Levi Ackerman strolled down the little walkway. It was half past 3 and he knew darkness was coming soon just by the way the street lights dimly light up behind him. He was alone on the path as it was Christmas and most people were with their families or cooped up inside in fright of the cold. It was also Levi's birthday, though none of his friend could visit him, which was fine by him; he preferred his solitude anyway. Still, Hanji and Erwin had dropped by that morning. Being his usual grumpy self Levi had been set on insisting their presence was not appreciated. His friends knew him enough to know he wouldn't budge on the topic as he let them in mumbling about never getting peace and quiet for more than 2 days straight.
His mind continued wandering until he stopped, his footsteps ceasing to resound on the icy stones beneath his boots. He seemed to have reached his destination without noticing. He hadn't even known where he was going when he left the house that cloudy afternoon. He slowly lowered himself unto the bench in front of him and sighed. «Eren.» he said. Silence followed urging him to go on. «I should've known you'd be alone, is Mikasa at Annie's this year?» He hadn't made this much conversation to the boy in far too long. He could feel guilt rising in him at the thought. He was being judged, by Eren or himself, he couldn't tell. A tense silence lingered. «Eren please…» Levi sighed trailing off.
A branch cracked making him jump, he turned quickly but no one was there. He glared off into the distance then turned back and faced forward, guilt preventing him to look anywhere else. «I'm sorry Eren.» he finally said. He felt relieved. He felt like those words were the passage to let it all out. With a heavy sigh he continued.
«When you told me you loved me I ran. I couldn't face the own reality of your feelings – of my feelings. I felt trapped. It wasn't supposed to be this way. I panicked. I understand that I should've come to you sooner but… it's just hard for me to admit my feelings. I'm happy I'm seeing you tonight though; I know December has always been your favorite month for some God forsaken reason. Anyway…that night, when I kissed you, I thought back on it the next morning and it frightened me so much. I wondered why I had done such a stupid thing and I feared for our relationship. I wanted to backtrack. I wish I could go back now too. I would kiss you more passionately, I would…tell you how I really feel and I wouldn't run away. I wish I would have visited you when you were sick. I was afraid to admit I was afraid. I know you would've needed me, and I needed you. But I guess that's all in the past now right? You probably hate me now don't you?»
Feeling the silence press after his speech Levi opened his mouth to say more, but the feeling of a hand holding his and a small shushing sound silenced him. He looked up, half expecting to see the green eyed boy looking down at him with that smile that could melt hearts. But no one was there. And the presence he had felt mere seconds ago quickly faded away. His heart stopped and breaths came in quick shots as his body began to shake. A burn in his eyes and chest told him he was about to cry. He hated crying, especially in public. But when he heard that soft shushing sound again and had the feeling of a tender hand caressing his back he abandoned himself to small tears trickling down his nose. They froze under his eyes and on his face in the cold of the December air, but that didn't stop more from pouring over. Sobs racked his body as he cried out for the one he truly desired. He looked up quietly and flung himself shamelessly at Eren's gravestone, hugging the cold rock. He leveled his breathing though he wasn't able to stop the tears. He held the tomb tightly as if that could bring him back and whispered, so that only Eren's spirit could hear.
«I love you too Eren Jäeger.»