Ok, well, this one shot song fic kind of hit me when I thought about how the situation had happened and how I had reacted and I felt like it happens a lot and many people do different things...so I'm just going to express mine in this piece of fiction. Sure it's sappy and you can call it a Mary Sue if it really indulges you. Oh, and as a warning it does deal with my own beliefs and in no way am I trying to offend you so don't send me hate mail. If you don't like it, then don't review, because I really wouldn't appreciate flames if all you're going to do is tell me it sucked, lol. Enough of my rambling, here it is, I hope it's to your liking. Oh, yeah, and I don't own a dang thing...not even my mind...I think I traded it for a tootsie roll once.
Never thought I'd say I'm sorry
Never thought I'd be the one to bring you down
The day was hot for New York, but then again one can never predict the weather in New York. The sun beat down upon the gleaming frame of an old but much loved motorcycle. It belonged to Randy Peterson, more fearsomely known as Fighter, and was parked in the driveway of Spot Conlon's house. It was just a simple visit from a girlfriend to her boyfriend. Something that happened most everyday after school; an innocent excursion from the perils of everyday life into the small secluded world that was Spot's bedroom. A day like many others, in fact. Or at least it seemed that way. It's funny how millions of things happen everyday that affects no more than one or two people...but they shake such delicate worlds that they will never be forgotten. And it was on this day, that the outside world of oblivious bystanders would witness one of these deadly earthquakes. And that's the thing about earthquakes. They kill.
Randy moaned softly as Spot pressed her back up against the wall, his hands tangled into her thick, honey blonde hair. His lips were crushed to hers in a hungry kiss as he forced his tongue into her mouth eagerly. She felt it then. There was something in his kiss...something that was far too needy, too thirsting. His hand slid down from her hair to around her waist and she pressed herself hard against him, her own hands gripping his shoulders so tightly it was highly probable that bruises were forming. His strong hands and even stronger attitude slid them from the wall as they stumbled across the room, lips clashing together and bodies making frantic movements. They dropped onto the bed and Randy could feel her pulse quicken, feel her blood rush. A twinge of something pricked at her and that twinge told her to stop. That twinge told her something was wrong. That's another unfortunate thing, however. Randy had a listening problem.
His body was reacting in ways that he hated. Well, actually, hell he loved it when his body reacted like that...but not with her...it always led to trouble with her. And yet...who can say no to those crazy teenage hormones? Spot's hand moved on her waist and his fingers slipped under the fabric of her shirt. He heard her let out a soft whimper and it wasn't purely out of delight, either. He knew that. Ok...so....they had a listening problem as a couple, I guess. His lips slid from hers and his breath was coming out in heavy pants. He watched her eyes glide down and observe the large tent in his pants he was now displaying and that China could most likely view with absolutely no problem. She swallowed hard but in an instant his lips were on hers again. He pushed his chest onto hers and slowly her body lowered onto the soft cushion of the mattress.
This was not good. Definitely not good.
He let out a soft grunt as he adjusted their bodies on the bed and his lips moved to her neck. "Spot...." she half whispered half whimpered, a muffled sense of urgency in her voice. He shook his head and nipped along her neck slowly, making her reluctantly let slip a few soft moans from her barely parted lips. His chest was hard against hers and her breath seemed to be stuck in her throat. Her heart banging against her chest like a caged animal and her eyes as dark as coal. This wasn't right. This didn't feel right. His hips bucked slightly against hers and right then it wasn't exactly her choice as to what she could feel...particularly pressing against her inner thigh.
Now when I look out my window
But there doesn't seem to be anyone around
The heady feeling that had been clouding her mind vanished and she whimpered softly as she rolled out from under him, breath heavy as she scrambled to sit up on the bed, raking her fingers through her hair hurriedly and trying to fight away the furious blush on her cheeks. "Randy...please...." His voice was low and slightly hoarse, somehow going wonderfully with the now deep, cobalt blue of his eyes. "It's been over a year. Don't you think...I mean...I think it's time to take our relationship to the next level."
She shook her head at him, reaching a hand out and stroking his hair slowly. "Spot, we've been over this. Heck, we've been over this a thousand times!" She gave him a soft half smile and sighed quietly. "I'm saving myself until marriage, ok? I make a lot of mistakes, Spot...I don't want this to be one of them."
