Going Note to readers: This is part two to my twelve-part year of evil series. Each story takes place roughly a month after the previous one. Happosai's Bargain is a Halloween story without the actual Halloween that brings back the mysterious stranger. I hope you enjoy it
Sincerely: T.
Ranma 1/2.
Happosai's Bargain
"Out there in the cold night air, they wait scared and helpless. They had no choice but to spend hours confronting the dangerous elements, but no more! Now they have a protector; they have a savior. For once again it is the night of Happosai! Don't worry my beautiful panties; I'll save you all by adding you to my beautiful collection with the other woman's undergarments I have liberated." The short little bandit with an empty oversized sack announced his plans to the sleeping city of Nerima. He was an elder of undetermined age with only a couple of white tufts for hair. A black bandanna around his head covered his nose and mouth. This was Happosai the unscrupulous founder of Anything-Goes Martial Arts and thorn in his few pupils' sides. He had very few desires in life; in fact he only had only two. This was not because he was a dedicated martial artist or that he reached a higher level of enlightenment. No, the unfortunate truth was simply that Happosai's two greatest desires were really all-consuming obsessions. The first was the pursuit of woman's underwear. He loved bras and panties: he loved to hold them, smell them, and wrap them around his abnormally huge head. His second obsession (to Ranma's regret) was pictures of women in sexy lingerie. The secret logic to this was simple; since his age no longer allowed him to play the water & clouds game, he would have to be happily content being a simple viewer and equipment manager. Stealthily, as not to alert the owners of the helpless panties, he leapt from balcony to balcony liberating drying panties on their lines. Two hours later Happosai yawned hugely. "Well I guess that's enough for tonight," he said going through his newly acquired additions for his collection. "Time to head home," He hopped off towards the direction of the Tendo dojo. He was only ten minutes away from his secret hideout when something caught his eye. There on a tree branch hung a pair of silk lace panties, clean with no tears or stains. "Oooh boy," He yelped for joy as he went down after the Holy Grail of panties. He gently took them off the tree branch when he felt a sticky sensation on his fingers. Oh yuck please don't let this be what I think it is he thought to himself. Quickly pulling his fingers away he found them covered in ink red ink. "Now who would try and ruin these pretty panties?" Looking around desperately for something to wipe his hand before he risk ruining the rest of his collection he spotted a piece of paper lying against a rock. "Ah just what I need," he quickly wiped his fingers as much as he could when a sudden breeze blew the paper out of his hands. "Oh well I was done with it anyway," he said shrugging his shoulders. He quietly and carefully put the new jewel of his collection in his pocket so as not to ruin the others and bounded away. As he disappeared down the street the piece of paper blew into the hands of a shadowy stranger.
"Good old Happi, predictable as ever," the stranger said carefully slipping the piece of paper in a small wooden box. "I do believe its time we got reacquainted."
Ranma looked at his beloved sleeping peacefully with joy in his heart. Soon we will be married; he thought the whole thing going through his head the reception, the ceremony, the honeymoon. He blushed as he thought about the honeymoon and he found his guard starting to rise a little. No it's better to wait for the honeymoon. He walked closer to the sleeping figure and knelt down, but I don't think one kiss would be any problem. He cleared his throat and looked closer at his sleeping beauty, just one kiss. He closed his eyes and gently pressed his lips against the lips of his one true love. Completely oblivious of time he felt pair of arms draw him in closer. The lover's embrace seemed to last for eternity to Ranma. He pushed back to see the face of his one true love.
"Ah, my beautiful love," he heard the voice say as he pulled back to see his beloved Blue Thunder of Forenkien High. The face of Tatiwati Kuno beaming at Ranma caused him to wake up in a pool of cold sweat.
"Just a nightmare," Ranma said as he rose from his sleeping tammi. "Just a sick perverted glimpse of hell nightmare," he said so disturbed was he by his dream he didn't see the foot until it was too late. The foot attached to Ranma's grumpy father Genma and it knocked him flat. Getting up he saw his father rolling over in his sleep. Strangely enough Ranma just didn't want to retaliate; he was still suffering from what happened to him a month ago with Shampoo's love powder and Ukyo-Chan's anti-love powder. The fact that Nabiki still had photographs and soundtracks of the event didn't help much either. He found himself upstairs looking at the duck on Akane's door.
Oh well at least someone's sleeping peacefully, he thought.
"Kodachi," Mousse yelled to the deceptive black haired gymnast as she danced into a field of black poppies without glancing at him. She was a stunning sight for Mousse: beautiful, devious, passionate and wonderfully psychotic; he gave chase hoping to sweep her into his arms. Then he felt one drop of water then another and another, before long the sky grew darker and the rain soaked the earth. Then there was just a duck, a duck with coke bottle glasses and more weapons hidden under his feathers then a small clan of ninja, but a duck none the less. He shook his head aware that Kodachi was gone. A silhouette appeared in the rain, a female carrying an umbrella to protect her from the onslaught of the heavens.
"Mousse, Mousse," he heard his beloved Shampoo's voice come from the shadowy figure.
"Quack, quack," was the only response he could give as he waddled towards his sole infatuation since childhood. She kneeled down and dropped the umbrella putting out both her arms to scoop him up. Mousse waddled to her faster then stopped as Shampoo began to change. He watched as the shadow got bigger taking on a feline shape. He had seen this happen to her before but this time he was not prepared for what he saw. Usually when Shampoo changed she turned into a little cuddly pretty little pink kitty but what was crouched down in a predatory pounce position was the pussycat from hell edition. Mousse realized how small he was compared to her. He looked up just in time to see her giant fangs coming down on him, the mouth yawning wide enough to swallow him whole.
The duck awoke with a start. He groped around in the dark until he found his glasses. Mousse found himself in his cage again. It had been almost a month since he stole Obasa's love powder to use on Shampoo but he was still feeling the effects in human form. Shampoo was his love since childhood he followed her everywhere in there little village and would have done anything for her. But now because of the Sakuratu powder, every time he reverted to human form he had a different love. Her name was Kodachi and oh yeah she was very different from Shampoo.
Though she could be just as devious (and sexy) as Shampoo, she was a little more affectionate. He still remembered the kiss he was given a month ago, how his body went completely numb, no wait - that was the paralysis powder. Still it was nice to have his affection returned. Unfortunately for him his new love was into strange dating practices. Normally he doesn't let a woman tie him up and hang him above a very big and very hungry alligator, but then again these circumstances weren't normal. Obasa kept telling him that only the mysterious young man with the baseball cap (neglecting to mention the one who also left her a petrified heap on the floor) had the antidote to the powder. Mousse couldn't tell if she was telling the truth or withholding the antidote as punishment for causing the whole mess in the first place. The cage however was both a punishment and a refuge as it was the only guarantee he wouldn't go after Kodachi again.
