Honey and Walnuts
by HeavensRebel
Romance/Hurt/Comfort
Rated T
Summary: Then he'd appear with those big blue eyes, striking her somewhere she really shouldn't be struck. He's an Angel of the Lord, damn it. Fem!Dean. Destiel, w/past Fem!Dean/Male!Lisa. First story in my HoneyWalnutsFem!Dean 'Verse.
Disclaimer: If I owned Supernatural, Fem!Dean would be canon because then DESTIEL would be canon :D
Screw apple pie lives.
No, seriously, that was her number-one motto. Screw. Apple. Pie. Lives. Nothing but a big steaming pile of bullshit lies and false smiles. None of it friggin' mattered, not with the God damn apocalypse over your head. Not with your dead friggin' baby brother in your arms and an empty bottle of whiskey.
Not with an angel's hand print burned forever into your shoulder.
There's been many a night when she'd claw relentlessly at the scar with her fingernails, gouge it out until it was nothing more than a bloody mess of friggin' nothing, nothing at all. But then night would fall, cloaking everything with it's blanket of safety, and she'd succumb to it's warm covering.
And in the morning, the brand of the angel would be intact.
Then, he'd appear with those big, blueblueblue eyes, all innocent, striking her somewhere she really shouldn't be struck (he's an Angel of the friggin' Lord and his vessels probably married and and . . . )
And that didn't stop her from taking his virginity.
Because he was not gonna die a virgin. Not on her watch.
~SPN~
He was the only living thing in the entire universe that knew about Ben.
He was born when she was too young – nineteen – and needless to say the father was not all that thrilled when she thrust the baby into his arms and stole off into the night.
Because, screw apple pie lives. They don't exist. Not for a Winchester.
Her angel – she's not quite sure when he became that – listened to every word of her messed up story with a piercing (blueblueblue) gaze and large, rough, warm hands that didn't know what to do with themselves.
~SPN~
One day, she asked him, "If I was a man, would you still love me?"
"Most likely," – and he didn't even deny the L word – "Angels are entirely genderless. It largey depends on the vessel."
"So, if you had taken a female vessel, you'd be a chick?"
"In a sense, yes."
"That's so cool!"
He stared at her for a long moment. "I would always have loved you, Deanna, no matter the circumstances."
It was the most human thing he'd ever said in his entire existence.
"You sound scared."
" . . . Love is a dangerous thing, Deanna. It has ripped apart Graces and caused angels to fall."
"Good thing I'm here to catcha ya, right? Oh my God. Don't ever tell Sam I said that, or I'll have to gouge out those pretty blue eyes of yours."