Spot gave her a questioning look and slowly pulled his head away from her hand, sitting up on the bed and a flash of anger...or maybe hurt....ran through his eyes. "So that's what it would be, huh? A mistake? I guess you just think this whole relationship is a mistake." His jaw started to clench in anger.
Randy looked at him in a bit of surprise and drew her hand back to her side, shaking her head at him and not being able to hide the confusion on her eyes. This was not going so well. "No, it's not a mistake. But there are so many things that could happen, Spot. And not just that...oh don't make me start preaching to you. You know that-"
Spot's eyes narrowed and he shook his head, interrupting her. "Yeah, I know that in the bible it says you should wait, I know, Randy. And I know that the bible wants you to do everything good and holy and give soup to the needy children! So you can just take your bible and live with it! See how happy it makes ya, why don't ya?" He pushed himself off of the bed angrily.
She felt her stomach twisting up into a huge knot and her hands balled into fists as she looked at him with eyes full of fury and question. She hated this. It was things like this that made her feel so dang weak. She despised feeling weak. "Oh, I am so sorry, your highness! The bible must be crazy! After all, if the people who wrote it had known you were going to be born, they would have most certainly changed the rules so that your every blazing hormone could be catered to!" she spat back sarcastically, fists clenching tightly as the tension mounted.
He rolled his eyes bitterly at her and straightened out his shirt, his own fists tightening at his sides as he watched her move to her feet, standing in front of him with an angry and defiant glare. Why was he doing this? What was he going for? It's funny how the same questions can run through two people's minds at the very same time...and neither of them can come up with an answer. "I have waited so long for you! You know I have, Randy! I never made ya do anythin' ya didn't want to and I treated ya with all the love in the world! And yet you can't even do this for me?"
Randy closed her eyes slowly, the power beneath those lids so intense it hurt. The reason beneath them, the pain that they covered; she knew what was happening and it was scary...scary as hell. She slowly opened her eyes and looked up at him, so many fiery comebacks diving into her brain and she rejected them all; she had to make him see how stupid he was being...but sometimes people are just blind. "I love you, isn't that enough?" she questioned. It was so cliché. So predictable. She didn't expect it to hurt so much when those words came tumbling from his mouth.
"If you loved me...you would do this for me."
And I...I think I'll change my ways
So all your words get noticed
He didn't just say that. He couldn't have said that. He said that.
She shook her head at him and she could have sworn her vision blurred. She wouldn't cry. She never cried. She slowly took a few steps backward and looked him straight in the eye, a look so complicated and involving it was impossible to explain. "I...don't tell me what I would do if I loved you. Don't you ever tell me what love calls for. Because let me tell you something, Spot. Real love, true love should never be tested for something like sex." The word tasted as bitter as it sounded, being thrown from her mouth as she decided she didn't want it anymore. She never wanted it. "Let me tell you something else. Don't you ever give me that hurt look like I just crushed your dreams because baby, you will never know the meaning of the word hurt until someone you love....someone so special to you that you can't possibly imagine a world without them...puts your love on the line like a thing to gamble. Until that someone puts a price on love, puts a value on it. And ya know what? I guess for you...it just wasn't enough." Her last statement was a contradiction in itself. She wasn't telling him it wasn't enough...she was asking him. She was begging him to tell her that it was enough, needing him to tell her it was enough.
"I guess not." Spot shook his head at her as the whisper escaped from his lips and lingered in the air for them to look at. An ending to something very special...a beginning to something so undeserved.
Randy closed her eyes as she heard the answer she needed. The answer that told her everything in just three little words...so different from the three joyful little words that were slipping away from them second by second. She looked up at him with sad but knowing eyes. They were eyes that had somehow been expecting this...only waiting for the time when it would happen...when the weak and now apparently faulty façade around the two would crumble into pieces. "Goodbye, Spot." she whispered, extending a hand forward towards his cheek but then drawing it back shaking her head. With a last look she turned and walked out of that empty room, forcing herself not to look back.
That same motorcycle revved into life a few minutes later and a lonely boy sitting on his bed heard it rumble out of earshot as his hands shook with uncertainty and he whispered to himself the same words over and over. "What did I do...."
