Warnings: Mad ARC 2 spoilers, possible swearing, PWPness, cute but non-romantic (gaps! for once! XD)
Standard disclaimers apply. Your mom. Please Review!
As they made the journey back to Suna gakure no sato from that God-forsaken Akatsuki lair, Gaara kept up a brave front for his people. Still, once they reached the village, the Kazekage made himself scarce. In a moment and a shared glance, Naruto and Kankurou followed him, though Kankurou had the tact to wave off others. Right now, Gaara needed some time when he didn't have to be Kazekage… He needed time to be himself, a rare luxury.
They found him in his room, leaning back against a wall, eyes skyward, trembling slightly in his hands and feet. "Gaara…." Kankurou murmured softly, pushing the door open cautiously.
Gaara appeared shocked and defensive momentarily, but calmed when he recognized the familiar faces. He even mustered a weak smile. "Hello…"
Naruto looked more concerned than Kankurou, though that was only because Kankurou's face was less accustomed to revealing such emotions that might be perceived as weakness. "Oi, Gaara, are you all right, dattebayou?" Naruto asked, a stupid question in hindsight, but habitual, and besides, what else could he ask? At least that one question would get things going.
Gaara actually chuckled hollowly. His eyes were mirthless, cold, and if one had a perceptive eye, they might have noticed the fear already evident in his trembling limbs. "I… I died, didn't I?" he asked hollowly.
Naruto and Kankurou shared another glance, suddenly bonded in their mutual need to help Gaara in any way possible. Naruto stepped forward slowly, non-threatening. "Yeah… You did, dattebayou. We…"
Gaara seized, his hands going to his head, eyes tightly shut as he sank to the floor, his feet slipping out from under him as he slid slowly down the wall. "Oh God! Oh God!" Gaara said, at first a mutter and then a cry. Naruto and Kankurou rushed to his side, laying their hands on him – his shoulder, his hands, whatever – comfortingly.
"Gaara!" Kankurou murmured, at last his full concern becoming clearly apparent even to Naruto, who had at first thought he was behaving rather coldly after his entreaties in the hospital and his thanks at the clearing where Gaara had been revived. "It's fine… We were able to save you… we all worked to save you!" Kankurou murmured soothingly.
Gaara shook his head. "No! I'm not fine…! I don't think I can ever be fine…! And… and…" Even Naruto recognized the need to be silent and let Gaara speak, even if it took him a while to choke out the words. "It's horrible… Death… I've been right, all these years. Death is the end… You lose everything! I forgot who I was, all the things that mattered, and why they mattered…! The only memory… the only thing left for me was…" Gaara could barely talk, the next word was scarcely more than a whisper, a breath, a chill down his spine. "Alone…"
Bold as usual, Naruto was the first to speak. "Maybe it's just because… Because the way you… y'know… died, dattebayou. Maybe it was just because of drawing out the bijuu, dattebayou. There's got to be more…" Naruto spoke with a determination not to be swayed by so simple and transient a thing as 'fact'. After all, he was the one who had learned Rasengan in a week, despite all odds, was he not? If death was truly the end of existence, then he'd create a whole new realm for spirits to dwell in; he'd make some awesome new jutsu to do it.
Gaara looked up at Naruto and his face twitched slightly, like he was considering some sort of ironic smile. "Naruto, you're so… so…" Words had never been kind to Gaara, nor were they his friend or long companions. He knew enough of them, yes, but when he bid, never did the words he sought come, but rather, gibberish that had little, if anything, to do with what he wanted to say. Ridiculous? Naïve? Hopeless? Gaara sighed, not allowing himself to be jealous. He'd never allowed himself such a feeling, not once in his life… A sort of greed, perhaps, but never what he truly thought of as jealousy.
Gaara's hands fell into his lap. "It's peaceful there… but it's a false peace… It's only peaceful because you forget there's anything better…" he said, his gaze landing on his hands, unable to forget. The cold… alone… always alone… and the villagers? "They only care about me now that I'm not a Jinchuuriki anymore. Otherwise, they would have counted my death a blessing…"
Kankurou growled. "Don't talk like that, Gaara! Sure, there's still a few fools around here who think like that, but most of the village has come to accept you, and after you saved us from that attacker at your own expense…! Gaara, they're not all like that!"
"Then their fancy follows the wind… Maybe… Maybe being the Kazekage was the wrong choice for me… I don't know… now that I've died once… I don't know… If I could do it again!" Gaara whimpered, curling up into a ball. Coward! Fool! You've won his dream and now you'll back down because you're afraid? We all die eventually, it might as well be a valiant death!
Naruto scowled. He didn't like those words. About to snap at Gaara, he remembered something. "Wait, wait! Since you're no longer possessed by Shukaku anymore, that means you can sleep now, right, dattebayou?" he asked, shaking Gaara's shoulder a little.
Gaara appeared surprised. "I… I guess so…" He replied after a moment.
Naruto nodded. "Well then, I think you should go ahead and sleep a while! I always feel a ton better after I sleep, dattebayou, and I always heal all my injuries in a night's sleep! I bet if you have a nice sleep then when you wake up you'll feel better and won't say such silly things, dattebayou!" He folded his arms in absolute certainty, grinning as he gave the joking reprimand and advice. He stood and offered Gaara his hand up.
Gaara looked at it blankly a moment before accepting it and standing. "But it's not night right now…" he said, looking out the window where, sure enough, the sun blazed furiously, asserting that it was by no means night and would not be for several hours as long as it had anything to do with it.
