Fool for You
Oh, wow. After like five years of never writing about Pai, he's suddenly popping up all over the place in my stories. That's not my fault this time, though: This story was written for True Colours' Literary Kryptonite Challenge. I think I'm the first one to finish a challenge, which is...not something that happens often, to put it mildly. True specified the pairing, but not the genre—I personally think she missed a great opportunity to make me write some really terrible poetry. Well, I swing every which way, tonally, and this sure is... something. It was meant to be goofy, but I think it came out more anxious than anything else. It's probably not what anyone was expecting from this pairing, though. And, hey, if you've got a suggestion for the second genre, I'm open to it! I couldn't figure out how to categorize this.
If I had to compare it to on of my other fics, I'd go with "The Perfect Country and Western Song," though that story is much goofier. They share a basic plot and a really Americanized view of pop culture. In this particular case, that's because if Pai started researching Japanese romantic media, this would be a much creepier fic.
Oh, uh, and this has spoilers for the end of the series. But TMM is like ten years old now. You shouldn't be spoilable any more. But hey, if you don't know who Deep Blue is, maybe you won't notice how much this contradicts canon. XD
Disclaimer: Yeesh, if I owned Tokyo Mew Mew, it would clearly have even more tonal issues than it does at present.
Pai ran his fingers through his bangs with uncharacteristic nervousness. Ordinarily, worrying about his appearance like this would be utterly beneath him, but he was going to see Deep Blue for the first time in nearly fourteen years, so he had to look his best. He had had such a difficult time enduring the separation while training and studying on Zarmina; he could barely imagine how much harder it must have been for his mate, trapped on this planet among Earthlings.
The door to Deep Blue's chamber, which had lain closed and empty for the entire voyage, slid open, and a voice which sounded mostly like Deep Blue's voice issued forth from the darkened room. Pai, Kish, and Taruto kneeled before their leader, though they could not see him in the darkness.
"Welcome to earth, my lieutenants," he said in his slightly off-kilter voice. Pai couldn't place exactly what was different, but, out of the corner of his eye, he could see Kish and Taruto exchanging surprised glances. They must have heard it too. "I have been waiting here for you a long time, preparing for the day when we would take this blue planet back from the Earthlings who defile it. Well, my lieutenants, today is that day! The earth is defenseless, and soon, it shall be our paradise once again!"
A little thrill went down Pai's spine, despite the strangeness in Deep Blue's voice. As he spoke, azure light began to glow behind him, and the three warriors were gradually able to make out his silhouette.
The first thing Pai noticed was that Deep Blue had cut his hair. Pai tried to keep his face expressionless, but inside, he was flabbergasted. Deep Blue knew how much Pai loved his beautiful long hair, and the idea that he would cut it short just before seeing Pai again was like a betrayal.
That wasn't all that looked different about him, though, Pai gradually realized. He looked... Squat. There was no other word for it. Pai knew every inch of his mate's body, and this body was seriously messed up.
Having finished his welcome speech (and apparently unaware that Pai was staring at him, aghast), Deep Blue motioned with his hand and the door slid shut again.
As soon as they thought their master was out of earshot, Taruto and Kish burst out laughing.
"Did you see that?" Taruto managed to choke out between guffaws.
"I-I don't know!" Kish answered breathlessly. "He was wearing an Earthling skin, right? I didn't just imagine that?"
Oh, of course! That was it. Unlike the two idiots still yukking it up on the floor, the realization calmed Pai immensely. And what did they think was so funny, anyhow? They all knew that Deep Blue had had to take an Earthling form so as to remain on Earth undetected. That didn't explain why their leader had chosen to stay in his Earthling form to greet them, especially since he should have known how much Pai was looking forward to seeing him (the real him).
Irrationally, Pai found himself stewing with anger. Thinking about how irrational his anger was only made it worse. He had, up until now, been more than content to stay inside the ship and not see the damage the Earthlings had wrought on this precious planet, but he was burning up in his own skin, and the ship felt like a tiny cell.
"Shut up!" he snapped at Kish and Taruto as he passed them on his way out. They were still sniggering to themselves, and though Pai considered himself a fairly intimidating individual, his words only seemed to increase their stupid mirth.
"Aw, are you worried about your Earthling ma-ate?" Kish said with mock-sweetness. He followed up his question with a series of kissy noises, which sent Taruto into gales of laughter. Pai wanted to rip out the green-haired man's throat.
Instead, he stalked away from them, opened the ship's door, and flew out, hoping that the outside air would clear his head. But any thoughts he had about trying to distract himself from his mate troubles vanished when he saw Deep Blue (still in that ridiculous Earthling form) slip out through his private door and started jogging away from the ship. Curious as to where he could be sneaking off to now that his lieutenants—and his mate!—had arrived on Earth, Pai followed.
o()o
Hiding in the bushes like the stalker he was trying really hard not to think of himself as, Pai's gray eyes widened. There was Deep Blue, in his unattractive Earthling body, walking along beside some squat Earthling girl. The mate-stealer seemed nervous, but even on her alien face, he could tell that she was entirely twitterpated. And Deep Blue was treating her with a courtesy and respect that no Earthling deserved.