Tomorrow's a brand new day
Tomorrow's a new day
Randy slid her old and faded army green back pack onto her shoulder and looked up at her school. Monday already. She let her eyes skim down to the ground and the black of the asphalt melted into a tar river as for the millionth time that weekend her eyes filled with such an unknown liquid. She quickly tilted her head backwards and washed away the vile stream, shaking away the sniff of pain and pushing her shoulders back. This was her. She would never let herself down. Even if everyone around her decided to throw away everything, she still had her; her and God.
Ever since that day everything had started to sound so stupid, so preachy. Just because she was Christian didn't mean she always did everything right, far from it in fact. And just because she believed in the word of God didn't mean that she wanted to go around quoting scriptures to those who did things wrong and trying to bring the devils sprits out of them with an outburst of gospel songs. In fact, people who did that bugged her immensely. Sure they only meant well, but sometimes it seemed as though as soon as people found out she was Christian they thought she was some weakling who could get pushed around but wouldn't do anything about it. Automatically she was this boring child who they couldn't curse around or talk about tonguing their boyfriend. It had taken years to build such a tough aura around her and only her really close friends even knew she was Christian. It wasn't that she was ashamed of it, which was far from the truth. The fact was nobody cared to ask if she was or not, just figured by the way she dressed and the way the people she hung out with looked that she was Satan's little helper who built tiny Satan action figures at the south pole.
She knew all the reasons that people didn't wait. They wanted it to be with their first love, something they would never forget. It wasn't about how you only had one virginity; it was about giving it to someone special. I mean, as long as your in love with them it's alright, isn't it? But it wasn't. She knew she wouldn't go to hell if she had sex. God would forgive her if she repented. But the fact was that she had such a yearning to follow Christ that she knew she wouldn't do something just because she could get away with it. It was all such a touchy subject to discuss with anyone and she was jumbled up like a margarita and just wanted to forget everything and push it out of her mind.
The long and short of it was she knew that what she had done and what she had chosen was right for her. She certainly wasn't judging anyone or implying that she was inferior to anyone who had different beliefs or followed a different path. She was simply being true to herself...because in this world, that's a life's task in itself. But like many others, she couldn't say she hadn't ever been ridiculed for what she did and didn't do.
But now it was as if even though her beliefs were what had gotten her into this mess, they were what she was leaning back on, what was supporting her. The fact that she had been strong enough to stick to them made them that much more important, that much more a part of her and something she needed right then to keep herself from letting go. Her mind buzzed as she mulled over every little detail of that day and the black sea in front of her swam in her vision once again and two hands quickly flew up to wipe her eyes. She pushed her chin up and set her jaw sternly, staring straight ahead towards the school as with a nod she set off towards the double doors that would lead her into a hell that had never been so bad as it was sure to be today.
Sooner than she expected her hand reached forward and her fingers clasped the metal handle, pressing down on the small finger pedal and pulling the heavy door open, closing her eyes for just a moment at the dull roar of students that met her ears before quickly opening them and striding inside. Her usual scowl that many were so used to was somehow void of feeling that day and even as the laughing screams of her peers ripped past her ears on the way to her locker, all she could hear was the squeak of her converses on the gleaming linoleum, the scuff as they came to a halt at her locker, the bump of them hitting together when she pulled her legs together and leaned her forehead on the cool gray metal, taking a deep breath as she was almost exhausted from walking to her locker, from pretending to be just fine so that the mob of high school pupils wouldn't dare take an interest, wouldn't dare ask.
She felt a tap on her shoulder and a thumb and pointer formed a familiar pinch of her skin as her best friend, David Jacobs, joined her side. They made an odd pair. The school's tough kid and the school's innocent nerd. But you wouldn't be able to find any better friends or anyone closer than them. They were the kind of people who took one look at one another and knew they understood, without having to say a word, and they liked it that way.
"Hey you." he said with a small smile. A phone call ringing in at 3 o' clock in the morning had informed David of Friday's disastrous ending. No judgments had been made, no "I told you so" given; there was just an immediate understand and just the right amount of comfort. It was hard to explain what went on between those two and their minds, but my best guess would be a friendship most would envy.