Naruto shrugged. "So? Take a nap! I bet you'll feel better, c'mon, Gaara-kun, dattebayou! Me and Kankurou can stay here and keep watch, too, if you're still worried about sleeping, 'ttebayou… We can wake you up if it looks like you're having a nightmare or things look bad in general, dattebayou…" Here again Naruto nodded, so firmly convinced and resolved that what was there left to do but try it?
Gaara slowly approached his neat, unused bed and sat down after a moment, almost unsure he remembered how to sleep. It occurred to him to kick off his boots and pull off the harness for his gourd and the coat he wore, so he proceeded to do so as Naruto and Kankurou scooted chairs up by the bed. "It's a good idea, Gaara-kun," Kankurou mused. "I guess you wouldn't be familiar with the feeling, but after taking a nap I usually feel better too. If nothing else, it'll put some time between you and all of this…" Kankurou said vaguely, deciding not to mention again the incident too specifically.
Gaara sighed and lay down after another moment of contemplation, closing his eyes and quickly falling into a meditative breathing pattern, already soothed by it's familiarity. Since childhood, he'd used meditation in place of sleep – it had given him time to rest and relax somewhat, but kept him in control and kept him more sane than he might otherwise have been. He realized sleeping might become difficult if he only meditated, and strove to sleep, longing for it, but unable to reach it.
Kankurou was silent, but they soon found out Naruto had a tendency to fidget. As Kankurou was just about to hush Naruto, the door opened – Temari-chan. She began to speak before noticing Gaara on the bed and cutting off abruptly. "Is something wrong with Gaara?" she asked.
Gaara sighed as Kankurou replied, "Hush, he's trying to sleep."
At first Temari appeared surprised, but then she nodded, recalling that now, of course, with the Shukaku gone, he could.
"Failing…" Gaara murmured…
Temari giggled slightly. "I could use a nap too, actually. Here, I'll come sleep next to you and maybe you'll catch it from me!' she joked, shutting the door and tugging off her heavy fan, the shuriken holsters, and her shoes. Next her hair came down in she climbed in and lay at Gaara's back, wrapping her arms securely around him and getting comfortable. Gaara appeared taken aback, but then settled into, actually grateful for her presence at his back, supporting him and protecting.
Naruto grinned. "Yeah, I could do with a nap too, dattebayou!" He added his things to their pile, throwing off his jacket as well as shoes and holsters. He tucked himself in in front of Gaara, turned in to face the Kazekage, to the Suna boys' wide-eyed stares.
"You know, Naruto, they have words for people like you," Kankurou commented idly.
Naruto rolled his eyes before closing them and muttering, "Tch, whatever." He was asleep in breaths. Gaara envied him, seeing the peaceful cast on his face and the gentle, undisturbed rise and fall of his chest – the lax hands and relaxed body. He closed his eyes and sought sleep, feeling Temari slip off a little while later behind him. Slowly, the combined body heat mixed with the typical desert heat made him drowsy, and though he couldn't say when wakefulness became sleep, he did indeed fall asleep.
His dreams were strange, but not terrifying as he'd half expected. When he woke the next morning feeling vaguely stiff but generally in a far better state of mind, he could remember none of them, though he had a feeling in one he'd been floating over Konoha on his sand. He was surprised to find Temari and Naruto still sleeping peacefully at his sides, and Kankurou dozed off in his chair, and more so when he realized it was morning. Had he slept since late afternoon yesterday all of the way into morning today? A bit late in the morning, too, judging by the way light entered the room from the glassless windows.
Gently, he reached out and brushed Naruto's cheek. "Why are all the stupid things you say always right?" he whispered, studying every detail of Naruto's peaceful face carefully. Did he look like that when he slept? Did he look that calm and semi-divine? Did his skin become so soft; did it glow like Naruto's did? He ran a hand through his hair which clung to his skin in many places with sweat. Naruto's was the same, and Kankurou's, and he imagined if he rolled over and looked, Temari's would also be just as so.
He closed his eyes again, doubting he'd be able to find sleep again, but coming to the revelation that he enjoyed sleeping very much. He would later be surprised again to wake-up and only then would he discover he'd slept again after all.
However, they did not wake him till lunch time. Temari shook his shoulder gently, and he was slow to wake, gradually blinking into consciousness. Temari grinned at him. Come on, sleepy head, time for some food!" she said.
"Breakfast…?" he murmured sleepily, rubbing his eyes.
He heard laughter and Naruto's face entered his field of vision. "No way, dattebayou! It's time for lunch, Kazekage-sama!" he said with a grin. Naruto grabbed one of Gaara's hands and helped tug him into sitting up.
Gaara blinked rapidly, getting a sort of vertigo as the world spun wildly around him. Slowly, it focused again as he rubbed his eyes still more. Temari looked concerned. "Hmmm, maybe you should have it in here instead…" she said slowly.
Cautiously, Gaara shook his head. "No. The villagers haven't seen me since we returned… I should eat with them or they'll worry I'm still affected by…" He shuddered slightly, trying to mask the action by standing up.
Temari and Kankurou looked dubious. "But Gaara-kun, you are," Kankurou protested.
"They don't need to know that. It's not so bad anymore… Sleeping did help…" he said, smiling faintly at Naruto.
Naruto grinned widely. "Hehe, glad to help, Gaara-kun! Let's go eat then, dattebayou!" he cried, leading the way out to go into the village and by food at the various stands. The Suna siblings followed, Kankurou's and Temari's hands gently on Gaara's shoulders. Gaara smiled softly. He wasn't alone now; he hadn't been for a while. And as many curses as had been placed on his life, he'd found many blessings to counteract them.