Would that be such a bad thing? He preened himself lightly and settled back down to sleep.
Despite Ranma's thoughts of someone else having a good night sleep the truth was quite the opposite. The wedding hall was quiet. The decorations were beautifully hung and soon the guest would arrive. Akane looked into the mirror in the bride's dressing room. She was in a western style wedding dress. Ranma had laughed saying that no one would believe she was kawii. The strapless, tight bodice pushed up against her cleavage making her bosom seem much large then the truth. Long gloves encased her arms to just above the elbow. Her hair had beautiful flowers woven through out. Kasumi had cried when she say her beautiful little sister getting married.
"This is it," she said as the guests began arriving. Several of Ranma's friends from school were acting as ushers and Akane's sisters were bride's maids as well as her two best friends from school. A knock on the door a short time later stopped Akane's inner musings.
"Are you ready my dear?" Soun Tendo asked his youngest child.
"Ready as ever, let's get this over with." Akane sighed and patted her little pet piggy, P-Chan, good-bye. "I guess it is time to give up childish things."
The wedding march started. Akane could see her husband-to-be standing nervously in front of the priest. Suddenly the sound of bells marred the march.
"I thought the bells were to be played after the service," Akane asked her father who just shrugged. The great stained glass window above the sanctuary burst into a million tiny pieces. The bell sound was from the bicycle that crashed through the gapping hole.
"Shampoo!" The congregation cried out in unison.
She was dressed red wedding dress complete with veil.
"Shampoo!" Ranma cried out as he grabbed the woman off of her bike.
"Ou-wa-ni Ranma, Shampoo yours!" She declared as she glommed onto the bridegroom. Akane was ready to charge down the aisle and kill the Amazon.
"I love you too Shampoo." Ranma stated. He signalled to the minister to begin the ceremony.
"We'll see about that!" Akane grumbled out loud. She quickly grabbed the strangely larger then most baptismal bowl and flung it at Ranma. Splash - Ranma was a girl once again and Shampoo was transformed into the embodiment of his phobia. Now I'll just sit back and watch the fireworks, she thought to herself with a devilish grin.
Someone scooped up the wet cat and approached the female Ranma.
"For you my pig-tailed bride-to-be," he said as he handed the cat to her.
Oh this is getting even better! Akane watched expecting Ranma to freak out and end up destroying the church, but instead Ranma gently accepted the cat and kissed Kuno on the cheek.
"Oh she's beautiful, Thank you husband!" She said hugging him.
"I now pronounce you man and wife." The minister called out. The couple kissed as the congregation stood clapping. Akane's eyes burst wide open she couldn't believe what she was seeing.
"You know, he is a lot more attractive then her first fiancé," she heard one person say.
"Yeah a lot more cuter then what's her name," she heard in response.
Akane ran to her father heart broken and in tears.
"Oh daddy this can't be happening!" She clung to his shirt.
"It is what he wants and is for the best. I am sure we can find you some one else." Soun quietly said.
"Ranma… Ranma … dumped me at the alter for … Kuno!" She was crying even harder.
"Don't worry dearest; I'm sure your perfect suitor will come through the door any minute." And at that moment the church doors blew opened and down the aisle in a little tuxedo complete with a bow tie around his neck walked P-Chan.
"Ah yes there he is now," Soun said turning Akane around.
"Your right Tendo he's the only male who would want to marry Akane!" Genma said patting Soun's shoulder.
Some how she found herself standing at the alter with groom P-Chan in her arms and a strangely familiar voice saying: "You may now kiss the bride."
Akane woke with a start just a dream she thought to herself. Too scared to go back to sleep she got up and checked her clock. Only an hour until I have to get up anyway,
Wrapping up in a robe, she headed down to the kitchen for a cup of tea. She saw that the light was already on and assumed that Kasumi was making breakfast, but she was surprised to see Ranma sitting at the table nursing a cup of tea.
"Hey Ranma," she said in a soft voice as she sat across from him. Ranma looked up from the cup of tea that was no longer hot due to him staring at it for an hour.
"Oh hi Akane," he said sounding distracted and only a little like himself. "What are you doing up this early?" Akane stared at him wondering what could put Ranma in this kind of introspective mood.
"I could ask you the same question," she stated. Ranma didn't answer he just stared at her. "Ranma are you okay?" she asked with genuine concern, "you've been acting a little strange since the whole love powder deal."
She watched as his shoulders hunched just a bit; not an obvious motion but Akane knew Ranma well enough to know that she had found the root of his problem.
"Are you scared that I'm going to violently attack you again?"
Ranma shook his head affirmative. He was concerned about the violent effect the anti-love powder caused in Akane, a bloodlust that was truly roused when his girl side was seen.
"You always attack me; I've gotten used to it," he said with a little smile. Surprisingly enough Akane couldn't help but smile back. "It's just that I well," Ranma was having his usual trouble expressing his feelings but Akane patiently waited for him to continue. Maybe it's the lack of sleep but Akane is not so uncute right now in fact she's…
"Well good morning everybody!" Ranma's thoughts were interrupted by the familiar sound of Kasumi's bright voice.
Aaargh! Akane's mind screamed bad timing Kasumi! Ranma was finally opening up. But Akane was right, any hope of Ranma revealing what was bothering him were smashed as Ranma went silent looking at his cold cup of tea. Akane sighed as Kasumi began starting breakfast.
A short while later Kasumi served the delicious looking meal. Oddly enough Ranma only picked at his food. He excused himself from the table (something he rarely did) and went to get his school bag when suddenly an anguished cry rocked the whole house.
"Gone, they're all gone!" The familiar whine of Happosai's cry filled the entire hall.
"Master what's wrong?" Soun asked growing suddenly growing silent. Genma followed soon after.
"What's going on Ten..." he pushed past Soun to see that their master's guest quarters were intact except for one thing: his precious bra and panty collection were gone.
"Gone, they're all gone," Happosai once again whined, his eyes forming the sad puppy look he had perfected over the ages. "Who could have done such a thing?" He was sobbing. Quickly Soun and Genma tried to comfort their master before he went on a tirade.
"Dad, come quick!" Nabiki's voice yelled out from the living room. They found her watching the news broadcast on TV. The video was at an apartment where a young woman had a relived look on her face.
"…so you say that you found all your underwear returned to you?" The reporter asked. They watched as the camera panned to him and back to the happy young woman.
"That's right!" She said jubilantly holding a note in her hands. "I found this with the package. 'I gladly return all the underwear that was stolen from you ladies. Along with the packages I have left at your door, I have included a paper charm that will keep them from getting stolen again.'"