She lifted her head and gave him a weak smile, nodding in reply. She slowly turned her gaze towards her locker, her fingers skimming up towards the combination, slowly twisting the small knob with a lethargic accuracy so different from her usual daring spin as her mouth babble on and on about something or other. With a slight pull the locker swung open to reveal her rather messy locker, on the side of it a rather nice picture of Spot with his arms around her waist from behind and the biggest smiles on their faces as though they had everything they needed right there in that embrace. And they did. She stared at the picture for a moment with her fingers tracing over the curve of Spot's face slowly down to the winding trail of her body, shaking her head slowly. She peeled the picture off of where it had been so pleasantly lodged and crumpled it into a small ball in her hand, chucking it backwards over her shoulder smoothly.
David sighed and leaned down, picking up the forgotten picture and pocketing it slowly, a concerned look on his face as he watched Randy silently pull a few notebooks from her backpack before tossing it into her locker, very calmly shutting the slippery metal door. She stayed still for a moment just staring at her locker which, now closed, blended into the mass of lockers around them. She turned her head to look at David and he could see the pain in her eyes, the confusion and vulnerability that she was feeling. He shook his head and slid his fingers through her hair, cupping her cheek lovingly and giving her a small smile. "It'll be fine...I know that it hurts right now-"
"I'm fine." she suddenly said, interrupting him and with a small jerk she pulled away from him. She tucked her hair behind her ear quickly and stuck her books under her arm, grasping the bindings of them with her fingers tightly.
She turned to go when a strong but gentle hand caught her arm, slowly turning her. David sighed and shook his head again. "Randy..." he started, his voice as sympathetic as his face.
"Stop being so melodramatic, Dave. I'll live, I swear it." she said calmly, giving him a sad smile. "Besides, why do you think they call it falling in love?" She gave a short laugh before turning and making her way down the hall, shoe squeaking filling her ears once again mixed in with her breathing. Life would go on moving, her heart would go on beating, her breath returning with each intake no matter what happened with her or with Spot or with anyone else. But sure...her life would go on living...but no one ever said it would be easy.
We said we'd take a little time
For both of us to see
And wonder what it would be like to carry on
Spot kicked the rusty door of his car shut and with the incredible amount of creaking it made he was truly surprised it didn't fall off with the force. He adjusted the backpack strap on his shoulder and looked up at the school, shaking his head. Monday already. So many thoughts had been flying through his head from the very minute, no second, that Randy left his room on Friday. What if she never spoke to him again? What if he suddenly woke up one day and realized how stupid he was? What if he had just made the biggest mistake of his life? He swallowed and closed his eyes, concentrating on the sound of his breathing for a moment before opening his lids and beginning to thud his heavy combat boots towards the school slowly.
Spot couldn't really explain to himself why he had done what he did, at least not without sounding selfish. But I mean come on. He was part of the relationship, too. He had needs that needed to be met. It wasn't fair to get him all worked up like that and then give him nothing, now was it? Besides...he was Spot. He was her Spot. She knew that he would never hurt her...only from the look on her eyes just before she left....he had. He heaved a heavy sigh and pushed open the doors to the school, letting the mod of teenagers swallow him in their noise as he scuffed his way towards his locker. He nodded weakly to greetings from his fellow students, also known as prisoners, finally reaching his destination.
He scratched at a bug bite on his neck as his other hand spun the combination slowly. Thoughts of Randy flooded his mind for the millionth time that weekend, the millionth time that day. Thoughts of how she used to get to school early and use the trusted information of his locker combination to slide in a hidden chocolate bar or a simple good morning note. It was one of the most depressing feelings to open his locker and know he wouldn't see a peek of lime green paper poking out of his notebook. He sighed and pulled his backpack to his chest, balancing it on his knee as he opened it and chucked most of his books in, dropping the others onto the floor before throwing his backpack into the locker. The black fabric brushed against a piece of paper that fluttered from its place on the wall and slowly drifted to rest on the messy pile of books and crumpled paper at the bottom of his locker.
His fingers brushed over it and he picked it up, gritting his teeth together hard as he turned it over and there was the picture of he and Randy, his arms around her waist from behind and her head resting on his chest. Their smiles...he missed that smile. He bit the inside of his lip as he let the picture fall back into his locker and shut the door, cascading the inner locker into darkness. He turned and pushed his back against the wall of lockers, banging his head backwards into the metal and keeping it there, closing his eyes. Ten minutes in school and already it was the worst day ever. Somehow, this wasn't a good sign.