"That little witch!" Pai huffed. The squat girl had obviously bewitched his mate, turned Deep Blue native somehow. Well, fine. Pai could play that game. He was, after all, a proud Zarminian warrior. She was just some wide-eyed Earthling harlot. If Deep Blue was into Earth romance now, Pai would be the most romantic man his mate had ever seen!
o()o
Researching Earthling courtship was easy. Primitive as they were, Earthlings had at least developed some semblance of mass culture, and it seemed primarily focused on the acquisition of mates. Pai obtained the necessary audio-visual equipment to experience some of that culture and holed up in his lab, keeping away from his mate.
In that time, he was vaguely aware that the battle for Earth wasn't going well. The Earthling race had somehow spawned warriors capable of fighting Kish and Taruto to a standstill, and Pai knew it was only a matter or time before he himself was called into the fight.
Yet, he felt entirely unprepared when Deep Blue called him into his chamber. His pulse quickened and his palms began to sweat as he knocked on his mate's door, a bouquet of lab-grown roses held behind his back as though he really was the protagonist of some insipid Earthling "romantic comedy." No, he couldn't think of them that way. If that was the sort of thing Deep Blue liked, well, then he would have to like it too.
As he waited, he wondered anxiously whether Deep Blue even liked roses. The Earthling cultural artifacts he'd examined had suggested that roses were the most romantic flower, but perhaps his mate preferred tulips or daisies? He had to stop himself from running back to his lab and cultivating new flowers.
Pai understood why the Earthlings had such a backward culture, if their courtship was always this nerve-wracking—and the cultural objects certainly suggested that that was the case. How could Deep Blue have come to prefer this one over their own simple, forceful courtship? However he'd gotten such a diseased idea into his head, Pai loved him. And if that meant learning to love ridiculous Earth traditions, Pai would try his darnedest.
After a moment that seemed to last longer than his whole journey from Zarmina to Earth, Deep Blue's door slid open. Pai stepped in and genuflected, hyperconscious of the bouquet behind his back. He saw that Deep Blue still wore his Earthling form, and his fists clenched involuntarily, which made the roses' plastic wrapping crinkle.
"Master," Pai said hurriedly, trying to mask the sound. "It has been too long!"
"There is no need for such formality, my mate," Deep Blue replied. He bade Pai rise with a gesture that was far too elegant for the body he currently wore. "You have been avoiding me."
Pai's heart froze at the idea that his mate could have possibly thought that (and pushing down the squirmy feeling that Deep Blue was right), but he soldiered through and plastered on his best romantic grin.
"I just wanted to prepare something special, baby," he said, and he whipped the bouquet out. Deep Blue looked from the flowers up to Pai's strained smile, then back at the flowers.
"Are those roses?" he asked incredulously. "Where did you get roses?"
"Oh, don't worry," Pai said, a faint blush coloring his cheeks. "I synthesized them in my lab. I didn't pick them!" He shoved the bouquet into his mate's unresisting hand, and took Deep Blue's other hand in his own. It was small and soft and warm, and Pai felt a sudden rush of affection for his mate's Earthling form. Perhaps getting used to this Earth courtship thing wouldn't be as difficult as he thought. "Now, if you'll accompany me to my quarters, I've prepared a romantic dinner for the two of us. I can't imagine how much you must have missed Zarminian cuisine—"
When he looked up at Deep Blue, his smile, which had become more genuine as he'd calmed down, drained from his face. Deep Blue was staring disbelievingly at him, and even in and Earthling body, his stare was powerful.
"What are you babbling about?"
"I saw you with that Earthling hussy," he said, keeping his voice calm. He was nothing if not practiced at hiding his emotions. "You seemed happy, and if that pap makes you happy, well, I want to make you happy."
"You think..." Pai had apparently shocked his mate into wordlessness, and for a moment, he could have sworn that Deep Blue's muddy Earthling eyes had turned a beautiful ice-blue. Deep Blue ripped his small hand out of Pai's gentle grip. "You think I enjoy spending my time with that worthless Earthling! It's called a disguise, Pai, and it is one that I have worked very hard to maintain over the years. I do not, however, need to come home to my mate, who should know better, foisting the same nonsense on me." He threw the roses to the ground and stared up at Pai, who towered over his Earthling form.
"You don't—you're not into that?" Pai asked, a little shell-shocked.
"Don't be ridiculous."
Pai burst out laughing; he couldn't help it. "Oh, thank goodness! I thought you'd gone completely crazy!" His jag of nervous laughter was gone as quickly as it had come, but Deep Blue closed his eyes and smiled.
"Don't worry. Did you really do all of this just because you thought I wanted an insane Earth courtship?"
"I did," Pai confessed, looking downward. Deep Blue took his hands again, and he looked up, surprised and obviously blinking back tears.
"That's incredibly thoughtful of you, even if the sentiment was wholly misguided. And I would love to eat dinner in your quarters, my mate. We have so much to catch up on. I have one condition, though."
"Anything!" Pai said, conscious that his nose was running and thankful that his mate hadn't mentioned it.
"If you ever call me 'baby' again, I will rip your ears off." Ah, yes. There was the Deep Blue he had spent all these years pining after.
"I think I can live with that."