She showed the charm to the camera it looked like a basic spirit ward except for the strange design on the bottom, which looked vaguely like a face being slapped. She then continued reading the note:"'I can't take all the credit for this because it would not have been possible without the inspiration and support of the Tendo Dojo. They are the real reason every ladies pair of underwear has been returned to their rightful owners.'"
"And there you have it ladies and gentle…" Nabiki turned the set off.
"It's true daddy. I only turned on the news after I found a package with the same note. I'm guessing that every woman has had her underwear returned." Saying this she looked at Happosai as if to say nah, nah; Happosai turned to face Soun his head turning a very angry shade of red.
"No master! I swear I didn't touch your collection!" Soun said waving his arms in hysterical protest.
"Well somebody took them and I want them all back now!" He yelled out as his head became abnormally huge. Taking this as their cue the kids took off for school leaving only Kasumi behind uttering her trademark catch phrase "Oh Dear."
On the way to school the kids began discussing the current situation.
"Do you really think dad gave the woman back their underwear?" Akane asked with a tone of disbelief.
"Doubt it," Ranma responded. "Those two have been kau tauwing to the old freak too long to suddenly develop backbones this quickly."
Akane couldn't help but nod in agreement. A large crowd of girls were waiting for them when they got there.
"Isn't it great?" one said. "Did your father really help get our underwear back?"
The barrage of questions from the grateful girls didn't really catch any of their attention until one small brunette asked,
"Is that red headed salesman a friend of yours?"
This especially gained Nabiki's attention. Someone was making a profit on her turf.
"What salesman?" She said successfully hiding her annoyance. The girl blinked.
"The one selling these," she said showing them a piece of paper.
"It's the same as the one on the TV." Akane blurted out in surprise.
"Yeah the salesman said that even though our homes are safe, the locker room is still unprotected." Nabiki blinked.
"And where is this salesman now?" She asked, remaining professionally detached.
"Over by the tennis courts you can't miss him. His cap covers most of his face and he has a real scratchy voice."
Both Ranma and Akane couldn't hide their expression of surprise
"Could it be," Ranma started.
"The mysterious stranger," Akane finished.
Nabiki didn't wait to find out; she proceeded to the tennis court followed quickly by Ranma and Akane.
The girl was right; standing while holding a wooden box and taking orders was the mysterious young man who had saved the Tendo household a lot of grief last month. He was wearing a very nice looking pair of loose fitting pair of jeans and a stylish black leather jacket with red initials D.U.W. embroidered on the front. Nabiki approached the young man who's face was hidden beneath a big A baseball cap.
"So how many can I put you down for miss?" He said looking directly at Nabiki. She peeked into the box and saw papers with the strange image of a face being slapped.
"What are they?" She asked while trying to think of a strategy to get rid of him.
"'Baka Be Gone' or as I prefer 'Pervert Wards" they keep your under garments safe from any underwear thief, straight from the Tendo Dojo!" Nabiki stepped back and crossed her arms.
"My name is Nabiki Tendo and these are not from my father's dojo." The young man looked up from under his cap.
"Nabiki Tendo… ah yes I've heard of you. You're the local businesswoman around here. Well it is true that these wards weren't made at the Tendo Dojo but it still does not erase the fact that the Tendo's are the inspiration behind them." His response surprised Nabiki and she was about to respond when Ranma pushed her aside.
"It is you! Do you have any more of that anti-saka something powder?"
"Ah yes I knew I forgot something," he said slapping his forehead. "I'm afraid to inform you Mr. Saotome but I only have enough powder left for one person. If memory serves me correctly there are two people still being affected by the Sakuratu root and two more affected by the Anti-Sakuratu root, right?" He then saw the source of Ranma's urgency."Hello Miss Akane. I'm sorry but you will have to be patient it would not to be fair to the other victims if I cured you first now would it?" While he asked this Ranma started doing a small math equation in his head;
1 antidote for the powders effects divided by four victims two in love, two in hate +
2 pains-in-the-ass (Mousse and Shampoo) that cause me nothing but trouble +
1 arrogant moron who's completely infatuated with my feminine side +
And Akane who becomes more violent then normal when she sees my female side =
Mousse obsessed with Kodachi while Shampoo wants to kill Kodachi I haven't had to deal with either for about a month. And Kuno is so busy trying to find his pig-tailed princess that he's completely forgotten about chasing Akane. So it basically works out to 3 birds with 1 stone. Realizing the equation Ranma pushed his way through the crowd.
"Give her the cure!" The stranger stopped and looked at Ranma.
"You really love her don't you?" This question stopped Ranma cold. He looked at Akane who was staring at him with anticipation for an answer.
Oh man how do I answer that question without embarrassing either of us or worse, getting slaughtered by Akane Ranma was thinking hard Ringggg - the five-minute bell went off. Whew saved by the bell, Ranma thought as he eagerly took off for class. The field stood empty with only Nabiki and the mysterious stranger left. Nabiki turned to confront the strange man.
"Who are you and what's the real story with these wards?" She demanded, hands on her hips and facing him down. The stranger closed the box
"I think the real question you want to ask me is how long do I plan on selling these wards here and ruining your underwear re-sale racket." He looked at her and smiled exposing a small set of fangs.
"I could use a woman like you in my business ventures. How would you like to work for me? I would be willing to split the profits, for say, 60/40?" This caught Nabiki off guard.
"60/40, you have got to be kidding me." She said rebuked dryly.
"Very well, how about a partnership, - 50/50 because," he suddenly appeared next to her head and whispered quietly into her ear; "…you intrigue me." Nabiki started, confused and oddly frustrated whirled to face the man.
"Now you listen here," she asserted herself only to find the mysterious stranger gone and a slight whoosh of air filling the space where he stood.
Ranma couldn't concentrate. He was looking at the simple math equations but only one question was going through his mind – 'You really love her, don't you?' It kept repeating itself in Ranma's head all through class. After a while he found himself staring at Akane.
Do I love that thick-as-a-brick tomboy? The final bell rang interrupting his reverie. He went up to Akane.
"Uh Akane, would you mind if I walked home with you?"
This was a stupid question since they always walked home together but Akane just blinked. Okay now Ranma is really acting strange, Akane thought.
"Sure Ranma," she said with a confused tone. Neither one of them noticed the mysterious stranger hanging upside-down on a tree branch by the window observing them.
Akane noticed something strange as they walked home - Ranma was walking beside her instead of on the fence. Also, every so often, when he thought she wasn't looking, he was stealing glances at her.
"All right Ranma that's enough, what's wrong?" Her abruptness surprised Ranma. He looked at her with a look that she had never seen before from him. It was as if he was pondering something deep.
"Ranma?" She said gently, confused. His statement was one that she thought she would never hear from him.
"You look kinda cute today." Akane was stunned as Ranma kept on walking.