"Get over it, Conlon. It's just a girl." said a voice that belonged to a certain Italian smart ass, as well as Spot's best friend, the only one he had told about the happenings of Friday.
He blinked his eyes open and looked over at Race, shaking his head at him, head still lolled on the lockers droopily. "I blew it, man...I blew it big time." he pushed himself off of the lockers after one last two ton sigh, scooping down and picking up his books, sliding them under his arm securely and looking back over at race who was patiently waiting to give his two bits of advice.
Race shook his head and slung an arm around Spot's shoulders as though he was a middle aged man trying to con a young girl to buy his moustache clippings...you get the picture...hopefully. "Look, Spotty – boy, you screwed yourself over, ok? Sulking about it isn't going to make it any better. Besides, there are plenty of other fish in the sea, man. And as soon as they know you're on the market, you'll be the most eligible bachelor in all of Glenview High."
"I don't want another fish!" Spot exclaimed, shrugging off Race's arm and turning to face him, an earnest look on his face. "I want...I want her." He sighed heavily and slumped against a locker, sliding down to the ground slowly with a defeated look on his face.
With a groan race sat beside his friend, rolling his eyes. "You're acting like a pussy, man."
"I am not acting like a pussy!" Spot objected, scowling.
"Yes, you are, and don't interrupt me." said race with a nod, continuing. "You're a seventeen year old guy and if after over a year she wouldn't even give you sex...then she wasn't the one for you. I mean you guys are just too different. She won't have sex and you couldn't live without it, ya know?"
Ya, I know I got crazy
Well, I guess that's just me
Spot blinked a few times and then looked over at Race with a new sort of realization on his face, shaking his head. "She wouldn't give it to me because of her religion, man! Because of what she believed. And I...I rejected her just because of my stupid hormones. I don't want to need sex anymore, Race! Life...life isn't sex!" His words were quick as he tried to get everything out of his mind at once.
"Whoa whoa whoa, what are you talking about, Conlon? What do you mean 'life isn't sex'? We're teenagers! Of course life is sex!" reasoned race, trying to bring his friend back into the real world.
Spot shook his head and a smile was slowly spreading onto his bewildered face. "I mean we aren't going to be teenagers forever...and like, what if suddenly I just got castrated by an axe or...or like a toothpick?!"
"Ya know, an axe and a toothpick are very different things-"
However, Spot was far too into his revelation to take notice of Race's input. "And I mean I won't be able to have sex anymore, but she'll still love me and I'll still love her! And what happens when I'm eighty years old and can't even get an erection without over dosing on viagra?! She'll still be there and I'll still be there and we'll still love each other, man! Sex doesn't last forever, love does! And....and I love her more than sex. I love her so much more than sex...oh shit....." His excitement seemed to have hit a road bump and his face fell dramatically.
Race frowned and raised an eyebrow at his friend warily. "Is this some sort of cry for help, man? Because seriously when it comes to wrinkly old men and viagra at least speak to a counselor or something-"
But Spot's understanding face had now dropped into one of a different revelation. A revelation that he had done something horribly wrong. "She's never gunna take me back...goddamnit what the hell did I do?" He slowly pushed to his feet and looked down at the somewhat...no, the entirely freaked out Race.
The undersized Italian climbed to his feet and looked at Spot for a moment, sighing. "Look, you're sounding like a sappy idiot from a storybook or whatever...but you definitely flippin' love this girl or whatever, so go for it. If you don't you'll never know what would've happened if you had tried. I aint some prophet or whatever so don't go treatin' me like a wise man, but what I do know from watching so many Disney movies...with my little sister, mind you, is that nothin' ever happens unless ya take a risk. I know life aint a Disney movie...but don't every couple wish their life were a fairy tale?"
Spot looked at him for a moment before tediously nodding. "Yeah...yeah you're right. I just gotta go for it." he said slowly, dumping his books into Race's arms, blinking a few times before he finally let his body register with his mind. "Thanks, Race." he said, smiling and turning to go.
"Oh, and Conlon," Race said quickly, making Spot turn around and give him a questioning look. "My advice would be to definitely not use the old man ODing on viagra metaphor, ok?"
Spot grinned. "Sure thing." And with that, he was off down the hall.
