When A Social Studies Teacher Gives You Free Time

By: Rain Xaleonheart

A/N: I would like to say that I love Lily but this was an offer I couldn't pass up. Flamers welcome.

A/N 2: AHHHHHH!!!! Elexe, PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ladies and Gents I forgot to say my best friend Elexe (Moonwoven Angel) Helped me write this so I'm sorry to say I am not the only brilliant one.

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN HARRY POTTER or MAURY...

Maury: Hello, on today's show we have Lily Potter. Now Lily has a secret she wants to share with her husband of 17 years, James. Lily, what do you want to tell James?

Lily: I slept with Severus Snape at the time of Harry's conception

Audience: gasp

Maury: And?

Lily: And Severus might be Harry's father.

Audience: gasp

Maury: Let's bring out James and Severus.

Audience: claps and boos

James: sits next to Lily Honey whats wrong?

Lily: sobs Severus - might - be - Harry's - Father.

James: stands up and punches Severus You told me I was the only one in your life.

Audience: Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

Screen Flashes: Results Are In!

Maury: Gentlemen the results are in, please have a seat. pulls out envalope James you are not the father.

James: WHAT?! NO! This is some s! D it, Lily!

Lily: James, I'm soooo sorry! sob, sob

Audience: BOO!!!

Maury: Severus, you coughing fit are the father!

Severus: angrily pulls out wand YOU WILL DIE!!! I DIDN'T WANT IT!

Lily: Severus...?

Severus: You were a ho, Lily, a one night stand...that d baby was just a side effect...you dished it out and I took it up...

Maury: Severus, will you take care of Harry?

Harry walks out

Harry: OH H NO!!! I'm old enough to take care of myself...

Maury: Harry, we all know you crave the unconditional love of your real father.

Harry: NO!! pulls out razor blade and bears wrists

Maury: turns to gaurds I thought you checked him for this s before the show!

Gaurd: He's a Fing wizard he poofed up one.

Lily: Harry, honey, put the razor down.

Producer: walks up to Maury and whispers in his ear

Maury:WHAT?! composes himself Well, it seems we had a mix up. Severus, you are not the father.

Lily: bursts into tears It's Sirius!!

Harry: MOM, YOU WHORE! puts razor to Lily's throat

ominious music starts to play

Voldemort: breaths deeply Harry, I am your father.

Harry: Aw fuck, you slept with him too?

(Maury: What just happened to the censor?

Producer: Some random magic blew the machine up.)

Lily: No, he just donated sperm.

Random Guy: Harry I'm your father!

Audience: stares at random guy

Random Guy: What?

Voldemort kills Random Guy with Avada Kadavra

Voldemort: hands Maury paternity test Well?

Maury: Opens envalope He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named you are not the father.

Voldemort: NOOOOO!!!!!! kills Maury and audience members

Many months later we find that Harry and Draco are twins and Lucius Malfoy (who also donated sperm) is Harry's real father

A/N: Yeah I know it sucked so review me and if I get enough reviews I'll make another. (I'll take suggestions.)

Thanks

Rain