"Dinner's –, "the entire household rushed to the table, "ready." Kasumi announced. Every one sat at the table eating but only Kasumi was enjoying her meal. Ranma and Akane found themselves staring at each other in a confused state. Genma and Soun had soot all over their faces and their robes looked like they were recently scorched; they were both staring at Happosai in fear. Happosai ate his dinner quietly, giving both Genma and Soun warning glances of the terrible things to come. Nabiki was looking at Happosai and grinning like a jackal about to devour its prey.
"I have good news daddy," Nabiki said in her usual condescending manner.
"Oh?" Soun responded.
"Yeah there's a strange guy at school giving us credit for the returned underwear." She glanced at Happosai who suddenly gained interest in the conversation. "Anyway, he's selling these wards that are guaranteed to keep underwear safe from thieving perverts." She gave an accusing glance at Happosai. Happosai jumped onto the table.
"We'll see about that! Get my bags boys, we're going out tonight!" Nabiki smiled as the first step of her plan fell into motion.
Later that night three shadows scurried down alleyways and up over rooftops. The one leading was short but swift; he was followed by an average looking shadow and a slightly overweight one who puffed as he followed the first.
"Now boys I want you to be on the look out while I reclaim my collection," Happosai said to his disciples. They watched as he jumped on the first balcony. As usual pairs of women's underwear were drying. He carefully approached them, noticing the so-called 'pervert ward'. Yeah right, he thought to himself but as he went to grab them he felt a vicious slap across his face.
"Wha?" He said aloud preparing his puppy-dog face. He looked around for the pretty girl who slapped him but there was no one present. He tried again for the silky treats – slap. One more try, – SLAP.
"Why you," He reached for the piece of paper hanging on the line. BAM! This time it didn't feel like a slap to the face; Happosai went down holding his wrinkly bits.
"Who's out there?" He heard a girl's voice call out. He tried to get up but his legs just didn't want to move. Whap! - The broom struck him.
"Pervert," He heard her yell as she proceeded to beat him with the broom. He was finally able to get up and off of the balcony.
"Time to retreat boys, we need to rethink our strategy." Soun and Genma looked at each other in surprise as they followed their master's unreal but hasty retreat.
It was the third night in a row that Ranma found himself staring at the wooden duck. There was nothing special about it; a wood duck with the words Akane carved into it, but for some reason the duck always stopped him before he could enter her room. …And then what? Tell her that… that… Ranma sighed, as Akane own form of ward guardian seemed to scream at him
Do it you idiot just tell her the truth. His spiritual communion with the wooden duck was interrupted by the sound of a high-pitched whine. Clearing the stairs in one jump Ranma investigated the noise coming from the hallway. Turning the corner he heard his father and Mr. Tendo talking.
"Can you believe it the master running away from women's underwear?"
"No Tendo it is quite strange," Genma replied.
"Apparently the pervert wards work. I've never seen the master defeated so easily before."
"Or in that much pain," Genma said with a chortle.
The two passed Ranma without seeing him hiding around the corner. Curiosity raised he went to check on Happosai.
Meanwhile Nabiki also heard the noise and carefully approached Happosai who was crouched over in his room. Hearing her he quickly turned around showing a huge damp spot on his pants.
"Going onto Depenz now are we?" Nabiki smirked. Happosai was still in too much pain to chase her out.
"Oh just leave me alone," he said.
"Now is that anyway to talk to someone who's about to do you a huge favour?" Happosai gave Nabiki a questioning glance. She smiled. "How much is are you willing to give to have all those wards destroyed?" Grinning Happosai looked up at her.
"Tell me more."
The following morning Nabiki went to see her new partner, or more accurately; to his demise. The old perv was really pissed off when he got back; not a single pair of panties, which means my new partner, will soon be out of business. She smiled as the image of a clobbered mysterious stranger filled her head.
She hurried to the tennis courts. Once more women were crowded around him buying the 'Baka Be Gone's' at a record pace. She looked again and couldn't believe what she saw - Akane buying one herself. Oh boy - that's going to raise hell at home, she thought. Her new partner noticed her. He pushed his way through the crowd and walked over to her.
"Ah Miss Tendo, or' may I call you Nabiki now that we're partners?"
"I'd prefer if you call me Miss Tendo," she replied dryly. He shrugged and resumed taking orders.
"So what do we have?" she asked assuming her business like manner.
"Over 200 orders and 18 letters asking for my number," he replied without looking at her.
"Hey' Nabiki over here."
Nabiki turned to see Ranma and Akane who was holding up her pervert ward. She ran towards them.
"Akane are you insane? If the old pervert sees you with this -" Nabiki was saying when Ranma interrupted.
"He'll probably kick your father's ass!" Ranma recalled his amusement when Happosai came home last night with an ice pack in his pants. Nabiki didn't see me while she planned her trap with the old freak he thought I can't let the stranger get hurt until I get that antidote.
The fifteen-minute bell rang causing the crowd to disperse quickly, leaving Ranma, Akane, Nabiki and The Stranger standing alone.
"Come on Ranma let's go," Akane said heading towards the school. Ranma turned to her.
"Go without me I have to check something out."
"What are you talking about Ranma? He's not going to give you the cure." Akane watched as Ranma went towards the stranger.
"Hey you and me gotta to talk," Ranma said. The stranger regarded Ranma and sighed.
He's persistent; I'll give him that. Ranma walked up to him.
"You're in danger," Ranma said quietly. The stranger grinned at Ranma's warning.
"Really' Mr Saotome what makes you say that? " The stranger suddenly swung his arm in Ranma's direction. Ranma jumped back. Pulling his arm back from his swing Ranma saw one of Happosai's bombs in his hand with the fuse extinguished.
Why didn't I ever think of that whenever I fought the old freak? Ranma thought as Happosai in full ninja garb appeared, prepared for battle. The stranger pushed past Ranma and threw the diffused Happo-bomb back to Happosai so it rolled to a stop at his feet.
"This trick is so old Happi - don't you have any new tricks for me?" Ranma, Akane and Nabiki watched as Happosai froze up.
"That voice," he muttered. "No, it can't be. Not after all these years!"
"That's right Happosai, I'm back to discuss our bargain," The stranger walked up to the old master. So how about I stop by the household sayaround seven?" He walked over to Nabiki. "It was a nice try Miss Tendo." Before anyone could blink he kissed her on the cheek. "You truly are intriguing woman."
Smack - the sound of Akane's hand hitting the cap off the stranger's head.
"Get away from my sister you creep!" Akane shouted, advancing on him. The stranger rubbed his head lightly exposing to the girl's surprise a short pair of horns. "What are you?" Akane asked, shaken.
"My name is Akuma. All other questions will be answered at seven." A mist of purple smoke arose around him causing the others to back off.
"What the," Ranma said waving the smoke away until it was all gone and incidentally so was Akuma.