Race shook his head and tried to balance the extra weight of his books along with Spot's as he wobbled down the hall towards first period. "The kid's a putz...talkin' bout toothpicks and viagra...don't know what goes on in dat midget brain o' his..." he muttered under his breath before disappearing around the corner.
If I could turn back time
before the wrong
Randy stood outside her first period English classroom, resting her body against the wall and watching people pass her by or enter the room, some giving her odd looks before turning away, their only recognition a questioning glance. She sighed heavily and her eyes moved back to the clock once again, praying for it to move faster, for the bell to announce the beginning of class to finally ring. It seemed like it had already been a whole day and it really hadn't even begun. Yet another not so wonderful sign. She ran a hand through her hair and looked over at the classroom door, figuring she might as well go in and sit at the back in her seat, waiting there for class to begin. It didn't really matter, time would still move as slowly as molasses on a cold winter's day, no doubt.
"Randy!" her head shot up and she turned. She knew that voice. There he was. Spot Conlon's combat boots screeched as he skidded around the corner and started to hurriedly push through the crowd towards her, a determined look on his face. She shook her head and quickly turned away, hurriedly speed walking away from him towards the bathroom. "Randy, just let me talk to you!" She shook her head sternly and sped up her pace. She could see the bathroom ahead of her. She was almost there. The squeaks of his now jogging feet were coming closer to her. Just a few more yards to the bathroom and she would be-
"Wait." His hand clamped over her arm and she turned to face him, eyes a bit wider than she would have liked. She made a small attempt to pull her arm away but then let it go limp. There was something so earnest in his eyes. Like if he didn't say it...well...whatever it was she was going to let him say it.
He sighed in relief when she stopped and just then, of course, he realized he had absolutely no idea what to say. So, of course, he made the wonderfully beautiful decision to let his heart talk. Now maybe in the stories you've read or the movies you seen, when people speak from the heart it comes out smoothly and perfectly articulate, like suddenly they know just what to say. Only...in real life...it just comes out as a lot of nervous and awkward stuttering and confused looks from the recipient. Nevertheless, it was the only plan he had...and he wasn't one for coming up with plans on the spot so he figured he better just stick with that one.
He slid his hand down from her arm to her hand and held it in between both of his, clasping it gently and taking a deep breath as their eyes made contact. Now or never, right? "Randy, I love you. I love you more than...well...hell, I love you more than life itself. I know we're young and I know we're stupid...or at least I am, but if there's one thing I know it's that I love you. You know more than anyone else that I hate getting sappy and we'd rather eat dog poop than see some chick flick as a date...but the truth is that you make me happy. You make me happier than sex ever has and whether I have to wait until we're married or until we're dead, I don't give a crap. As long as you're here with me...I don't care if the word orgasm ever passes my lips again." He paused for a moment to look at her face, which was a bit bewildered at the moment, before going on.
"And I'm so sorry for hurting you like I did and I want you to know that you never have to prove your love to me. If you went into a life on chastity and had your tubes tied I'd love you all the more!" He took a deep breath and looked down at their hands, looking back up at her and smiling softly. "I guess...I dunno...I guess my point is that...you're what's important. Not anything or anyone else...you." There was silence for a few moments between them as he looked at her waiting anxiously for a reply, finally glancing around awkwardly. "Uh...I'm...I'm done." he clarified.
And I...I think I'll change my ways
So all your words get noticed
She nodded slowly and looked at him for a moment more before the ends of her lips curved up into a small smile and she started to shake her head slowly. "Well...won't this be a story to tell the grandkids, eh gramps?" she said, starting to laugh but was cut off by Spot's lips clamped hard on hers. She grinned against his lips and wrapped her arms around his neck, the shrill late bell ringing loudly in their ears as two people in love kissed in the middle of an empty hallway with their arms wrapped around each other, with a million unanswered questions in their head that they knew they didn't need the answers to...not then, at least.
These little earthquakes that no one else notices, these little trembles of seemingly solid ground that make walls crumble, have more power than you will ever know. So maybe this story will be passed on without a second glance...but maybe, just maybe, you'll appreciate the day that you got to look in on someone else's world...on someone else's life...and see the miracle of surviving an earthquake.
Tomorrow's a brand new day
Tomorrow's a new day