUCKING HELL NO! I would rather be raped by a ursa major while it's fingering it's ursa minor while I'm watching Zecora have an orgy while cutting herself with jewels, than to hang with those fucking stupid retarded idiot faggot loud annoying as fucking god damn shit hole hell ASSES you call my FRIENDS!

Celestia- ...Damn. Anyways, do as you're told or I'll rape your ass with my horn.

Twilight- Oh hell, anything but that! (trots away)

"Fucking hell, my life sucks." Twilight thought as that thought became true in 10 seconds flat. Soon, all the ponies were singing Celestmas Carols, the only type of music that can ever be worse than Justin Bieber and especially Rebecca Black. Of course, it was Pinkie who was leading.

Pinkie- DECK THE HALLS WITH GUTS AND SKIN MADE BANNERS!

Ponies- CUP CUP CUP CUP CUP CUP CUPS CAKE CAKES!

Pinkie- BRUTALLY KILL YOU AND BAKE YOU INTO CUPCAKES!

Ponies- CUP UP CUP CUP CUP CUP CUP CAKE CAKES!

Rainbow Dash- (sonic rainbooms the crowd)

Pinkie Pie- (cough cough) That was too cruel, I apologize.

Twilight- I wish I was with Spike now.

Applejack- (walking up with Big Macintosh) Hey Ho, Twilight! We got some presents for ya!

Big Mac- Eeyup. Some presents just for you, Miss Twi'.

Twilight- Thank you so much, guys! I also got some presents for you! (levitates gifts)

Applejack- Why that's mighty nice of ya, ain't it, Big Mac?

Big Mac- Eeyup.

Twilight- I honestly have to say, this was the only good thing that ever happened today. I don't expect anymore, though.

Rarity- Hello, Twilight~

Twilight- I just further proved my point.

Rarity- Twilight, darling, I wish to give you this dress! It's a little gift from me to you!

Twilight- I guess I was wrong, then! Thank you so much, Rarity! Ooh, I got this book all about fashion things. Here!

Rarity- Why thank you! I also got gifts for you two!

Applejack- Thank ya so much! Big Bro here also got ya somethin'!

Big Mac- Eeyup. Here ya go, Miss Rarity.

Rarity- Thank you so much, dearies!

Fluttershy- (runs up) Twilight, you're house, look!

Twilight just NOW realized that the entire ceiling and second floor were completely demolished and books were thrown everyone, some even torn. A lot of ponies, including Pinkie, were all on the floor. How did this all happen? Well, Rainbow Dash DID do a Sonic Rainboom, so...

Twilight- (jawdrop)

Applejack- Holy cow!

Big Mac- ...

Rarity: Oh my goodness! (dramatic faint)

Fluttershy- It seems Pinkie's carol offended Rainbow Dash for some reason, and then she created this giant Sonic Rainboom and wiped out the whole crowd! Well, except me, I was lucky enough to hide somewhere. Um...Twilight? Guys?

Twilight- ... Reading was all I wanted to do today, all I wanted to do. Just be myself, in perfect harmony. But because you...ponies couldn't except that fact, look what happened. (clenching teeth and gripping hooves) MY FUCKING HOUSE IS DESTROYED!

Twilight was now in a full rage. She transformed into a Ponyta look alike and her eyes glowed a angry red. Everyone stared in shock and horror as they NEVER saw Twilight, non the less anypony, this angry.

"Ponyta"- I CAN'T TAKE THIS SHIT ANYMORE! I WILL BURN ALL YOU FUCKING PONIES ALIVE!

Everypony- AAAAHHH! (panics and runs around)

Fluttershy- Oh no! Pr-princess Celestia? What do we do?

Celestia- (steps up) I must punish her! Luna, chastise her while I get my horn ready.

Luna- Yes, sister! (uses freezing spell and grabs Twilight)

Twilight- NYAAA, LET ME GO, DAMNIT! I'M GONNA END ALL THEIR LIVES!

Celestia- TWILIGHT SPARKLE! I am very dissapointed in you, and now I must punish you, I'm sorry. (readies horn)

Twilight- ...? No, anything but that, please! (flames douse and falls on floor) I'm sorry, I'm sorry!

Celestia- I'm sorry Twilight, but as the ruler of Equestria, I must. (charges for Twilight in between the legs, hurr hurr)

Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash- WAIT! (covers Twilight)

Pinkie Pie- It totally isn't her fault, she has every right to be mad! It's because of my real meany pants joke on Rainbow Dash with the carol caused her house to be destroyed!

Rainbow Dash- No Pinkie, I shouldn't had been so sensitive! Anyways, punish me, not her!

Fluttershy- Not just you, all of us.

Everypony- Huh?

Fluttershy- Twilight wanted to be alone reading her books, but we made that impossible for her and it is totally unfair to Twilight that her wish of being alone was ruined because of us. I think I, and everyone of you, should apologize.

Everypony- ... I'm sorry, Twilight.

Twilight- ... Guys... I'm glad you all realized that. Princess, I would like to tell you something!

Celestia- Oh? Go ahead.

Twilight- Okay... Never say negative things about your friends and when they want to be with you, take the time to be with them, even at times you don't want to be. In other words... I forgive you guys.

Everypony- Yay!

Rarity- Um, dearies, you know Twilight darling's house is still demolished, right?

Everypony- Oh yeah...

Luna- THOU SHALL NOT WORRY! THY OLDER SISTER OF THEE AND I SHALL FIX YOUR TREE WITH THY MAGIC!

Twilight- Er... royal Canterlout voice again, and okay! After they fix the place, let's have the best Celestmas party ever!

Everypony- YYYEEEAAAHH!

END! :3 So how was it, did it put you in the Christmas mood? Even if it didn't, Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas, and I hope you get all the gifts you ask for! Ta ta!