For the rest of the day, everyone who had witnessed the strange event at the tennis courts had questions. Happosai refused to answer any questions and bounded away visibly shaken. The evening promised to be interesting as the family came home and went through each of their after-school routines.
Nabiki was running through her own set of questions as she paced in the living room. Who was Akuma? What was his connection to Happosai? Were those really horns? Why was that kiss on the cheek so exciting? Nabiki was especially curious about him as she poured some water from the pitcher on the table. He's annoying, blunt and intrusive and possibly not human. Yeah and how many times have I heard girls describe their boyfriends like that before? She stopped pacing to sit down on the couch. Boyfriend - now why did I think that? Why, it could be brothers or fathers. Why did I think boyfriend? As she pondered she didn't notice her cheeks turning a light shade of red. Sensing someone watching her she turned to see Happosai clumsily enter the room with a bottle of sake in his hand.
"Oh what have I done?" He said in a drunken haze. He seemed ready to breakdown and cry when the doorbell rang. Both of them jumped. Nabiki looked at the clock on the wall, it just turned seven.
Everybody was curious about the strange Akuma and so there was gang of people running to answer the door. Kasumi was there first as always. It was like she had a built-in motion detector whenever some approached the front door. The rest of the household appeared thusly: Genma and Soun after Kasumi, followed by Ranma and Akane. The door opened and standing on the stoop with box that smelled like roast duck and a bottle of red chardonnay was Akuma, snazzily dressed for the evening. A large black top hat replaced his usual oversized baseball cap.
"Good evening. May I come in?" The overdressed figure asked. Genma and Soun allowed him entrance and then grabbed the box and wine bottle from his arms. Ranma looked him over.
"A little bit over dressed aren't you?" Akuma smiled showing his little fangs. "Man, you wouldn't happen to be related to a Ryoga Hibiki would you?"
"Who," Akuma replied and followed the retreating backs of the elder Tendo and Saotome. Akane took Ranma gently by the arm and led him into the dining room.
"This duck is delicious! Did you cook it yourself?" Soun asked Akuma. Akuma seemed the very quiet sort.
"Yes I did it was really no trouble I have a very good oven." Throughout the dinner the kids except Kasumi noticed that Happosai quietly ate while keeping a fearful eye on Akuma. Nabiki was also watching Akuma.
"This wine is exquisite. Where did you get it?" she asked. He smiled at her showing his little fangs.
"From a little French fellow I met a couple of years ago."
Does he have to be so God damn mysterious? Nabiki kept pressing for information. "I noticed that earlier today your jacket had the initials D.U.W.," she said hoping he would answer the leading the question.
"Yes it's my old al ammeter jacket. The initials stand for Desrali University of Winnipeg I'm from Canada, eh." Everybody except Happosai couldn't help but laugh at the sudden scratchy Canadian accent that their charming guest displayed. After the laughter ceased Akuma sighed and shook his head. "I'm sorry. You all are so full of questions, and I have been lax in my duties as a guest. I guess it's time me and Old Happi answered some of them."
Everyone gathered in closure to the table as Kasumi cleared away the dishes.
"I think you should start this Happi," Akuma said as he pulled a small mirror out of his pocket and placed it on the floor. "Now if you all will relax and get comfortable, you will get to hear the tale how I first met Old Happi here." Thus saying he removed a vial from another pocket and poured the contents on the mirror.
"It all started many, many years ago in China. Back then I was a handsome young lad. Tall with a head full of beautiful -"
"Happosai,"
"Alright, alright, where was I, oh yes, China, anyway this was before I started the Anything-Goes-School of martial arts. Back then I was just a young man looking for love." As he spoke vapours arose from the liquid on the mirror. They filled the room and allowed everyone to truly visualize Happosai's tale. "But those stuck up Chinese girls treated me like a joke." Images of beautiful Chinese girls laughing and pointing at Happosai materialized in their mind's eye. At this point even Ranma couldn't help but feel a little sorry for the old freak. They watched as a young, depressed Happi went back to his makeshift home near the Chinese village.
"This was well before I met Cologne so I had no love in my life, the only desire I had then was for revenge, but what could I do? I was a little runt living on the edge of a Chinese Amazon village. Please note that in those days there was more than one Amazon village. Anyway, any attempt at revenge would lead to them beating the tar out of me. Finally one day, a mysterious stranger approached me as I was sitting on a big rock." They all watched as they saw the stranger approach a young Happi. They were shocked to see that stranger looked just like Akuma. He was wearing a black Chinese robe with some red Chinese letters on it and a large straw hat. Like the baseball cap of the past, this hat covered most of his face.
"Hello there sir,you seem unhappy. Why is that?" The young Happi leapt off the rock and tried to face down the stranger.
"Why would you care?" He challenged. The stranger grinned.
"I don't really but I imagine being a dwarf living in a village of Chinese Amazon bitches, is enough to make any man miserable."
"You can say that again." Happosai agreed.
"Oh anything you care to discuss with a weary traveller over a bottle of sake?"
The images then jumped ahead some hours later with a very drunk Young Happi struggling to stand up while finishing his tale of woe. "You shee if I try and get rebenge on those Chineseses Bi… burp tches theys would kick my ash."
"I see. Have you ever considered taking their bras and panties?"
"Whash that? Take their bras and pantiesh? Wha are you - shome kind of per urp! vert?"
"Not at all, think about it – wouldn't it be more humiliating to a young woman to have all her most personal clothes go missing?"
"Yoush have a point there but howsh do I go aboot stilling their undiewear?"
"When you sober up I'll teach you a technique that will make it impossible for them to stop you."
"Wha's you mean – 'When I shober up'? I'm -" They all watched as drunken, pathetic Young Happi fell to the ground in a drunk's surrender.
Time passed by quickly in their vapour-induced vision. They watch Young Happi wake up from his drinking binge.
"Oh my head," he said miserably. He looked around but the mysterious stranger was nowhere to be seen. "Figures…"
"Hello Young Mister Happosai." the stranger's voice came from behind him.
"Ahhh!" He jumped 3 feet in the air from surprise. "How did you do that? Who are you?" The stranger grinned revealing his fangs for the first time to Happosai.
"Tell you what, I will simply call you Happosai and you may call me Akuma." Saying this he removed his straw hat showing his horns to Happosai.
"What are you?"
"A visitor from the Demon Under World."
"You're a –"
"A demon, that's right."
"What do you want with me?"
"The same thing I wanted with you last night - to teach you a technique to make those Chinese Bitches suffer terrible humiliation and in exchange you will offer me -"
"You can't have my body or my soul!" Happosai declared holding himself. They watched Akuma laugh.
"What is it with you mortals? 'You can't have my body or my soul!'" He said in a perfect impression of Happosai's voice then continued. "I don't want your puny body or your soul. What use would I have for either? No all I want from you is a favour to be mentioned at a later time."
