The first portion is mostly my own creation, Peeta's POV of the months since returning to District 12 after the Games but before the Victory Tour. I apologize that it's taken me so long to do scenes from Catching Fire from Peeta's POV. Read and review, please! :) And go see the film if you haven't already (I've seen it twice!).
I'm awake again, even though I don't want to be. The whole house is quiet and peaceful, my parents and brothers asleep, but the nightmares don't allow me to sleep for more than a couple hours at a time. I prop myself up in bed and look out the window. My new home is three houses away from Katniss's house, both of our homes now in the Victor's Village of District 12. The Victor's Village is an empty, almost barren place, with our mentor Haymitch's home being the only occupied house since the village's construction. From this vantage, I can see the back door of Katniss's house, and her bedroom window, curtained in darkness. I know she doesn't sleep well, either, because sometimes the light in her room is on at odd hours. She must battle with nightmares, as well.
On this morning, I watch as she slips out in her hunting clothes and head toward the meadow. We'll be meeting in a few short hours to begin the Victory Tour, visiting all of the Districts whose Tributes we had a hand in killing. Katniss and I will be reunited. The thought twists my stomach into knots, the confusion of our time in the arena and her words to me at the train stop.
"It was all for the Games," I said. "How you acted."
"Not all of it," she told me.
"...I guess the real question is what's going to be left when we get home?" I asked.
"I don't know. The closer we get to District Twelve, the more confused I get," she said.
But then she held my hand, so tightly I lost feeling in my fingertips. How much of this was for show and how much of it was real emotion on her part? I realize I may never know, but I do know I still care about her deeply. Before the Games, my infatuation with her was just that-a crush, an almost innocent feeling of curious attraction. But after the Games, I feel I know her, even if I'm unsure of her real motives. I know she needed to get home to her family, in whatever way she could. Loving me in the arena was her best option, and her defiance of the Capital was a bonus we never planned on. I can't be angry with her anymore, not when we're about to go on tour and play the happy couple again. Holding hands, smiling, even kissing for the cameras… How am I going to handle this?
I push away these thoughts as I watch Katniss walk away from the village, her thick braid down her back, as usual. I know she slips through the fence, which is supposed to be electrified but mostly isn't, and I imagine she meets up with Gale. He works nearly every day in the mines, but I know he must have some days off. Gale. I try not to torture myself with the thought of the two of them spending time together, but my imagination is too vivid at times. Gale and Katniss in the woods, the hours they must spend talking, hunting, just being quiet together, and who knows what else, thoughts that sting and cause me to burn with a jealousy I didn't know could exist.
Maybe I really am in love with Katniss now, but we aren't even friends. I get up out of bed and move toward the kitchen for some breakfast, food that isn't stale and actually tastes good, except for the bitterness of having won the privilege of eating well in the Hunger Games. I decide that I must apologize for ignoring Katniss over the past few months, for not trying to forge a friendship based on… what? Based on the mutual horror of our time in the arena? Based on fear that we will disappoint President Snow? No, we'll have to find something else upon which to build a real relationship. The thought is daunting, but I feel that I must at least try to breach this gulf between us.