"I won't hurt or kill anybody either." The crowd was amazed at Happosai's morality.
"I'm not asking you to. I'm not that type of demon."
"What kind of demon are you?"
"Oh let's not go into that. There are just too many of us in different positions of power to go through the entire history and fuss. Suffice it to say the offer I make still stands - I will teach you a technique that will allow you to embarrass those Chinese Bitches that reject you so badly in exchange for a favour later."
"All right," Young Happi answered. "Teach me this technique."
"Sign here please," he said pulling out a contract and quill pen with ink well out from behind his back. Everyone gasped as Young Happi sighed his name at the bottom.
"So what's this technique you're going to teach me?" Akuma smiled and put the contract away
"It's called the Takemanrunlikell Technique."
"Takemanrunlikell Technique huh and this is how you started the Anything-Goes School of Martial Arts?" Ranma asked eyeing Happosai suspiciously. Soun ran to his master and got on his knees.
"Oh master, tell us that this is not the truth. Tell us that the founder of Anything-Goes School of Martial Arts is not a creature from the demon underworld!" He pleaded desperately, tears forming in his eyes.
"Ahem, will you relax Soun. I'm not going to hurt any of you. I just wanted Happosai to know that I'm here just as I said I would be in the contract."
"Why are you doing this now?" Happosai asked tears forming in his eyes.
"Because I have found so much to amuse me here, anyway I think that its time for me to go but don't worry, I'll be visiting you all soon enough, however right now I have a couple of other people to check on. Good evening all."
In the Cat Café Cologne had just finished cleaning up when she heard a noise behind her.
"Hello Stick Monkey." Cologne turned around to find the same young man who beat her a month ago sitting in one of her chairs and wearing some snazzy threads.
"You," Cologne glowered at the well-dressed, top hat wearing stranger. She prepared herself for combat but the stranger just sat there. "What do you want?" Cologne inched towards him.
"Don't worry I'm not here to kick your wrinkly Chinese Amazon butt this time. I'm just looking for your great-granddaughter."
"Why are you looking for my Shampoo?" She asked reviewing battle techniques.
"Toaskher on a date, I've already beaten you therefore according to 'Three Thousand Years of Ancient Chinese Amazon Law'," he said in a perfect mockery of Cologne's voice, "I have three nights to convince her to choose me over Ranma."
Cologne was stymied. She was facing a foe that knew the laws of the Chinese Amazons perfectly. Damn he knows too much about us, but he's right I can't interfere and Shampoo will have no choice but to date him for three nights. She glowered at him harder.
"Alright but I want to know what your intentions are." Akuma blinked at her then started to chuckle loudly.
"You thought I was serious? Yeah right like I would really date that blue haired bitch." He got up from his chair and began walking around Cologne "Over three thousand years and you Amazons still haven't learned that No means No. It's pathetic really. Ranma has no interest being your son-in-law yet you and Shampoo chase after him instead of looking for someone who is interested. Personally I think the young man in the glasses is better off with the gymnast." He walked towards the back area where Mousse was caged. The stranger produced a hot teakettle from somewhere on his person and splashed the hapless duck. The wicker cage snapped and popped as the much larger Mousse expanded. Mousse regained his human (and still in love with Kodachi) form.
"Kodachi!" Mousse screamed running out into the empty dining room. Cologne just watched in stunned silence as Mousse ran butt naked out the front door.
"Oh dear that's going to cause a scene," Cologne said shaking her head. She went into the back area to check on the stranger but all that remained of his visit was an empty teakettle and the remains of the duck's cage.
Boy, it's really draftee tonight, Mousse thought as he ran down the street towards Kodachi's. Mousse watched as a young couple stop and gaped at him. What's everybody staring at? The reflection he cast in a store window answered his question. He looked at the window and saw the only thing he was wearing were his glasses. He quickly covered up his 100% Genuine Mousse bottle in a draft and tried to find some cover.
"Excuse me young sir perhaps you willneed this?" Mousse turned around to find a strangely familiar young man holding out a nice blue robe.
"Wow uh thanks." He said as he donned the garment.
"My name is Akuma and you are?" Mousse finished dressing and marvelled at the robe. It was very well designed with a picture of a duck in flight wearing glasses on the front right breast. In the duck's bill was a dark rose.
"My name is Mu Shu, but you can call me Mousse," he said shaking Akuma's hand. After shaking his hand Akuma looked at Mousse.
"So where are you off to in such a hurry?"
"To see my beloved Kodachi, I have been trapped in a cage for a month by an old lady that keeps making me think I'm in love with her awful great-granddaughter."
"Well then I won't keep you waiting." Akuma stepped aside allowing the love blind Mousse go to his dark princess. As he took off Akuma grabbed a loose thread from Mousse's new robe and started whistling; the thread was slowly becoming a ball.
When he arrived his robe was looked more like a blue miniskirt this robe is nice but it isn't really warm Mousse thought to himself as he leaped over the wall of the Kendo household. He was followed by a slender looking shadow with a ball of string in his hands. This is just too easyhe chuckled to himself and shook his head. Mousse tiptoed across the Tendo household trying to remember where Kodachi's room was. He searched, as his skirt got shorter and shorter. Finally he found her room. Look at her bundled up all nice and cozy even now she looks ravishing he slowly approached the sleeping bundle one kiss to wake up my beloved. He heard a creaking noise from behind him and turned to see a blood thirsty Shampoo raising her Bonbori, preparing to strike his sleeping beloved. "Kodachi look out!" he jumped on the bundle hoping to protect her from Shampoo's strike. Poomf the room was suddenly filled with paralysis powder. Mousse was unable to move off the powder filled dummy. Luckily for Shampoo Mousse absorbed all of the powder leaving her free to look for her cunning adversary (and current obsession).
Mousse just lay there unable to move in a very uncomfortable position as he found himself stomach down on Kodachi's bed with his Mousse Bottle pushing him upward.
"What do you think you are doing naked in my twisted sister's bed?" Kuno raised his sword. "You scoundrel prepare to defend yourself."
"Oh this should be good" Akuma said to himself. He watched as Kuno poked Mousse's ass with the blunt end with his blade "Could have been worse he could have used his smaller sword"
"Come on get up you coward how dare you defile my twisted but innocent sister."
"Innocent? Yeah right, get a clue pal."
Kuno was getting impatient as Mousse seemingly ignored him.
"Are you so consumed with lust that you ignore my challenge? Animal"
Angrily he grabbed Mousse's shoulder and threw him to the ground. The body and (the bottle) just lay there as Kuno fumed. Sensing someone coming towards the bedroom Akuma moved off towards another room to avoid detection.
Kodachi was heading towards her room. Finally was able to go back to sleep. I must have checked every room in this house for that crazy Chinese girl. What is all that noise coming from my room? She arrived to find her brother scolding a naked man on the floor.
"Should I give you some privacy?" Kodachi asked with a little giggle. Kuno turned around to find his sister looking rather amused. Who is this man? Kodachi wondered as she looked down at the man on the floor.
"Sister who is this man," Tatiwati echoed her thoughts. Kodachi suddenly looked at the man's face.
"It's him!" She said surprised. Noticing the subtle motion of her eyes he quickly threw a blanket on Mousse's torso. "He's paralysed." She looked at the damage done in her room. Her trap had been sprung but there was no sign of the Chinese Girl. "Leave him to me. I know what to do with men like him."
"Are you sure my twisted sister? He could be dangerous." She pinched his cheeks together causing his glasses to fall off.
"He should be paralysed for about an hour. I'll be fine brother dear." Kuno left cautiously. As soon as he was gone Kodachi laid down next to the paralysed Mousse. "Now what should I do with you?" One again she kissed Mousse aggressively with much passion, unaware of the periscope poking up from the blanket.
Meanwhile Akuma had found himself in Kuno's private meditation sanctuary. He looked around the small room in amazement. It was a shrine to the pig-tailed girl. Pictures of her covered the walls. Looking around he saw decent and not so decent pictures of Ranma's girl form.
"This guy's had it bad for the she-male even before the Saku-Ratu." He observed thinking back to the first month he saw the swinging swordsman. "And I'll bet all of these are from Nabiki." He sighed as his mind went back to thoughts of the middle Tendo daughter. His daydreams were interrupted by the sound of Kuno returning to his 'meditations'. "In here I imagine the guy spends a lot of time with his sword in hand."
Elsewhere in the city only two shadows ran down alleys and bounded across rooftops on this night. That traitor Soun, Happosai thought as he and Genma bounded rooftop to rooftop. His mind drifted back to an hour ago' when he told is pupils that he wanted is collection back and that he needed their help to get it.
"You see boys I think that those wards only work on me so you'll have to get my pretties back while I stand watch." He rubbed his hands together in gleeful anticipation.
"No." Happosai looked up to see Soun arms crossed and his face very solemn. Happosai looked at Soun in surprise
"What do you mean no?"
"I mean I'm not going with you. That I refuse to take part in this sham anymore." Soun said not bothering to change posture.
"What, Tendo are you insane?" Genma asked.
"No Saotome I'm actually thinking very clearly, perhaps for the first time in a long awhile." Soun responded, unbudgable.
"You dare!" Happosai was getting angry with Soun who didn't seem to react much to Happosai and Genma's amazement
"Yes Master I dare. All these years we spent training under you because we believed it was an honourable style. Now I learn that it was created at the whim of a bored demon for the sole purpose of his amusement." He seemed to be getting angrier as he actually went face to face with a very angry Happosai.
"Why you…"
"And you kept practicing because of a petty need for revenge that grew into a perverted obsession. Well no more." he said his head growing bigger with each word. Happosai didn't know what made him angrier the fact that Soun had grown a backbone and wasn't going to give in to his master's demands or the fact that he may have been right.
Forget about that traitor for now. He turned to his still faithful student Genma.
"All right now you go get the precious panties and I'll stay here and stand watch."
"But master will you be able to see from this low of a roof?"
His question was answered with an angry glance from Happosai causing Genma to quickly go after the first pair of panties he saw. Meanwhile Happosai was indeed standing watch; standing and watching a couple of girls undressing for bed.
Could Tendo be right? Is Anything Goes Martial Arts nothing but a disgraceful hoax? Genma thought as he tried to climb to the second floor apartment's balcony. He grunted as he finally made it onto the balcony and spotted the objects of his master's affection. They were hung on a clothesline guarded by a pervert ward. He tried to be quiet but his girth betrayed him as his formidable belly knocked over a flowerpot. A woman's scream broke the night's still.
"ACK! Panty Stealing Pervert," Thinking quickly Genma pulled out a bottle of water from his pocket and poured it on himself. As the girl ran out onto the balcony armed with a cast iron skillet she was surprised to find a giant panda sitting there instead of a pervert. The panda was holding a sign in his hands that said: Go back to bed Miss. It's all just a bad dream. Genma relaxed and waited for the girl to go back to bed when she suddenly screamed again.
"Ack! Panty Stealing Pervert Panda Nightmare," She said walloping him with the skillet repeatedly. Happosai's peeping was interrupted by the loud sound of a panda falling off a second floor balcony.
"Blast, just as it was getting really good too." Happosai went to check on his panda pupil's progress. He found Genma in Pervert Painful Panda form
"Well?" Happosai asked in angry anticipation. The panda pulled another sign out of then air: I told you I couldn't do it.
"It's just a duck, a stupid, wooden duck," Ranma whispered quietly as he approached Akane's room. He found himself stopped short at the door again. "You're just a stupid, wooden duck," he repeated quietly at the duck.
Then why don't you knock on the door?
"I will just give me a minute." Ranma answered the duck. The duck looked at him reproachfully.
Why what are you afraid of?
"I'm not afraid, I just…"
Just what? Afraid she's going to tell you she's not interested in a bi-sexual, sex changing baka?
"No I just don't want to catch her changing and be forced to see her tiny titties." Ranma blustered.
Of course since yours are so much bigger.
"Shut up. I don't know why I'm standing here being insulted by a wooden duck!" he said his voice getting louder.
Yes why are you standing here being insulted by a wooden duck?
"That's none of your business," he shouted.
"Then stop making it our business" Nabiki said irritated at being woke up.
The door to Akane's room opened.
"Ranma what the hell are you yelling about up here?"Akane screamed at him. He stopped silent looking at the irritated Akane.
"I, I uh…" he lowered his head to stare the floor. "I'm sorry Akane." He turned and went downstairs back to his room.
"Ranma," Akane said quietly all the irritation leaving her voice.
"What the hell was that about?" Nabiki asked. Akane didn't answer she just went back to her room and shut the door quietly.
Morning came and Akuma finally left the Kuno' home.
"Man that without a doubt was some of the most twisted shit I've ever seen. That family is really fucked up." He shivered as he recalled witnessing Kuno's meditations; which was really Kuno staring at the pictures and drooling like an idiot, but it was his bedtime habits that really disturbed him. "Shadow puppets - he has his little ninja helper put on a show using shadow puppets to put him to sleep. That guy really needs to get laid and then some." He found himself standing next to his usual tree and assumed his vigilante position. "And speaking of getting laid, what is the deal with that sister of his? I've seen a lot of kinky things in all my years but she takes bondage to a whole new level. Though, duck-boy seemed all right with it. Gotta be careful, I'm starting to turn this story into a really twisted, sour lemon."
"That idiot doesn't he realize I need my beauty sleep especially now that I'm in a partnership with a demon," Nabiki muttered out loud as she brushed her hair and tried to wake up. "A demon, how the hell do I get rid of a demon," She left her room, went downstairs and headed towards the kitchen. She stopped when she saw Ranma and Akane peering into her daddy's bedroom.
"What are you two doing?" Ranma turned to Nabiki and put his finger on his lips, hushing her. Nabiki quietly huddled with them and try to make out the conversation.
"For the last time no."
Okay that's daddy's voice, Nabiki thought.
"Oh; why are you so mean to me?" A second voice answered.
And the whiney old pervert.
"You wore out your welcome in this house a long time ago, so pack up your things and get out. You are no longer welcome here." Soun firmly said, trying to get rid of Happosai.
"But where am I going to go, what am I going to do?" Happosai said using his best 'helpless old man' voice he could muster.
"That is no longer my concern. If you would like, I can have Kasumi prepare you a lunch for your journey." Soun fell silent. Nabiki could imagine her father turning his back on the whiny old pervert.
"You'll be sorry." Happosai's voice turned angry and hurt. The kids watched in utter amazement as the door slid open and a dejected Happosai left sniffling. "You'll be sorry."
"I don't believe it," Akane said not even trying to be quiet as Happosai toddled away.
"The old freak's leaving and he not even throwin' a temper tantrum like he usually does," Ranma said sharing Akane's surprise.
"Yeah, who would have thought the old man would have finally grown a pair after so long?" Nabiki shook her head and starting calculating projected profit losses.
"Tell me about it! And these ones are definitely 100% brass." Finished Ranma as Soun stepped out.
"Oh dad I'm so proud of you!" Akane hugged her father.
"Yeah way to go Mr Tendo," Ranma congratulated the older man while patting him on the shoulder.
"Very impressive daddy," Nabiki acknowledged coolly. Soun's expression didn't change as he walked past his kids then stopped.
"Thank you but I'm afraid it doesn't change the big picture." The kids all blinked in wonder at Soun's pronouncement.
"The School of Anything-Goes Martial Arts is a sham, a disgraceful hoax. All perpetrated by a creature from the Demon Under World seeking a cheap means of entertainment, which means this whole school is a nothing but a farce!" Soun started crying. The kids fell silent not believing what they were hearing. Tendo's dojo was the only place in the world to teach the techniques of Anything-Goes Martial Arts, granted the current student population was small that but it could change, (Really!) He shrugged his shoulders and looked over at Ranma and Akane.
"I'm sorry Akane, Ranma, but you are the inheritor of something that should never have been and that's why I'm giving you your inheritance early." Ranma didn't know what to say. Everything was happening to fast he had no time to react to the changes. To add to his confusion Genma came from the bedroom with a huge backpack.
"You ready Tendo?" he asked in a quiet voice.
"Pop what's going on here?" Ranma asked his father.
"Your father and I are going on a training journey to see if there's any hope of salvaging our honour in the midst of this travesty," Soun told Ranma.
"What?" Akane blurted out, tears forming in her eyes.
"Don't worry; I took care of Happosai so you no longer have to worry yourself about him."
"Dad you called him Happosai." Akane stated in shock.
"He's not our master anymore with time and luck maybe Saotome and I can find a master with a martial arts technique worth inheriting." Soun shouldered his large pack.
"All right pop I can understand why Mr. Tendo's going, but what's your angle?"
"Do you really think that little of me Ranma my boy?" His father answered in a quiet voice. He gave Ranma a bitter smile. "There's no angle son, in fact there's nothing here for me anymore." In all the time he spent travelling with his father Ranma never heard him speak like this before.
"Pop I I don't know what to say. You know I can't go with you I have … classes and homework and…." He discreetly glanced at Akane.
"I know Ranma, I know. Besides," he went close to his son's ear and whispered, "If I stay old Happi will try to get me to steal underwear again."
Both of the Saotome men couldn't help but grin as they said their goodbyes.
The final farewells took about an hour to complete. Kasumi packed a large food basket for the two travelers, and even Nabiki showed some sentiment when hugging her father goodbye.
"Goodbye dad," Akane said with tears in her eyes.
"Take care of everyone while I'm gone. I'm counting on you and Ranma to continue the family line should I not make it back."
"Dad," She huffed at him. She whispered in his ear. "I promise to up hold the family's honour."
"That's my little girl." He hugged her gently then grabbed his backpack and proceeded out into parts unknown.
Meanwhile, Happosai was starting to go through withdrawal pains. He found himself looking at all the girls that passed him desperately.
"Need panties. Must get panties," he said, as he got weaker. Finally he collapsed on a street corner. A lady in a long skirt stopped and looked down on the elderly man. Her face was lined with pity for the unfortunate Happosai.
"Oh you poor man, what can I do to help you?" She asked him.
"Please miss can you give me …" His voice trailed off.
"Give you what sir?"
"Please… give me pant one… groan pair of your panties?" He asked her.
"Pervert," She screeched in disgust while whacking him with her purse. A while later in a different neighbourhood…
"Can't anyone spare one pair of panties please?" Happosai begged with a sign and a sad-eyed dog.
"You know most bums ask for money."
"Oh it's you," The weak old man spat at Akuma. "Go away and let an old man die in peace."
"Oh don't be so melodramatic. Here," he said handing Happosai a pair of purple panties. "I got them from that Kodachi chick." Happosai greedily grabbed the Black Rose's panties.
"I've got more if you want them."
"Give them to me!" A rejuvenated Happosai shouted reaching for a small bag held in Akuma's hand.
"First things first, these won't hold you for long and I have no intention of taking the pervert wards down."
"But then how am I going to get my beauties back?" Happosai whined, crocodile tears in his eyes.
"The answer should be obvious even for you. You're not going to recover your collection unless you leave Japan for awhile; I don't want you here cramping my style, so that's the deal." He cracked his knuckles then continued "I'll give you enough panties for you to reach; oh say Korea and in return you'll have to owe me another me favour. Either way it is the best deal all around."
Happosai looked intensely at the sidewalk. Once again he found himself making a deal with a demon. A demon that wanted an unknown favour in return for services rendered.
He's cost me everything: my home, my family, and now my dignity. Happosai looked up to see Akuma discreetly dangling a pair of silk panties above the old man's head. In all his years Happosai never felt so helpless; because of this demon he became a 'Panty-Stealing-Pervert', no worse! A Panty addict and unfortunately there was no such thing as a 12 step program or even P.A. (Panties Anonymous). If only things could have been different but it's too late now. He looked up at the grinning Akuma.
"All right you have a deal," he sighed defeated, depression washing over him. Smiling Akuma pulled a contract out of thin air and gave Happosai a pen.
"Sign here, please."
TBC